Primeval
Chapter Ten

)O(

The ride home was eerily silent.

They had both sat there in the woods a few moments longer before climbing to their feet, hunting for their clothes and pulling on the dirty, tattered remains. The car, as far as Cyborg would be concerned, was utterly destroyed. Mud was everywhere (both inside and out) and the hood and front bumper looked like it had seen far better days. Raven closed her eyes and leaned against the window, trying not to imagine what his response would be like. She didn't even want to think about his wrath, let alone experience it.

"What are you thinking?"

Raven cracked open an eye and looked over at Beast Boy, trying not to think about how that question sounded suspiciously like pillow talk. "I'm trying to devise a viable excuse for Cyborg so we both won't die when we get home and he sees the car."

"Ah…" His face colored slightly, but he kept his eyes trained on the road. "Any good ones yet?"

Raven closed her eyes again and she turned away from him. "Wild animal attack." She felt Beast Boy's embarrassment radiate through the small space. Okay, that had been a little low, but it was almost the truth. She certainly had been attacked… of course she'd also been the attacker, Beast Boy's own battered body was proof of that. Ugh. What a mess.

"I'm sorry."

Raven could feel his caution and reserve brush against her, and she turned to face him again, watching as his face contorted with the weight of his emotions. She was reminded of the struggle that was always inside him, and something in her heart pulled tight. He shouldn't have to fight for every scrap of his sanity, but then again… she shouldn't have to bear the scars of his loss either. There was a long, heavy pause before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry… for what happened in the woods, at the store… for all of this. You don't deserve to be caught in the middle of a turf-war for my body, but you were. And you have been the best friend and the best companion I could have had while fighting this. You could have walked away and left me to fight this on my own… but you didn't. I can't thank you enough for what you're doing."

Raven felt color flood her face and she looked away, hiding in the thin shadows of the car. Where in the world was this coming from? "I didn't do anything special. You're making it sound like I'm something or someone amazing."

"You are." Beast Boy shrugged and turned down a side road leading back to town. He sighed and gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I know this isn't the way either of us expected our friendship would go, and it's been really hard to deal with… but you've been amazing. I just…" He trailed off and there was a subtle shift in his emotions, and he swallowed hard. "I don't want you to give up on me."

"You think I'll give up on you?" Raven frowned and fought back the feeling of hurt that entered her chest. Is that the impression she gave him? That she would get weary of fighting for him, and she would just give up? She might have been upset and a little unwilling to accept the hand that fate dealt her, but she couldn't give up, not on him.

"I don't know…" He sighed and stared blankly at a red light in front of them. "I know it's draining you. I know it's more than you want to handle, and it's way more than you should handle."

Raven sighed and shook her head. "And you shouldn't have gone into the bowels of Hell to bring my shell of a body back. But you did. We're friends, Beast Boy… that's kind of what we do for each other. It's part of our code." He chuckled softly and the tension was broken between them. Raven let them sit in comfortable silence for a moment before continuing. "Besides… you managed to fight him back when I needed it most, you must be gaining more control over the beast."

Beast Boy frowned. "Or I caught him off guard, and he'll be angrier than ever that I didn't let him… finish." He cringed slightly as the words left his mouth.

"That's not really his decision is it?"

"No… I guess not."

"Mm." Raven turned back to the window, watching as Titan tower started to peek through the buildings. They were almost home, where Raven could retreat into the shelter of her room. And maybe, for just a few moments, she could be rid of the nonsense that surrounded her, and finally be able to approach this whole situation in a relatively sane manner. Maybe.

She glanced back at Beast Boy and fought back a disgruntled sigh. "Why?"

He started, confused by her question. "Why what?"

Raven frowned, feeling the words well up before she could stop them. "Why me? Out of the billions of girls in the world, the cuter ones, the smarter ones, the funnier ones, the more socially acceptable ones… why me? You're cute and funny and, although your jokes are lame, people talk to you. They like you, and like being your friend and being around you. Yet out of every girl or woman on the planet, you had to mate with me… why?"

"You really think I'm cute and funny?"

Raven rolled her eyes. "That's beside the point."

He smirked. "Oh yeah, you so think I'm cute and funny."

"Forget I said anything." Raven sighed and turned away. Sometimes she really wished she would keep her mouth shut. She exercised caution in everything else she did, why couldn't she exercise caution in her big, fat mouth?

