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Falling Stars and Bright Sunlight
A Proposal
"Allyria wrote to me," Ashara announced as they broke their fast – or dined, perhaps, because in the month that had passed after Shanai's funeral, Arel had been unable to go to sleep at night and did so only for a few short hours after dawn had already roused the people between the white walls of Starfall.
Arel looked up and for the first time in a very long time, there was something like interest in his eyes, albeit faint. "What does she say?" he asked.
"She wants to come back home."
"Does she?" He looked surprised. Allyria had been quite pleased to leave Starfall immediately after the funeral. "Why would that be?"
Ashara nibbled at an apple and decided that it wasn't so appealing after all. I'm taking my cues from Arel, she thought. Food was the last thing on her brother's mind and it showed. Always on the slender side, he was now headed to becoming frighteningly gaunt. Fortunately, his muscles weren't affected since he hadn't abandoned his daily swordplay. But that only made the change in his looks more pronounced. People were not meant to be made of skin and muscles alone.
"You know," he sighed, watching her. "I think I'm a bad influence. You should really keep to your own ways. There's no need to keep me company."
Oh but there is. Everyone else kept to his unspoken orders to leave him alone. If Ashara left him to his own devices, he'd end up not saying a word that was not strictly necessary for managing Starfall or putting Prince Doran's orders in action. His grief was nothing like her bouts of despair when thinking about Brandon. She had gotten better with time. He was not prone to showing his emotions but the stark, silent, unacknowledged despair tightened his grip on him every day. Determinedly, she took a bigger bite, willing him to do the same.
He didn't.
"Why would she want to come back?" he asked again.
He was such a man. He couldn't understand a child's sensitivities. Or perhaps he couldn't understand them because he had been forced to grow up before his time. Perhaps he had forgotten what being a child felt like.
"She'll feel better here," Ashara explained.
"Why?" he asked, perplexed. "She certainly didn't feel good last time and I cannot blame her." He paused, considering. "No," he stated flatly.
"Why?"
"Because Starfall is no place for her right now," he replied bluntly. "And I'll only upset her. I am not in the right state of mind to take care of her, Ashara, and in the past, I was the one she always relied on. It won't do her any good to see me like this. I'll only scare her and hurt her and that's the last thing I want."
Ashara inclined her head. He hadn't meant to hurt her, it was the truth and he had said it without a hint of malice but she still felt a twinge of guilt for not taking care of Allyria the way he had done. She had gladly left that to Shanai because she just hadn't been so inclined. In the interval between their mother's leaving and Arel's wedding, Allyria had been entirely entrusted to the care of her septa – and Arel. Even now, Ashara had no idea how to mother a child. But she knew that after the initial shock, Allyria needed to be home, close to Arel, no matter how unresponsive he might be to her needs. Of course, he'd never comprehend such an urge.
"Perhaps you could go there instead," he suggested. "Keep company to the Princess. The Seven know that you'll be bored out of your mind here very soon."
She wouldn't be. A year ago, yes, but not now. Too much had changed. At the end, when people came to a certain point in their life, they were each drawn to what they loved most. And to her, that was this castle, waking to the soft murmur of the sea, being gossiped about not with enmity and ill-will but the concern of people who had seen her toddling as a very small child. Seeing the cook standing guard over the sweetmeats as soon as she saw Ashara entering the kitchens. Arel was wrong. She had always liked living in Starfall. She had never stopped, just forgotten.
"I still think we should have her brought here," she said. "I insist."
Clearly irritated, Arel shot her a look saying, Well, if you insist, very caustically. A moment later, that chilling indifference to everything pounced on him again and he merely shrugged. "As you wish."
But only an hour later, things were taken out of the realm of her wishes with the arrival of Lord Toral Wyl and Errol Gargalen who brought the news that they were now officially involved in the war.
"Your visit to the Water Gardens will be postponed," Arel said. "I'm sorry."
"It's fine," she replied, trying not to show the slight hurt that he still thought her flippant enough to change her mind and rush to the excitement of the Water Gardens and Sunspear. "I'll have many chances when this stupid rebellion is crushed."
He sighed. It was a good thing that Dorne had been prepared for this possibility. And still, even the thought of the horrors that were about to come could not drag him out of the abyss he was in. He could not bring himself to care about politics and countless innocent lives that had already been claimed and would be claimed in the following months. The prospect of the rebellion failing left him just as unmoved as the prospect of it succeeding.
"When are you leaving?" Ashara asked, looking from her brother to the newcomers.
"In a week," Lord Wyl said. "I believe you'll be ready by then, Arel?"
Arel silently nodded. "Thanks for the warning," he said and Ashara wondered what Toral Wyl was doing here. Errol was easy to explain – he was constantly moving all over with different tasks. But Lord Wyl? His lands were nowhere near.
Errol rose with swiftness that made her raise her eyebrows. He looked like a man who wanted to remove himself as soon as possible and that took her by surprise. He had never been the one to shy from hardships and no matter how much strain Arel was under, their friendship had always overcome any unfortunate circumstances. Lord Wyl looked at him, surprised but Errol shook his head and mouthed, "Not now. I'll do it later." Curious, Ashara stared at them. Arel had not even noticed the exchange.
