I Am Not What You Choose To See
AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter Ten
Ibiki didn't flinch when Genma threw his tray of untouched lunch at him as he began to scream vulgarities. It was one of those days again.
"Enough," Ibiki grunted, catching the man as he went to throw a chair, "Calm down. I'll leave, but calm down or the Hokage won't let Raidou come see you. Do you want that?"
"Yes," Genma spat as Ibiki blinked while he sat the chair back down, "Don't want Rai here. Make him stay away."
"Why?"
Genma panted and pulled away to crawl into his bed. Ibiki barely heard the whispered, "Dirty." The torture specialist wanted to groan. Genma was pulling away from everyone and was refusing to eat. The spiraling down was growing worse with time.
"I'm going to let you rest," Ibiki offered the lump in the bed, "But know that what was done to you wasn't your fault. You were a victim. You are not dirty. No one thinks that. Raidou will give you the space you want, but he loves you very much. I know you are hurting, Genma, but pulling away from everyone is going to make that pain in your chest worse. Dying isn't the answer to ending pain, Kid."
"Living isn't either. It's never worked for me," Genma snarled, "Go away!"
Ibiki stepped from the room and watched a nurse lock the door once again.
"Ibiki?"
"Still spiraling," the large man reported as Tsunade frowned, "Spoke more than he has about some of his feelings, but he's locked away a lot. Genma won't eat. Can we not at least get liquid nutrients into him?"
"I do at night when he is fully sedated," Tsunade explained as Ibiki cursed, "Little baka rips the IVs out when he is aware. Plus…do you feel that?"
"Yes. A chakra signature that shouldn't even be in that room," Ibiki huffed.
Tsunade and Ibiki peeked discreetly through Genma's window and blinked at seeing Raidou quietly talking with the lump in the bed.
"How the hell did he get in there?" Tsunade chuckled, "The window doesn't even open."
"Air conditioning duct," Ibiki snorted, pointing to the open grate, "Look. Genma's listening."
T.T
"I don't want you here. Go away, Raidou," Genma spat, turning from the other man.
"Okay. I just needed to check on you, Baby. I've been worried and Hokage-sama won't let me visit."
Genma sighed and glanced over his shoulder to see the worried face of his ex. Sweet Raidou. Always the same, but even he had turned his back after hearing partial facts. No one could be trusted. No one.
"Not your baby," Genma denied as Raidou flinched, making Genma sit up in alarm, "Rai?"
"No. I'm fine," Raidou breathed, looking down before glancing up again, "Gen, you will always, always be my baby. Even if you never want me again. I will always love you, but I won't use that name if you don't want me to. I will never allow you to be labeled anymore."
"I don't care what you call me. It doesn't matter, but you read my journal without my permission," Genma pouted, leaning on his knees, "You invaded my privacy."
"I did," Raidou agreed with a sigh, "I needed to know what could push you to give up. Everything just kind of happened all at once. I nearly lost you because of my stupid mouth and then…finding you was one of the worst days of my life, but this isn't about me. I needed to find out what else had hurt you. Then discovering your family's idiocy and…and…"
"Finding out that I was forced to be the whore you thought I was?" Genma suggested before scooting back as Raidou's mood shifted to rage.
"No, no. I'm sorry," Raidou soothed, reaching for the other as Genma huddled back against the headboard of the bed, "Calm down. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry that I ever used that fucking word to describe you. You are not a whore, Gen."
Genma didn't answer as he stood to sit back at the window. Raidou was wrong. He was a dirty whore that was tainted. He'd never be clean again. Never. Rustling made Genma look over and see Raidou pulling a brown paper bag from a pouch. Carefully, the scarred jonin pulled out a sealed bowl and Genma watched as Raidou opened the bowl while the aroma of pumpkin soup filled the air.
"Come on, Baby," Raidou urged, walking over and spooning some soup up to Genma's mouth, "Eat for me, Gen. You're too thin and this is your favorite. Come on, Love."
Genma glanced to the spoon and then at Raidou's hopeful face. He wasn't hungry. He was never hungry. Not anymore, but he'd eat for Rai. Sweet Rai who was trying so hard to lie to himself that he loved a whore.
"Good, Baby," Raidou cooed as Genma allowed the spoon to be slipped into his mouth, "God, I love you. Here's some more, Gen. Here we go."
T.T
"He's got him eating," Tsunade gasped as Ibiki and she continued to watch, "I'll keep turning the blind eye to this if Raidou can get Genma to eat."
"Shiranui-san is just eating for Raidou," Ibiki frowned out as the blonde glanced to him, "Genma is not eating for himself, but Raidou is somehow able to slip past some of Gen's shields. Allow the sneaking in for right now. If Genma thinks Raidou is being sent in, then the man will shut down. Knowing that Raidou is doing this despite orders may have a much more positive effect on Genma. I don't want any nurses or doctors interfering. Raidou is the key to getting through to Genma."
"Maa, maa, Ibiki-san, so you finally figured it out."
