Copyright disclaimer: Twilight and all recognizable characters are sole property of Stephanie Meyer

Love him or hate him, this is Jake's side of the story

Chapter 9

He let the hot water pour over his back as his head hung down. He might consider staying in there all night if it could wash away what he'd just done. Better yet, wash away the entire last year of his life away. He was so self-assured before, such a cocky bastard. All of them were, especially the single ones. The speed, the power, the abilities and the physicalities had gone straight to their heads. They were successful in all their endeavors. The ladies swooned wherever they roamed and they all took advantage, especially after a kill. Of course, the only thing they did kill were vampires. The pack was strong with 10 members. No new ones had phased in years. They didn't need anyone else. Any single leech that got in the vicinity was taken down without mercy. The only one that had been a real challenge was a red-headed bitch that was faster than the rest. She was quite tenacious, but they eventually set a trap even she couldn't escape.

Jacob couldn't help himself, he always pictured it was Cullen when he took them apart. He couldn't believe the truth when he phased and realized what he'd exposed Bella to, forcing her to leave. The treaty was null, since he had passed that information on to the doctor. That vamp had the nerve to call and check on Bella once. They all knew better than to come back to the area.

The water had long since turned cold, so he shut it off. He had no intention on returning to their bedroom for the night.

His mind flashed back to when they came in from the bonfire. He was so fucking mad, mostly at himself, but also at Nadia. She was a ruthless bitch and he hated being tied to her. He was also mad at Seth. He hated having to see him touch all over Bells. He didn't know how he considered her to be his, but he did from the beginning. It felt good to pop him in the mouth before he left with Bella. He wasn't even trying or Seth wouldn't have been able to walk back to her, but he couldn't let her know what he was capable of. He didn't think she going through with spending the night with him, but he sent Seth on a special patrol, which was pretty much bullshit that he concocted to get him far away from Bella for the night. She was vulnerable and she didn't need Seth taking advantage just because he was frustrated.

Nadia had started up before they even walked in the door. "You think I didn't know, Jake? How stupid do you think I am? I put two and two together. You've been pulling the disappearing act since she got back into town. We use to always be together unless you were at work. Sometimes I was even there too. How long has it been since you asked me to the garage? Don't blame it on those dicks you work with either. I know they can't refuse you, just like you can't refuse me." He hadn't said a word back to her, he only stared blankly across the room waiting for it to end.

"That's what I want right now. I want you Jake, because you're mine and you're going to tell me the whole time."

She started to undress right in the middle of the living room. Her body was damn near perfect and she would be desired by any red-blooded male. He'd long since stop caring about her physical appearance. She spent enough of her time and his money on it, that it was a source of contention. Their whole relationship was a sham in his mind. His feelings for her were all forced, they were completely unnatural and against his will. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't say "no" to her. He followed her into their room. He also followed suit and had stripped off his own clothes, preferring she not do it. In fact, he was so disgusted by her this evening, he wanted to touch her as little as possible. She fell back to the bed on her back spread eagle without hesitation, "Fuck me, Jake and tell me it's me you want and not that hokwat, Bella Swan. I want you to say it."

He never refused her, but he also couldn't disrespect Bella in the manner she was requesting. She would never know if he said those words, but he'd know. Somehow, he found his balls, and fought the pull. His wolf literally clawed him from within.

"Turn over," he stated with zero emotion.

"Okay, baby, but I still need to hear you say it."

"Shut the fuck up, that's all I'm saying," and she cried out painfully as he slammed into her. It was quick and hard and didn't last very long. He pushed away and went straight to the bathroom. She was speechless, it was the first time he had disrespected her outright. He pretty much treated her like a whore. She was use to that, she'd been one in the past, but not from him.

He'd hidden out in the bathroom for nearly an hour. He decided to go for a ride on his bike. He didn't want to chance any of the other wolves reading his thoughts. He was excellent as alpha locking them down, but tonight he was too emotional, he might slip up.

She stepped out wrapped in a sheet. "That's it? You bastard, where do you think you're going? What can she give you? I know you aren't capable of sleeping with her, because of our bond. There's no point in you spending time with her? If you walk out on me tonight, they'll be hell to pay. I'm going to the counsel!"

"Like I give a fuck," he said as he slammed the door in her face.

Jacob had once thought the same thing, that he couldn't be with Bella, but that was another lie he'd been fed. His body had responded to her several times. He'd have no trouble convincing her how he felt when he knew she was ready. He'd pushed too much earlier in the week, but he'd been outside her window several times. He couldn't help but know what some of her dreams were about and he saw the conformation on her face when her teacher friend asked her at the diner.

