"I'm sorry, who?"
My ears were ringing, my heart hammering. My head was pounding an excruciating rhythm against my consciousness. As if punishing me for not remembering. What was there to remember though? I didn't know.
The answer was there in front of me. Just out of reach, and whenever my fingers would even come close to brushing it, it would slip away again. Dancing just out of my grasp. I needed to remember, but I can't. I keep trying and trying but I just can't remember. My head hurts.
A sudden, sharp whoosh of air alerts me to someone's quick steps. I look up, my gaze meeting angry violet orbs. I lose sight of those eyes though when my head snaps jerkily to the side. My cheek stings and I bring my hand up to tenderly cup the abused skin meeting Tamaki's eyes again.
He slapped me? Tamaki slapped me? What the hell? I find my feet quickly, staring angrily up at the slightly taller blonde.
"What the hell Tamaki?" My voice is loud. Too loud.
"You idiot! Don't play games! It's not funny!" he screeched, taking a fist full of my collar into his hand, drawing me forward, hissing angry words into my ears. Words that seemed to shatter the world. "Kaoru is your brother!"
It hit me, a sharp slap in the face. What I couldn't remember. Because I didn't want to remember, because it's all my fault. My fault that my brother's gone. My fault that he's hurt, alone, and maybe even dead.
The tears stung my eye as they washed down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I looked up into deep purple eyes and the tears seemed to flood down my cheeks. Tamaki was blaming me, I was blaming myself. I tore my gaze away from him, hating the sympathetic but accusing stare.
All around the room, they were staring at me, accusing me, blaming me sentencing me, and I knew I deserved it. My fault. It was my fault. I was to blame. I said those nasty things to my brother, I drove him away. I killed him. I killed Kaoru.
"Kaoru!" the cry tore itself from my lungs, ringing loudly in the silence of the room, shocking me back to reality. I have to find Kaoru, I need him. I've always needed him.
Someone lays a comforting hand and my shoulder. I crane my neck for a glimpse of their face and meet the gaze of calm brown orbs. Haruhi. It's her fault. It's all her fault. She enticed me, me she made me ignore Kaoru. It was because of her that I never realized we were drifting apart until it was too late. Damn her.
Why'd she ever come here? Why'd she have to ruin my life? It's all her fault! I hate her! I spun to face, my eyebrows set firmly in a glare. I tried, and failed, to burn a hole through her with my stare. I tried to tell her just how much I hated her through my gaze. She shrunk back, as if she'd been slapped. I sneered at her, straining not to yell, to scream. She opened her mouth to say something, but whatever it is, I didn't hear it.
I was already out the door, the yells and shouts of the others in the club trailing after me, a vicious hound on my heels, forcing me to run faster. I had to get away. I had to find Kaoru! I pushed the heavy front doors out of my way as I barreled outside.
I ran, ignoring the burning in my lungs. Ignoring the pain in my legs, the fog in my head and the constant buzzing in my pocket. I ran through all parts of town, never stopping. I pushed the people in my way to the ground not caring who they were, not hearing the curses thrown at me back. They couldn't make me feel any worse than I already did. I have no inkling of how long I ran, how far or where I was, not that it mattered in the least. I stopped running and, panting and sweating, I collapsed, landing heavily on my knees. I stopped running and I broke. My mind, my will, and my heart. All broken. All dead. Just like Kaoru.
I wanted to die. I'd killed my brother. He was dead, because of me, because I couldn't find him. I'd driven him away, and now he was gone, out of my life. Forever. Even if I searched for as long as I lived, I wouldn't be able to find him. I was only one person. I'd need an army to find my brother. An army….. Kyoya had an army! He would help me, he'd want to help. He'd have to help me. Tamaki wouldn't let him say no. Tamaki. This is partly his fault too. If he'd only let Kaoru tell me they were together, I wouldn't have blown up at him. Maybe. I shook my head, trying to shake away the thoughts of murdering the blonde idiot. Those could wait till later, priority number one was finding Kaoru.
STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME_STORYTIME
A sleek black limo was pulled up in front of Kyoya's mansion. As I got closer I got a better look at the limo, and the old man leaning out the window with smoke trailing from his nostrils, burning cigarette in hand. That was Tamaki's driver. Why was Tamaki here? I hurried past the sour looking old man, worry gnawing hungrily at my insides, slowly driving me even madder than I currently was.