"You're strong." Beast Boy stopped and waited for a slow-moving freight train to pass. The air turned thicker as they both sensed Raven's doubt and confusion. He glanced over at her, and Raven could see his lips start to tug down into a frown. "And cool and collected, and you can be sweet and caring, even though you don't like to hear that. You're amazing, on every level, and I like being around you. Can you get mad at me for it?"

"No." Raven retreated into the shadows of the car, desperate to hide her blush. "But I'm not all those things. I'm a terrible friend, Gar… and I've hurt you in ways I wish I could forget."

Beast Boy shrugged, watching the train cars slide past him. "I never said you were perfect. And I've hurt you too. We're friends, what do you expect? We're going to fight a lot."

"Yeah, but a girlfriend shouldn't fight with her boyfriend." Raven's eyes closed in shock. Had those words actually left her mouth? As if she was somehow insinuating that they were actually together, or a couple? The world around them stilled as Beast Boy looked over at her, color draining from his face. What did she just do?

"Are you… are you trying to tell me that you're my girlfriend?"

Raven sighed. "I don't know what I am, and right now I like it that way."

"I know what I would like you to be." His hand reached out at grabbed hers.

"Stop being so disgustingly sweet." Raven pulled her hand out of his and glared. "Neither of us is that person, so let's not pretend any different."

Beast Boy rolled his eyes, but he couldn't seem to make the smirk on his lips disappear. "You like it when I'm sweet."

"No, I like it when you're not annoying me." Raven crossed her arms over her chest and glared into the distance. Why had she said that? Now he was going to hold that over her head for all eternity. Great. She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked away, frowning. Silence fell over them again before Beast Boy made the next attempt to stir conversation.

"I want you to sleep with me."

That was unexpected. Raven felt color leave her face and she whipped around to stare at him. "I'm sorry… what?"

"Tonight…" Beast Boy glanced over at her, trying to keep his face blank, but she could feel the push of his unsettled emotions against her senses. He was being sincere, putting his emotions on the line, and wanting to build something more than the utter chaos that existed between them. He looked back at the road, hands clenching and unclenching on the steering wheel. "I want you to sleep with me… in my bed."

Raven swallowed hard, trying to keep her heart in the general vicinity of her chest. Sleep together? Like a couple?They may have argued, fought, and even fucked… but they did not sleep together. That was going into a stage of intimacy that Raven did not want to encounter, not yet. Not ever, regardless of her careless "girlfriend/boyfriend" statement. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

"I won't touch you."

Raven looked out the window, avoiding his heavy stare and trying to calm her emotions. "It's not you I'm worried about."

Beast Boy winced. "I won't let him touch you." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, grumbling curses under his breath. "I… I like being around you, Rae, and I like knowing that you're close to me if I need to protect you. You deserve at least that."

Raven felt her heart tighten at the sound of the nickname, it had been almost a whole day since she heard the endearment, and she found she missed it. What was wrong with her! She was so two-faced about this whole ordeal, both loving and hating what was happening to her. Couldn't she just pick a side and stay there?

She cleared her head and looked over at him. "I'm a big scary demon, Gar, I don't necessarily need protecting. Besides, you're bringing me closer to the one thing you're trying to protect me from." She cocked her head to the side and sighed. "The beast is not going to be happy that you managed to take over during his time to fuck me."

Beast Boy glared and gripped the steering wheel tighter. "He doesn't get a say, or a fuck, you said so yourself."

"While I agree with you, he's not going to." Raven leaned back into her car seat, trying to ignore the crackling of anger between them. Damnit, what had she done? They were both too volatile for her careless remarks, and she was going to hurt him and herself if she didn't stop.

"Stop defending him…" Beast Boy grumbled a few choice remarks under his breath and looked over at her. "And stop being so complacent."

"Complacent?" In her situation, he was calling her complacent? As if she was just going to bend over and let the world fuck her from behind? Raven's hands itched for the door handle. She didn't care that they were in a moving car, she didn't have to put up with this. "You accuse me of being fickle and complacent? You need a dictionary."

"You are fickle, and you are complacent, don't ask me how… but somehow you managed to do it." He glanced over at her before turning onto the road that led back to the tower. "You're complacent with what he did to you."

