My heart was pounding hard against my chest and I wondered for a moment if maybe I was dying. Every step down the hall, weaving in and out of groups of students, felt heavier and heavier. For a moment I just had to stop in the middle, ignoring everyone bumping into me, and just let my feet unglue themselves from the linoleum.

In my stillness and against the pounding in my ears, I pondered over what would happen if I just fainted right here. I'd probably get trampled a little bit before some kind soul would help me wake up, and they might even help me back to the nurse's office. I'd tell Ms. Regi that I'd passed out and she'd send me to the back room again, and I could spend the rest of the afternoon with Dan and a headache.

And thinking about passing out, I almost did until I realized just how long I'd been holding my breath. I let out a large puff of air and started gasping for more, unable to really get a handle on myself and scrambling for reality. Someone beside me asked if I was alright; I gulped and nodded shallowly, and they left. I forced myself to take deep, soothing breaths, and marched down to C9 for class. I'd been as brave as I could be so far, and be damned if I was going to give up now.

I paused outside the classroom door for a moment, letting other students slip in past me. It seemed I was going to be the last one inside again, and maybe late for class. I reached for the door handle, fingers trembling and aching but refusing to take a hold of it. I felt like I wasn't in control of my body or my mind, that fear of someone I'd once loved left me floating somewhere outside my being. I let out a shaky breath and told myself how overdramatic I was being, stole myself and turned the handle, storming inside before fear could only me back any longer.

But Andrew wasn't there. I looked around the room like a frightened rabbit scoping out its predator, and then above my head at the clock. Class was due to start now –I wasn't late, but Andrew usually wasn't, either: he liked to have some extra time before class to try to talk to my unwilling self.

"Late again, Mr. Lester," Mr. Kent reprimanded, marking me tardy in the system. "One more time and you'll join me for an afternoon in detention." I nodded silently and moved to my seat. "Mr. Duncan and Miss Lucas are absent today, so you and Miss Jameson can work together in the lab today."

I swallowed hard, and for a moment, I thought I might have rather worked with Andrew –but that would be a stupid thought indeed. But at least if I was working with Andrew, I would know exactly how to interact with him. There was no way to get around my own awkwardness working with my ex-boyfriend's beard.

We started the lab activity early, because apparently it was going to need more time than we had in the final fifty-minute period. I watched the clock through most of the start of it, ignoring instructions and subconsciously relying on being able to work it out somehow, even working with Kayla. Dan and I were due to meet just next door in less than ten minutes, and I felt really silly for wanting to rush to him as soon as possible, but something drew me to him like a piece of iron in a magnetic field.

For several minutes Kayla did nothing but give me the stink eye; she obviously was just as thrilled to work with me as I was with her. I cleared my throat, wanting to ease the situation but wondering if she found out about Andrew and I. It would be horrible for her to find out now, after we weren't even together anymore –what's the point? "Um, can I help you?" I coughed out.

"You know what you did," she answered, glaring. "Andy told me everything."

I would've resisted the urge to roll my eyes if I wasn't so struck by what she was saying. "What- What do you mean?"

She leaned in to hiss a bit closer to my face, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a thousand percent uncomfortable just then. "He was just trying to have fun at a party on Friday, but then you got him alone and started coming onto him like the fucking faggot you are." The word stung no more and no less than any other time I'd heard it. "And when he tried to push you away, you freaked out and through a rock at him; broke his fucking shoulder and he spent the weekend stuck in bed." She leaned back a bit, and I didn't say anything. "I mean, I didn't like you before, but now I know just what a pussy pervert you are, and soon the whole school will, too. And if you get your ass beat for it, that's what you get for being such a creep."

I just bit my lip, and expecting what was definitely coming over the next week or longer. Yeah, I didn't put it past Andrew to spread that kind of lie to avoid telling what actually did happen that night. I shook my head, not really feeling like going through the rest of the lab activity. At this point I just really, really wanted to go to Dan –he and PJ were the only people who knew what really happened on Friday, and he promised he was going to be there for me.

Logically, I had no reason to trust Dan more than any other new friend, and whatever status we were currently riding didn't make much of a difference when we'd only really known each other for just a few days. But something kept me going back to him, and he hadn't broken my trust yet, and seemed genuinely interested in treating me like Andrew should've. Maybe it was selfish for me to take him up on the offer; maybe I was taking advantage of him just to finally feel I'm worth anything besides a report card. But doesn't everyone deserve to feel wanted sometimes; like their existence actually matters?