westlife4ever80, thank you for your review. I'm so happy you like the chapter. I really appreciate what you said. It's sad that it took something like this to bring them closer together, though I expect Cal's disappearance from their lives is part of what pulled them apart.

bronny9, thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the bonding between the brothers - I love to see, read and write about them supporting each other. There might be more comforting in this chapter.

Bonnie Sveen Fan, I'm glad Ethan is being there for Cal too - I love it when the brothers are there for each other, but they both tend to push each other away. I think 'be there for Cal' would be a much better motto for Ethan than 'be more Cal'! Thank you for your reviews.

Tanith Panic, I think both brothers are very vulnerable, but Ethan has the advantage of being younger, smaller, shyer, sweeter... everyone wants to protect the baby! I wonder what would have happened to Taylor if she'd shown up for the romantic meal Cal cooked for her. Thank you for your review.

Cal stared down at his shaky hands. He was sitting in the car, but he felt dizzy. He thought he might be sick.

Ethan took Cal's hands in his. "You can do this. I know you can. But just because you can, it doesn't mean you have to. If you'd rather wait for another day, that's fine with me and it's fine with Mrs Beauchamp. And you know you don't have to stay for the whole day; you don't even have to work if you don't want to. The main point of today is to try to help you walk through the doors. Anything else you can give us is a bonus."

Cal clung gratefully to Ethan's hands. The idea of going home was tempting; of curling up on the sofa with Ethan beside him and hiding for another day.

But he knew that wouldn't make it easier. No matter how many more days he took off work, this moment would be terrifying.

He lifted his head and met Ethan's compassionate gaze. "It's okay. I can go in."

Ethan smiled proudly at his brother. He let go of his hands and gave him a hug. "I know you can do this, Cal. And I'll be right there."

Cal was grateful for Ethan's arm around him as they walked into the ED. They knew the chances of John's being there were small: Ethan had found recent photos of him online and had sent copies to Connie and the reception staff, but Cal was still trembling as he walked into the place where he'd last seen John. He anxiously scanned the waiting room, aware that many patients had his back to him or were hidden by pillars.

"Cal! Ethan!"

It wasn't John's voice, but Cal still shrunk closer to Ethan.

"Hello, Mrs Beauchamp," said Ethan.

Cal lifted his head and saw that it was indeed their clinical lead. "Hi, Mrs Beauchamp."

"I'm really glad you could come." Connie had said those words to them before, but it was the first time they haven't been laced with sarcasm. "Would you like to come to my office for a chat? It's all right. He's not here."

"A chat sounds good, Mrs Beauchamp," said Cal in a quiet voice that really didn't sound like his.

Ethan rubbed Cal's back reassuringly. "You'll be fine, Cal. You're doing really well."

"You are doing well, Cal," said Connie. "And you know I wouldn't say it unless I meant it. Come on, both of you."

Cal followed her. Although he was reasonably sure Connie wouldn't have John hidden in her office, he was relieved the invitation had included Ethan.

"I think we all need a coffee," said Connie, as they neared the coffee shop. Despite his fears, Cal found himself glancing at Ethan and saw his brother's cheeks go pink as he thought of Honey. "What would you like?"

"I'd like a flat white, please," said Ethan.

And the barista, thought Cal. He looked towards the shop and took a deep breath. "Why don't you get the coffees, Ethan? I'll go with Mrs Beauchamp."

Ethan looked concerned. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

It was a reasonable question considering Cal had asked Ethan to remain with him for the whole day, but he nodded. "Just don't stand there chatting all day."

Ethan blushed as he suddenly realised what Cal was doing. "Caleb!"

"Ethan, you've done so much for me," said Cal. He could feel his heartrate had sped up, but he knew he had to do this. "Please let me do something for you. You go and buy our coffees from Honey."

"I really am happy to stay with you," said Ethan nervously.

There was an amused smile on Connie's face. "Cal's quite right, Ethan. And if he's happy to try being on his own for a short time – albeit under my protection – that should only be encouraged and supported."

Ethan spluttered slightly as he realised there was no argument to that. "Okay, but will you please call me if you need me?"

"I promise," said Cal.

Connie gave Ethan some very precise instructions about how she liked her coffee and he gave Cal a nervous look before going into the shop. Connie reached out and squeezed Cal's arm briefly. "To my office then?"

"Your office," said Cal.

"Ethan!" said Honey, her face lighting up when she saw him. "I haven't seen you for ages!"

"C-Caleb and I were on leave for family reasons," stuttered Ethan. She looked so beautiful. He wondered if he'd ever have the courage to tell her. Cal would be able to do it, but Cal was the bravest person he knew.

Honey looked concerned. "Is everything okay now?"

"It's hard to say," admitted Ethan. "It could take a while. But we're back now and we'll see how today goes."

