Shadows of Love
Chapter Eight
Ren and The Wolves
JPOV
Renesmee was one of the most charming children you'd ever want to meet. She could disarm the grouchiest and most
disagreeable grumps she encountered. Her conquest of the rest of the Pack was a tale that I felt would eventually be
told among the stories and legends shared at the bonfires.
When Ren was physically around 13, she completed her high school studies and began taking online college courses. Her
amazing capacity for learning was only exceeded by her ability to see into someone's heart and soul and touch the very
center of them. She could go straight to what made someone tick and suss them out if they were attempting subterfuge
with her. Her relationship with Leah was that of closest girlfriend, BFF if you will. Leah studied some of the same college-
level courses as Ren and then branched off into Pre-Med, presumably to follow in her mother's footsteps. At Ren's urging,
Leah actually began to date some too. This may seem far-fetched, until you understand that she was dating Embry Call.
None of us were anticipating that. But it had a sort of symmetry to it.
Ren had begun getting better acquainted with the rest of the Pack as time wore on. She was completely accepted by Sam,
and by extension Emily. She annexed Seth as her older 'little' brother. He couldn't have been more pleased at the designation.
Brady and Collin thought she was the greatest thing since sliced bread. For reasons kept to themselves, they looked up to her.
Their admiration of her increased exponentially when she passed them in physical age. She became like a big sister to them.
I anticipated that Leah might resent that, the big sister role would have naturally been hers to assume, but she begrudged Ren
nothing. She claimed that she was already a big sister to Seth and she didn't have the bandwidth to take on extra little brothers.
But Renesmee reveled in the experience. Claiming that since she had no actual siblings, that Brady and Collin were the perfect
stand-ins, and she practically adopted them as her own. In a way it was a bit ludicrous to see a 16 year old girl giving dating
advice to two 15 year old boys, but somehow, it worked. In this process the whole Pack became her Protectors. She had no
idea how much influence she wielded.
Ren's most important conquest, as she termed it, was Paul Lahote. He had never been openly hostile toward her, but his deep-
seated hatred of the Cullens, his solid mistrust and lack of respect for Bella, would prove to be a challenge for her to overcome.
Or so I thought. Ren was many things, smart, of course, kind, to a fault, but as I came to understand when she was about 17,
she was also just a bit devious. Paul had imprinted on my sister Rachel early in the Pack's existence. Things between them
could have been smoother. My sister was, to put it mildly, a firecracker. She was a strong-willed woman, just like our mother
had been. She was also hard-headed, stubborn, impossible to reason with and confrontational. She would go toe to toe with
Paul any time she wanted to do something of which he didn't approve. She would get up in his face and inform him that she
would allow him to ask her out on a date and then she would think about it. I don't think she ever had any intention of actually
refusing the imprint; she was just contrary and wanted to make him work for it. She saw the volatile wolf that Paul contained
within his skin and knew she needed to set some sort of strong precedent or he would bulldoze right over her. A war was in the
cards for them. Or so I thought.
Without any hint of her intentions, Ren asked me one day if I could take her and Rachel to Port Angeles shopping. She knew I
didn't want her to leave the Reservation without a wolf accompanying her, so she just headed me off and asked me to be their
chaperone. We piled in the car with Embry and Quil and the five of us headed for the...ugh...mall. The guys and I kept our
distance, milling around in the outer promenade while the girls went in store after store. We all stopped in the food court and
shared a laughter-filled lunch and then they went at it again. Embry, Quil and I were astounded. Ren had declared to all of us
many times in the past that she hated shopping, yet here she was hitting virtually every store in that mall with Rachel. The
topper, though, she bought almost nothing. I asked her if she was having trouble finding what she was looking for. Her response
utterly floored me.
"Oh, I'm not looking for anything. I don't need anything."
"Then Honey, I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but why are we here?"
She gave a slight chuckle as if to say 'silly boy'.
"I needed to talk to Rachel about something very important. I need her not to notice that I'm trying to put an idea in her head
and make her think it's hers. Shopping is the best distraction and cover to do that kind of undercover work."
I was dumbfounded. I looked over my shoulder to where Embry and Quil were eyeing a video game arcade and turned back to
look at the twinkling eyes and sneaky smile on my girl's lips. I couldn't think of what to say to her declaration. Any deeper
information was none of my business, I could tell that by the tone of Ren's voice. I just nodded to her and mumbled something
about going to play a game or two with the guys. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and waved me off, returning to the clothing
store where Rachel was waiting for Ren to join her.
