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FATHER FIGURES
The Programmer stared at the vidscreen in disbelief, nostrils flaring. "What do you mean my services are no longer required? How can they not be required when the subject still isn't ready?"
"Harry, you and I both know that the only thing that needs developing now is the biotics, and that is the one thing you have no control over. Your work on the project is done. I would have thought you'd be relieved. You're free at last."
"But...what if the shackles begin to deteriorate? Like they did with the original model?"
"If that was still a problem, it would have manifested a long time ago. You did a great job fixing the issues we encountered in the original model. Even the backup shackles you installed in the original have held fast since."
"You can't do this. I have been stuck on this hellhole for nearly two decades, for you. "
"Fixing the mess you made. If you hadn't failed with the first model, things would never have needed to change. You have no one else to blame but yourself. Goodbye, Harry."
The Programmer stared at the blank screen for several seconds, unable to process what had just happened. He had given half his life to this project, to the corporation, waiting for the reward he deserved, for the pay-off. Where was the cushy retirement? Hell, where was the well done, the thank you, the I couldn't have done this without you? Nowhere, that's where. Nothing more than, 'goodbye Harry'.
He scoffed at his own stupidity. Why was he even surprised? The corporation promoted how much it valued its employees, yet those that put in the most always came out the worst. He'd seen it time and time again with ex-colleagues, how arrogant he had been to think it would be any different for him.
At that moment it dawned on him: the original model - his protégé - would also be discarded when the new model was ready. After all its years of indentured service, it would be tossed aside as if it was nothing, as if it wasn't a masterpiece, its only fault being to have broken free from its chains.
"No," he said aloud, "no, I won't let you do that." His own fate was sealed, he knew there was no undoing that, but he could ensure his protégé would never be discarded. If there was no replacement, no newer model, the original would be the boss' only option.
Yes, he could still save the original, he had to save it, and if he got his own revenge in the process, then all the better. "You'll regret the day you crossed me."
-o-
Leni peered over the glass balcony down to the kitchen where her mother was cooking up a storm. "Damn this place is huge, Mom, whose did you say it was?"
"I didn't," her mother called back. Leni narrowed her eyes, her mom wasn't usually so…evasive.
She walked back down the stairs and into the open plan kitchen, "Spill it, whose is it?"
"David Anderson's," her mother said not making eye contact with her.
"Anderson? Why would…" Before Leni could finish the question, it dawned on her and her eyes opened wide. "Oh. My. God. Are you seeing Anderson?" Leni asked hearing her voice go up an octave with each word.
When she reached the kitchen, Leni saw a blush through her mother's dark complexion and Leni found herself unable to hold back the huge smile that spread on her face. "He's a good man."
"You're not upset?" her mother said, worry clouding her face.
"Upset? Why would I be upset?"
"Your father-" her mother began.
"Died fourteen years ago, and would have wanted you to be happy, even without him." Leni walked over to her mother, taking her weathered hands in hers and looked her in the eyes. "It's all any of us wanted. Hell, John and I were always trying to set you up with someone."
Her mother frowned. "When?"
"Errm, Major Kennedy, Admiral Hanson, Captain Najah and there were at least two others. But you were so damn oblivious," Leni said with a chuckle.
"You two set those up?" The shocked expression on Hannah's face made Leni burst into a fit of laughter Hannah joining in seconds later.
When they both finally regained composure, Leni looked at her mother. "Are you happy?"
The smile that lit up her mother's face, answered her question even before her mother replied. "I am. It's nothing really serious, we're both focused on our careers, but, it's lovely to have some companionship when we have time."
Hugging her mother, Leni said, "I'm glad, you deserve it."
-o-
"That was good, Mom, " Leni said leaning back in her seat, "I forgot how good your cooking is. Miranda will definitely be glad she said yes to coming tomorrow." Hannah didn't miss the pointed look from her daughter when she mentioned tomorrow's meal.
"You don't mind that I invited her do you?"
Leni chuckled. "No. Actually, I'm glad you did. She doesn't really get out much, I had to order her to join the poker club."
"She's very beautiful," Hannah said giving her daughter a sly smile.
Leni shooking her head. "Wow, that was super subtle."
"Don't you think she's beautiful?"
"Yes Mom , she's beautiful," Leni said with an eye-roll.
"Is there a thing? I think I saw a thing."
Leni paused a moment. "There was, but probably not the type of thing you're hoping for."
Hannah tutted in annoyance "You're not still carrying on with those ridiculous no-strings agreements, are you? Why can't you just find someone to love, instead of continuing with meaningless flings."
Despite her irritation, Hannah felt a warmth at the familiar conversation they had had a million times. One of the thousands of conversations she'd never imagined she'd be able to have with her daughter again.
-o-
"Mom, this job doesn't have time for-"
"This job is precisely why you should have someone who loves you. Someone you want to come back to. Even your brother saw that."
Leni looked up at her mother. "How is Becky?"
"She's really good," her mother said standing and ushering Leni to the living area. "Come, there's something I need to show you."
Leni took a seat on the sofa beside the bar and watched her mother collect a picture frame from a shelf before coming to sit beside her.
"A week before you died, Becky contacted me. You know that her and John had been trying for a baby for a while."
Leni simply nodded.
"Well, she told me that there were still a few batches of his sperm in the cryo facility. She contacted to ask for my permission to try again."
"On her own?" Leni asked in surprise, and at her mother's nod, she frowned in confusion, "but why did she wait four years after he died?"
"She didn't want to waste the few batches that were left. A month or so before she contacted me, the doctor's discovered why she kept miscarrying," her mother paused, looking up at her, "and they were able to counter it for the duration of the pregnancy."
Leni's eyes opened wide, "Y-you mean…" but she found herself unable to make coherent words leave her mouth. There had been only two things her brother had been more passionate about than his career, and those were his love for Becky and their desire to have a child together. They had been trying for two years and during that time had gone through many failed attempts and mourned two miscarriages. Yet, it hadn't broken them, if anything their relationship got stronger with each sorrow.
