Chapter 10 – New beginnings
Eh, this is it, the end of this fic that I enjoyed writing. It was exhausting, I hit some rough patches while writing it, but nonetheless even tho it was a challenge, I liked writing it. I already said it more than enough I think (but will it ever be enough?). Thanks to Praemonitus Praemunitus this story is what it is today. And thanks to Lunedd who also did a read through and offered her insight. I'm so blessed to have you ladies in my life. Here's to future discussions on other fan fic ideas.
Danny slept through the rest of the afternoon, while Steve ran some errands around the house. He knew that the cousins and Lou deserved some explanation as to why they didn't go back to work, so he picked up his cell and dialed the office.
As he explained the situation, and asked the rest of his team to hold the fort for the day, Steve continued with what he meant to do for weeks, and didn't have time to actually finish. Steve always took pleasure in working around the house, doing seemingly small things that made his life more complete. He felt useful besides doing his daily job of keeping Hawai'i safe.
He woke a very grumbling Danny around 6 p.m. and they decided to hit Kamekona's for a dinner. Steve emphasized that he was paying this time, a show of good faith, and seeing as Danny had so many costs already, to leave some money in his pocket.
Danny for his part agreed and was eager to get something in his stomach that was growling when it heard the word 'food'. Steve laughed at that and waited for Danny to shower and change into more casual clothes. Much as Steve had spare clothes at Danny's, Danny had his own set of clothes at Steve's. And it proved to be useful.
Steve could see the strain with which Danny moved his right arm, and bit his tongue from saying something that could anger Danny. He was a grown man, and he knew the risks of aggravating his injury with the small stunt he pulled earlier. But, this was Danny, and what he did, finally brought Melissa to her senses required those physical actions, and Steve was once again proud at how Danny handled himself throughout the whole process.
The man needed a break, they both did, and if Steve could provide it in the form of a dinner at Kamekona's then so be it. Danny was still too exhausted, and Steve was overthinking it again if it was a good idea for them to go out, but he saw the glint in Danny's eyes and how happy he was that things got back to normal, that Steve practically leaped in the Camaro to drive them to their destination.
Kamekona beamed when he saw the two and went to hug them. He practically squashed them, but they didn't mind. It was good to have Kamekona on their side, and they appreciated the concern coming from their shrimp obsessed friend.
Steve ordered two plates of garlic shrimp and picked two Longboards for him and Danny, as the blonde settled at a table. Steve stared for a minute, not sure what to say, or how to start a conversation. Danny was the one that always knew how to with words.
Steve could see the troubled look in Danny's eyes as the blonde detective bit his lip and his forehead was scrunched like he was in a deep thought.
He sighed as he approached the bench and sat next to Danny. They usually sat one across the other, but he needed to feel Danny close. And for them to have a proper talk.
Steve wanted to talk with Danny ever since the first thing with Melissa happened, but then she came to the hospital, and Danny somehow retreated in himself. Just as he did after Matthew's death. And Steve's ordeal in the hands of Wo Fat. Maybe Danny was having a withdrawal.
Steve sighed as he sat next to Danny. He nudged him, and it took Danny a long time to register that.
"Yeah, babe?"
"I have you here with me then."
"I'm here, Steve."
"Yeah, but you are not here with mind, Danno. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Listen, Danny, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while now..."
"I'm fine Steve. I don't need a talk."
"Danny..."
"Please, Steve. It's over and I don't like to remember that, like ever again."
Steve resigned and sipped from his beer, casting sideway glances at Danny that touched his right shoulder absentmindedly while staring in the distance. Again.
"You know, Danny, one of the things that kept me alive while Wo Fat captured me was that I needed to come back to you, and our ohana." Steve started talking. Taking a long pull from his beer setting it on the table he continued. "I needed to break free from where he held me. No matter what training I had as a SEAL when you come face to face with torture... It's nothing like in the text books."
Danny turned his gaze towards Steve and kept the eye contact one minute too long. Like he was weighing on the pros and cons of what Steve was saying.
When Steve didn't get a reply from his very much silent partner these days, he continued.
"No matter how hard it was, and I wanted it to end, maybe even let death take over me, and have peace in my life for once... I realized what I'd be missing on and what I'll leave behind if I succumbed to what that bastard did to me."
"I had no idea."
"That's the point, Danno. You had no idea, because I didn't want to share that much information and overwhelm you. But, now I know I should have reached out when it happened. To talk to you. To let it out. I bottled it inside, instead of just letting myself get the help I needed."
"I'm not sure I'm following you, babe."
"You should not keep it inside. Look at me. I did. I wouldn't let you in. And it proved to be the wrong thing."
Danny's chuckle was dry and bitter as he drank from his beer, shaking his head. "Who are you and what have you done to my partner?"
"If you don't talk to me, I'll talk to you."
"You using my technique on myself, McGarrett?"
"Damn straight I do. Plus I'm a good listener."
"You have luck I wasn't drinking, or you would have had me on your conscience."
"Why?"
"For choking me with a beer."
"I didn't know I had that kind of power over you."
"What you said has that power over me, babe. What you said. You are a good listener. Seriously?"
