AN: this is a chapter re-write! I kept it mainly the same but added a page or two at the end. I needed it to be that way so my last chapter will make sense...HA!
Kathryn sat quietly in the briefing room as she waited for the senior staff to arrive. One by one they entered the room, looked around, spotted their captain sitting silently at the back of the room, and quickly found a place to sit - no one spoke a word.
It had been less then twenty-four hours since the crew of Voyager rescued the captain and commander from the surface of the Artorian home-world. After the rescue, there was still much work to be done. Everyone aboard Voyager was concerned about, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay, and sought out ways to pass the time and remain productive. These crew members-turned-heroes kept themselves busy completing necessary repairs, gathering and analyzing data, and most importantly, successfully leaving Artorian space behind them. As for the command team, they spent their time in sickbay, being attended to by the Doctor. Their physical wounds were quickly, and expertly healed, but there would be scars that could never be removed - not even by the most skilled of Doctors.
Once everyone had arrived in the briefing room, Kathryn stood up to address those seated before her. She walked slowly to the front of the room with her hands clasped behind her back. Silently, she looked at each in attendance - her own face locked in an unreadable expression. Once she reached the front of the room, she turned and looked directly into Chakotay's eyes. A private message was passed between them.
Kathryn took a deep breath and let it out slowly, readying herself. The past few days had been agonizing, brutally violent, and terrifying. The memories of the past few days would not be forgotten anytime soon. The events of the recent ordeal, played out vividly in her mind. The previous night she had been unable to sleep. Each and every time she closed her eyes, she relived the torture - the terror and pain. The Doctor recommended a sleep-aid, but she had refused to take it. She felt an intense need to remain in full control - chemically induced sleep would not allow her to remain as such. Thus, she currently found herself suffering from fatigue, having not slept a full hour during the night.
"I would like to, first and foremost, thank each and every one of you for your courage and undying dedication to keep Voyager safe." Kathryn looked from one face to the next, hoping that she was conveying her feelings accurately - words could never do justice to what she now felt inside her heart. She watched as their own expressions slowly softened. They too, had been under considerable strain over the fast few days. No doubtably, feeling a sense of fatigue and stress of their own, she could empathize with them. Everyone aboard Voyager had suffered at the hands of the Artorian hostiles.
"I," Kathryn paused momentarily before continuing, "I know that each of you have been working nonstop and are most likely tired and in need of some time off. Before that happens though, I would like to put this entire situation behind us." She again paused and looked at Chakotay. He nodded slightly, encouraging her to continue. "But first I want to get to the bottom of what happened here. You all have been gathering information regarding the Artorians, their culture, and Chayan. I called this meeting today to get some answers so we can continue with our ultimate goal of returning home."
Kathryn gestured to Tuvok to begin the discussion. He stood and walked to the front of the room, where he stood along side his captain. He touched the monitor on the wall next to him and an image appeared. It was of the Artorian planet. The beautiful blue and green sphere rotated slowly on its axis. Kathryn couldn't help but think how such a thing of beauty, with its striking colors and swirling clouds, could hide the atrocities that took place on its surface.
"This is an image of the Artorian home-world, minutes before we rescued you and the commander." Tuvok turned and pointed to a small, yet surprisingly bright yellow light emanating from the planet, just above its equator. Everyone in the room was quiet while they watched it quickly grow. They watched as it spread over the entire surface of the M-class planet. Two minutes after the light first appeared, it had completely engulfed the planet - its surface was no longer visible. The image then became momentarily obscured by static. "The entire transformation took less then three minutes from start to finish."
"Seemed a lot longer then that when we were down there." Chakotay added.
"As you can see, our sensors were unable to filter the high levels of energy coming from the planet, and we lost the image for approximately five seconds." Tuvok explained. The image reappeared onscreen. "Once we were able to again see the planet, scans showed that the population of the Arotrian home world was reduced by nearly ninety percent. The levels of pollution in the atmosphere were also reduced by eight-six percent. Industry and communication planet-side was nearly decimated. We were able to detect short-wave radio transmissions among the survivors, but the level of technology available to them had been set back hundreds of years."
"Have you determined what exactly happened? Can you draw any conclusions at all?" Kathryn asked.