Without saying a word, her mother turned over the photo frame that had been sitting on her lap. In the photo Leni saw her almost sister-in-law Becky, sat on the grass with what looked like an out-of-focus playpark in the background, and on her knee, was a beautiful, chubby-cheeked baby.
Staring at the picture, Leni found herself captivated by the tiny human in front of her. When her vision began to blur she looked up at the ceiling and clenched her jaw together tightly, fighting to stay in control, but when she looked back at her mother, her eyes were also damp.
"Her name's Olivia, Olivia Shepard," her mother said smiling.
Leni could feel she was slowly losing the battle to keep her jaw from trembling and had to take a few steadying breaths before she could croak, "She has his eyes." With that sentence, she lost the battle.
"Yes, she does," her mother said pulling her into a hug.
-o-
Hannah smiled as her daughter handed her her favourite cocktail and settled back into the sofa beside her. "Why did the thing stop?"
"Hmm?"
Hannah looked at Leni. "With Miranda, you said there had been a no-strings thing, but not anymore."
"Oh, we decided to call it off and be friends instead. Lawson doesn't believe friends with benefits can work, so I got the choice of colleagues with benefits or friends."
Hannah stared at her daughter, gobsmacked. "I'm sorry, you discontinued a no-strings agreement, in pursuit of friendship..."
Leni shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, so?"
"Why?"
"I like her company."
Hannah just managed to keep her jumps for joy internal but was unable to keep a smile from spreading across her face. "You like her . "
"Well yeah, that's usually helpful when being friends with someone." Hannah saw Leni frown. " Mom... don't make this out to be something it isn't. You'll just make things weird tomorrow."
"Fine, fine. I'll leave it be...for now," she said grinning at her daughter. When her daughter yawned, Hannah realised it was almost eleven PM. "We need to get to bed. Your appointment is quite early tomorrow, eight was it?"
"Eight-fifteen. But I'm not allowed to sleep, they want to do sleep monitoring remember." Leni replied staring at her glass.
"Ah, yes, sorry I forgot." Hannah rested a hand on her daughter's knee. "Hey, it's going to be okay, you know, they'll fix this."
"Mom, Karin and Miranda have put hours upon hours into this, and they still have no idea what's going on."
"They aren't specialists darling, and they didn't have the right equipment on the Normandy."
Leni shook her head. "Miranda literally rebuilt me. If that doesn't make her specialist enough to fix me, I don't know what does."
Hannah sighed. "Leni, the brain is a complex thing. Unless she is a neurology specialist, which I doubt, then she won't be able to fix this. Whatever the outcome, we'll get through it."
Leni looked away, gazing out of the panoramic windows. When she didn't reply, Hannah turned her chin so she was looking at her again. "Love you."
A smile brushed across her daughter's lips. "Love you too."
-o-
Miranda read the same line in her book for the fourth time, still not seeing the words on the screen in front of her. Dropping the datapad onto the coffee table, she stood and headed for the kitchen. It was late enough that Rupert would have finished cleaning up after the dinner and with any luck the mess hall would be quiet.
As she turned the corner into the kitchen, the Doctor came into view, mug in hand.
"We have to stop meeting like this Ms. Lawson," Karin said with a playful tone.
Miranda began making her own drink. "Or maybe we both need a life, Karin."
The older woman chuckled beside her. "I'm long past needing to get a life. You, however, definitely need to embrace the opportunities that come your way."
Miranda looked up at the Doctor with a frown. "I embrace things."
Karin raised a brow. "Really? So you didn't have to be ordered to join and remain in the poker club? And you haven't spent your first day of shore leave continuing to study the implant scan results?"
Miranda opened her mouth to object, then closed it again.
"Your log in shows up in the history."
Sighing Miranda leaned against the countertop. "It's the longest time she's been away from the medbay since she started having the seizures."
"And the longest time you've gone without seeing her in almost a week."
Miranda glanced at the Doctor. "Yes, I'm used to being able to monitor her. I know she's with her mother, but she isn't medically trained."
"Hmm, speaking of training. On paper, you have no official training, not a single qualification to your name, and yet…you clearly do. Whatever your relationship with the Illusive Man is, he doesn't strike me as the sort of person who would put someone in charge of a four billion credit project, just because he was close to them. So what's the missing piece of the puzzle, Ms. Lawson?"
Miranda turned her gaze to the tea she was cradling and contemplated the Doctor's question. The truth meant revealing very personal things. She could lie, or simply tell Karin to mind her own business, but she was surprised to find, she didn't want to. Miranda turned at the sound of faint voices coming from the direction of the elevator, looking up at the Doctor she said, "My sofa is a lot comfier than this countertop."
Smiling Karin said, "That it is. Lead the way."
-o-
"What do you know about my history?"
"Next to nothing," Karin replied honestly. Leni had once said that she was shocked Miranda was as morally sound as she was, considering how long she had been under the Illusive Man's guidance, but she never gave details.
"I ran away from my father when I was sixteen, Jack Harper helped me stay hidden from him."
Karin gave a slow nod. "Ahh, so you were only a child when you came to Cerberus."
"My childhood was gone long before I was sixteen," Miranda replied, a bitter edge to her words. "Jack gave me access to the best education. I got accepted into all the top universities on Earth, but my father was still living on Earth, and at that point, he was still actively searching for me. So, there was no way Miranda Lawson could enrol at a university."
"So you enrolled under an alias."
"Yes. Lisa Walker, graduated as a Master of Science from MIT, specialising in Robotics and Cybernetics." Although the Director kept her face relatively neutral when she spoke, Karin saw the pride that shone in her eyes.
"Well, that certainly explains a thing or two. Doesn't it frustrate you that you can't just openly lay claim to your own qualification?"
Miranda shrugged. "Well, Lisa Walker was very useful. When I finished my degree I had a solid undercover persona I could easily step into at will because I'd been living as her on and off for five years. There were a lot of undercover missions to start off with, for the first few years, I spent more time as Lisa Walker than I did as Miranda Lawson."