"I know how to listen, Danny."
"You do. When your attention is held long enough. Guns and ammunition, explosions, everything that involves armed conflict and adrenaline. How am I doing?"
"Pretty good. Go on."
But Danny fell silent once again. Kamekona chose that moment to bring their food, and all of Steve's chances to talk with Danny were out of the window.
They ate in silence, chugging beer. Well, Steve was the one who wolfed down his plate, while Danny was picking on the contents in his.
"You gonna eat that?" Steve said finally, feeling for the food in the plate that gave him a vertigo from the way his partner swirled it around.
"Knock yourself out." Danny said, giving his half of the dish to Steve. And in that moment Steve knew something was eating Danny up, because the guy gave Steve half of a plate of one of his favorite dishes.
Danny was watching Steve eating like he never ate before, secretly admiring the guy at the amount of food he was able to get down, and look like he did.
Once Steve finished eating and finished his beer, Danny went to take two more Longboards. They needed it for what was about to follow.
Steve watched Danny like a hawk, sensing something was about to happen. He hoped his partner would finally open up.
"When Matty died, a part of me died with him." Danny started, and that simple statement tugged at Steve's heart strings. He knew the problem ran deeper than what happened in the last couple of weeks.
"I was a wreck. I think I still am. Never really got over it."
"It's not easy losing a family member Danny. Especially when it was someone close to you, like you and your brother were."
"We were close. Once upon a time. Before he decided it was a good thing to run scams and launder money. Before he threw away all that he and his older brother had between them."
"I'm sorry, Danno."
"Don't be. That's on him. I kept believing long time that I screwed up in the duty of being the older brother, maybe he saw me as better than him, the perfect son, as he put it once."
"Nobody's perfect, Danny."
"Well, I tried telling him that, but he wouldn't listen. Anyway, my point was that you were the one to get me back on track after he died. You were the one to pull the strings and set me straight. You healed me. And I'll be forever grateful to you. For being there for me."
"You know that I'll always be here for you, Danno."
"I know, the same here, babe. But, what I'm trying to say is that you are always here for me, you offer me your shoulder so I can cry on, and then you just patch me up, help me with arranging my life, guiding me… And I feel lost when you are not around."
"Now, I'm not following you."
"When Wo Fat took you, I learned that I didn't have Steve next to me to get me back on track. That Steve was the one who needed to be saved and brought back home. I needed your guidance desperately in that moment. I was falling apart."
And for the first time in months Steve acknowledged what his kidnapping did to Danny.
"I thought I have lost you, too. It happened so shortly after the thing with Matty, it was like a slap on the face, like the air left my lungs. It was hard to breathe, to stay strong, and to keep the hope's flame burning…"
"I'm so sorry, Danny."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, babe. You weren't guilty for Wo Fat having a twisted mind and deciding to take you captive. You fought him well. And you killed the son of a bitch, so that has to count for something, don't you think?"
"Yeah, it probably does count for something." Steve said and drank from his beer as he waited for Danny to continue.
"Anyway, it was a tough time for me, I was so desperate, and maybe even little depressive. I needed my anchor, when at the same time he needed me, and I guess I did the same thing he did, buried things deep down, never letting them float on the surface again."
"I think your anchor and you have to talk about that."
"I think so, too. When you passed out in my arms last week, blood on the side of your head, that damn concussion, I almost lost it. I came this close of losing you again, and that would have crushed me. And then Melissa coming to the hospital, keeping that scalpel over your throat, you pulling that stunt, like you always do… That was it for me. I had to do something, to save you from her."
"And you did, buddy. You got yourself hurt in the process, too." Steve said, pointing at Danny's right shoulder.
"It's nothing. The important thing is you are okay. And I'm not gone insane, yet, so that's a good thing, too, I guess."
"I guess it is. We don't want another McGarrett on the team, one is enough, huh?"
"You bet it is."
"You have to start doing a better job at picking your friends, Danno. The once you have bring you a lots of stress and worry in your life."
"Tell me about it. I picked you, didn't I?" And just like that, his old Danny was back and smiling at him.
Maybe if they worked on their communication and in the sharing department, things would be better in the future? Steve certainly hoped so.
He clanked his beer bottle against Danny's.
"Promise me you won't shut me out, ever again." Steve said. "As much I say you are annoying me with your non-stop talking, I miss the real you when you are not talking as much as you do."
"I promise. You promise me you won't shut me out, either. You need to start talking more. It suits you."
"Promise. For new beginnings?"
"For new beginnings." Danny replied as he clanked his bottle against Steve's. "Let's go and take a walk down the beach."
Steve followed Danny right after he paid the bill, and as he caught up with his partner he was surprised when a whirlwind of 5'5" blonde threw himself against Steve. They both needed the comfort that hug offered, sealing the deal and the promise between the two.
They were not 100% healed from the hits life gave them one after the other, but they were getting there. And they had each other to count on while doing that.
Now and forever.
…
A/N: That's it, tutto finito. Hope you liked it, and well, maybe felt for the boys what I felt while writing this fic, hm? Thoughts?