"I have been reading through all the information we were able to gather about the Artorians and their religious beliefs," Neelix said. "Of course, Seven has been helping me sort through the vast quantities of conflicting reports ranging from..."
"What Neelix is trying to say, is that we were able to determine that there may have been some truth to the stories found within their religious documents." Seven interrupted. They had spent the past few hours working closely together and her patience had been worn desperately thin. "Their 'Holy-Documents' indicated that upon the sacrifice of the 'special-one', a cleansing spirit is released upon the people. All evil is eradicated and the remains of Artorian civilization begins to rebuild and reestablish themselves from that point."
While Seven's tone of voice indicated she put little faith in folklore and myth, the same couldn't be said for everyone in attendance.
"Fascinating." Neelix chimed in; his eyes were wide with wonderment.
"So what you're saying is that every thousand years or so, there is someone among their people, whose death resets their history?" Kathryn asked, doubt filling her voice.
"We are unable to explain what happened through scientific analysis. At least not at this time. But it does appear that the Artorian prophesies were fulfilled." The Vulcan added. "Would you like us to continue to analyze the data?"
Kathryn didn't answer immediately. Lost in thought, she simply stood still, her unfocused eyes watched an unimaginable horror that replayed inside her own mind. Chakotay stood and came to stand next to her. He gently put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a slight, reassuring squeeze. Kathryn pushed the images of the past few days away and looked to her best friend. Her eyes were sad, and momentarily pleaded for help. Not wanting to convey a hint of vulnerability in front of her adoring crew, she quickly closed them tight, attempting to steel herself against her haunting memories.
"That won't be necessary, Tuvok." Kathryn turned back around and looked at the image of the 'cleansed' planet on the monitor. After what seemed like an eternity, she again turned to face her crew. "You have all performed above and beyond what could be expected from a crew. I am..." Kathryn's voice broke. Quickly clearing her throat, she continued, "I am honored to be your captain."
She looked around the room. Kathryn couldn't imagine serving as captain aboard any other ship - leading any other crew. This crew was her family. She loved them, and she could feel their love for her.
Sensing that the Captain was struggling with her emotions, Neelix stood up and changed the subject.
"I propose we have a theme party."
"A party?" Kathryn asked.
"Yes, Seven said we will soon be entering a region of space with no known alien races. It would be a perfect time to take a much needed pause, and celebrate life - here, together, as a family." Neelix's body vibrated with excitement; the long hairs that made up his sideburns shook visibly.
All eyes turned to the Captain.
"Sounds like a fantastic idea." Kathryn smiled. "How long before we enter this uninhabited region of space?"
"Six days at our current speed." Seven answered.
"Perfect. That will give Neelix a chance to plan the party, and give Tom time to create an appropriate holoprogram for the occasion." Satisfied with her decision, she turned, patted Chakotay on the chest and headed for the door. Looking back over her shoulder, she added, "Dismissed."
/
Kathryn stood in front of her bathroom mirror struggling in vain to wrangle an errant lock of hair into its proper place. No matter what she did to it, it just wouldn't stay where she wanted it to go. Vacillating between simply cutting it off, and shooting it with a phase pistol, Kathryn decided to just let it do whatever it wanted to do. She didn't have the energy to fight - no matter how insubordinate her hair had become.
Leaning heavily on her outstretched arms, Kathryn slowly lifted her head and examined her appearance in the mirror. At first glance she was pleased with what she saw. For the most part, her hair was in place, her makeup was well applied, and the green dress she selected from the choices Neelix had suggested, fit pretty well.
She smiled at her reflection, only to have her reality crash and burn around her. Her smile revealed the true Kathryn Janeway. Underneath all the adornments, makeup, and fake smiles, she was left with sadness and torment. True, she and her crew had survived a couple crippling days of torture, but the one she had been trying to protect had ultimately paid with her life. Chayan, the innocent young woman who had asked for her help, had trusted in a ship full of complete strangers, had died. Kathryn had failed to keep her safe, and she knew she would always live with that guilt - it was a price she had to pay.
Taking a closer look at her reflection revealed a woman who had been missing sleep. Her eyes were underlined by dark circles and she quickly applied another layer of makeup in an attempt to hide her true self. The wrinkles around her eyes and corners of her mouth had apparently multiplied over night. When had she grown so old? When had she stopped noticing herself when she passed by a mirror? When had she stopped caring about herself?
