CHAPTER 10

Some things need to be said even if it hurts. A lot of things have been left unsaid. And some people are just running scared. These are the important things. Enjoy! There will be more soon! (Uh oh! Just jinxed myself LOL)

It was a warm Sunday afternoon when Hanna looked over the roof of her car at his house and laughed. The yard was a mess with overgrown garden beds, untrimmed hedges & a fence that was closer to the ground than it should have been but the house itself was immaculate.

Of course he would care more about the house than the garden bed or lawn, Jamie always reminded her " its whats on the inside that counts " which always left her confused as to whether he was talking about himself or the houses he worked on, either way his passion for restoration impressed Hanna.

As she approached the house butterflies swirled in her stomach, she had no right being here, Jamie could just as well slam the door in her face & tell her to go hell. She had a lot of apologizing to do but she also had an agenda, one that needed to be addressed & only Jamie could help her.

She stepped onto the beautifully wood stained porch & seen a sign hanging from the front door " Out back creating, walk through the gate ". Hanna walked across the porch and down a small side path to an opened gate. She could hear music playing & a power tool buzzing in the distance, carefully she stepped into the wide open yard to find Jamie near the back deck cutting a long thick piece of wood.

Hanna didn't want to startle him from behind, heaven help her if Jamie cut his hand off, she moved around the yard until she was in his view. Jamie started with a smile until he seen who it was. His smile dropped instantly & Hanna knew Jamie was just as mad as Caleb was. Lifting his face shield & unplugging the power tool he brushed the saw dust off his hands with an old rag.

" Hello Jamie " Hanna said politely. " The uh, the sign on your door, it said you were... ".

" I am well aware of what my sign says but what are you doing here Hanna? " Jamie stepped out from his wooden frames and walked toward her. She had never been scared of Jamie before but as he stalked toward her, she was re-thinking why she came to him for help.

Why couldn't she just stalk Caleb on Facebook - if he was even on Facebook - or just stalk him from afar like regular crazy people did?.

" I came to talk " Hanna answered. Yep, this was a stupid idea she thought.

" Talk about what? About how you lied to my son, or how you lied to me? " Jamie's jaw flexed and Hanna knew she'd have to handle this conversation with care if she was going to get what she needed.

" Both " she answered quickly.

" How could you not tell me something like that? That the little boy I'd been spending time with was my grandson, my fucking grandson! " Jamie yelled & waited for any kind of response but Hanna had her head down. He was madder than she thought & he wasn't letting her off so easily.

" If I had of told you, you would've told Caleb & I wasn't ready for that " she answered. It was a poor excuse, but it was all she had.

" Don't answer for me Hanna " Jamie picked up the small pieces of wood lying around the yard and threw them into a metal bin. " You don't know what I would have done. I might have told him or I may not have. You had no right making that decision for me ". Jamie's blood was boiling, the girl he loved like a daughter had betrayed him in the worst way possible.

" Back then, then I went through some personal things & I made some really stupid decisions. Decisions that I obviously didn't think all the way through " she shifted on her feet and tugged at the hem of her shirt.

" It wasn't just a small lie Hanna. How many other people knew? Your entire family? All those guests at Thomas' last party? Huh? How many are laughing behind my back or thinking the worst about our family. Oh the grandpa is around sometimes but the father, yeah he's long gone. How do you think that makes me feel Hanna? To have our family rubbished by strangers ". Jamie picked up a piece of wood & threw it with such force it almost bounced right back out.

" It was just my mother, no one else knew. I promise " Hanna assured him.

" Oh you promise? Because your word means so much doesn't it? ". Jamie was fuming now. " You know Thomas was upset one afternoon about not having a father so I drove to Rosewood & confronted Travis, the man you said was Thomas' father, and you know, he barely remembered who you were! " Jamie yelled.

" I never asked you to do that " Hanna shook her head. Jesus Christ, of all the things he went and confronted him. " That, was none of your business ".