I never did find out any other details about that shopping trip. All I can tell you is that Ren bought two items, a CD for me and a
scarf for Sue Clearwater's birthday the next week. Rachel bought some clothes and shoes. That was it. However, the following
month saw a turnaround of epic proportions in Rachel's relationship with Paul. Ren performed the rest of her miracle at one of
our bonfires. She sidled up to Paul and struck up a conversation. He was a touch stiff at first but Ren soon had him laughing and
chatting up a storm. At one point, they walked off a short distance from the rest of the group and were deep in conversation for
about 10 minutes. When they returned, Paul made a beeline for Rachel and Ren came over to sit beside me. She had such a self-
satisfied smirk on her face. I stared after Paul and Rachel for a minute as they strolled down the beach hand in hand and then
turned my gaze to my girl. I arched a questioning eyebrow at her and she just tossed her hair back over her shoulder.
"I just planted a little seed."
That was all she would say. Two months later, Rachel and Paul announced their engagement. Everyone was speechless, except
Renesmee. I could only shake my head and laugh to myself. The little devil was a matchmaker now.
Ah-mazing.
She didn't stop there either. I tried my hardest to discover what she was doing, what she was saying to cause these matchups,
Embry and Leah, yeah I know, and oh my God, Charlie and Sue! These pairings that all seemed to be just the right thing, Ren saw
them exactly as they should be. And she cared enough about all these people to insert herself, exert her special brand of influence,
and make her contribution to the love lives of all of her family, natural and adopted. She even told me she had a mind to talk to
Embry's mom and my dad. She wanted everybody coupled up it seemed. I marveled at her one day while we were hanging out
watching TV at my house.
"Ren, have you just made it your mission in life to match up all these pairs of people that you think belong together? What in the
world are you thinking?"
She reached and grabbed my hand, lacing her fingers with mine. She stroked her fingertips up the back of my hand, making goose
bumps form on my arms and shivers run up my spine.
"Jacob, do you love me?"
"Whoa, what a question! Yes, of course I love you, honey."
"That makes me happy. Does it make you happy?"
"Yeah, it does. It makes me very happy."
"I don't want to be selfish, do you?"
"Selfish? No. What do you mean, baby?"
"I don't want us to be the only people in our family who are happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. The best way I know to be
happy is to have what you and I have. Someone who we love, who means the world to us, who we would go to the ends of the
earth for. That is the most direct path to happiness that I know of and I want to do what little I can to help the people I love and
care about achieve that kind of happiness."
Her words were doing laps around and around in my brain.
'Someone who we love, who means the world to us, who we would go to the ends of the earth for'. I looked down at our hands clasped together. I looked back up at her shining cocoa eyes. Her rosy lips pulled up in a gentle smile
that stole straight into my heart. I reached up my other hand and pressed my palm to her soft cheek. As I leaned toward her I asked
her with my eyes for permission to show her just how wonderful I thought she was. She dropped her eyes only for a moment and then
looked back up at me through her lashes and gave me the most adorably shy nod I'd ever seen. I kept my eyes open as I gently touched
my lips to hers. I didn't want to miss a second of this. As I pressed my mouth to hers more firmly, she lifted her other hand and placed it
over my hand on her cheek. Then she moved it to my face and threaded her fingers into my hair. My heart was pounding at about a
thousand beats per minute and I could hear hers doing the same pace. Our first real romantic kiss was more than I could have ever
dreamed of and all I could have wanted.
BPOV
I've never been so terrified in my life. I hoped I was covering that up enough that Jake wouldn't notice and pull away. I didn't want him
to be afraid to tell me how he felt; even though I was afraid to tell him my feelings. We had told each other 'I love you' millions of times.
From the moment I could control my voice and speak actual words, 'I love you' was one of my favorite phrases. I said it to everyone that
was special to me. I wanted to make certain that each person who meant something in my life, and who I loved, knew it. I had told Jake
I loved him over and over, and he had said it back to me, but this was new and uncharted territory. This was opening the door for romance
and we had never approached that subject. Physically, I was about 17. Jake was still around 25 in his body, though chronologically he was
21. In spite of the imprint, which we never really talked about in depth, I didn't know how Jake really felt about me. I knew he felt drawn
to me, connected to me, bound to me. But that wasn't automatic romantic love. I didn't want that anyway and I don't think Jake did either.
