I've read a few Effie fics where she always had some sort of arch nemesis and I found them hilarious, so I thought I'd take a shot at trying it.

PLEASED

Rated K

Cinna smiled as he sat on the couch, amused at Effie's bristling, muttering, and scorned frown.

"Are you going to tell us what's wrong or should we guess?" asked Portia, also smiling and sitting next to Cinna.

Effie huffed as she paced, finally facing them. "It's that damned Coral Axelwood," she said, and Cinna and Portia shared amused glances.

"Is that who you're all worked up about?" Haymitch said. He shook his head and took a sip of his drink as he sat in a chair nearest the bar.

"What, District 6's Escort?" Cinna asked.

"Yes," hissed Effie. "She drives me mental."

"Why? What'd she do now?" Haymitch asked.

"Now?" asked Cinna.

"Yah," Haymitch snorted. "There's always something with those two every year, and it's always overly ridiculous."

"Sounds like a story," smiled Portia. "Do tell."

Effie shook her head and kept pacing. "I do not want to talk about it."

"You know what, I actually want to hear about it." Effie stopped pacing and stared at Haymitch. "I do. You've been my Escort for nineteen bloody years and you get into it every year with her, at least once. What's the deal with you two?"

Effie frowned. "We were best friends, once," Effie said with a small sigh. Haymitch stared at her in surprise. "It's true. But we were also always rivals. I think we inherited that from our fathers. They were always competing against each other too. I don't know why they even introduced us."

Effie shook her head. "We grew up together. Same neighborhood. Went to the same schools all our lives. At one point I think we were genuine friends. And then I got into modeling, and things slowly started to change. Suddenly we weren't hanging out as much and I was traveling all around the Capitol shooting and working the runways. By the time we got to high school she hated me.

"I remember being blind sighted. I liked her. She was someone I knew—I thought—had liked me for me. Everybody who wanted to be my friend only wanted to do so because I was famous. She never cared, or so I thought. She never asked me for tickets to a fashion show or asked me to borrow the latest designer's clothes…. None of that.

"What I did notice was that she started doing what I did, dressing how I dressed, or talking how I talked. And I hated it. I just wanted to be me. If I did my hair one way one day, she'd have the same hairstyle the next day. If I wore blue shoes one day, she wore them the next. She never wanted me to have my moment…."

"Sounds like she was jealous," Haymitch said honestly.

Effie shrugged. "Maybe."

"Clearly," emphasized Cinna.

"She only liked things I liked. Like she never had a crush on you, Haymitch, until I told her about mine."

Haymitch started in his seat, nearly spilling his drink. "A crush?"

Her eyes narrowed at him. "Don't kid yourself, Haymitch. I mean Victor you, not current you. Though current you isn't half bad, at least I don't think he is. Who can tell with all that caveman hair hiding half your face?"

Cinna snickered and Portia giggled while Haymitch scowled.

Effie continued. "Anyway, everybody knew Haymitch was very much my boyfriend in my head—" Effie ignored the laughs from Cinna and Portia— "And do you know that girl had the nerve to steal my poster of you and tape it to her locker like I wouldn't recognize my own bloody picture?" She started pacing again. "But I got her back, see. I stole her best friend. And then the following year she stole my boyfriend, and that was the final straw. I didn't even care that he would do that to me. We'd only been dating a few weeks. But Coral? I'd known her my whole life, and I thought we were better than that. It's been war ever since."

Effie stopped pacing and smiling. "Ah, but I got the last laugh. I became an Escort first. My father put in a good word for me. And what District was I given but 12, with Haymitch Abernathy himself as the last Victor? Coral was beside herself with envy."

"And then he turned out to be a drunk, and the laughing stock of Panem," Haymitch said, toasting his glass in the air.

Effie stared at him. "You're not the laughing stock of Panem," said Effie quietly.

He arched an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"You're not. Of course there are people who talk and judge. People who don't know your story. People who are too stupid to find out. But I can't tell you how many people ask for you every year. Most of the Escorts want to know what it's like to work with you. They think you're mysterious because you don't buy into the Capitol's BS or suck up to them like other Victors. And they think you're devilishly handsome. At least they think you are. Again, who can tell with the beard? I mean honestly, would it kill you to shave? I'm beginning to think you're afraid of the razor, which makes no sense, because you sleep with a bloody knife. Anyway…."

Effie started pacing, not at all realizing that Haymitch had frozen in his chair, and missing the pointed look Portia and Cinna shared.

She talked about Haymitch with such fondness sometimes.

"Coral was terribly upset that I got 12, but then she got 6, and she acts like she won some sort of prize or something. She's beside herself this year, thanks to your designs, Cinna. She couldn't say anything about our Tributes, but she certainly had a few rude things to say about Haymitch, which then it turn made me have to get rather rude to her in return."

Cinna laughed. "What'd you tell her?"

"That is neither here nor there. But I certainly do hate making a scene."

"You never have before," commented Haymitch. "And I've never quite seen you so upset."

"Well she can say whatever she bloody hell wants to about me. But no one gets to insult my Victor except me. Now please go and clean up and get ready for the Interviews. You've wasted enough time drinking."

"I was listening to your story, woman."

"Excuses, excuses," she chided as she made her way down the hall.

Haymitch left to his own room, confused as to why he felt pleased.