Kathryn's next smile was a sad one. She now truly saw the woman in the mirror she had become, and she didn't like it at all. Shaking her head, she chastised herself - there wasn't time for this...she had somewhere she needed to be.
Backing up from the mirror a few steps so she could see her full body in the reflection, she adjusted the pretty green dress. Neelix had told her it needed to be short - no longer then knee-length. He had also told her it needed to be form fitting and fun - whatever that meant.
Satisfied that the dress met all requirements, she took one last quick glance at her reflection. Hoping that Chakotay would like what he saw, Kathryn again smiled, but this time the thought of him brought an air of happiness to a face full of concern and sadness.
Kathryn walked to the door to leave her quarters, she hesitated for a moment - this dress was definitely NOT Starfleet issue. Pushing her self-consciousness aside, she stepped through her door and into the corridor. She could see various crew members hurrying down the hallway, headed to the holodeck, and dressed in their own non-Starfleet issued attire. She was relieved to notice that the other female crew members were also wearing form-fitting and 'fun' dresses. She hadn't wanted to stick out like a sore thumb, and now she didn't have to worry about that too.
She walked quickly and confidently through the corridors until she reached the door to the holodeck, where she hesitated. Taking a deep breath, she let it out slowly and moved a step closer to enter the room. The doors swooshed open before her, and she took that final step forward onto the holodeck.
Her first thought was that something had gone horribly wrong with the climate control systems. The temperature was quite warm and the humidity was a definitely stifling. Breathing was a bit difficult to say the least. This party was going to take a bit of getting used to, she thought to herself.
"Oh good, you're here!" Neelix's enthusiasm was infectious. "Honestly, I was worried you wouldn't make it." His smile lit up the entire room. "Captain, you have to wear this." He handed her a white mask. When worn, it covered her forehead, bridge of her nose, and the left side of her face. Her eyes could see through the small holes, and it was held in place with a stick that had been attached to it. The mask also had brightly colored feathers the outlined the top of it, adding to its mysterious appearance, and more effectively hiding the identity of its wearer.
"What is this for, Neelix?" The Captain asked.
"Tom says its tradition. He called the celebration, Mardi Gras. Apparently, it was a celebration that took place every year in the southern part of North America. It was a celebration, steeped in tradition. I understand it was quite the spectacle to behold during it's time."
"Well, you have done a great job. This place looks wonderful." Kathryn looked around the holodeck at all the decorations. It was wonderfully put together.
The holodeck had been transformed into the early twentieth century French corridor of New Orleans. The architecture was breath-taking. The streets were lined by buildings of century's past. The balconies that looked over the street were covered in vibrantly colored flowers. There was also a band playing in the background, which provided the motivation many needed to dance through the streets unabashed. Kathryn wasn't sure if it was the heat and humidity, or the rhythmic movements of the crowd, but she started to sweat.
Everyone in attendance was dressed in the traditional style of the day, except for Seven of Nine and Tuvok. They clung to their Starfleet accepted attire, attempting to remain comfortable in their own skin. By the looks of it, however, they were failing miserably. At least they have each other to cling to, Kathryn thought to herself.
"Oh, I almost forgot, Captain. Take these." Neelix handed her a fist of beaded necklaces.
"What do I do with these?" Kathryn took the proffered items.
"I'm not exactly sure. Tom just said that they were an important part of the night." Neelix then became distracted as more crew members entered the holodeck. He quickly ran off to hand out more masks and necklaces.
Kathryn fiddled with her dress. The humidity was making the already tight fabric, cling to her body in an ever-tightening and uncomfortable way. The dress was winning this battle, and she decided to let it cling, hopefully the mask will help protect her identity.
The mask was going to double as a way to hide, not only her identity, but also hide her truly tired appearance. The lack of sleep was taking its toll on her and the longer she stood in this heat, the more tired she felt. She could only imagine how badly her, generously applied makeup, must be failing her right now. Gripping the mask tightly, she raised it to her face, and was pleased it covered all the problem areas.