Jacob started up his motorcycle and sped off. It had turned cold and windy, which normally didn't bother him. He did think to put on his leather jacket, because he wasn't fond of getting wet. There was a blowing mist in the air. He wanted to get away from the reservation, so he headed out of town. He figured he'd drive a little while and then go check on Bella. He'd stay outside, he knew she wouldn't want to see him. Seth was still occupied and he knew she would be alone all night.

Seth and Embry had been his closest confidants through the years, but he fought with Seth a lot lately. It started even before Bella came back. The single guys use to go out to clubs once a month or any night after they took down a leech. It wasn't too often, a vamp came their way. Maybe they had heard what went on there. Jacob didn't know if he should worry, but Sam had thought he found a scent earlier in the day. Jacob had checked it out himself, he thought it was old and it was way off the reservation, but when they were bored, they extended their patrols to further regions. That's the excuse Jake had given Seth for the night. Collin and Paul were on the regular route, but he insisted he and Sam take a closer look at the area that extended past the Makah reservation.

Jacob had even distanced himself from Embry. He resented the fact that he was more of a son to Billy than he was now. Embry took good care of him and the little red house that had been his childhood home. Part of his rift with Billy was purely his fault for siding with the elders. Jacob had been the only one to raise hell about imprinting. He didn't believe for a second it was beneficial or a blessing. He wanted to dig deeper in the archives, but those old codgers on the counsel held to them like they were the holy grail. There had to be a way to break the imprint. He was sure of it, there were no absolutes in life, in his opinion.

Sam had been the first to fall when he was alpha. The aftermath wasn't pretty. Emily turned out to be a royal bitch, and Sam accidentally phased too close to her. He ran around with the guilt trip of all time and was an extreme pain in the ass to follow. Leah went from an extremely cool chick to a someone that was bitter and full of resentment. She was hard to tolerate on a good day. Jacob had to listen to both of him in his head all the time. He wasn't thrilled about taking over right before he turned 18, but it ended up being much better. He evened out the pack, focused on their strengths, played down individual weaknesses. He was made to lead. His fucking Dad insisted the reason Sam was a poor alpha was because of the imprint. It was assumed Jake never would imprint. Jared was next, and Kim was pretty unfortunate looking, but she wasn't as bad as Emily. He thought about how Bella had treated her at the bonfire and he smiled thinking about it. He had rarely seen anyone act nice towards Kim, it really proved how good her heart was. It's one of the things that attracted him to her.

The next one to imprint was Quil with Claire, when she was barely three years old. That is when Jacob first started raising hell at the counsel meetings. Old Quil recited one of the legends that the imprint was the purest of gifts for the wolf, and that he would never see another. He would forever be devoted to her and only love the imprint. He would die without her, blah blah blah and a bunch of other shit Jacob didn't believe. He wanted to know if their ancestors intended to destroy the future pack by saddling them with horrendous mates, if any of them really had any influence. It was a bunch of nonsense, but he had to believe some of it, because he had once thought the legend of descending from wolves wasn't true and that came back to bite him in the ass. How was symbolically making Quil a eunuch a beautiful thing? The imprint to a kid literally tied a band to his nuts. He wasn't a pervert despite what outsiders might think seeing him with a kid all the time, but he couldn't go out and get involved with women his own age. It was a terrible burden. Jake worried about him. He was nothing like his former self. He use to be the prankster, the cut up of the group. Now, he was as serious as fuck the majority of the time. Jacob could tell he was completely defeated, because he was right there with him.

It had been over three years, since Quil, when it happened to him. At a fucking bar, no less, he met her in a bar. All of them had been so stupid to hang out in places like that, they couldn't even get drunk. They only went for the girls, and Jacob even had enough conscious to not always hook up with someone. Every once in awhile, he felt disturbed by the whole process about picking up strangers. He secretly wanted a real relationship, but the only example that he had before him were Sam and Jared. He didn't want anything like they had. Seth and Embry gave up that lifestyle after he had imprinted on Nadia, knowing none of them were safe anywhere. They had spent quite a bit of time making fun of the imprinted wolves. They even nicknamed them. They were ICEd, imprint club exclusives. They messed around with the last initial. Paul came up with some good ones: endgame, executed, eternity, endless. It made for a good laugh, at times.

The day Seth questioned him for asking Bella to the garage, he brought that very thing up. Jacob wanted to punch him that afternoon, but he wouldn't do that in front of Bella.

"Why do you think you can hang out with Bella, man?"

"She's a friend."

"You're iced, you can't be friends with her, leave her alone."

"Don't fucking call me that unless you want to pick your teeth out of Charlie's grass."

