Chapter 10

Iroh

"Now this is the life," I said, sprawling out in my golden hammock as the beautiful woman at my side peeled me another grape.

"More tea, Tea King?" asked another of my female attendants, offering a solid gold teacup.

"Why, yes, thank you," I replied, taking the cup and drinking deeply. It was better than any tea in the world. "Quite satisfactory, Marie. My compliments."

Marie blushed as she bowed. "Thank you, Tea King." She went off to make some more tea.

I turned to the other side of my hammock, where a Pai Sho board was set up. A large mouse sat on the other side. He moved his tile. Smiling, I took my turn, easily executing the winning move. The mouse was impressed.

"Excellent move, Tea King," he said in his shrill voice.

"Thank you, Rutherford," I replied, rolling back onto my back and rocking slightly in the hammock. I closed my eyes.

"More grapes, Tea King?"

"More tea, Tea King?"

"More Pai Sho, Tea King?"

"It doesn't get any better than this," I sighed.

"Iroh?" said the voice of an attendant.

"That's Tea King," I corrected her, not opening my eyes.

"Wake up," said the voice. I opened one eye to see a terrible monster standing over me, all eyes and teeth and lashing tentacles. "Wake up," it said again. I was speechless with fear.

Suddenly, the beast reached out with its tentacles and started rocking my hammock back and forth. I cried out, and then-

I was awakened as I hit the floor with a thud. My eyes fell on Zuko, who was standing over me. "Wake up!" he demanded.

"I'm awake," I grumbled, "though I don't know why. You spoiled a very sweet dream." I struggled to my feet and lurched out of my bedroom to make some tea. Zuko followed.

"We don't have time for dreams!" he shouted, practically jumping up and down.

"Maybe you don't," I said, lighting the fireplace with a fireball.

"Listen to me! I know where he is!"

"Where who is?"

"The avatar!" Zuko exclaimed. "The one we've been looking for all this time! Now put that tea down, get some decent clothes on, and come with me. We have to set a trap."

I yawned. "Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"No!" roared my roommate. "I've waited 3 years, I'm not waiting another minute! I have to capture the avatar, and I'm going to do it with or without-"

There was a loud rumble, and without any other warning, an entire wall of the apartment was completely destroyed by a huge boulder that erupted from the ground.

"Great spirits!" I exclaimed.

The dust began to clear, and I saw a little dark-haired girl, barefoot and dressed primarily in green, standing where our wall had once been. She stomped, and the boulder dissolved back into the earth. Zuko took his firebending stance.

"Zuko, wait-" I began, but it was too late. He leaped forward, sending an arc of flame toward the little girl. I was surprised to hear her laugh out loud, and then a wall of earth sprang up in front of her, rendering the fire useless.

Then, a bison flew out of the sky. As it descended, a little bald monk with an arrow on his head leaped from the beast's back, floating toward me and my companion. He twirled his staff, sending a blast of air at us. It took us by surprise, knocking both of us flat on our backs. The girl then bent rock around our arms and legs, binding us.

"Good work, Twinkle Toes," said the young earthbender, punching the monk on the arm.

"The AVATAR!" roared Zuko, struggling to free himself from his rock-shackles.

By now, the bison had landed, and the remaining two members of the party were climbing down from its side. Unmistakably brother and sister, they were older than the monk and earthbender and appeared to hail from one of the Water Tribes. As they touched the ground, the girl burst into tears.

"This is giving me so much hope!" she wailed.

"What is the meaning of this?" Zuko demanded.

"Did you honestly think you could trail the avatar for so long without him finding out about it?" said the Water Tribe boy. "We've been onto you for quite some time now. We've been setting you up this whole week. Yes sir, you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to get one over on Team Avatar!" He looked at Zuko and blew a raspberry.

"Well, Sokka's the one who did most of the work," admitted the avatar.

"All in a day's work for the world's greatest detective," said the Water Tribe boy. A mound of earth erupted under his feet, knocking him to the ground. He sprang to his feet and whirled to face the earthbender. "What was that for?"

"To keep that swelled head of yours from getting any bigger," she sneered. "You can barely make it through the door as it is."

"Shut up!" roared Zuko. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Is there some kind of point to all this?"

The Water Tribe girl ceased her weeping. The sudden change was startling. She now looked positively sinister.

"You're too much of a threat to our mission. You're too much of a threat to the safety of the world! So we have decided," she grinned menacingly, "to take the two of you out of commission."

"Out of commission? For how long?" I questioned, dreading the answer.

"Permanently."

I sighed. The day had been going so well until now.

"Toph, get Aang out of here," said the girl. "I don't want him to see this."

The earthbender grabbed the avatar by the elbow and began leading him away. "C'mon Twinkle Toes. It's about to get violent."

"I'm a pacifist!" the avatar said brightly.

"So I hear. Come on."

Once they were out of sight, the girl removed the stopper from her canteen and began bending.

"You brought this on yourselves, you know," said the waterbender's brother. Zuko gave him a look that would have killed a small animal.

The girl continued her bending, streaming the water into a long, two-pronged whip, perfectly suited to drown me and my friend.

"Don't do this!" I urged. "I just wanted my cup of tea! And Zuko is just a hormone-addled teenager!"

"It's too late for that," said the waterbender.

"Then get it over with," said Zuko, staring stoically skyward.

"Gladly," said she, and brought her arms forward, sending the water whips flying toward us.

"Sokka, what are you doing?" asked Katara as she returned to camp, followed by Aang, Toph, and Zuko.

"Nothing!" said Sokka as he attempted to hid the scroll and pen behind his back. "Did you get the supplies?"

"You were writing detective stories again, weren't you?"

"No!" said Sokka. "I was, uh, drawing up a strategy for our next battle."

Aang, with his airbending speed, ran behind Sokka's back and snatched up the scroll.

"'I had been in need of lodgings when I first met him within the impenetrable walls of Ba Sing Se,'" Aang read aloud. "Hey Sokka, great strategy!" The avatar beamed.

"Let me see that," called Katara. Aang tossed the scroll to her. She skimmed it, chuckling occasionally. "This one's about Zuko and Iroh!" She read some more. "Well, at least it's better than the one you wrote about Toph and me where you forgot she was blind."

"That was... artistic license," said Sokka desperately. "Now will you please give me my story back?"

"Not that I'm defending him or anything, but a lot of you guys seem to have trouble remembering the whole 'blind' thing," said Toph as she picked dirt from between her toes.

"Let me see that," said Zuko. He caught the scroll, read over it, and threw it down in disgust. "This is worse than that play on Ember Island! I am NOT THAT ANGRY! I am totally out of character in this!"

"We're all doing things we'd never do in this," Katara chimed in. "I would never try to kill Zuko and Iroh!" Zuko coughed. "I would never try to kill Iroh!"

Aang scratched Momo under the chin. "Well, at least I wasn't a woman."

"Yeah, yeah, everybody's a critic," grumbled Sokka.

Toph picked up the scroll. "Look on the bright side, Sokka," she said as she held the scroll in front of her face. "I think it's the best story I've ever read!"

Everyone laughed except Sokka. Aang patted him on the back.

"Don't take it personally," said the avatar. "It's just, who would want to read stories about us?"

Who indeed...

The End