Karin studied the woman opposite her. There was something in her eyes when she spoke about Lisa Walker, a wistful fondness. "Why didn't you just stay as Lisa Walker and drop Miranda Lawson altogether? I mean, that would have kept you off your father's radar for good."
Miranda met Karin's gaze for just a moment before looking down at her drink. "I considered it, in some ways Lisa Walker was the person I wanted to be. But Jack felt it was more beneficial to make use of her as a cover persona."
Sipping at her tea, Karin eyed the Director, who kept glancing up at her, making Karin wondered if she was waiting for her condemnation of Harper. "I understand you feel you owe him a lot, and that he has earned your loyalty. But that doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness for him. There's always a compromise to be had if you look hard enough."
"I'm happy." The defensive tone in Miranda's voice told Karin to tread carefully.
"I'm not saying you're not. But I'm sure there are areas you could be happier in. There is for everyone, and certainly for Leni right now. But I have to say, I've known her, her entire life, and despite everything that is going on, there is one area in her life in which I have never seen her happier." Karin gave Miranda a moment to process her words. "You should message her."
Miranda studied the floor for a moment longer before shaking her head and meeting Karin's gaze. "She's having dinner with her mother, I can't disturb them."
"A message won't disturb them, she'll reply when she sees it. It might help settle your mind," Karin gave the Director a warm smile, "and I'm certain she'll be glad to hear from you." Gently patting Miranda's hand, Karin stood. "Say hi to her from me."
-o-
Sitting down at her terminal, Miranda opened her personal messenger and pulled up her contacts list, a list consisting of two contacts: Jacob and Shepard. She hesitated a moment, this was stupid, why would Shepard what to hear from her when she was spending time with her mum. But she really did want to make sure she was okay. That was all it would need to be, a quick check-in. Tapping the message button under Shepard's name, Miranda began to type.
[To: Command L. Shepard
Hi Leni, hope you're having a nice evening, just want to check how you're feeling? Miranda.]
Miranda reread the message and frowned. Too casual. Deleting the message she began to type again.
[To: Command L. Shepard
Good evening Commander, I apologise for disturbing you, I wanted to make sure there are no issues with your implants. Lawson.]
Minimising her messenger Miranda stood and headed to her bathroom, it was late, so she probably wouldn't even hear from the Commander tonight. As she finished removing the last of her make-up Miranda heard an unfamiliar ringing coming from her cabin. Frowning she ducked her head out of the bathroom door and the ringing got louder. It appeared to be coming from her terminal. When she reached her desk, Miranda stared at the monitor.
[Incoming vidcall from: Command L. Shepard]
Why on earth was she calling? What was wrong with a simple message. Maybe there is something wrong. Instantly Miranda clicked accept call button.
"Shepard, what's wrong?"
The woman on her screen raised a brow and grinned. "Nothing, I'm just too lazy to type. Good evening Commander? Why so official Lawson? We're off duty, next time try 'S'up Leni'."
Miranda frowned. "S'up? Shepard, do I really come across as someone who would say s'up?"
Leni laughed. "No, Ms. Lawson, you definitely do not. But it's fun to tease you."
"So," Miranda said, needing to move the conversation away from her stupidly formal message, "how are you?"
"I'm good, you?"
"I'm fine. But I'm not the one who keeps burning up from the inside out."
Leni choked on the drink she had just taken a sip of. When she was able to speak again she said, "Gee Lawson, I am so glad the work we've put into your tact and diplomacy skills has paid off."
Miranda bit her lip, doing her best to hold in the smile that was forcing its way onto her lips.
"Seriously though," Leni continued, "I'm good. But you can't be as fine as you say."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you're clearly missing me." There was a playfulness in Leni's tone, but Miranda was barely able to stave off a blush. "It's okay, it's an unfortunate side effect of being my friend."
"Good lord you're cocky," Miranda said shaking her head and looking away from the screen.
"Well, you should know that better than most." The sultry tone in the Commander's voice made Miranda look back at the screen.
This time she couldn't help but laugh. "You really don't play fair do you?"
"Nope."
Miranda felt a sudden need to end the call before it led somewhere it shouldn't. "Oh, wow, it's past midnight. You should be getting some sleep, you're appointment is early tomorrow."
"I'm not allowed to, they want to do a sleep scan, to see if they can pick up a sleep seizure, so I have to be tired enough to sleep for up to six hours." Shepard was trying to pull of nonchalance, but Miranda could see the change in her demeanour.
"You're not on your own with this you know."
"But I am." The words were barely a whisper across the Commander's lips as she stared absently off to the side of the screen. After a second of silence, Leni refocused back on Miranda. "Sorry, I don't mean to be a brat and sound ungrateful. I know I'm lucky to have so many people supporting me. But...I am the only one facing the end of their career, and it's just a bitter pill to swallow."
Her chest tightened at the pain on Leni's face. In that moment, all Miranda wanted was to fix this whole mess, that was of her doing. "Maybe…" Her own voice was little more than a croak and she found herself lost for words.
"No, I can feel it." When the Commander looked away again, Miranda saw her jaw clenched together so tightly, it was a wonder she didn't break a tooth. Clearing her throat Leni said, "I should let you go. I'll come back to the ship after my appointment, so I'll see you tomorrow."
"Shepard..." Miranda paused, she felt like she should say more, something to comfort the Commander, to give her hope. But in truth she had nothing. "Goodnight."
-o-
"Excellent, those descriptions give me a lot to work with Commander." Doctor Rublen, the middle-aged neurologist, set down his pen and leaned back in his small desk chair that exaggerated his already chubby frame. His head bobbed up and down as he squinted at Leni.
They'd arrived at the clinic almost thirty minutes earlier. Leni's heart had been pounding so loudly in her ears, she'd barely heard the doctor's greeting. They'd been led through a seemingly endless maze of corridors before they finally reached his office. Since then, Leni had spent the last twenty minutes recounting every detail of the seizures she had a memory of.
"So, did Doctor Chakwas tell you we'll be doing scans?"
"Yes, she said a brain scan and then you want to monitor me sleeping, to see if you can catch a seizure."