"I'm not complacent about it. I don't know how to handle it, and until I do, I'm going to feign indifference."

"That's a hell of a way to deal with problems."

"Yeah, I guess it's right up your alley though."

Beast Boy gripped the steering wheel tighter and growled. "You're really starting to piss me off."

"Join the party. We have hats."

"Damnit, Raven. I'm serious."

"So am I!" Raven turned to face him and her eyes flashed red. "You are not the only one with a stake in this relationship, Beast Boy, and yet you don't seem to understand that fact. This isn't all about you and your beast. I have a part to play too, and I am not sleeping with you tonight. End of discussion."

"No, it's not. Because you're using that as an excuse to not talk about anything with me."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me the truth! Every three seconds you change on me, you tell me you want me, you mate with me, you call me a boyfriend, and yet when I want something to build our relationship, you run away. It's like you have to idea what you want, let alone what you need. Just make up your mind and tell me if this… whatever between us is actually going to matter to you."

"If I tell you no will you run back to Anna?"

The air in the car shifted, as if Beast Boy was suddenly remembering what got them into this mess in the first place. He had flirted with her. "You're jealous of her?"

"You like her. You flirted with her and thought of asking her on a date. But, you're mine. I refuse to let you pine after some chit because I am difficult." Raven could feel the extra set of eyes open and she stared at him. Desire and Possession welled up into her chest, fueling her actions and making her lose control. Her soul, no matter how fractured it may be, would not let him leave her. "You've branded me and I've claimed you. That is final and absolute. You don't get the ability to choose another mate, you've chosen me."

Beast Boy, in spite of his blatant fear, turned to face her. "Then act like you care about us."

Raven took a deep breath and calmed herself, pushing her rogue emotions back into the pit of her soul. She looked into Beast Boy's eyes and frowned. "Is this just so I will sleep with you?"

"Raven…" He shook his head and leaned back into his seat, finally giving up. They had been fighting all day, and he was starting wear down. "Do you really want me, Raven? Really? Or are you just clouded by the brand? Because if that's the only thing fueling your actions right now, I don't want to be a part of it. I want you to want me."

"I…" Raven cleared her head and sighed. Did she really want him? She'd told him she wanted him in the alley, let him do terrible things to her (in public no less), felt unbridled rage as she watched him flirt with Anna, but did all of that mean she wanted him? And if it did… how in the world were they going to make this relationship work? "Yes… I want you, Gar. I do… but… I have no idea how to be in a relationship, let alone how to make one work between superheroes like us, who are always fighting demons." She gave a humorless laugh. "I'm the worst person in the world to be in a relationship with."

Beast Boy snorted and looked over at her. "You think I don't know that? You're the absolute worse person to be in a relationship with, but that doesn't make me love you any less."

"You're setting yourself, and us, up for failure."

"You're the one instigating it."

Raven didn't have a response to that, so she kept quiet. She had been fighting him at every turn, trying to keep fate and destiny (or whatever bullshit people called it) out of her life. She didn't want to give into this, not yet. But her patience was wearing thin, and she felt as though she would break soon.

Beast Boy pulled into the Tower's garage and turned off the car. They both sat there, staring at security camera in the corner. He frowned and glanced at. "He's going to be down here any minute demanding to know what happened to his baby."

"Deer."

"What?"

"We hit a deer."

"And the deer left claw marks?"

"In your grief you clawed at the hood of the car."

"For a deer?"

"You are Beast Boy… it was one of your brethren."

"I have deer brethren?"

"You do now." Raven opened the door and stepped out of the car feeling the intense wave of shock come barreling down the stairs. She looked over at Beast Boy and frowned. "He is dangerous… should we run away?"

"You've got five seconds to make that decision…"

Raven opened her mouth to respond, but the door flew open, revealing the shocked face of Cyborg.

Beast Boy winced. "I over estimated."

"Well… at least we can go down together."

"What… what happened to my baby!"

)O(

Raven groaned and fell into the covers on Beast Boy's bed. Her head pounded and she thought she might actually try to kill something. It wasn't her fault that the car was destroyed. Okay, technically it was, but it wasn't her fault that the beast jumped her in the middle of nowhere and she had to defend herself. The car was just collateral damage. "He just kept yelling and yelling, and when I thought I was done, he yelled some more. I didn't think he was ever going to stop."