" You had a son with my son! That makes it my business! I went to see Travis to ask why he wasn't being the father he should've been and because I didn't want your son feeling a single ounce of sadness. I'm not sorry for going out on a limb for Thomas " Jamie defended his actions. " As it turns out that was a complete waste of my time anyway because Thomas' father was right under my nose the whole time! ". Jamie stormed inside & grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge slamming the door behind him, he was over being nice.

" What you did... Its unforgivable Hanna " Jamie said as he walked back outside.

" I know " Hanna hung her head in shame.

" You know? " Jamie didn't believe Hanna knew the full extent of the damage she'd caused. She denied Caleb of the things every parent should have the opportunity to experience, like the first time a child kicks his father's hand from inside his mothers stomach or watching their baby being born, first steps and first words - moments that can never be replaced at least not with Thomas.

" Yes, what I did, It was a terrible thing and I shouldn't be forgiven. I should be punished and if thats having you yell at me and tell me how much of a shit mother I am, then do your worst. Its nothing I haven't thought already " Hanna felt the tears running down her cheeks.

" Hanna, I never said you were a bad mother " Jamie said in a much softer tone than he'd been using. He took a step down off his deck & walked toward her but she put her hands up for him to stop.

" Well I am " she shrugged one shoulder and wiped a tear from her cheek. " And you should yell at me, I deserve everything I get. I didn't come here to argue Jamie, I came to apologize. I'm sorry I never told Caleb about being pregnant, I'm sorry I never told you Thomas was your grandson and I'm sorry for every lie I ever told. I'm sorry for never saying the words that I should have said & I'm sorry that I hurt you " Hanna looked up silently pleading for him to accept her apology.

" The things you've done, they can never be replaced. I was there to see Thomas grow up but Caleb, he missed it all ". Jamie picked a sanding block off of the ground & started smoothing over a turned piece of wood as a distraction.

" I understand Jamie, really I do but... " Hanna hesitated. She was throwing herself into the fire, the worst Jamie could do was say no but she'd never know unless she asked. " I need to ask you a favor ". Jamie stopped sanding & deadpanned Hanna.

" Really? You have the hide to ask me something? My god you are...unbelievable " Jamie shook his head and bit down on his lip, Hanna was full of surprises today.

" I need to see Caleb " Hanna blurted out before he could tear even more shreds off her. " I need to give to him some things of Thomas' & I don't know where he lives . The court won't allow that information to be shared so... " Hanna hoped Jamie would tell her where he lived, if not she'd have to wait until supervised visitation starts or pass the items onto his lawyer.

" Things? Like what? " Jamie began sanding the piece of wood again.

" Memories of Thomas he should have. I saved all of them & made copies, I know its not much but I want him to have them. He deserves to have them ". Jamie hesitated & Hanna wondered if Jamie would offer to pass them on for her, maybe Caleb didn't want Hanna knowing where he lived even though he knew where she lived. " Or maybe...you could pass them on? " Hanna suggested. And there was the answer he needed.

" No, if you want to give them to him then you can give them to him, face to face " Jamie walked inside his house & searched the kitchen drawers for a pen & paper. He scribbled down Caleb's address & walked back outside to give the note to Hanna, before he handed the small piece of paper over he retracted his hand.

" We're all going to need a little time to get past what you've done " Jamie handed her the note.

" I understand " she nodded taking the small note in her hand, Hanna didn't bother apologizing again. Jamie made it quite clear, she was not welcomed in his house.

Hanna pulled to the curb a few doors down from Caleb's house, she sat inside her car wondering if he was home or if he was entertaining. The drop off would be so much easier if he had guests to return to, but this was Caleb and nothing was ever going to be easy. She stepped out of her car & grabbed the black box off the back seat tucking it under her arm,willing herself to get this over & done with.