"You're the one that made that up, Jake. You were the one that hated imprinting the most. Now, look at you, you're the worst one of them all. No one can stand you. Do Bella a favor, leave her alone!"

Jacob knew everything he told him that afternoon was true, but he wasn't about to listen to him. He didn't take orders from anyone, except Nadia, unfortunately. He was determined to prove them wrong. Maybe if he succeeded in being friends with Bella, he might be able to mend some of the fences with his pack. He was ready to find some balance in his life. He felt a sliver of hope when she came back. She did something to him. Like he had told her, she reminded him of who he use to be.

Just thinking about that again, made him need to be near her. He turned around to go to Charlie's. He pulled up to the side garage and pushed his motorcycle inside. Then he went to the side of the house where her window was. The house was completely dark, he was relieved thinking she was sleeping soundly in her bed. The wind had calmed down a little, so he listened to see if he could hear her. For some reason, he was overcome with a feeling, something wasn't right. She wasn't in her room, he was sure of it. He decided to go in. He went to retrieve the extra key, but it was gone. "Dammit, Bells!"

She had said she was going to get rid of that key and it was gone. He decided breaking in the back door was a better idea than knocking down Charlie's front door. He went around the back of the house, but he didn't need to go in. He caught her scent as soon as he stepped in the backyard. He quickly followed the trail in the woods, but soon he detected another smell. It was blood. Bella was bleeding, not that much at first, but the further he went, the more blood there was. It was practically freezing counting the wind chill, why would she be in the woods? There were no other scents mixed in with hers, so he knew she was out there on her own.

He was just about to phase to get to her quicker, but the wind shifted and he realized she was extremely close. He finally was able to hear her heartbeat, but it was so slow. He ran full speed towards the sound. She was laying on the ground, the blood was all over her leg. She wasn't moving and a large knife was still in her hand. He couldn't think about why or how, he had to get her indoors as fast as he could. He pried the knife away and tossed it in the leaves. He scooped her up and ran with her back to the house. She was so cold, her lips had a bluish tint to them and she had dark circles under eyes. He leg did have quite a bit of blood on it, but it wasn't gushing so that was a good sign she didn't have any deep cuts. He looked at her arm because he knew her story, but it was unharmed. Maybe the cold got to her before she had time to really hurt herself, or perhaps she changed her mind all together once she got out there. Her swore to her that he wouldn't interfere with her recovery, but this was a direct result of their friendship. He did this to her and he would never forgive himself.

He turned on the light downstairs to get a good look at her thigh. He decided to take her up to the bathroom with him to look for the first aide kit. If it was bad, he'd just get her in the truck and take her to the hospital. Charlie was going to flip and he didn't know how he'd explain it to anyone without revealing Bella's secret. She was coming around a little because every once in awhile she moaned or made noise.

He heated the water and used a warm, wet rag to clean up the cuts. There were several, but only one was a little deep. He held pressure to that one and then bandaged each one individually. He took a large bandage to cover them all a second time. He noticed her feet were scraped up as well, so he ran some warm water over them. She flinched when the warm water touched her chilled skin. The next priority was to get her warmed up again. He carried her to her room. He knew he was the most effective way to reheat her body. He had no choice but to get her out of that wet, bloody night gown. He held her in his lap and pulled it off. She didn't have a bra on, "Sorry, Bells, you'll have to forgive me for this later."

He situated her on the bed and quickly covered her up. He stood there by the bed for a second, debating if he should really do what he thought he should do. He knew it was what she needed, so he took off all his clothes except his boxers and climbed in next her. He pulled her flush against his heated body. They were chest to chest, and he took his large hands and began to rub up and down her back. She was responding and she pushed her face into his neck. He never imagined the first time in bed with Bella would be anything like this. It wasn't sexual, he was only rescuing her. When she woke up, he had no idea what the aftermath would be. All he knew was, he had to make it right somehow.

"Jake," she mumbled.

"I'm here, Bells," he told her.

"What's wrong with me, Jake?"

"You're just cold, but I'll get you warmed back up soon, honey."

She rubbed her hands in his hair. Her eyes were still closed tight. He didn't think she was fully conscious. Maybe she thought she was dreaming. The next thing out of her mouth confirmed his hunch, "Jake...I love you," she whispered as her fingers moved through his hair again.

He held her tighter and wrapped his legs around hers to continue bringing her core temperature back up.

She was delirious from the near hypothermia, but he wondered if what she said was true and was that what he was also experiencing? Did he really love her? He had to believe that is where all of this was heading. If that was the case, would either of them survive what the consequences of their love for one another would bring?

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