I walked up the steps to elegant porch adorning most of the front of the Ootori house, my gait unsteady, clearly displaying my nervousness. I hesitated at the door, rethinking my decision, over and over again, the argument running circles in my mind. I rapped my knuckles on the door twice, hard enough to make a solid sound. I drew my hand back to my chest quickly, as if I'd been burned. Why had I ever thought that Kyoya would help? What reason would he have to help me find my brother? It's not as if we were best friends, and if Tamaki was here that lessened my chances even more.
I could hear the quite clicks of heels on the other side of the door, indicating that someone was coming. What was I supposed to do? I thought about running but that was quickly crumpled and tossed into my mental wastebasket. Kaoru was more important than my fears.
The door swung open in front of me, a head of dark hair being the first thing that entered my view. The maid was maybe a head shorter than me and it was very annoying to have to look down at her. I hoped I wouldn't have to talk to her long.
"Can I help you?" her voice was squeaky, and grated on my already thin nerves. I took a deep breath, before looking at the small woman and forcing a smile. "I'm hear to see Kyoya. May I come in?" I was hoping my voice didn't sound too sarcastic, I really did need to see Kyoya. She bit her painted pinked lip, as if thinking over my question. It really wasn't a hard one, was it?
"Well, master Kyoya is in his room, but I don't really know if you should…." She trailed off, still biting her lip. Her eyes kept darting from me to somewhere back in the house and I got the impression she was impatient to get back to whatever the hell it is that she was doing before I showed up. I smiled again.
"It's alright, I only need to pop in there for a second and then I'll be gone. I really just need to ask Kyoya something, he's the only one that can help me." Not a total lie.
"Well, alright but make it quick" and with that she was hurrying off towards the thing she was so eager to get back to. Whatever.
I hurried down the hall, making my way down the hall to Kyoya's room, already phrasing just what I would say to him. I made it to Kyoya's door without meeting anyone and was about to push my way in when I heard a familiar voice echoing angrily from inside.
"You can't!" Tamaki?
"And why not?" that was Kyoya. What are they arguing about?
"Because he's better off without him and you know it!"
"There's no need to yell Tamaki. I never said I was going to actually help, I said he was going to ask me to." Were they talking about….. About me?
"Well it doesn't matter, you can't help him. Kaoru's better off without him. He didn't even realize Kaoru was gone! He's selfish and spoiled and Kaoru doesn't need to be reminded of ….. That, every day!" Tamaki had spat the word 'that' like it was filthy, not fit to be touched with a ten foot pole. And why the fuck were they talking about me and Kaoru. Tamaki doesn't know anything, it's his fault I snapped at Kaoru anyway.
"I understand your point, Hikaru is very selfish and if I do say so myself, blind, to have not been able to see Kaoru's feelings by now. Everyone else in the host club could see Kaoru was clearly withdrawn and depressed. Except Hikaru. Tamaki, what was wrong with Kaoru? You know, don't you?"
Something wrong with Kaoru. No, I would have seen that, but when we were fighting last night, he did seem really upset. Did I really miss that much? I pressed my ear to the door, wondering if Tamaki really did know what was wrong with Kaoru.
"W-what? No, I-I really don't. How -why would I know that?"
"Tamaki, you know I won't say anything and if you don't tell me I won't have the full story, and if I don't have the full story I just might be persuaded to help Hikaru find his broth-"
"No! you can't do that! You can't be that cruel Kyoya! You can't hurt Kaoru like that again. It's best if he can just forget this life. Forget Ouran, and the host club, and especially Hikaru. Not that it matters. If Hikaru actually cared than Kaoru would have been able to tell him that he'd been raped! He wouldn't have tried so hard to hide it!"
W-what? Raped? No, not Kaoru. Tamaki kept talking but now the words were fuzzy, as if I were hearing them through straw. Kaoru was…. But he couldn't be, he was my brother. That couldn't happen to him. But it did. And he didn't tell me. Because I'm a horrible brother. I have to find him. I have to make this right. Something wet dripped onto my rough, chapped lips and realized I was crying. I took a shuddering sigh, turning away from Kyoya's room and back the way I came. Wiping the tears still desperately clinging to my face with the back of my sleeve I hurried out into the dark.
Ignoring the wind biting into my back, and the emotions nipping at my heels, I ran. Thought after thought struck me as my feet pounded the asphalt of the dirt darkened road. Though I could only understand a few.
I love him. I'm in love with my brother. I have to find Kaoru.
Sorry about not updating in forever but school sucks, so, yeah. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter 'cause it took a long, long time to write. Oh, and in the next chapter it's going to be set ahead about seven months, so next chapter we get to see a very pregnant Kaoru.