Happy Easter...I wrote my oneshot for my hundreth reviewer. My mother has Easter anxiety and therefore so does Mikoto Uchiha.

I only don't own Naruto and Remika. The rest MINE. ALL MY BLOODY BASTARDS!

"Today! TODAY IS TODAY!" The sound of Temari shrieking woke everyone, besides Gaara, Naruto and Temari, who were already awake. It was noon, so no one really had claim to sleep any more. Naruto had woken up two hours previous to Temari singing 'the hills are alive'. First he had thought it was another dream, but then he had realized it was 'the hills are alive with the sound of screaming'. He vaguely remembered seeing that movie in Deidara's video cabinet. It was labeled 'AHKOOROR'. It stood for 'Asian Horror, Keep Out Of Range Of Remika'. Not a dream. Alas.

"What's today?" a coherent Gaara asked. Temari rounded on him, grinning maniacally.

"Today we go see that one country concert Deidara left us tickets to."

"Great," Gaara said, rolling his eyes. "Just what we need. Country music."

"No…" Naruto groaned. "Not…country…rather…die…"

"Then fire up the arsenic bitches, because that's the other choice," Temari returned promptly.

"What if I'm sick?"

"Hun, you had better be dying."

"What constitutes dying?"

"You're blue and I'm collecting insurance."

That shut Naruto up real fast. Temari bustled over to the pots and pans to begin making a hearty breakfast for her motley crew (she had come up with that terminology herself, with the help of the silence that had taken up residence in her wallet).

"Breakfast anyone?" Temari asked as Kiba stumbled in a few minutes later.

"Yeah, sure-- ARE YOU COOKING BACON?!"
Temari sniffed the pan she held. "Yup. Bacon and eggs."

"Are you going to eat any of the bacon?" Kiba asked suspiciously. Temari shook her head.

"Still a vegetarian, but willing to cook for my favorite guys on the planet." She grinned, serving meat to everyone seated. For the first time in so long, they could eat some kind of normal food and not have to leave the house or offend Temari.

"So, agenda?" Gaara asked, looking around the table.

"Seven, concert," Temari said. "Other than that, it's all you guys."

"So, seven concert. If we ate lunch around four, we'd be done around five, with two hours to spare. I say we get there a half hour early to find decent seats and parking place, so we have an hour and a half to spare.

"That gives us time to possibly walk along that bike trail--"

"To the middle of bloody nowhere!" Kiba shot back. "How about we leave at five, same schedule. We can loiter here until then and the world will be happy and I can go back to sleep."

"Why so tired Kiba?" Naruto asked with a giggle. "Temari keep you awake." Kiba and Temari shot him glares. Shikamaru muttered 'troublesome' under his breath, as per usual. What no one saw, however, was just how afraid he was that Naruto was right.

So it was settled. Kiba went to sleep, Sasuke went to sulk, Temari went to write, Shikamaru went to read, Gaara and Neji went off to do inappropriate stuff in Remika's closet, and Naruto went to memorizing all of Deidara and Remika's video labels.

From what he could gather, Chasmodai was a frequent guest (moocher) who liked J-horror (though her realm did extend to K-horror), yelling at movies with social issues, and independent films. Fahrenheit 451 ('CMBPTFOLOR', Chasmodai May Be Prone To Fits Of Laughter Or Rage) , Little Miss Sunshine ('MCRIPWOHFOF', Mostly Chasmodai, Remika Is Permitted Within One Hundred Feet Of Film), and all the Asian Horror Films (all labeled 'AHKOOROR', Asian Horror Keep Out Of Range Of Remika) were there, labeled in blue and corresponding neatly to the chart on the wall. Remika seemed to hate all Asian films and love strange, seemingly spastic movies. And Monty Python. That was labeled 'MP'. Own label. Deidara's films were art related. The post-its were written in too different kinds of handwriting, both fairly feminine, and all said 'DDKS'. Dei-Dei-Kun's Shit.