"You know you can always talk to me if you need to," said Honey. "Or if you want me to tell you your future or something…"

"I'll… mention it to Cal," said Ethan. "Thank you, Honey."

Honey smiled at him as she leaned on the counter. "So… do you want anything?"

"Um... three coffees, please," said Ethan, as Connie's very precise instructions vanished from his mind forever.

Cal was breathing quickly, but he didn't feel as though much air was going in at all. He wanted Ethan. He needed Ethan. But he couldn't get in the way of Ethan's chance of happiness.

"Cal, it's okay." Connie sat beside him and took his hands. "Can you look at me? That's right. Well done. I know it's hard being away from Ethan, but I know you can do this. Okay?"

"Okay," said Cal shakily. Connie knew everything so if she said he could do this, she must be right.

"Now, I need you to breathe in for me," said Connie. "And out. Let's try for a bigger breath this time. In… and out. That's better. In… and out. Very good. Again for me? In…"

She was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"If that's Dr Hardy, please come in," said Connie. "If it's not, I'm busy."

Ethan opened the door. "Um, Honey's helping me carry the coffees. Can she come in too, please?"

"Yes, of course," said Connie. She took the coffees from Ethan and put them on the table. Then she took the one Honey was holding.

"That one's Ethan's," said Honey. "Yours is the one on the left. I've done it just how you like it."

"Thank you, Honey," said Connie.

"You're welcome, Mrs Beauchamp," said Honey, and curtseyed. "Sorry. I don't know why I did that!"

Ethan gazed at Honey adoringly.

"Don't worry, Honey. I do tend to have that effect on people," said Connie, smiling. She waited till Honey had gone. "She's a very pleasant young lady, Ethan."

"Thank you," said Ethan. He blushed. "I mean… um…" He turned quickly to Cal. "Are you all right?"

Cal nodded and smiled, his breathing now under control. "I'm okay."

Connie stood up. She picked up her coffee and carried it to the other side of our desk. "Okay. We need to come up with a plan."

Ethan stayed close to Cal as they left the office together. Connie had phoned Noel to check John hadn't come in, but Noel did miss things sometimes. It was so easy to get distracted. Ethan listened to Cal's rapid breathing and stroked his arm, hoping it would give him some comfort. He was so focused on Cal, he didn't think of Honey till they were already past the shop.

Noel saw them coming and smiled. Ethan felt Cal relax just slightly and they went to the desk together.

"Everything's fine, Cal. He's not here."

"Thanks," said Cal softly.

Ethan knew Cal wasn't happy Noel knew, but the receptionist was the only member of staff who would be in the waiting room almost all the time. Noel could be a bit of a gossip, which Ethan knew worried Cal, but he was also a loyal friend.

Ethan guided Cal towards the staff room. They passed various people on the way. Rita asked if they were okay and said it was really good to see them back. Zoe and Max let go of one another long enough to say hello. Dylan asked rather diffidently if Cal was all right and said: "Good!" when Cal said he was.

At last, they reached the staff room. "Are you ready to get changed?" asked Ethan.

Cal nodded. Ethan smiled at him proudly. When they were ready, they left the staff room and walked towards Resus.

"It's going to be okay," said Ethan. "We'll just do as much or as little as you're comfortable with, like Mrs Beauchamp said. You can treat patients for the rest of the day or you can go home now or you can do anything in between."

Cal nodded, but he was breathing shallowly. "Okay," he managed, though he looked pale and sweaty.

Ethan pulled him into a hug. He held his brother tightly, rubbing his back. "It's going to be okay, Cal. You can do this. If you can't do this today, you can do it another day, but you've done so well to get this far and I'm so proud of you."

"But what if I can't do it?" said Cal in a little voice that made Ethan want to cry.

"Of course you can do it, Cal. I believe in you." Ethan held him for a moment longer, then he let go and smiled at him.

Cal swallowed nervously and tried to smile back. "Okay. Let's do this."

Ethan's smile widened. "Yes. Let's do this."

They walked into Resus together and looked around. There were no patients, though there were a couple of hospital workers in the room, checking the machines and replenishing supplies. Cal stood with his back against the wall and looked uncomfortable. Ethan squeezed beside him and put his arm discreetly around Cal as he quietly told him about the time he'd accidentally sneezed on an unconscious patient, who'd immediately woken up.

"Oh, Nibbles," said Cal, managing a slightly smile as he looked at his brother. "Why can't you just sneeze in your sleeve like everyone else?"

Ethan couldn't help making a face, but he replied with dignity: "It took me by surprise."

"And the patient, it sounds like!" Cal smiled at him. "But in a good way."

Ethan was smiling back at him when the door opened and Connie entered. "RTC, five minutes. Dr Knight and Dr Hardy, it's completely up to you to what extent you're involved."