She slowly walked through the crowd, finding the anonymity of her mask to be a liberating experience. She could temporarily leave her title of Captain behind and not worry about protocol. Kathryn smiled to herself as she listened in on the conversations between crew members. It was refreshing to listen to her Voyager-family talk about their personal lives, mundane activities of their daily lives, and about their dreams of returning home. No one stopped talking as she approached or changed their conversation to impress her.
She had become so engrossed in her newly discovered eavesdropping bliss, that she nearly jumped out of her own skin when someone walked up behind her and placed their hand on her shoulder.
"Kathryn?" Chakotay whispered into her ear. His close proximity, and the heat from his breath on her neck, gave her goosebumps.
She turned to face him, her mask still in place.
"Hello." Kathryn slowly lowered the mask. "I'm so glad you're here. This mask is great. You can't imagine how much information I've learned about everyone."
When she smiled, Chakotay noticed she actually appeared happy - content. He hadn't seen that look on his captain and friend in some time, and he was pleased.
"I have to say that you look...amazing." He took a small step back and looked her up and down. He couldn't help but notice how her exposed upper chest and neck flushed red under his stare.
"You don't look too bad yourself." Kathryn gave him a sideways glance before putting her mask back into place. "I'm really enjoying this costume. It allows me to walk among the crew without being immediately recognized. It puts everyone at ease."
"Especially you." Chakotay always knew the underlying message in Kathryn's words.
Kathryn stepped closer to her first officer. She had a nagging desire to grab hold of his hand and walk amongst her crew without a care in the world. She came to stand right next to him, his body heat radiated through his clothing as she tentatively reached for his hand. Her fingertips made contact with the skin of his hand, the energy between them made them both flinch. Slowly, she looked up into Chakotay's eyes and took hold of his ring and pinky finger. Her grip tightened and she could feel him do the same.
"There you are, Chakotay." Tom walked up to the commander.
Chakotay and Kathryn quickly released each other and stood facing Tom Paris.
"Who do we have here?" Tom started to say as he looked at the Captain. He bumped Chakotay with his elbow and winked at him. "Do you want to introduce me to your lady friend?"
Kathryn lowered her mask and smiled.
"Sorry to disappoint you, Tom. It's just me." Kathryn smirked, enjoying Tom's discomfort.
"Sorry, Captain. I didn't recognize you at first. The dress and...your..." He began to fidget with his own costume which apparently no longer fit properly.
"You and Neelix have done a marvelous job putting this party together in such a short period of time." Kathryn decided to let him off the hook.
"Thank you. It was nothing, really. But I'm glad you are enjoying it." Tom looked around, desperate to escape. "Oh, there's B'Elanna. I should see if she needs anything. Please excuse me?" He didn't wait for an answer but simply turned and walked hurriedly away.
Chakotay and Kathryn shared a light hearted laugh after he had gone. It wasn't every day that Tom was speechless.
"Do you think he saw us?" Kathryn asked Chakotay.
"I doubt it. I think he was more embarrassed about almost flirting with his captain." Chakotay started to laugh again. "That's my job."
"We really do need to discuss...us." Kathryn grew serious. "Every time we bring up the subject, we get attacked." She jokingly looked around the room, searching for imaginary intruders.
"I'll make this simple for you. I can't imagine my life without you. When you were taken from me, I would have sacrificed anything and everything to get you back - safe. You mean more to me then my own life. I don't want to live another day without you next to me - all day and all night." Chakotay reached out and turned Kathryn so she was facing him directly. With both hands on her shoulders, and looking into her eyes, he leaned in conspiratorially close and whispered, "I love you, Kathryn. More then I have ever loved anyone in my life. I can't imagine loving anyone more."
Kathryn felt limp, she nearly dropped the mask she was holding at her side. Her eyes searched his. She was quickly becoming consumed by her rising emotions and now felt trapped in the crowd because she wanted to cry-out, to react in some way - but couldn't.
"I love you too." She hesitated for a moment then continued. "I want to take things slowly. Can you be patient with me?"
"Kathryn, I'm concerned about you." Chakotay hesitated a moment before he continued, "You have obviously not been sleeping well. You look very tired, and I haven't seen you eat anything that couldn't be dipped in your coffee. I want to help you? Let me help you."
Kathryn placed her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart beating under her palm - it was strong, steady and reassuring to feel.