Naruto ended up watching Dumplings. He should have known delving into Chasmodai's video collection would be stupid. He should have guessed. But no, he just went along anyway. Dumplings it was. He popped the movie in and hit play.

When it was over, he swore he would always read the backs of whatever he watched. Dumplings was scary shit K-horror. Abortion? Naruto could feel his eyes burning. Sixty four year old women who look thirty five? Ashes on the ground. Incest? Blowing out of the den and onto the winds. Promiscuous behavior? He swore never, ever to ever watch Chasmodai's labeled movies without a thorough background check. Ever.

"Sasuke!" he cried, running upstairs and into the room he was sharing with Sasuke. It was a nice periwinkle color. "Sasuke! I just saw the scariest movie ever…"

"You watched Barney's Christmas?"

"Okay, I watched the second scariest!"

"J-horror?"

"K-horror."

"Similar really. What was it called?"

"Dumplings."

Sasuke burst out laughing. It was a barking, dry, humorless laugh, but it was a laugh. "You watched dumplings? By yourself? Alone? And your eyes are intact?"

"Barely."

"The guy knocks up his masseuse."

"Eyes intact by the will of the universe."

Twanging guitar music flittered down from the stage. A redheaded woman with a Texan accent sang loudly, strumming her beaten up wooden guitar for all it was worth, tapping her foot and glancing out into the audience every once in a while.

"When we were young we swore we'd stay together near and far, I see now we were stupid, but when we are gonna split, I get the car…"

"When we split," Neji said suddenly, turning to Gaara, "I get the car."

"Never. Going. To. Split." It was love folks, but for Neji or Murphy, no one will ever know.

The redheaded woman finished the last stanza about how she was going to take the car from her lying, no-good cheating stealing husband and bowed her head. She said a few garbled words into the microphone about her next song and began one of those horrible songs that plays on the radio just when you need it too. Or don't.

"It was my shoulder you cried too,

When you found out her lie,

My hand you held too,

When she said goodbye,

I used to keeping waiting for you to see me,

But then I started seeing the way it seems to be,

You won't hold my hand unless someone broke up with you,

I wonder now what's independent girl to do,

Should I run and not let you get away,

Let you hide in the sunset we share for another day,

Or should I do what we do out on ranches in Rio,

I could hit the road in Harley named Leo.

I once would have run all the way to St. Louie,

From the college of finding I got a degree,

But maybe I'll just leave you in dust and the dirt and the rain,

Leave you by yourself and save me the pain,

I have to win some medal for tracking you down,

Chasing you from rancho to rancho and town to town,

I pray to the goddess and end without amen,

Never gonna go and chase another man again,

I could wish it weren't this way,

When I wake up in the morning we can share another day,

Or I could do what we do out on ranches in Rio,

I could hit the road in a Harley named Leo."

The song ended.

"Hey Naruto, could I talk to you for a second?" Sasuke asked politely. Naruto looked up from the place he had fixed his eyes on the floor.

"Sure," he said, standing up and following Sasuke into a slightly secluded corner. "What is it?"

"I was wondering if tomorrow…you wanted to go out with me?"

"No matter where you go and no matter what you do,

I want you to know that I'll always love you."

Lt. Commander Richie (who owns Remika) REFUSES to watch any Asian film with me (at least, horror films, but I'm working on it!) and therefore...the labeling system was born. Dumplings is scary shit. Watch it when you want twisted. I'm volunteering at the Asian Film Festival in my city later this month, and at the meet and greet this lady said 'I like twisted...Dumplings or Tale of Two Sisters'. I was thinking 'I know those movies'. Both Korean (K-Horror) and both seriously wicked awesome.

I'm going to drag Lt. Commander Richie to the film festival and make her watch Asian American films. No horror. Roger Fan is going to be there...I'm going to be near him...and I get to see films that won't be in theatres for a bazillion years. Yay volunteer work. (Google 'Disorient Film Festival'. The poster, if only the poster, is wicked).