Alice's POV
I couldn't tell you how many times I've heard humans say 'this is the worse day of my life', if I had a penny for every time I heard the expression over the last 108 years of my existence, I would be well off. Not that I'm not already, I am, but I'm making a point.
I never understood how the phrase could be said over and over. Humans lived short yes, but to them it was a long time, how could they know enough of the past and the future to say one day out of their lives was the worst. One simple day out of the decades they lived to be the worst they've experienced.
I never understood it, until today. Until today became the worst day of my life. Out of the 108 years I've been walking the Earth, this day was the worst of them.
"I don't want to go back yet" Bella softly said into my hair. She had come up from behind me. I was sitting on the edge of the king sized bed, putting my shoes on, when it had hit me, that this was the worst day of my life. Bella had taken the thought right out of my head.
This was the worst day because I didn't want to go back. Not yet, not ever. I wanted to be with Bella for eternity. Eternity meant nothing without her anymore. I had fallen harder then I thought it was possible.
"Neither do I" I murmured, leaning into her. She wrapped her arms around the front of my body, and nestled her face in the crook of my neck, and kissed me softly.
I sighed and closed my eyes. This was the peace I wanted to be in, I knew that when we went back, it wouldn't be peaceful at all, It would be hard, almost as hard as being around a human bleeding. Bella was my desire, and what I longed for. What I needed, everything from her breath to her touch, her voice and kiss. I wanted it all. Not just when we were alone but with the family.
Even though I knew it wouldn't happen, it didn't matter, I still wished to show my love for her to them. I was going to fight for her, if it came down to that. I would show her that we were made for each other. I didn't doubt Bella's love for me at all, but if that's what it came down to, I would prove it to her.
"We should get going" I heard her say, with regret once the words escaped her lips. I was feeling what she was feeling, and for the first time, I've never felt this depression. Our lives were going back to what they were. This fantasy world we had been in for the past three days was now coming to a close. Didn't mean that we were not going to get back, but who knew when we were.
"What are we going to do?" She asked me, and for the first time in a very long time, I had no idea what was going to happen. No visions were going to tell me, no vampire sense helped me. I was walking into a battlefield blindfolded, with nothing to help me survive.
"We do what we need to do" I quietly voiced, turning my head to look into her eyes. "For now, we do what we have to do" I repeated.
Bella nodded her head and sighed, but I heard her breath break unevenly, I knew that sound, and I turned my body around completely and put my arms around her waist. Her breath hitched a few more times, and I rubbed her back, trying to sooth her sobs. I pulled my head away from her shoulder to be eye level with her, and I took my hands and cupped her face, my tumb caressed her cheeks, as if to wipe away the un shed tears.
I leaned forward and kissed her gently, I savored every second of that kiss, because we both knew it was going to be the last one we were going to have for a while.
When we parted Bella smiled weakly, trying to show me she was okay, but we both knew she wasn't. And neither was I. We were not okay with leaving. We were not okay with having to lie to our family. And we were not okay with hiding our love for one another. It all just simply sucked, and I couldn't think of a better word to put our situation.
"We will be together." Bella said matter of facts. She said it as if she was saying the sky was blue, or blood was red. She said it and she meant every word.
I smiled "We will, whatever it takes my love."
We kissed one last time, a feverish goodbye, a farewell to the place we created, where our memories were all we had to us about this weekend. They were as vivid as a colored dream.
When I needed to get away from the world, all I had to do was unlock the moments we shared here, in this hotel room.
I got up and took her hand in mine, grabbing our bags in the other, we walked out of the room, and down the hall. Bella took one glance back at our door, and sighed as she stepped into the elevator. I squeezed her hand tightly as it went down to the lobby.
When we stepped out, we walked towards the main doors, and I stole a glance to the front desk seeing if the fellow was there, and he was. His eyes on Bella, surely he took in her face and how sad she looked. His eyes flashed to me briefly then down to our joined hands, and when realization hit him, it hit him good. He looked back up at me and I nodded as his mouth fell, shocked.