Rasping her knuckles against the dark wooden door Hanna waited, she could hear classic seventies rock coming from inside the house. Fearing he didn't hear her Hanna went to knock on the door again but it flew open and a shirtless sweaty saw dust covered Caleb in torn jeans & a faded baseball cap on backwards appeared drinking a bottle of water.

Caleb cupped a hand over his eyes as the the bright sun was blocking his view.

" Hanna? " his face dropped. " What are you doing here? " he looked her up & down.

" I uh... " she watched the line of water drip down his chest, never had a view been so distracting. " I umm..." Hanna failed to put a full sentence together. Caleb stepped back inside returning moments later with a shirt on.

" Hanna, what are you doing at my house? We're not suppose to have contact " Caleb closed the front door behind him.

" I wouldn't have come if it wasn't important " Hanna tightened her grip on the box.

" Whats in the box? " he pointed.

" Huh? " Hanna looked confused, a shirtless Caleb had scrambled her brain. She was meant to be past this stage but apparently his old tricks still worked.

" The box you're holding, is that the reason why you're here? ". Hanna looked down at the box and then back to Caleb & nodded.

" Yes, I have some things that I think belong to you as much as they belong to me. It wont be long before you'll have your visitations with Thomas ". Caleb shifted & cleared his throat, he hated that in order to see his son he had to lawyer up & go through the system. " This might help you get to know him a little better before then ". Hanna offered the box to Caleb, he accepted & opened the box. Inside was a photo of Thomas wrapped in a beautiful little blanket looking as perfect as he thought he would have been.

" Jesus Hanna " Caleb looked at her & then back to the photo again, lifting the image from the box he just stared at it. This was his son when he was just a few days old, he was so small and delicate. Hanna took a step back as Caleb sat down on the old rickety park bench, he placed the box between his feet & looked at the next photo in the box, it was Thomas a little older pushing himself up on his arms with a huge smile on his face. If he had to guess, Thomas was starting to crawl.

" Why would you give me this? Why now? " Caleb looked to Hanna with a sadness in his eyes, he missed so much of his little boy growing up because he was battling his own demons.

" Because he's yours too, not just mine " Hanna crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the house next door. This exchange was not going as quickly as she had hoped, he was asking too many questions.

" Why didn't you ever tell me? " he asked the same question everyone else had.

" I didn't want you to suffocate, we ended what we had & I didn't want you coming back and staying just because I was pregnant ". Hanna had seen how miserable couples became when they stayed for the sake of a baby and not the happiness of the family.

" You had no right making that choice for me ".

" Jamie said the exact same thing " she laughed just once. Caleb shook his head, so that's how she found out where he lived. " I'm sorry Caleb..." Her eyes filled with tears the moment she looked at him & apologized. " I'm sorry for all the things I've ever done, I never meant to hurt you ". Hanna had never apologized for any of her actions until now.

" It wasn't entirely your fault " Caleb's jaw tightened, he never discussed to anyone other than his father why he hadn't returned to Rosewood. " I was messed up too, I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself ". Unable to keep her emotions intact Hanna covered her face with her hands & burst into tears, the floodgates had opened.

No one had ever asked about Caleb's wrong doing in all of this, they had just assumed Hanna was the bad guy. Having Caleb accept part responsibility was a gesture she had not expected.

Caleb looked at Hanna & knew she'd been waiting almost seven years to hear five simple words. He couldn't imagine how hard it must have been to raise a child on her own & manage a career at the same time. He took a step forward & placed a hand around her wrist but Hanna moved back & put her hands up in defense.

" I have to go " she started walking backwards. One moment of truth & she had crumbled, a moment alone with Caleb was too much. Being anywhere near him was too much.

" Don't go " Caleb reached out for her but she was already running back to her car. Caleb chased after her but she'd already put the car between the both of them.

" Of all the things I ever took from you, this was the only thing I could replace. Everything inside of that box, is yours. I won't contact you again, you have my word " her tears kept falling as she got into her car & quickly drove away.

" Stop running " he called out as he ran into the street but it was already too late, she was gone.