"That makes two of us." Beast Boy fell into bed next to her and threw his arm over his eyes. "He was so angry that I'm surprised his circuits didn't fry." He stopped talking and looked over at her. "What are you doing in my room?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No… I didn't say that…" His lips twitched in confusion. "I just thought after our talk in the car, you would want to be as far away from me as possible. We didn't exactly make regulation hits. I said some pretty nasty things."

"I did too." Raven sighed and leaned back against the headboard, staring at him. There was a long, heavy silence between them as Raven gathered her thoughts. Exactly what was she condemning herself to? "I don't want you to think I'm going to run away from every problem that we come across… and I know I don't exactly have the best track record to prove otherwise, but… I don't know… maybe I want to make this work."

"Maybe?" Beast Boy sighed and shook his head, looking away from her. She could feel his emotions wearing thin, and she could feel his mind and body start to fray. She had fought with him so much, that he was almost ready to give up, and that scared Raven more than anything else. "I can't wait around for a maybe, Raven… I need to know. If you don't want me, then maybe there is a way to reverse this, maybe we can both give up and go our separate ways. And we wouldn't have to deal with this ever again."

She winced and looked away. "You don't… you don't mean that do you?"

Beast Boy groaned. "This is what I'm talking about, Raven. One minute you can't stand the idea of being my mate, the next we're jumping each other in an alley, and now… now you're looking at me with that look."

Raven blinked and jerked a little in surprise. "What look?"

"That look you get when something makes you sad. Your lower lip quivers just a little, and you look away from me, and you play with your hands. That look." He sighed and stood up, shaking his head. "I can't stop myself from giving you whatever you want when you have that look. You have no idea what you do to me."

"I…" Raven sighed and stood up, trying to match him on equal ground. "I don't know what I can promise you, Beast Boy. You're asking me to give up my life on the idea that we can be happy together."

"You think I want you to give up your life? Is that it?" His eyebrows furrowed and he continued to stare at her. "That's not it at all. I'm not asking you to give up anything other than other males. I don't want you to stop being… you. That's why I fell in love with you. I don't want you to stop reading, or drinking tea at four in the morning, or meditating. I don't want you to give up being a superhero, or your heritage, or your friends. I don't want any of that… I just want you to belong to me."

She frowned. "That's possession."

Beast Boy held out his arm, showing her the brand. "You already possess me."

Raven sighed. He put up a damned good argument when he wanted to. "I can't promise you that this is going to work between us, but I'll try."

He smiled. "That's all I'm asking for right now."

There was a long, slow silence between them, and Raven stared into his eager face. Why did she always set herself up in these situations? "You still want me to sleep with you, don't you?"

He smiled and motioned to the bed. "That's what real boyfriends and girlfriends do."

"Sometimes I severely dislike you."

)O(

Raven had created a barrier of pillows between them. Of course there had been one more fight, arguing over sides of the bed, which ended in low blows and promises to not talk to one another. Beast Boy had won his side (which should have been Raven's) and Raven had taken all the pillows off of his bed and shoved them between her and Beast Boy, creating some kind of barricade to avoid touching.

Raven took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling, trying to calm her mind. Could she really do this? Could she spend her nights sleeping in his bed, curled up against him like some lovesick puppy? Ugh. That wasn't her at all, she was stronger than that, better than that… but still… the thought wasn't completely unnerving.

She felt him stir against the pillows, mumbling something in his sleep. He pulled a pillow out of the way and leaned over her. Raven felt his lips feather over hers, gentle and slow. She bit back a curse and tried to pretend she was sleeping, but his hands slid up her ribcage and the touch forced her eyes open. He pulled back just far enough to look into her eyes and Raven saw no shadow of the beast. There was no struggle for control of his body, no push to possess her… just Beast Boy, a little sleepy looking, but definitely aroused.

Curious, she leaned up and kissed him again, feeling nothing but the gentle insistence of Beast Boy against her mouth. He threaded his fingers through hers and pulled himself a little closer to the warmth of her body.

This felt entirely different than this afternoon. She didn't feel the harsh, torrential push of dominance. Instead, she felt the cautious exploration of Garfield against her body, as if he were seeing and feeling it for the first time. Raven picked up a hand and ran her fingers through his hair. His fingertips trailed lightly along her skin, just touching her. He wasn't reaching for her insistently, just enjoying the feel of her beneath him.

