Gary and Ash gasped as the door to the office opened, followed by Dora gasping and slamming it back shut, after catching a split second view of Ash seated up on Gary's desk, both hands buried in Gary's pants, while Gary attempted to chew through Ash's shirt.

"LOCK THE DOOR!"

"KNOCK!" They shouted it in unison, while Gary zipped up and Ash slid off the desk, both bright red. The gust from the door had brushed an amassment of papers from the counter against the back wall, which in turn had knocked over one of the flimsier frames in one of the clusters of pictures around the room. Ash made an agitated sound and stumbled over to right it, while Gary gathered his papers from the floor.

She rapped twice on the door.

"Come in." Gary laughed.

Hair mussed, she poked her head in, as red as the other two. "Sammy's crying."

"Shit, we really need to get new batteries for the baby monitor. Okay, thanks, sorry—"

"Seriously. The door has a lock for a reason, you guys."

"The door has a lock so we can fool around in the office?" Ash asked, grinning.

"Don't be a smart-ass, Ashy-boy. Go take care of your baby." She rolled her eyes, bemused, and left.

"I'll take care of it—" Gary started, before being interrupted.

"I wanna go! You always do everything, she's gonna be all in love with you and not even care about me." He stuck out his lower lip, and Gary desperately wished they hadn't been interrupted.

On the walk across the house, they agreed that foreplay was no longer a necessity—not in times like these.

"Like, seriously, my balls? You ever slam your nail in anything? That color."

"Ash, don't talk like that in front of Sammy."

In the corner of the tiny bedroom had been added a cheap, net crib, where a dark-haired baby was making fussing sounds, quieting now that she heard comforting voices.

"She doesn't know what I'm saying, she's not even one…"

"Ohh Samuel Misty Oak, is that you crying? Come here cutie pie…" Gary leaned halfway into the crib to scoop her into his arms. He turned back to where Ash was moping in the entryway, bouncing the baby on his hip. "See, Ash, come here and look…" He traced his finger over the zig-zagging shapes on her face. Her bright green eyes followed his finger's movement. "You can't tell me you don't see those."

"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. I think you're just crazy. Give me my Sammy." He reached out his arms.

Gary gazed at him scrutinizingly. "Be careful, all right? Don't drop her, support her head—"

"Jesus, Gary, quit being so anal!"

"Language."

He rolled his eyes and shook his hands. "Gimme."

He sighed, and carefully, slowly, transferred the quiet little weight into Ash's arms. She made a soft noise and gummed down onto Ash's chest, right over the wet spot left by her other dad.

Ash grimaced. "Oh, God—is that bad!? Should I put her down?"

"I think she's trying to suckle you."

"Euuurgh okay you take her, I'll go get formula…" He poured her unceremoniously into Gary's arms and sped out of the room—however, Gary followed him out, Samuel mumbling "Pi, pi, pi," in beat with his steps. He beamed down at her.

"Hey, have Misty and Tracey called lately?" He asked Ash's back.

"No. Ever since they got together they don't give a crap about us anymore."

Crystal was in the kitchen, kicking her feet under the table and spooning cereal into the tiny fluff of an eevee sitting up on the table. Pikachu sat on the chair across from her, eying the process carefully. She looked up, eyes sliding over both Ash and Gary to the baby, and she instantly stood, bright and alert. "You gonna feed Sammy?"

"Yeah, you wanna help?" Gary asked.

"Yeah!"

She sat back down on the kitchen chair, the eevee squeaking, so that Pikachu crawled up onto the table to lick at its ears, and Gary gently lowered the baby into her lap. He kissed her on the forehead, causing her to elicit a cry of "Pi!"

Ash handed Crystal the bottle of formula, and she instantly set about feeding her—she didn't need briefing. it had become a common process to her.

"You're so good at that, Crystal." Ash smiled. Gary made a tutting noise and laced his fingers into Ash's, dragging him down the hallway leading toward the bedroom, forcing him to walk backwards. "Man, I don't have words to describe how much I love that thing. Where we going?"

"C'mon, I'll give you a blow job real quick."

"Oh, cool! I love you too, yaknow."

"Love you too, Ass."

"I really liked Ashy-boy better."

"Haha, yeah."