Hey guys, MOH here! Seems you all had some strong reactions to Edward's secret in the last chapter, hopefully this chapter answers some things for you.
Thank you to kyla713 for looking at this for me as well as to LyricalKris's girls.
I'll just leave you guys to read. Enjoy.
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The click of the line going dead sounded so final to Edward. Bella didn't say much after he uttered the words "my son", and everything after that felt like a punch to the gut. He knew he should have told her, but he wanted to be able to show her what their life could possibly be like before he dropped that kind of bomb. Edward wasn't ready for this to be goodbye; he didn't want it to be, but he had a feeling deep down that it was.
It was no one's fault but his own.
He stared at his phone for a while, uttering a few "bloody hell's" and "bollocks" for good measure. He willed his phone to ring, but it didn't. Not once—which left him wondering how he should proceed. He wanted to explain; he needed to, but he had a feeling that Bella probably wouldn't listen to his explanation at that point.
Edward had no other choice but to just let things be for the time being, especially since he had more pressing matters to attend to at the moment. He wished that, for once, time and fate worked with him, rather than against him. He wished that he could have been there to answer his door in England and wrap Bella up in his arms, kiss her until she was dizzy, and enjoy what they had.
A few weeks passed and he never received a call from her, and that wasn't to say that he didn't try. He left her texts, emails, messages on Skype, and even gave in to leaving a voicemail, which obviously went unanswered. Ultimately, he gave up, quit calling and leaving her messages. She would be his one regret, but not in the way one would think. He never regretted the mistaken email, phone calls or getting to know her. His regret lay solely in the fact that he never truly confided in her, as he should have done in the first place. What he thought wasn't that important, like his reasons for not telling her made perfect sense at the time, but his situation changed too quickly for him to do anything about it before everything hit the fan. He knew it looked bad.
Months passed, and Edward still thought of Bella often. He would fiddle with his phone; his finger would hover over the call button so many times, only for him to push his phone back into his pocket and try to forget the girl who had stolen his heart.
It was during a flight back to the States, on his final flight for his move to Chicago, when Edward found himself looking back at past emails and conversations on his phone, that he saw the notice for Bella's graduation. He had no invitation, but he hoped that he could still attend and maybe get her to talk to him.
After making plans to take a break from meetings at his company's lab, he went back to his flat to change into a suit. All the while, he was staring at himself in the mirror and repeatedly calling himself a git as he fastened his tie and straightened his shirt. As he left his flat and hailed a taxi so that he could attend the ceremony, he muttered to himself that he could do this, that he would make everything all right again.
You are a massive git, Edward. What in the bloody hell were you thinking? She's not going to want anything to do with you.
Arriving at the stadium that would hold the University's massive commencement ceremony, he scanned the crowd in the hopes that he would see her. Maybe make eye contact, and somehow, everything would cosmically align and be perfect again.
Like I said. You. Are. A. Right. Git. Edward chastised himself when he came up empty on finding her in the sea of graduating students. He could have chosen to leave then, give up and go home, but he stayed seated, pushing himself to see her walk across the stage and grab the special piece of paper that she had worked for years to earn.
He was off in some daydream when he heard Bella Swan's name come across the speaker and he sat up straighter, clapping with pride as he watched her walk across that stage. He held back, did nothing, and once his eyes followed her as she disappeared, he got up and left. He'd decided to stay around and wait for her to walk out, and maybe he would be able to catch her then.
It was some time later when he finally caught another glimpse of her; this time she was with a short girl, and a man he presumed to be her father, talking as they walked out of the stadium. His feet stayed glued to the ground, refusing to allow him to go to her. After all, what could he say? Hi, Bella, it's me, Edward. I want to apologize for being a massive arsehole! Well, that would be a start...
Instead, he bid her goodbye in his head and walked away without saying anything at all. He had a million words on the tip of his tongue, but none of them sounded any good. The urge to turn around and profess his apology and about a ton of other things was strong, but the cab waiting for him proved to be the stronger pull. I am such a coward.
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It struck Edward as odd at just how much Bella remained on his mind months after… well, everything. He was sure she had long since forgotten him, but he would never forget her and what they could have had. He knew it was due to more than just his conscience and things left unsaid.
He had finally settled into his flat in Chicago and was back in his office, going over yet another stack of grant paperwork when his phone rang. Not his office phone, but his personal line. His heart jumped with the hope that it was Bella after all these months.
"Hello, Edward Cullen speaking."
"Ah, Edward, my boy. How are you?" Dr. Eleazar Casas, family friend and Bella's professor asked.
Edward shook his head in disappointment and tried not to let it show in his voice when he answered. "I'm good, just reviewing some paperwork. Did you get my email?"
"Yes, I did. That's why I'm calling. I stepped out of the office for the day, then remembered that I owed you an email. So, reason why I'm calling you now," Dr. Casas said, laughing.
Edward laughed as well before replying, "Well, I'm glad you called. Do you have the data I requested?"