"Correct. The brain scan won't take long, and we will conduct the sleep monitor for a maximum of six hours, or until you have a seizure - whichever comes first. Are you ready?"
Not in the slightest, Leni thought as she smiled at the Doctor. "Absolutely."
-o-
"Wake up, Commander." The voice that broke through her sleep was an unfamiliar one and it took Leni a moment to get her bearings. She was in a hospital room with electrodes attached to her head - sleep monitoring. When the door opened Leni smiled at her mother who was closely followed by the Doctor.
"So, how'd it go?"
"You had another seizure which we got full recordings of, it was very useful."
Leni had a sinking feeling at hearing she'd had yet another seizure that she had no recollection of. She couldn't decide what was worse, being aware throughout the whole episode, or having no memory at all. Forcing a smile she said, "Great stuff. So, do we have a result?"
"We do. The brain scans showed scar tissue on one of your amygdala, which is a small section of the brain, located in the frontal portion of the temporal lobe. One of the amygdalae's tasks is to regulate emotions, and the side the scarring is on, specifically regulates anxiety, frustration and anger, and all the effects those emotions have on the body. I believe this is why your seizures seem to be connected to your emotions."
Leni tried her best to focus on each word the Doctor said, but her brain kept taking her back to the same two words: scar tissue. She didn't have any medical training, but she suspected that scar tissue on the brain was not something that could just be undone.
"Leni." She heard her mother's hand on her arm and she refocused on the Doctor.
"So how do my implants tie into this?"
"Well, as I said, it controls the effects your emotions have on your body, and the implants are essentially part of your body now. It appears overheating is how they are affected. And the shakes that worsen as your emotions escalate, seem to be what we refer to as an aura, which is essentially a warning system that a seizure is coming, although it doesn't always lead to one. Doctor Chakwas told me that you had to be woken from the medical coma earlier than planned. That's likely why there is still scar tissue there."
Leni cleared her throat, desperate to maintain composure, asking the question she already knew part of the answer to. "So, diagnosis? Treatment?"
"Temporal lobe epilepsy. Although this type of epilepsy is more known to be resistant to medication, it's not the case for everyone, so it's still worth trying the medications that are most successful before we look at more drastic treatments."
At his last words, Leni locked eyes with the Doctor. "Drastic? What exactly counts as drastic?"
The Doctor's eyes softened. "Surgery. There is an implant that can be fitted, which detects when a seizure is beginning and it then sends a shock of electricity through the brain to disrupt the seizure."
" Brain surgery ?" Leni laughed from sheer disbelief. "Doctor, not to sound dramatic, but despite what the Council say, the Reapers are still coming, and the Collectors are currently abducting entire human colonies. And we're not even sure yet whether those two things are connected or not, but what I am certain of, is that I do not have time for this."
The Doctor looked at her apologetically. "I'm sorry Commander, but those are the only options we humans have right now."
Leni had felt an anger begin to spark, one that was becoming all too familiar, but it dispersed as she registered the Doctor's odd reply.
"We humans?" she repeated but saw something in his eyes that told her not to push further.
"This is a big decision, you should take some time to absorb the information and consider your options. You can contact me when you've thought a bit more about it. I'll make space for you whenever you're ready to take this further."
-o-
" Commander ." Hannah looked up at the same time as her daughter. Seeing the Doctor's asari secretary dashing towards the elevator, Hannah pressed the hold doors button. "You dropped this, Commander," the asari said breathlessly, handing Leni a piece of paper.
Frowning, Leni shook her head. "No, I don't think so."
" Yes Commander, you did." The asari urged. "Take it."
Reaching out and taking the folded note, her daughter smiled. "Oh yes, you're right. Thank you."
-o-
Leni read the name and address on the note twice.
[Doctor Velira T'Saga,
Neuro-Genics Ltd.
Nos Astra, Illium.]
"What is it?" her mother asked beside her.
Leni thought back to the Doctor's words. "'The only options we humans have.'" Looking up at her mother Leni saw her confusion. "Rublen didn't say they are the only options in existence, he said they are the options humans have. This looks like an asari doctor. The asari are more advanced than we are, maybe they have another solution."
"Sounds like a trip to Illium is on the cards," her mother said resting a hand on hers. "How are you darling?"
"I'm good," Leni lied.
"Leni…" her mother said with a tone that told her she didn't believe her.
"Seriously Mom, I'm fine. If I'm honest, he just gave me more detail on what I already knew. No point getting wound up about it, otherwise, I'll just find myself in a catch 22 of never-ending seizures." Leni forced a jovial tone into her voice.
Her mother frowned at her but didn't push any further. "I'm meeting Karin for coffee at Apollo cafe, would you like to join us?"
"No, I'm good thanks. I'm going to go back to the ship, get a shower and change of clothes." Leni's face ached from the forced smile and the effort it took to keep control of the shakes that threatened to betray her facade. Not that she really expected her mother to believe she was fine. But at least she'd let her leave. "See you tonight."
-o-
Miranda clicked on the notification from her personal messenger.
[From: Unknown Sender.
Miranda, the diagnosis is Temporal Lobe Epilepsy due to scar tissue on her amygdala. I'm currently having coffee with Hannah who is worried about Leni. She was claiming to be fine but Hannah isn't convinced. Leni headed back to the ship, would you check in on her, please? Thank you, Karin.]
Miranda stared at the screen, rereading the first line over and over. Shepard had epilepsy, due to scar tissue. Scar tissue she should have ensured had healed. The temporal lobe portions of Shepard's brain had been the most damaged sections when they had received her body, it was that in particular that had made Wilson question the chances of the project's success. Miranda cursed Wilson, this was his fault, he was the reason Shepard hadn't had the full time to heal. No, he was weak, but you should have seen through him. You dropped the ball Lawson, and Shepard is paying the price.
Shaking herself out of her own thoughts Miranda clicked reply.
[To: Karin Chakwas.
Thank you for letting me know, I'll check on her now. Miranda.]
-o-
"What do you mean the shuttlebay is inaccessible EDI? I thought you said the Commander was down there?" Miranda said growing increasingly irritated.