I turned my head and opened the door first, holding it for Bella. Her head was down as she passed me, I'd never seen her so upset. My insides coiled, I felt what she felt too, but to see the mask that was on her face made it even harder for me. I never wanted to see Bella in this much pain, I was determined to make this right. To make her happy.
When we got to my car, I unlocked it, taking the bags from Bella, when she was about to turn to get in the passenger side door, I grabbed her hand, she turned to look at me and tried her best to smile. It wasn't very convincing. I pulled her in, kissing her forehead. She hugged me tightly before stepping away and getting in. I put the bags into the trunk and sighed as I got into the drivers side.
She and I looked at each other with sadness in our eyes and heart. I firmly took her hand in mine as I started my Porsche and began to drive back home.
Bella's POV
The car ride home was silent, it was unnerving as well. I was dreading going back home. 'I can do this, I can do this, I can do this' was what I was forcing through my mind. I hoped that if I said it to myself enough times, that I could believe it. By some miracle I could do what I was about to do. I could face what I needed to face. If by some chance Alice and I got outta of this alive, if we got out of this hand in hand, in one piece, then it was worth the wait. I was going to wait for her, she knew that and I knew that. I didn't know how long we had to keep this charade up, but for her I was going to do it, and so I continued to remind myself 'I can do this'.
I loved my family, truly and deeply. I loved My daughter, and I loved Edward. I did. But Alice was something more, she was another love, one I never had, or experienced. It was a kind of love I would to the ends of the earth for. A kind of love you don't let pass you by. I wasn't going to let her pass me by, not a chance in hell.
We only get certain chances to be happy, I was going to take mine. It wasn't going to be easy but I wanted to be happy. Don't we all? Shouldn't we all get the chance to be happy, no matter what kind of form it was in.
My fear was of losing my family, what if they didn't understand, and turned their cheeks on us. They wouldn't do that, I told myself. They loved both Alice and I and they would love us no matter what our choice was.
It was a whole bunch of possibilities to how this could all turn out. I thought of every single one that entered my head. Didn't make it easier, no, but it helped me to think that it was going to be okay.
We didn't plan for this to happen, but it did, and they should understand that. They would and will understand it. I wanted to tell them, I didn't want to hide. I wanted to face the music with my lover at my side.
Eventually the truth will come out, always does. But it was a question of when. So now time was our companion and enemy. It gave us time to prepare for this, to know how we were going to do this, and to help us get through this. In the same turn it was against us because we would have to wait, and the funny thing about time is it will fly by when your having fun, and crawls when your in misery.
We were going to be in misery, it was going to be painful, and hard, but this was a shot at happiness for eternity. We needed to take it.
It only took us about an half hour to get home with Alice's driving. As we entered the town of Forks, we knew this was it, there was no turning back from what had happened this weekend. I didn't want to turn back. I couldn't turn back. Neither could Alice, I knew.
Before I knew it, we were driving up the long driveway that separated our world from everyone. I'd never been this nervous or scared in my life.
'I can do this ' went though my head once again. 'We can do this, we will do this.' I finally came to the conclusion of. We can, and we will do this.
Alice parked the car in the large garage, and all the cars were there. 'Wonderful' I thought. Everyone to face.
She turned off the car slowly, and we sat a moment in silence, getting our minds in the right set to do this. It wasn't going to be so hard for me, at least I didn't have Edward to block out, unlike Alice. And she had Jasper to block out as well. So did I, but he wasn't around me all the time like with her.
We listened to everyone inside, the TV was on, and we heard Emmett howling in happiness from something I would guess in sports. I heard Edward talking to Carlisle, and Jasper as well. So we knew they were all in the house.
I looked over at Alice, as she looked over at me, and our eyes locked, the depth that I saw made me beautifully amazed. She knew we could both do this, it gave me the courage.
For the last time that both of us knew of, our lips connected. This kiss told of our future together, and it told me we would be together. We parted and hugged tightly.
"We're gonna be okay" She whispered into my ear.
"We will be."
And with that, we untangled our bodies, opened the doors, and stepped out, we had each other to make this work. That's all we needed.
We were gonna be okay.
I believed that.