"One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else."
― K.L. Toth

XXXXX

I had a friend name Shane who was in Atlanta teaching at the police academy and he also had pull to get me hired. We spoke for a while and he guaranteed me a job whenever I was ready. That was a relief because I was ready. I had already put my notice in at the station.

Carl came by to visit me at the Motel. He didn't avoid the elephant in the room. He wasn't a little kid anymore. We didn't have to protect him from the truth of life.

"Mom said you have another family that you are running off to be with."

"Your mom said that?"

"She is telling practically anyone that would listen."

"Is that so."

"She's sick again."

"Who's taking care of her?"

"Grandma and Grandpa."

"Good."

"Grandpa told her to not fake things because one day it will be for real and no one will believe her."

"Gramps said that?"

"Mom wasn't happy that he was siding with you. Grandma wasn't happy about it either. Mom has cancer you know."

I had no words as we both sat across a small table in the room with a queen bed sharing a pizza and drinking our cokes.

"I have sisters?" He broached the topic again.

"Yeah." I didn't deny it.

"How old?"

"Three years old. Twins. Judith and Abigail." I didn't break eye contact with Carl who looked away first.

"Mom said the person is pregnant again by you."

"Say what?"

"You didn't know?" I did know. I just had no fucking idea how Lori knew.

"How'd your mom know?"

"She had me drive her to Atlanta."

"What the fuck?" Michonne had to be very pregnant at this point.

"She had to go there for an interview. So she says. Anyway, she caused a scene in the parking lot of Go Stop Insurance. I had to yell and pull at her to get in the car. She slashed tires to a black Corvette before the confrontation."

I couldn't eat another bite. Pizza to this day I can't bring myself to eat. It reminds me of the day I was told that Lori lost her motherfucking mind.

I knew right then and there I wasn't going to be going to Michonne standing...I would be on my GOD Damn Knees! Fuck.

I had to explain to Glenn the reason for my need to know before he released it to me. He reminded me how he breached this and that regarding the right to privacy. I owed him.

I would have left with the clothes on my back but I had suitcases and three gift wrapped boxes. Gifts for my girls and one for Michonne.

She was in Atlanta in an apartment close to Go Stop Hub. Apartment 142E.

I was on the interstate. Pressed the icon to dial home. Home...funny how that was ironic in that moment. Lori answered on the second ring.

"Hello."

"Carl told me about the stunt you pulled?" I was so angry with Lori.

"I figured."

"Why would you do that?"

"I wanted her to know I knew. I wanted her to see me. Not as her junior employee, but the woman with cancer that had her husband taken right from underneath her."

I hung up on Lori. I really couldn't fuck with Lori. I hated that feeling of my chest being tight. I was done with all that negative fucking energy. I knew I would hear it from Michonne who had no tolerance for bullshit especially public displays of it. It was good that Michonne did not end Lori's life for causing a scene. I could just imagine what Michonne would have replied with. The thoughts made me shiver. Michonne didn't bite her tongue when she was good and mad.

My phone rang it was home. Habit for me to answer quickly when the number showed up. A habit I would soon break now that Carl had his own phone.

"Since when we hang up on each other Rick?" Lori asked me.

"Since the moment you went to Atlanta to stir some shit."

"Let me tell you something...You can never come back home Rick. I will never take you back. You can beg me on my deathbed to forgive you and I won't."

"How did that make you feel...what you just said Lori?"

"Good."

"That feeling is how I would describe what I felt when you told me to leave. When you told me you wanted a divorce. What you're feeling right now Lori is what I am feeling, the difference is you are going to wish I would want to come back to you because I never caused you to feel how you made me feel for years. When you are finally on your deathbed and I wish that is many, many years from now but during that time you may regret what you have put me through and the shit you just said to me. You will ask me to forgive you and I will."

Lori hung up on me and I wasn't about to dial her back.

"Michonne I ain't got time to fight about it." I played with my girls on the living room floor of Michonne's apartment. They just turned three years old. They were trying to comb my hair and put ribbons in it while I sipped pretend tea.

"Whose fighting? We are arguing... if we were fighting you would know it if I throw something at you or slice you up." Michonne face was serious.

"I hope to never make you mad enough to want to fight." I lightly squeezed her foot. Her ankles were swollen and she wasn't even three months pregnant yet. She was pissed still about it but abortion wasn't even in her vocabulary and I was glad to know she wasn't going to do no such thing.

"Then stop fucking mentioning Lori to me. Stop it. If you can't leave because she is sick, I understand. I do. That is why I love you. You take care of business. You handle shit. I like that. I respect it. But I don't want to know. When you come in my apartment, leave Lori out there. When you determine Lori is well enough to handle the news, you tell her. Don't let her stumble upon it and approach me with bullshit. I have a very low tolerance for it Mr. Grimes. I can't promise you what I would do if that happened but I know one thing I would serve Lori her life in a metal pie pan...fucking mess with me."

"I was just saying that Lori has been in remission and I am done waiting around on pins and needles trying to figure out how to tell her, when to tell her, is she healthy enough, would this kill her. I'm trying to tell you that I plan to stop because I want this bad enough and I ain't saying I didn't want this before, I am just saying that, I am tired. Been tired for a long time, Chonne. Believe it or not. Surprise you hung in there as long as you have. If this was a choice I choose..."

"Stop it Rick. The only choice you have is you or your marriage. I don't want to be a factor in that. I don't want our babies to be a factor. You have to choose you and your sanity if things are as toxic as you make them out to be. Am I making sense to you?"

I couldn't respond to her right then because Judith was putting Michonne cherry flavored lip gloss on my lips and telling me how pretty I was. Abigail was handing me a small hand held mirror to look at my hair.

We made love that night. It was incredible how she drove me to madness but yet she was my sanity.

Within a couple of hours of arriving in Atlanta, I found a small motel with a kitchenette. I would not make the mistake of thinking I was living with Michonne when I knew full well if she pulled this type of stunt she had to be pissed. I was prepared to wear her the fuck down but I was not prepared to sleep in the hallway of her apartment building. I know I quit her first and I was adamant with myself that I was done with Michonne but I wasn't. I called her into the second week to find her number had been changed. I had my tax return and paystub dilemma for the house Lori wanted but I would not be moving in if I continued with the charade.

She was in Atlanta in an apartment close to Go Stop Hub. Alexandria Commons Apartment 142E.

When I knocked I was surprised to see a big burly black man answer the door in a white wife beater. He was holding Judith and Abigail. I was pissed beyond any level of piss Michonne could ever be. The girls were reaching out to me, crying for me.

"Who the fuck are you?" If he wasn't holding my girls I would have clocked his ass without a second thought. I didn't give a shit he was twice my size.

"You ringing this doorbell and yet you asking who the fuck am I?"

"You got my girls, I would think I was entitled to know who in the hell would have access to my daughters." I was surprised the guy handed the girls over to me because they were squealing and reaching for me. I took them. Relieved that they were okay and just as happy to see me.

"Daddy!" I kissed Judith on her cheek.

"My Daddy!" I kissed Abigail on her cheek.

"Michonne, your baby daddy is here."