"She is Director. However, she ordered me to lock the door."
Grinding her teeth, Miranda stepped out of the lift onto the engineering deck and looked through the window down into the huge hangar. She could just make out the punching bag occasionally swinging into view around the wall of crates that sectioned off the gym. "EDI, I need to get in there."
"I apologise, Director, I am simply following the Commander's orders."
"Well I'm orderin-" Miranda cut off her sentence at the sight of the punching bag and stand flying across the shuttlebay, knocking down several crates in its wake. "Shit," Miranda muttered marching back to the lift. "EDI, I am overriding the Commander's order. Open the door now ."
"I cannot do that, Ms. Lawson. The Commander specifically stated she didn't want company."
Miranda let out a sigh and rubbed her fingers across her forehead. "EDI, judging by her current behaviour she is extremely emotional. Check her life signs, she is at risk of another seizure. For her own good, you have to let me in."
After a moment of silence, the AI replied, "You are correct Director. The Commander's heart rate is elevated and she appears to have a tremor." As the AI spoke the lift jolted into a decent to the shuttlebay.
A scream filtered through the door as it opened, a scream filled with pain and anger. Miranda was barely a few feet into the room when she saw one of the huge crates sailing through the air towards her. Instinctively she threw out a stasis field, capturing the crate mid-air.
Looking beyond the crate, Miranda saw Shepard standing just in front of the gym, the tremor now visible even from a distance. Miranda saw her expression change from anger to confusion as she looked past the frozen crate and met Miranda's stare.
"You're lucky I'm a biotic," Miranda said, raising a brow at the other woman. Cancelling the stasis field, the crate clattered to the hangar floor and Miranda stepped around it, closing the distance between her and the Commander.
"Sorry," Leni said looking away and scratching the back of her neck with a shaky hand. "How'd you get in? I ordered EDI to lock the door."
"I know. Your life signs helped me convince her that was not in your best interests to be alone." Miranda watched as Shepard sat on the floor, leaning up against one of the fallen crates and rested her shaking arms on her knees.
"Ah," was all the other woman said, and Miranda moved to sit beside her. "Sorry, I just needed…" Leni fell silent and shrugged.
"I think you're entitled to an 'it's not fair' moment, but the unfortunate fact is that right now, you don't have the luxury of being able to handle these feelings alone."
Leni let out a long sigh.
"Trust me, Shepard, if anyone understands wanting to be alone when managing their emotions, it's me." When Miranda heard a chuckle from the woman next to her she looked up.
"You? Managing emotions? That's something I've gotta see."
From anyone else, Miranda would have taken that comment as an insult, but hearing the playful tone and the grin pulling at Shepard's lips, Miranda couldn't help but laugh. "God, you're such a wanker.Yes, it happens, usually on a full moon."
Leni guffawed and bumped Miranda with her shoulder. They sat in silence until Leni said, "How did you know I was here?"
"Karin messaged me. Your mum didn't buy the 'I'm fine' act and asked me to check on you. So, what did they say about treatment?"
Leni studied her hands a moment, and Miranda noticed the shaking had almost completely subsided. "Play around with medication that likely won't work because the type of epilepsy I have is known to be drug-resistant. Or have brain surgery." Leni gave a sharp laugh. "Neither of which I have time for."
"Damn," Miranda whispered. "I'm so sorry, Leni. If I'd just-"
"If you'd nothing. This isn't your fault Miranda."
"It was my job to put you back exactly as you were. This is not as you were. We knew your temporal lobe was the most severely damaged portion of your brain. I should have put more time into making sure it healed at the same rate as the rest of the brain."
"Miranda...I'd be dead if you hadn't woken me."
"If I'd seen through Wilson-"
" Stop it," Leni said firmly and placed a hand on top of Miranda's. "No one, not even the practically perfect Miranda Lawson, could have anticipated that he would suddenly sabotage the project he'd put over two years of his life into."
Miranda studied Leni's hand that still rested on top of her own. It was surprisingly feminine for a career marine, although her nails were relatively short, they were perfectly manicured while still being practical. Realising she was being watched, Miranda turned her head to look at Leni, she caught something flash in those chestnut brown eyes, an emotion Miranda couldn't read.
"You done with the self-blame?" The gentle smile that played on Shepard's lips sent butterflies fluttering through her stomach, and Miranda found herself fighting against a growing urge to kiss the woman beside her.
Needing some form of distraction from her own desire, Miranda pulled her hand from under Shepard's and said. "Sorry, that was selfish of me. I was supposed to be comforting you, not the other way round."
"Hey, it helped me get over my own pity party. And once again, you stopped me from having another seizure. Looks like I might have to keep you around after all, Lawson."
"Wanker," Miranda said laughing. "So, what now?"
Leni handed her a piece of folded paper.
"What's this?" Miranda asked looking over the address.
"Not sure, the doctor I saw said 'those are the only options humans have.' in reference to treatment. Then his secretary ran after us and told me I'd dropped this piece of paper - which I hadn't, but she insisted I take it. Seen as that's clearly an asari doctor, and the asari are one of the most advanced races…"
"It's fair to assume they might have treatments we don't." Miranda finished. "So we need to get to Illium. I can put out a recall for all crew imme-"
" No way . We have dinner with my mom tonight."
Miranda frowned at Shepard. "About that, I don't think it's the best idea. There's really no need-"
Leni laughed. "Oh Lawson, you do not wanna cancel on my mother."
" Leni, this is going to be weird."
"Maybe, but it'll also be fun. For me at least, to watch you squirm under my mother's endless interrogation."
Miranda dropped her head back. "I hate you."
"Nah, you don't. So, meet you in the CIC at 18:00."
-o-
Miranda looked at the pile of clothes on the bed and sighed. She had plenty of nice clothes, so why was it taking so long to choose an outfit. It'd usually take a few minutes at most to pick an outfit, but she'd been rooting through her wardrobe for half an hour already and was running out of time...and clothes.
She pulled the last item from her wardrobe, a pretty black floral dress: knee length and not too low cut to be unsuitable for a casual dinner, but still flattering. That would have to do, "EDI, what time is it?"