"I do. It is back at the lab in my office. Maybe you could stop by tomorrow and pick up the papers and drive holding the data?"
Edward went quiet, his mind going into overdrive. He wasn't at all sure if he could, or should, go there. He wasn't even certain if Bella was in the same lab anymore. The last Edward knew, Bella had been looking to secure a spot in his lab for her graduate work. There was so much he didn't know, that he wished he did.
He pinched the bridge of his nose, internally wishing that Eleazar would have just offered to bring it to him instead. "Of course, I have a pretty open day tomorrow. I can stop by before lunch."
They wrapped up the phone call with plans to meet the following morning; all the while, nervousness was setting in deep inside Edward. So much so, that his mind for that rest of the day was on anything but the work he actually needed to do.
Edward felt off from the instant he got home, to the moment he got in to bed. Something kept bugging him, telling him that the next day would be monumental in a way. He couldn't shut off his brain. He tossed and turned for hours. He even tried reciting the latest data figures in his head with the hopes that maybe they would bore him to death and he'd succumb to much needed sleep.
He finally nodded off somewhere around six in the morning, only to be woken up a few hours later by his mobile going off with a text from the lab. He rose and got ready, and within an hour was out the door and on his way to his office. By the time his block of free time came up and it was time to make his way to Dr. Casas' lab, his nerves were back, leaving him wound up tight.
The lab was empty, the lights dimmed down low, but he noticed papers scattered about the work benches as he walked in. He ventured in further, making his way to Eleazar's lab, only to find he was missing. He walked back out, his phone in his hand, when he bumped into someone, causing papers to flutter to the floor.
He bent down to help pick them up, when his hand touched the other person's, causing him to look up.
His heart stopped, his eyes grew wide. "Bella?"
Bella looked at him and nodded. The both of them silently stared at each other for a few minutes before she hurriedly grabbed the rest of her papers before standing up. "Um, yeah. Hi, Edward." She nodded again and turned around before starting to walk away.
His brain was screaming at him to say something, anything to her, to not let her walk away this time. "I didn't plan this!" he blurted out, his eyes once again connecting with hers. "I honestly didn't think you'd be here, but I'm not going to lie, I'm glad that you are."
Bella turned her head, hiding her face and nodded. Edward sighed. He had so much more to say to her, that he needed to tell her. But before he could, Dr. Casas finally made his appearance.
"Ah, Edward. You're here." He grabbed Edward into a hug and pulled away. "Why don't you let me get that paperwork for you," he said before walking away and then turning around abruptly. "How rude of me. Edward, this is Bella. She's been an amazing benefit to this lab in the last few years. I'm hoping she sticks around for a few more."
"Dr. Casas, we've..." Bella began to say, only to be interrupted by Edward.
"Ah, the Bella I've heard so much about," he said and smiled, before reaching out to shake her hand. "So nice to finally meet you."
Bella blinked a few times, fighting a smile before lowering her head once more. "You as well, Edward."
They hadn't even realized that Dr. Casas had left them to retrieve the data until they heard his footsteps coming towards them.
"What do you guys say to going out for some lunch? I could really do with some."
Edward wasn't sure how to answer, his eyes darting between the professor and Bella. He hoped she'd be the first to answer, but she remained silent.
"Yeah, sure. That sounds good. We can go over a few numbers, too," Edward answered, all the while looking at Bella, hoping she could see the apology in his eyes.
"It sounds like you two have plans to talk shop, so I should just stay here," Bella said, looking towards Dr. Casas and not at all at Edward.
"Nonsense, my dear girl. It's on me, so you're going. You don't eat enough as it is." Dr. Casas told her, laughing, before ushering them along.
Lunch... lunch was an awkward affair. Edward stole secret, passing glances at Bella, while Dr. Casas brought him up to speed on the workings of his lab and numbers. Bella was quiet through it all, no matter how much Edward wished she'd just up and say something.
"If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna visit the restroom," Dr. Casas said, halting their conversation and leaving Bella and Edward to only nod as he walked away.
The silence was getting to him, so he took another bite of his food and avoided eye contact. The ball was in her court.
"So... how is your kid? Seeing as how you're in his life and all, but never mentioned him before?" Bella asked, venom lacing her voice.
Edward was taken aback. Never had he heard Bella speak in such a way. Rude definitely didn't suit her, even if she was mad.
"Um, he's good." Edward took a drink of his water before continuing. "I wanted to tell you Bella, but even I know it's not the most common set-up. I wanted you to see with your own eyes what my life looked like before I told you about my son. His name is Josh, by the way. I'd like to tell you about him. I know I don't deserve the chance, but I'd like one. You shut me out before I could do so."
"And whose fault is that, Edward? I was nothing but honest with you."
"I know. You don't know how sorry I am. I really am sorry and I do regret not telling you. I realize now that it was a bad idea, especially when you specifically asked me if I had any other secrets. Can we meet somewhere later, or tomorrow, whenever, so I can tell you everything?"