Toral Wyl coughed. "May have a word with you, my lady?" he asked. "Somewhere private if you'd like."
Surprises had no end. What on earth did the man have to tell her? She had barely seen him after he had left the Water Gardens – when she had just come. She didn't know him at all. All she knew was that he made her feel disconcerted because he knew. The rest of Dorne might speculate but he was the only one who knew. She didn't want to talk to him but she saw no way out. It would be incredibly rude if she refused.
"Yes, of course," she replied and as they walked down the hall, a terrible foreboding made her belly clench. Surely he wouldn't try to make her his mistress now that he was well aware of her morals? If that was his wish, he wouldn't have asked her for a word in front of Arel.
The Gallery of Vaults was overlooking the Torentine. Ashara leaned against the red railing and stared at the rushing mass of water he had rescued her from. To her relief, he did not try to touch her hand pretending that it was a chance as he leaned on his elbows next to her.
"You said you wanted a word with me," the young woman finally said.
"So I did." He paused. Ashara glanced at him and saw that he was quite pale, a muscle twitching in his jaw. Finally, he turned to look at her profile. "I want to wed you at my return," he announced all of a sudden.
She blinked. Her time at King's Landing where each change in her feature could be caught by those who paid to have her watched in the hopes of destroying Elia and Dorne's influence had left her with self-possession of iron but this was so stunning that she lost all control.
"You do?" she squeaked.
He nodded. "Yes," he confirmed without looking at her.
"And why?" she demanded, gathering her wits about her. If there was something that she could say half-asleep, it was when a man was instantly smitten with her. This one wasn't. Why would he want a soiled woman, someone who was whispered about all around the Seven Kingdoms – and whom he wasn't smitten with?
He flushed. "I think you'll be… very suitable, my lady," he said haltingly.
Ah! Here it was. There was the thing that made Ashara suitable – well, one of a few but the most important one. She knew that for many years, Toral Wyl's marriage had been childless and when Lady Wyl had finally gotten with child, she had died giving birth, along with the babe. An outbreak of a disease in the region many years ago had left Lord Wyl his parents' only child, after the death of four siblings. He needed a new wife to make sure that his line would survive. And he had seen firsthand the start of Ashara's miscarriage that showed that she could conceive. Besides, unlike poor Shanai, she had lost her babe only under the strain of the harshest elements, being dragged by the river. There was no reason to think that she could not carry a child to the end.
A flock of grey birds on the shore rose with shrill squawks. Sunlight dappled the wild water with gleaming spots as if the river were performing a savage dance of victory. Ashara drew a deep breath, trying to clear her head, push away the offense that flooded her like the Torentine had carried her in that fateful day. At the end, it had come to this. She was now a desired bride not for her famed beauty, not for her impeccable lineage or influence with Elia. She was being singled out because of her childbearing ability, a prospect that had always disgusted and demeaned her with its probability, one that she had tried to run away from. If she accepted, she might spend her life in the shadow of spousal mistrust and being spied on because well, she had proven herself careless with her favourts, hadn't she?
But had she not placed herself in that position? Was that brief thing with Brandon Stark really worth it? Not for the world! She supposed she should be grateful that this was Dorne and with time, she might – just might – benefit from the benevolent hand of forgetfulness and new saucy rumours replacing the ones of her past behavior.
And then, a sudden hollowness in her chest provided her with the answer that a moment ago had looked so distant and impossible. It was this simple, at the end. For all that she had thought herself unique, in her heart of hearts she was like any other woman. She wanted a home of her own. A child to hold and love – even if she had no idea how to do the harder parts!
She could be Lady Wyl and not the embarrassment Arel had to hunt hard to find a husband to. She could be a woman of influence and wealth. And still – would it be worth it if her husband distrusted her and held her past transgression against her?
The man seemed to feel her doubts because he caught her eye once again. "My lady," he said, his voice gentler this time. "I really want to wed you. I'll always be good to you."
"I'll keep you to that."
The answer came straight from Ashara's drumming heart before she even realized that it had left her lips, her decision made long before it reached her mind. She stared at him, at his light-brown hair and freckled face, the blue eyes that held no deceit, and felt how the ball of apprehension in her chest slowly started fading. A new chance, he was offering her. Not a romance like one from the songs that made so many girls dream for something that might never come to pass. Not passion like the one she had already experienced with a wild wolf. But something solid. Something that might look wane and measly in comparison but had the chance to last. Really, could she hope for anything better? Why not, she thought. With time, we might achieve something more. But for now, it'll be a start.
"You'll have to talk to my brother," she said, smiling a little. "I'll talk to him as well."
He took her hand and kissed it, not too hasty to release it. When he did, Ashara felt a small inexplicable twinge of loss as the realization came upon her that with the war reaching them, she stood to lose more than she had only an hour ago.