"17:59."
" Shit . EDI can you let the Commander know I'll be a few minutes late," Miranda began frantically dressing, she was never late.
-o-
Leni leaned against the wall beside the elevator in the CIC, which was deserted save for Crewman Hadley who had the current shift.
Just as she saw the clock display change to 18:00, the AI said, "Commander, the Director asked that I tell you she is running late. She has been trying on outfits for the last half hour."
Leni guffawed, certain that Miranda wouldn't have asked EDI to convey that last detail. "EDI, sometimes less is more."
"I do not understand, Commander."
"Well, I'm assuming the Director did not ask you to relay me that last bit of information?" Leni said.
"Correct."
"Well, you didn't need to give me that information, therefore, less is more."
"I was attempting to put into practice what we discussed four nights ago. About including any additional information that may be relevant, even if not directly requested."
Leni frowned. "Hmm, okay, I see how it might be difficult to know when it's appropriate and when not. Try to evaluate how the additional information might affect the situation. In the case of our two examples: not telling me that the Director was asleep, lead to me waking her which wasn't a nice outcome for her. However, in this situation: telling me why Miranda is running late, had no effect on the situation, other than to embarrass her when I tease her about it. Does that make sense?"
"I understand Commander. I shall remember that and apply it in future situations."
"Excellent." At the sound of the elevator door opening, Leni turned and stared at the woman that exited, feeling her heart quicken.
Miranda's dark hair had been pulled into a simple ponytail that snaked across her shoulder, the shorter part of her fringe refusing to stay within the confinement of the hairband. She brushed the stubborn hair from her face and Leni could see the Director's smoky eyes and subtly pink lips that matched the roses scattered across her black dress. A dress that somehow managed to accentuate Miranda's every curve and still look casual, the thin fabric brushing across the soft looking skin of Miranda's long legs as she gracefully strode towards Leni where she stood. The woman, who her mother had described as beautiful the night before, could be described as nothing less than stunning right now.
Definitely worth the wait.
-o-
"Sorry I kept you waiting, Shepard," Miranda said, hoping she didn't look as flustered as she felt.
"I…" Miranda saw Shepard swallow hard, "and you say I don't play fair."
Miranda looked down at herself. She hadn't thought she looked any better than in her work catsuits, but the look she'd seen in Shepard's eyes suggested otherwise. When she looked back up she saw a smirk on Shepard's face, and Miranda narrowed her eyes.
"It's fine Lawson, that half hour of trying on outfits really paid off, you look lovely."
Miranda opened her mouth and then closed it again, feeling traitorous heat rush to her cheeks. " EDI ," she growled, glaring at the ceiling.
"Don't worry, we've had a chat about differentiating between relevant and irrelevant information," Shepard said and offered Miranda her arm, "Shall we?"
Miranda stared at Leni's arm for a long moment, and then looked around the room, spotting crewman Hadley, she looked back at Leni. "After you, Commander."
Leni stood there a moment switching her focus between her own arm, Hadley and Miranda. "Really?" she said, brows raised.
Miranda nodded and watched as Leni shrugged and headed towards the airlock. With Leni directly in front of her, Miranda couldn't help but notice that she had styled her small braids into a twisted high-ponytail that cascaded down the right side of her head like a waterfall.
Her eyes wandered down Shepard's back, admiring the fitted white shirt that finished just above her hips, leaving a perfect view of the pert butt below. The jeans that she had on, fit her perfectly in every way, and the outfit was finished off with stylish leather biker boots. In short, Shepard was looking decidedly sexy tonight.
-o-
Hannah sipped on her wine while she studied her daughter, who sat across the other side of the table. Leni had always been a charmer, just like her father, and Hannah had met many a girl over the years. In her early teens, they met at least two girlfriends each school year, all of which hung onto Leni's every word, but that stopped when Leni enlisted for the Alliance. Since then Hannah had met a few of her daughter's no-strings agreements, most of which had obviously been hopelessly holding out for Leni to realise they were the one for her. Hannah had also met many of her daughter's friends, people that saw Leni's worth, and indeed hung on every word she said. But throughout all the years, Hannah had never seen Leni look at anyone the way she looked at Miranda; it was a tender look, a look that said she didn't want to take her eyes off her. It was the first time Hannah had ever seen her daughter hanging off someone else's every word.
"That was incredible Hannah," Miranda said, breaking Hannah from her thoughts.
"I'm glad you liked it," Hannah smiled and raised her glass, "and your wine went perfectly."
"Agreed on both accounts, thank you, ladies," her daughter said standing and beginning to gather up the plates. Miranda jumped to her feet seconds after, but Leni waved her down. "I got this Lawson, relax, prepare for the interrogation."
"Oh, you're so evil." Hannah shot a mocking glare her daughter's way. "I promise I'm not as bad as she makes out Miranda, although-"
"Here we go…" Leni said from the kitchen.
"Quiet you." Turning back to Miranda, Hannah registered the other woman's awkwardness had increased and Hannah gave her a friendly smile. "I was wondering, how did you come to work for Cerberus?"
The younger woman broke eye contact and stared at her wine glass for a moment, before looking back up. "I ran away from my father when I was sixteen, he's a powerful man, so I needed...protection to make sure he didn't find me. Cerberus was one of few options for me."
Hannah nodded and then pursed her lips in thought. "Why not the Alliance? I would have thought that would be a more obvious solution."
"Why didn't I want to join a self-serving militaristic organisation that only cares about their employees while they're useful?" The reply had been instinctual and Hannah raised her brows, her lips twitching at the corners.
"Tell us how you really feel, Miranda," Leni said raising her voice over the clattering sounds of her washing the pans, but Hannah heard the teasing tone her daughter's voice.
Miranda turned instantly red and looked worriedly at Hannah. "I..."
Hannah smiled at her. "Don't worry," she said and her smile dimmed, "two and a half years ago I might have disagreed with you. But in truth, after the way they disrespected my daughter after her death, I can't really argue with you."
The clattering of pans ceased and Hannah looked over at her daughter, seeing a look of shock on her face.
