Chapter 10

The silence after the initial surprise seemed to stretch on for hours as Henrik turned to look at the person in her doorway. It was deafening, and the sight he was met with made his stomach twist in guilt. Connor's eyes looked hollow and dark, like he hadn't slept well in a month. He definitely looked thinner than usual as well, and his hands were balled into fists at his sides, shaking as he spotted Hiccup standing in her apartment, wearing nothing but a robe and holding a mixture of their discarded clothing in his arms. The anger that flashed through his eyes was intense and surprising, he had never even seen the guy yell in the two years he'd known him.

Connor's gaze turned back on Astrid.

"Seriously?" He spat venemously. "It's been less than a month since we broke up and you already have him in your bed? You told me it wasn't because of him that you left. I came here to see if we could work this out, because I haven't been able to sleep since you left! All this time you've been with him! Probably didn't even lose a minutes rest. I can't believe I fell for it right from the beginning. 'He's only a friend Connor, you've nothing to worry about, he's practically family.' I should have known you were just using me for two years!"

"Connor, I didn't-"

"Didn't what, Astrid? Didn't love me? I knew I was never going to measure up to the boy everyone expected you to be with, now I see you used me to hide behind a lie. I can't believe I ever loved you."

With that he turned on his heel and left. The sound of him rushing down the stairs echoing through the apartment. Astrid stood there with a white knuckled grip on the front door, unmoving. Henrik slowly walked towards her and pried her hand free to shut the door. Turned to hold her as she finally started sobbing, squeezing her to his chest as she howled. A moment later she started fighting him, twisting in his arms and trying to push him off of her. He let his arms drop and tried to speak instead.

"Astrid..."

"No! Get away from me!"

His chest squeezed at that and he backed off. Perching on the armrest of her couch helplessly as she cried in the middle of the room, grasping the wall for support. She sobbed for a while like that, before finally slumping to the floor as her shoulders wracked with her heaving. Another long while as he sat, on edge, his heart breaking with the despair she released, and then she was finally silent. Tears still streamed from her closed eyes but he figured she would be too tired to fight him now. So he crossed the room to her and scooped her up in his arms, before bringing her to bed, where he tucked her in as she whimpered. Placing a soft kiss to her forehead, he left to make her some tea.

As the water boiled he finally gathered their clothes and tossed them in the wash, retrieving their previously soiled bed sheets as well.

A whole mess of emotions bolted through him then. Connor had been his friend too for the past two years. He didn't want to hurt the guy, could understand Astrid's despair for causing him such pain. He knew as well that Connor's accusations had struck too close to the truth not to make them both feel guilty. As he went back to the kettle to pour the tea, he knew it would take them a while to get through this. Astrid was one to fight her emotions and would need time.

His eyes pricked with tears, but he willed them not to fall. She would need him to be strong.

When he made his way to her room with the tea, he found her unmoving, staring at the ceiling blankly. So quiet that the light thud of him gently placing the mug down startled her.

"I want you to go."

She spoke so quietly he almost didn't hear her.

"Astrid... You shouldn't be alone right now, I don't want to leave you."

"No." Stronger this time. "No, I don't deserve you, everything he said was true and I want you to go."

The fist around his heart squeezed tighter. He leaned over her, kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear, "I love you, no matter what. I'll give you some space but I'll be back tomorrow to check in with you."

Another lingering kiss to her cheek and then he turned to go. Hesitating once at her door when he looked back to see her eyes clenched shut and silent tears streaming from them.

xxx

Heather shut the door behind her with a long sigh. It had been a long day after sleeping at Romy's place, Tommy had shown up in the middle of the night to play a prank on them. To say the least, Heather had not been thrilled to wake up to him yelling about an emergency and then having a feather bomb dumped on her head at three o'clock in the morning. She hadn't slept well after that and had almost missed her first class that morning. Hopefully Astrid and Hiccup had had a better day than she did, but next time they had date night she was sending them to Hick's place afterward. She needed her sleep, and a safe, prank free environment.

Discarding her jacket and book bag by the door, she called for Astrid.

"Hey! I'm home, so you guys better not be naked in the kitchen or something!"

There was no reply. Strange. Maybe they had ended up at Hiccup's place in the end?

"Astrid?" She called once more to make sure, but heard a muffled sniffle come from her bedroom in the silent house. She went to open Astrid's door and found her alone in bed, the curtains drawn and the lights off. Another sniffle. Heather's heart dropped. Something was wrong, where was Hiccup? She moved to sit on the edge of her bed, Astrid's back to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What happened?"

She turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling, eyes puffy and red with what Heather was able to see from the light spilling in through the open doorway.

"I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve Henrik. I sent him away."

Her eyes shut then and tears began leaking down her cheeks.

"What? Astrid! You're one of the best people I know, I thought things were going well with Hiccup?"

Astrid nodded her head, eyes still squeezed shut.

"Then what?"

Just one word uttered with a croaking voice and a tremor, "Connor."

xxx

Astrid began sobbing then, couldn't hold it back when telling her best friend. She was upset with herself, upset she had caused Connor pain when he had been nothing but good to her, and she truly had enjoyed his company. But he was never going to be Henrik and Astrid knew it from the start. How could she ever let herself be with Henrik knowing she'd caused someone else she cared for so much pain? What if she hurt him too?

She had known she was using Connor but tried her very best to make sure he knew she was more interested in a casual relationship, told him many times she was still young and didn't know where she would be in a few years. Clearly he had still gotten more attached than she'd expected, and she really was to blame for it all. She should've known.

She should not be forgiven for this. Her heart was absolutely bursting with guilt and shame, and there was nothing she could do to make it up to Connor. Astrid doubted she would ever feel worthy enough to let Henrik love her either, even though that's all she wanted.

At some point during her sobbing Heather had climbed into bed with her, and was holding her tight. Astrid couldn't tell her how grateful she was through her tears, just grasped her tight when she crossed an arm over her chest, held her close until her tears dried and evening swallowed the room in darkness.