"Shut up," Ibiki grumbled, turning to a beaming Copy-nin, "Did you figure out the air ducts for Raidou?"
"Of course I didn't," Kakashi smoothly lied, waving crossed fingers in Ibiki's face as Tsunade chortled, "I did set up a seal that will keep Genma from escaping from that route, but I'd never stoop so low to help a comrade disobey orders. Is Gen eating?"
"Hn," Ibiki grunted, "Yes. I see why you call Hatake a brat, Hokage-sama."
"Been that way since I've known him," Tsunade grinned out, "He peed on me straight from birth."
Ibiki and Tsunade both laughed as Kakashi squeaked in embarrassment and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
T.T
Genma allowed the visits from Raidou for a few weeks before he withdrew completely within his mind. Ibiki wouldn't stop. Tsunade wouldn't stop. Precious Raidou wouldn't stop. None of them understood that it was too late.
"I'm done," Genma sighed, working at the door with a senbon that he'd stolen off of Ibiki late in the night, "I'm done, I'm done and I don't want this anymore."
The lock clicked open and silently Genma glanced outside and determined his route. He flashed from his room and waited to slide out of the locked down ward behind an unsuspecting nurse. He really had no idea where he was going, but his feet began to carry him away and so he let his mind wander as he left everything behind.
T.T
The alarm went off at six in the morning in the hospital and a hawk's cry drew every chunin and jonin within the village running a moment later. Raidou gathered with the rest of his comrades as the Hokage stormed into the room.
"Genma Shiranui has escaped from the hospital," Tsunade began as murmurs began while Raidou had to be caught as his knees gave out, "All of you know that Shiranui-san made an attempt on his own life. The man is not in his right mind and I believe has intentions of finishing what he started. He may have or is planning on ending his own life so prepare yourselves for what you might find."
Raidou growled and stood again as panic swirled.
"Find him," the Hokage ordered, "Subdue him gently and bring him back here. Understand that Shiranui-san is very ill and not in control of his emotions. He'll fight you, but you must be careful with his wrists. Work in pairs. Go."
"I'm with you," Kakashi bit out, grabbing at Raidou as he turned to run, "Do you have an idea of where he would go?"
"No," Raidou snapped before they both teleported to the hospital, "Kakashi, I don't need Hound, I need someone with emotions. That is what Genma is following, his emotions. I've got to find my baby before he hurts himself. Call your pack."
Kakashi nodded and summoned his pack as Gai and Anko popped up followed by Asuma and Kurenai. The six jonin worked together as a unit and set off after the ninken to track their friend. Raidou remained focused and tried to not allow panic to well up when he realized that Genma's tracks showed the man was barefoot. It was too cold outside to not be adequately dressed for the weather.
"Raidou!"
The scarred jonin glanced up as Iruka skidded up to the group with Ibiki following.
"Tsume-san tracked Gen's trail," the chunin explained, "It led to a weapon stand that was broken into last night. There are several weapons that were stolen."
"No," Raidou breathed as the worst case scenarios began to play in his head.
"He's armed himself," Ibiki sighed, watching Raidou pale, "Perhaps just for defense, but then Genma's trail goes cold."
"He teleported."
"Dammit, Hound," Raidou snarled, recognizing the cold voice as the former Anbu sniffed at the air.
"Kakashi pushed me forward," Hound snapped, "Emotions can interfere with scents. Shiranui-san's left the village. Follow me and my pack."
"Iruka, go tell the Hokage what Hound has discovered," Ibiki ordered as the chunin nodded, "Tell her that we are going after him and to maintain the search within the village just in case Genma turned back."
Raidou raced after Hound once the search party had left the village. Genma was still shinobi, even if broken. He'd left through an area of the village that wasn't heavily guarded.
"Gen is clever to use an area to escape that has natural barriers. Not many guards patrol this part of Konoha," Gai called as Raidou frowned, "Not many would know to seek a trail through such rocky terrain."
"He's fucking barefoot and bleeding!" Raidou growled, pointing to the bloody trail they were following, "The rocks cut his feet."
"Not badly. There isn't too much blood," Kurenai soothed as the scarred jonin scowled, "The terrain has at least slowed Genma down. We might catch up."
They didn't catch up. Genma had been traveling fast and gotten past all guards, Anbu, and hunter nin to leave Konoha, but hopefully they could get to him before he left the Fire country border.
"Where is he heading?" Anko asked as she pulled up beside Raidou, "If he wanted to off himself he could have done it twice over and again."
"Anko!" Ibiki warned, grabbing Raidou before he fell from the branch he'd landed wrong on due to the shock of the kunoichi's words, "Shut the hell up."
"She's right," Raidou gasped, sitting hard where he stood as Ibiki steadied him, "Where is Gen going? What is driving my baby to run like this?"
"Up!" Hound ordered, jerking Raidou by the arm to stand, "More blood is in the air. My pack is not howling in hopes of not alerting Shiranui-san that he is being followed. Come!"
Raidou raced to follow the silver-haired jonin as the rest flashed after them. The group froze when they came upon a dead nin.
To be continued…