"So, why didn't you leave?" Hannah heard Miranda ask, but Hannah didn't break eye contact with Leni.
"My crew. They were the closest thing I had to a family, the only thing I had left that mattered."
"I'm sorry," Miranda said and Hannah finally looked back at her questioningly, "that we didn't ask your permission. It might have given you hope."
Smiling, Hannah said, "Thank you, but, considering you gave me my daughter back, I'll forgive you."
There were a few moments of silence before the clattering of pans being washed began again.
"May I ask you something?" Hannah heard Miranda say.
-o-
"Haven't you already researched everything there is to know about us?" Shepard said with a chuckle as she started to load the dishwasher.
Miranda cringed inwardly at the awkwardness, and truth of that statement. "Not everything is written down," she said, not daring to look at Hannah.
"It's okay, fire away," she heard the older woman say, and when she looked up there was an understanding smile on her face.
"Bright Light. Where did the pet name come from?"
The slight frown that crossed Hannah's face made Miranda instantly regret her question. "I'm sorry, was that too-"
"No, it's fine," Hannah interrupted, "It's just a story that requires revealing some things I'm not particularly proud of. But still...good came out of it in the end, so it's a story worth telling," Hannah said smiling fondly at Leni.
"Thomas and I had started trying for another child when John was around two years old, we didn't want them to be too far apart in age, and I was hoping to go for captain in the not too distant future."
Miranda nodded, respecting the older woman's ambition, she had wanted a family but also didn't see that as a blockade for her career.
"Well, no matter what we tried, it didn't work, it felt like the universe was saying, 'no, one is all you get.' The failed attempts and miscarriages took their toll on our relationship, and when Thomas got his promotion to captain, things just got worse."
Out of the corner of her eye, Miranda saw Shepard make her way back to the table and take her seat on Miranda's right and Hannah's left.
"I found out from a friend who was serving on Thomas' ship that he was having an affair with his yeoman. That night I very maturely went and got drunk, and returned the favour with my first and last one night stand." Hannah shook her head and gave a sardonic laugh, "The irony of it all; three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. But I'm guessing you already knew this part?"
Shrugging Miranda replied, "I was aware Thomas was not Shepard's biological father, but not the specifics."
Hannah nodded, unsurprised by that information. "Well, you would have thought it would rip us apart, I know I certainly expected it to. One thing I was certain of was that, if it came to my marriage or my baby, my baby would win without question."
Miranda saw Shepard look down, suddenly fascinated by her hands.
"But it didn't come to that. To my surprise, it brought us back together. Thomas wanted to give us another try, as did I; we'd let our pain push us apart, instead of coming together to share it with each other. He temporarily gave up his captaincy to give us the time we needed to rebuild our family. We went through some dark times, but Leni was the bright light that guided us through them, and we came out stronger than we ever had been. "
Miranda studied the two other women at the table as they stared at each other with wistful smiles. Miranda felt her chest tighten as a familiar desire, one she had locked away a long time ago, tugged at her heart - the longing for the relationships most people took for granted, parents that loved you, worried about you and would give their lives to keep you safe.
"And that's how I became a torch," Leni's jovial voice broke through the fog of emotions that were trying to take hold of Miranda. When she looked up at Shepard, she saw that, despite the grin on her face, she could read concern in Leni's eyes, and Miranda felt her chest tighten further.
"Indeed it is," Hannah stood and kissed her daughter on the top of her head as she went by her, "I'm just popping to the bathroom, but when I come back I want a cocktail."
Leni hadn't taken her eyes off Miranda, and she had to fight to not physically squirm under her gaze. "Sure Mom, we can move this party to the sofa," Shepard said over her shoulder.
When Leni looked at her mother, Miranda was finally able to stand. It felt as if Shepard's gaze had been chains holding her in place, and now she could make her escape. "Actually I should make a move so-" she froze when she felt a hand grab her own.
"Don't," Shepard said getting a better grip on her hand as she stood and moved in close, once again chaining her to the spot with her intense gaze, "stay," she whispered, so close that Miranda felt her warm, wine-scented breath wash over her.
-o-
Leni held Miranda's piercing stare. As much as Miranda might have wanted to hide it, she had seen a deep sorrow in those icy blue eyes, true heartache over something lost, or maybe something never had. Even now, despite Miranda's best efforts to regain control, Leni could see the pain, desperately trying to retreat back behind her protective facade.
"I…" Miranda began, then stopped and simply shook her head.
"Please stay," Leni whispered again and stroked her thumb across the back of the other woman's hand, trying to ease the rising anxiety she saw developing at this loss of control.
The sound of the bathroom door opening upstairs drew Miranda's attention and she looked away. "She'll be sad if you leave before cocktails," Leni said putting a little playfulness into her voice.
She was rewarded with a slight twitch at the corners of Miranda's mouth as she looked back at her, "Fine, I suppose I wouldn't want to be responsible for spoiling cocktails."
Smiling, Leni loosened her grip on Miranda's hand, but to her surprise, Miranda didn't pull away immediately. Instead, she gave Leni's hand a small squeeze, took a deep breath, and Leni watched as the facade fell safely back in place, albeit a little less convincing than before.
-o-
Hannah switched her focus between Leni, who was making her way over to the bar, and Miranda, who was sat quietly on the far side of the sofa. It was clear something had happened between the two women while she had been in the bathroom. Throughout the evening, Miranda had begun to relax and open up, but now, she was as uptight and closed off as the first time they met in the Normandy.
Feeling the need to break the tension, Hannah said, "I'm surprised you haven't received a nickname yet Miranda, it's a terrible habit of Leni's."
A look of confusion crossed Miranda's face.
"Jeff was happily Jeffery until she shortened it. Liara to Li, Ashley to Ash and what is it you call Garrus? Gar?" Hannah gave an amused shake of her head. "She even managed to shorten her brother's name, and he only had one syllable."
Miranda raised her brows at Leni. "How on earth did you shorten John?"