"No," Bella said, her eyes darkening with anger. "You can tell me now. I am in the mood for a good story. I've been trying to imagine what kind of deadbeat doesn't think of their kid until they have to be in California, when they are supposed to be in the UK. I know for a fact that Dr. Casas didn't go to the restroom. He's out on his cell phone, talking to another colleague that he was supposed to call yesterday. Now, you will tell me. We have time."
Edward sighed and rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness. "I've always been in Josh's life, Bella, just not as you think. And I know you probably have a million thoughts going through your head and all the theories. I am not married, nor have I ever been." He looked at Bella, imploring her to believe him. "I only see him a few times a year, and before you say anything, think anything, I realize this makes me come off looking like an arsehole, but it really was both mine and his mother's choice."
Bella nodded, took a sip of her drink, and waved her hand for him to continue.
"Her name is Heidi. It was a one-time thing, a one night stand. Although, we did know each other a bit before. She had heard of my work, visited the lab, and thought my work was important. We went out one night after I offered to show her around to a few sites in Manchester, and well, one thing led to another." He looked up to gauge Bella's reaction, not at all sure what to make of it, only hoping her look was a positive one. Instead, Edward was met with Bella staring at him with her arms crossed across her chest.
"She contacted me a few months later, letting me know she was pregnant. Think about the setup here. I lived in England."
Bella held up her hand, halting him in his explanation. "You have dual citizenship."
Edward sighed, and then continued. "You know as well as I do that in order to do our kind of work, we need a lab to do it in. It's only a rare chance that my company has labs in England and Chicago. I can't simply pick up and move to whatever city I want to, not without losing all of the time and effort I put in my research. And Heidi had her own life, interests. She's my age, a prolific philanthropist and can juggle her responsibilities easily. At the time Josh was born, I was working eighteen hour days, trying to prove that my project was worth the funding it needed for another five years. Heidi had already been thinking of having a baby on her own and said she was more than okay with taking full custody. I was okay with that as well."
"How could you be okay with it? He's a part of you." Bella glared at Edward, her hands now balling up into fists.
"I know how bad this all looks, but with how much time, money, and years I'd put in to this specific research, I couldn't pick up and move. And since Heidi is an American, she had no reason to move, and there was no logical reason to take Josh away from his mother. We felt nothing for each other but friendship. We were trying to think in the best interest of our child." Edward took another sip of his drink, willing himself to calm down. "I would have hardly been home to take care of a child, and at least with her, he would have some sort of stability. I know it sounds selfish, but it has worked for us for six years."
Bella sighed as Edward continued. "Josh knows that I'm his dad. He knows I will be there whenever he needs me, no matter what. I just don't have that huge of a role, as sad as that sounds, unless it comes to important decisions in his life with his mother." Edward shook his head and wiped his sweaty hands on his pant leg. "When you called that day... I had every intention of telling you, but I wanted it to be face to face. I wasn't due to see him for a few more weeks, but Heidi had an emergency and was in a bind, so I flew to him. I hoped that maybe I could sneak in a visit with you, too. Obviously, that didn't work out well."
Bella nodded, but still remained quiet.
"You're a very young woman just starting out her life. It's a daunting thing-us seeing if we fit together as well in reality as we do...Did over an internet connection. I love my son, Bella. He's a part of me, and he always will be, but he's not a part of my day to day life. Under normal circumstances, I can't see that I'd have told a woman I was dating about him until I was sure we would last. It's not an easy thing to explain, and I know I'm not doing it the justice it deserves when it comes to explaining this. It sounds more complicated than it is, and I wanted to be able to show you that first. I owed you that much." Bella's eyes lifted to meet his for a moment, but still so difficult to read. "I am so unbelievably-"
"Looks like you two were deep in conversation. Sorry to interrupt," Dr. Casas said as he sat down, chuckling softly. "If it was about data, I do hope that maybe you'll think about hiring Bella when the time comes. She is an unbelievable asset to have."
"I have no doubt about that, Eleazar," Edward replied as he looked at Bella. "None at all. I can tell already that she's amazing at what she does." Edward stood up from the table and placed a few bills down. "I am sorry, but I need to leave. I just remembered a staff meeting that I must attend this afternoon. Lunch is on me."
He walked around the table and offered his hand to Bella. "It was nice to meet you. I'm glad we got the chance to talk." He pulled her in closer, looked over towards Dr. Casas, before he whispered, "Please tell me you'll meet with me tonight, so that we can continue this conversation. I have so much to say, and I'm not ready for this to be our final goodbye."
Bella just stared at him with watery eyes and his heart sank, but he squeezed her hand once more, nodded, and walked away.
Later that day, his phone chimed with an incoming text.
Meet at the lab steps at the University at six tonight. We'll take it from there. -B
For the first time in months, he felt a tiny sliver of hope.
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So wonderful readers, your thoughts?