"I'm afraid I'm not very adept at hiding my feelings." She leaned her head on his chest.
"I think that might be part of your problem...you're actually too good at suppressing them."
"You experienced nearly the same things that I did, why are you able to deal with it so much better then I can?" She straightened up and looked up at him. She realized it wasn't a contest, but couldn't help but find it unfair that he seemed unaffected by the ordeal, while she suffered.
"You think I'm not hurting? I can't close my eyes without seeing you strapped to that chair - bleeding and broken." He looked away. "I almost lost you. I can't get that out of my mind." He took a couple deep breaths, attempting to push away the demons that were still haunting him.
"Oh, Chakotay. I didn't realize you were suffering too. You were so strong. You saved me, you never gave up. You..."
"I almost gave them what they wanted." Chakotay's self-loathing tone was not lost on Kathryn.
"What?"
"I almost gave them, Chayan. When I thought they were going to kill you...I would have done anything to...to..."
"No. No, you wouldn't have. You never gave up. Under the circumstances, you acted and reacted the way a Starfleet officer should. I couldn't have hoped for anything more." Kathryn looked around to make sure no one was listening in on their private conversation. "How are you dealing with the long nights? Are you able to get some sleep of your own?"
"I meditate every night before I go to bed. My spirit guide has been extremely helpful in clearing my mind. It can help you too...if you let it - let me teach you." He reached for her again as he saw her expression darken.
"I can't do it alone."
"I will be there for you, every step of the way." The two friends embraced.
The command team hadn't realized that a few members of the crew had witnessed the exchange. The Voyager gossip-mill would be working overtime this evening and for some time to come.
/
A couple of hours passed and Kathryn was tired. She was tired of standing in heels, tired of adjusting and readjusting her dress, and tired of being tired. It was time to go back to her quarters and get some sleep. She looked around, but couldn't see Chakotay anywhere.
Feeling guilty about leaving the party early, she tried to sneak out of the holodeck unnoticed. Just as the doors swooshed open and she was about to leave, she was discovered.
"Where do you think you're going?" Chakotay's voice was playful - teasing.
"You caught me." Kathryn smiled wearily. "I'm just so tired. I need to get some sleep."
Chakotay studied her face for a moment. "I'll walk you back to your quarters. You really look exhausted." He then took her arm and hooked it through his own, before escorting her into the corridor.
"You really don't have to walk with me. I'll be fine, really." Kathryn did her best to sound strong and in control, yet she didn't try and remove her arm from his comforting hold.
"Let me help you." Chakotay said softly as they continued down the corridors to the Captain's quarters.
The two friends walked arm-in-arm, a comfortable silence settled in between them, until they reached their destination. They stopped in front of her quarters, at first, neither one made a move to disengage.
"Well, I guess this is where I leave you." She hesitantly removed her arm from Chakotay's grasp. "Thank you very much for walking me home."
Chakotay closed, the already small gap that separated them, before saying, "I can stay if you'd like. You know...to help you meditate." His gaze intensified as it came to rest solidly on her own.
"I...um...no. Thank you, Chakotay but I don't think I'll have any trouble falling asleep tonight." She tore her gaze away from him. "Rain-check?" Her palm was flat against his chest; she welcomed his closeness yet she wanted to remained in full control.
"Absolutely." Chakotay leaned in and gave his best friend an embrace. A moment passed before they relinquished their holds, and he walked away - back in the direction of the party.
Kathryn took a deep breath and entered her quarters. After giving the command for fifty percent illumination, she began getting herself ready for bed.
She followed all of her usual patterns. She changed out of her clothes, put on some night-clothes, washed her face, and replicated herself a cup of coffee. Caffeine always helped her feel comfortable and relaxed. The more she thought about it, the more she realized how coffee helped her with just about everything in her life. A smiled grew across her face as she deeply inhaled the aroma. Then she took that first sip of the steaming hot black liquid.
"Ah!" Kathryn shook her head at her continued obsession with her one true vice. "How can people say, you're not good for me?" She then took another drink, much larger this time.
Setting her mug down on the night stand, she folded back the top sheet of the bed, and climbed in - she quickly began to fade into the bliss of restful sleep.
End Note: please read and review...thankyou!