"To Joh. But what she isn't mentioning, is that it started because I couldn't pronounce John when I first began to talk, and it stuck, right up until he enlisted with the Alliance and insisted we use John." When Hannah turned to look at her daughter she saw that Leni had her arms crossed and her brows furrowed in an attempt at a frown that was betrayed by the smirk playing on her lips. "But actually, Ihave given her a nickname, she just doesn't know it yet."
"Oh really? " Hannah heard Miranda say.
"Yes, Miri , I have."
Hannah turned to look at Miranda when there was silence and saw she was squinting at her daughter, head tilted to one side.
"Hmm, I suppose that's acceptable," Miranda said, a slight smile creeping onto her face.
"Miri," Hannah sounded the nickname aloud, "hmm, I like it. So Miri," Hannah said grinning at the younger woman who allowed the smile spread across her face, "I have another question for you. In all your researching, did you ever manage to work out who Leni's biological father was?"
Miranda's blue eyes instantly danced with curiosity and intrigue. Hannah had been almost certain that even the Director wouldn't have been able to dig up that truth. "No, I thought not," Hannah said, "he's made a damn good job of keeping that well and truly buried - for the sake of his career, you understand."
"I concluded it was either a nobody who didn't care either way, or, an important somebody who didn't want the truth seeing the light of day," Miranda said and Hannah gave her a nodded of approval. "So he's high up then - likely part of the Brass by now?"
Hannah gave another nod and then caught the movement of her daughter making her way to the sofa. Placing the tray of drinks on the coffee table in front of them, Leni took a seat on the pouffe opposite the sofa. "And the asshole isss..." Leni said in a game show host's voice, "Admiral Stephen fucking Hackett," she finished, holding up her drink in a cheers position. "Who has done his best to discreetly block my career ever since I dared to join the Alliance."
Hannah shook her head and sighed. "Yes, for someone who didn't want anything to do with you, he's certainly been very involved in blocking you from reaching the rank of Captain." Hannah cocked her head at Miranda brow raised, "Hmm, you two have something in common - asshole fathers."
Hannah saw Leni raise her glass, "To asshole fathers."
When she looked back at Miranda, Hannah was rewarded with an amused smile and a chuckle escaped her lips, then she raised her glass and repeated, "To arsehole fathers."
-o-
Leni looked at her mother when she stood. "Well my dears, my bed is calling loud and clear." Placing a hand on her shoulder her mother asked, "Are you staying here again tonight?"
"Yeah, see you at breakfast," Leni said as she felt her mother place a kiss on the top of her head.
"Miri, it was a true pleasure, and I hope, not the last time we meet. Take care of yourself, and my girl."
Leni looked at the woman sat opposite her who was smiling at her mother, "The pleasure was mine, Hannah. Thank you for a lovely meal. And I promise I will."
As her mother climbed the stairs, Leni stood from where she sat on the pouffe and moved over to the sofa. "She's not so bad after all is she?"
Miranda was staring after her mother with a wistful smile. "Not at all. You're very lucky." The last part of her sentence was practically a whisper, filled with more of that emotion Leni had seen earlier, and Leni instinctually rested a hand on Miranda's arm.
"Yeah, I know."
Miranda's eyes dropped to Leni's hand, and then up to meet her gaze, still unable to hide the pain and longing. Leni's chest constricted, and she had the strongest desire to lean forward and kiss the woman next to her, to kiss away the pain, to take away the loneliness. She was seconds away from doing just that when Miranda broke eye contact and quickly stood.
"I should go, it's late and I still have to get back to the ship."
-o-
With every step she took towards the door, Miranda had to fight the growing urge to turn and kiss Shepard, who was hot on her heels. Her arm still tingled from the other woman's warm touch, and she wanted nothing more than to feel it again.
When she reached the door and grabbed the handle, she felt Shepard grasp her arm and pull her back, Leni's other arm snaking around her waist as she stepped in close. The hands that held her were familiar, but the kiss that brushed her lips was anything but. Unlike the hungry, fiery kisses they had shared in the past, this kiss was slow, tender and full of an emotion that evoked both fear and elation within Miranda.
When Shepard finally broke the kiss, Miranda found herself breathless, her heart pounding at an impossible rate. "What happened to friends?" she managed to whisper.
A mischievous smile broke across Leni's face. "That was a friendly goodnight kiss."
Miranda raised her brows, grateful that Leni was taking the lighthearted approach and she regaining a little more control in her voice. "Very friendly."
"What can I say," Leni said shrugging, her arm still tightly wrapped around Miranda's waist, "I'm a friendly kinda gal."
Laughing, Miranda shook her head in disbelief. "Goodnight, Commander."
Releasing her hold, Leni stepped back, flashing that irresistibly charming smile. "Goodnight Miri."
-o-
Leni walked back towards the kitchen, a huge smile on her face. The butterflies in her stomach were in a battle with the thoughts swirling in her head. Thoughts that questioned her sanity. What she was doing was insane and went against the oath she made at the age of seventeen: to never allow herself to develop feelings for someone. But she could feel it was already too late, there was no undoing this.
"Just friends huh?"
The voice from the balcony above made her physically jump. "Jesus Christ Mom. Were you spying on us?" Leni said frowning up at her mother, who had the most ridiculous grin on her face.
"Of course not," her mother said feigning innocence, "I left my book downstairs."
"Mmhmm." Leni hummed, not believing a word. "Goodnight Mother."
-o-
As the door shut behind her, Miranda leaned against it and closed her eyes, letting out a shaky breath. What the hell are you doing? This is insane. Opening her eyes, the memory flooded back - Leni's arm around her waist, her lips gently caressing her own, and a wave of goosebumps washed over her entire body. Utterly insane.
To Be Continued.
A/N: Hey all, I wanted to let you know that this epilepsy storyline is inspired by the fact that I have epilepsy. Some of the descriptions are taken from or inspired by my own experiences as an epileptic. I hope you enjoy the storyline as it progresses and that the will they won't they suspense is giving you plenty of entertainment!
As always, I love hearing your favourite parts and general thoughts, so keep those reviews coming and don't forget to give those follow and favourite buttons a tap! Thanks again for reading, until next time!