We had shied away from the topic for so long, because I was still physically too young and it wasn't appropriate, and we simply hadn't ever
touched on the future of our relationship. I knew what I hoped would happen, but I wasn't certain what was in Jake's mind and heart. At
least I wasn't until this moment.
I had waited so long to find out where we were going and if we'd be going together. Now, I had my answer. Jake's warm hands and lips
were telling me everything I needed to know. I had longed for these answers to my questions about us and now I had exactly what I had
hoped for. After way too few minutes, he pulled away from the kiss and just gazed into my eyes. I couldn't find words to express to him
how I was feeling in that exact moment, but apparently some part of me was able to show him my emotions. His smile faded a bit and he
reached up to catch a lone tear as it rolled down my cheek. He moved away from me on the couch and began to mumble an apology.
"I'm sorry Ren. I overstepped...I misread...I didn't mean to..."
I had to stop him and I had to stop him fast. He misunderstood. He was slipping away. I reached out for him, taking his face in both of my
hands. I turned him to face me, though he was now looking down at his own hands in his lap.
"Jacob, look at me. Please."
He waited several seconds while I urged him up so I could look into his eyes. I needed to make myself very clear, quickly. I could leave no
doubt in his mind.
"Jacob, I'm not crying because I didn't want you to kiss me. I'm crying because I'm happy."
"Oh, come on Ren. I've heard that one before."
"No, Jacob, I mean it. Listen to me, please. You know I've loved you practically my whole life, right? And you know that the Spirits up there
somewhere think we're meant to be together. Well, now that I'm getting pretty close to being 'grown up' I've been feeling...more for you. I'm
not sure of the right words. But I'm crying because I've wanted you to kiss me, that way, for a while now, and I wasn't sure if you wanted to
or felt that way and all I could do was be here for you and wait for you. I didn't want to push you or scare you off. But, I love you, Jacob. I've
fallen in love with you. Please don't say I'm too young, still. I can't help the way I feel."
He stared at me and for a panic-filled moment I thought I had blown it. He looked as frightened of me as I had been before he kissed me when
I wondered if he ever would. He lifted my hand and placed a soft kiss on the back of it. Oh no, I didn't like the way that felt at all. He was going
to push me away. He was going to put my hand back in my own lap, pat the back of it and tell me I was still just a child to him and he would
always be my Protector but that it was way too soon for anything else between us. Another couple of tears began to make their way down my
cheeks. I began to tremble at the thought that I had botched the whole thing, pushing before he was ready and now I was going to lose him.
Instead of easing off the couch like I was afraid he was going to do, he leaned in toward me again and kissed the tears away before they made
it to my chin.
"Aw, my sweet Renesmee. You have no idea how much I've wanted to tell you how I feel. I didn't want you to think I was some sort of pervert
or cradle robber or something. Honey, I've loved you since I first laid eyes on you. You are the sweetest child I have ever known and I'm proud
to call you my best friend. No, don't cry baby! Let me finish. I don't think you're still a child. I think you are the most beautiful young lady I've
ever seen and what I feel for you right here is deeper than I know how to tell you. Ren, I love you. And I'm in love with you too. I was so scared
to tell you. C'mere, Honey."
Jacob wrapped me up in his strong, warm embrace, held my hand in his on his chest, covering his heart, and all was right with my world. I buried
my face in his shoulder and drew in a deep breath of his woodsy, spicy scent. He soothed my soul. Any sacrifice I had ever made or would make
in the future would be worth it because of him. I knew he was my future and that I loved him more than my own life. I would do anything for him
and I would trust him and try to make sure he trusted me. I only had the one secret from him. Someday I would tell him. But for now, I would
just love him. Thank God for second chances.
JPOV
My girl wasn't really a girl anymore. She was a young woman and she was beautiful with a loving heart and a kind spirit. And she was mine. She
was all mine. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to me drawing in a deep breath of her sweet, spicy fresh fragrance. This angel
had patched together the scattered and broken pieces of my heart and my mind. She soothed my soul. Because I loved her, and because she
loved me, I could see a future. I could see my life stretching out and having meaning. She had saved me. She had healed me. I could breathe
and think and feel because she had made me whole again. And she had taught me how to love my memories, let go of the sorrow, and live for
the future. She was a miracle. She was my miracle.