"You're so soft…" He nuzzled her neck and kissed her pulse.

They lay like that for a long time, with him just touching her and kissing her exposed skin. It started a slow burn, one that sparked and fizzled under her skin until everything felt overly sensitized. Raven slid her hands under his shirt, trying to get to him, but not sure what had possessed her to do so.

He smiled against her mouth and pulled his shirt off his back. Raven waited for the familiar push of dominance when his skin touched hers, but she still felt nothing more than Beast Boy's tamed and controlled excitement. Raven swallowed and looked up into his eyes, why did this feel a million times more intimate than what they did in the alley?

He chuckled and nuzzled her jaw, running his hands over the flat of her stomach, and dipping into her bellybutton. "You look scared."

"This… feels different."

He stopped touching her and pulled away. "Different how?"

"It's not…" Raven chewed on her lip and looked up at him. "It's not so… primal."

"We are human… mostly anyway… we don't always have to be a beast and a demon." He kissed along the line of her ear, tugging on her lobe with his teeth. "You don't like it?"

"That's not it… I think… I think I like it too much." Raven was glad for the darkness that hid her blush. "It makes me feel…" She trailed off as her breath escaped in something that sat between a sigh and a ragged pant.

"Good? That's what making love is supposed to feel like." He slid his hands all the way up her shirt and pulled it over her head. His breath hitched a little at the sight of her nude body. "It's not always supposed to be hot against a wall… in a public street."

"I can't believe us." Raven gave a low chuckle and moved her hands over his back, feeling a long, jagged scar close to his spine. Her shattered soul was running rampant inside her, elated at the sensations. Desire was writhing against her sides, making the sensations feel more intense. Even Rage and Timid were nearly purring with content.

"We're pretty terrible for each other…" Beast Boy laughed and kissed down her sternum, his hands still delving into that shadows on her body. "But, I guess I wouldn't want it any other way."

Raven didn't know what to say to that, so she grabbed both sides of his face and pulled him back up to kiss her.

)O(

Raven woke up with his arms around her, and her naked body nestled tightly against his. This was something she wished she never had to experience. She swallowed slowly and untangled herself from his arms, reaching for their discarded clothes.

He shifted and reached for her. His eyes opened slowly, almost sexily, and Raven felt her heart crawl into her throat at the sight of his slow smile. "Don't go. Stay a while."

"I have to go…" She pulled her shirt over her head and stood up, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him. She was stronger than that. She didn't need his touch, at least that was what she kept telling herself. "I don't want the others to know what's going on between us."

"Is it something we should be ashamed of?" Beast Boy sat up and ran a hand through his hair, looking out at her from beneath his bangs. The sheet slid from his body, exposing his wry muscles, and Raven had a sudden desire to jump back into bed with him. She forced her eyes closed and looked away from temptation.

She cleared her thoughts and looked back at him. "I haven't decided that yet."

"I'm not ashamed." He frowned at her. "Hell, Starfire sleeps with Robin almost every night."

"That's different."

"How?"

"I'm not Starfire."

"No, you're not." Beast Boy sighed and fell back into his pillows. Raven could feel his disappointment ripple through the room. He wanted something normal between them, but what did he expect from a demon and a beast? He waved her off. "Whatever, just go."

Raven sighed and rolled her eyes. "You're upset."

"You're ashamed of us."

"I wasn't even aware there was an us." Raven cringed as soon as the words left her mouth and she closed her eyes against the feeling of his anger running though her. "I didn't mean that."

"Yes you did." Beast Boy rolled over and stared at the ceiling. "You don't want us to be together. In spite of your brave words last night. You still doubt us as a couple."

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to." He looked over at her and his eyes darkened. "I love you."

Raven took a cautious step back. It wasn't the first time he had told her that, but it was the first time he said it with so much conviction that Raven thought that both their hearts might burst. He watched her expectantly, as if he was anticipating something similar out of her mouth. Raven just stumbled from the room and walked away.

)O(

This chapter gave me hell through and through. The last two scenes I know are kind of choppy, and I'm not sure how edited and proofread they are. Be brutal in your reviews because I deserve it. I promise the next chapter will be a million times better.

PS: Did anyone else have a nerdgasm when Garfield Logan was on "Young Justice" the other day? Or was I the only one?