"Love, I don't like to see so much pain
So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away
I get so tired of working so hard for our survival
I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive
And all my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
[…] Oh I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes."
Peter Gabriel, In Your Eyes
Yay! I'm getting more and more reviews and more people favoriting my story! You wouldn't believe how happy I am! Really! Every time this gets reviewed, I almost jump with joy! Plus it seems to stimulate my inspiration, hence how quickly this chapter was posted. No, no, it's not blackmail, honestly… can't believe I'm on chapter ten already…
So… nobody actually guessed who got punched by Marcos? Really? I'm a little disappointed there, guys…
But for now, as I promised: STEAM!
Oh and, need I write this? Warning: contains scenes of graphic sexual nature.
Chapter Ten – Jane's Love
When I entered my apartment, it was already dark outside. Something felt different. I slowly closed the door behind me, wishing I had my gun with me. I went to look in every room, checked every corner, looked at everything object on every piece of furniture… Nothing was out of place. I was the only person there.
Geez, Jane, paranoid much?
Well I have just been kidnapped, you know…
Still something felt different. But for the life of me, I couldn't say what.
I sat down on the couch, wondering what I was going to do next. I didn't feel like watching TV. I didn't feel like doing anything actually. I mean, what do you do when you come back from Hell? Is everything actually supposed to go back to normal? If so, I didn't have a clue as how to proceed.
I pretty much just sat there for like 30 minutes, just lost in thought. Then the doorbell rang.
I pondered for a while answering it or not. I didn't really feel like seeing anyone, especially this late. But then, the person on the other side of the door knocked.
It was a soft knock. Not insistent, almost just like whomever it was was letting me know they were there.
I waited a second more, then got up and went to open the door. There stood the most beautiful pair of blue eyes that roamed the Earth. He was casually dressed, all in denim, which made a change from his usual neat suits. I should have been happy to see him. I should have run into his arms. Instead, I just felt cold.
"Hello, Janey."
"Don't call me that. What the hell do you want?"
"To talk to you."
"Why on earth would I want to talk to you?"
"I didn't say you had to talk to me back. I can be the only one to do all the talking."
"Just go, Mark. Leave me alone."
I moved to close the door, but he quickly blocked it with his arm. "Jane… If you can honestly tell me that you never, not even for a second, wondered why what happened today happened, then I will leave, but not before."
I stared at him. Of course I had wondered why. It had been eating at me for a while, in fact. God, I wished he didn't know me so well. So I let him in. I went back to the couch, let him close the door. I sat down, bringing back my injured, casted arm on my lap.
He walked slowly towards me, then sat on the coffee table.
"Off.", I said.
"Sorry.", he said, and quickly stood up. He took a few steps back, looked for somewhere else to sit. I didn't have any armchairs, I kinda kept my surroundings to a minimum. So he went over to the dining table and took a chair. He brought it closer to the couch and sat again.
He was silent for a few minutes, staring at me. I kept quiet, really not wanting to talk.
"You alright?", he asked.
I glared at him. "Are you actually asking me that?"
"I mean, are you in pain?"
I sighed. "Not right now, the doc's meds are quite efficient. It will probably hurt later though… Why do you care?"
"Oh, Janey, please, don't be like that…"
"Like what? Like the bitch you tried to kill?"
"I did NOT try to kill you."
"Could have fooled me…"
"Will you shut up for a second, please?". I sighed, then signaled for him to continue. "Thank you. Janey… do you remember when we met?" I nodded. How could I forget? I was a senior in high school, I had come to Angie's house to fetch her before going to the movies. I rang the doorbell… which then opened to Michelangelo's David! I started to babble: "Erm, hi… erm… I'm here to see Angie? Angelina, I mean?". He replied a low silken voice: "She's upstairs, she's getting ready. I'm her brother, Mark. You must be… Jane, is it?". Two weeks later, we were officially dating…
Mark continued. "When I met you, you were so full of life… more so than anyone I'd met. You were like a flame! Bright and intense. You seemed ready to take on whatever the world would throw at you. I even remember you saying once that anyone can do anything if they set their mind to it, and that we only make our own obstacles. That when life gets tough, all you have to do is fight back." I was really getting sick of my own old motto being thrown back at me today. "And then you were raped… and you were never the same again… the flame was gone you became hollow…" Yeah, funny how trauma does that to people, I thought, but did not say out loud because of the lump slowly forming in my throat. "It seemed that you had died on the same day as Angie… I couldn't take that…"
I took a deep breath. "So you thought you'd try and kill me off? Was it really that painful to watch?", I snarled.
"For fuck's sake, Janey, I did not try to kill you! How many times do I have to tell you this? I was trying to help you!"
"Help me? I could have died today!"
"You were already DEAD!"
The world fell apart. He might as well have stabbed me though the heart, I could feel the ice cold blade piercing my chest… I stood up.
"Get out.", I spat.
"No."
"I said get out! Now!", I shouted, pain changing to rage.
"No." He got to his feet, closed the distance between us… and, before I could do anything to stop him, wrapped his arms around me.
He held me tight, not seeming to care that I was pummeling his chest with my valid arm. God, I wanted to cry. But no. No way would he see me cry. I lifted my head and met his gaze. These gorgeous blue eyes of his… I could have drowned in them… and the way he looked at me… the way he was holding me… with force, and yet still softly…
Time stopped.
Memory faded.
Our lips crashed.
It was violent, needy, yet tender. Everything I loved and wanted. He slid one hand down my waist and the other at the back of my neck, holding me almost like a rag doll. I melted into the kiss. I needed this. I wrapped my valid arm around his waist, trying to pull him even closer if that was possible. He then lifted me and pushed me against the nearest wall. I hooked my legs around him, not breaking the kiss. I could feel him growing hard inside his jeans, as well as myself getting wet.
Still lifting me, he helped me out of my top. Somehow my cast disappeared as well. My arm was still bandaged underneath, so it wasn't a problem. I started to rip his shirt of, as I had no patience with buttons. When we were both topless, he took one of my breasts into his mouth while roughly fondling the other. I moaned. God that felt good… In all honesty, it had been a while since we had last enjoyed foreplay like this… Sex had become rare and mechanical in the past few months. So much catching up to do… I could feel his tongue flicking over my nipple inside his mouth. He then gently bit it, which made me gasp loudly. He moved his lips underneath my breast, to a very sensitive spot he knew well. He massaged it with his lips, and I groaned…
He then decided to carry me into the bedroom. There, he carefully put me onto the bed before tugging at my jeans. In an instant, they were on the floor, and he was on top of me, our mouths joined again. His hands were everywhere, caressing every square inch of my skin. I knotted my fingers in his hair, unwilling to ever let him go. He almost tore of my panties, then slid two fingers in my drenched folds… I moaned again. His thumb immediately found my clit, and started massaging it. I lost myself in the delicious sensation…
When his lips finally left mine, leaving them swollen, they travelled down my neck, leaving moist kisses in their wake. My whole body trembled under his touch, it was almost difficult to breathe. He moved down my collarbone, between my breasts along my stomach… and suddenly, his hand was replaced by his mouth between my legs.
His tongue felt like fire. I started to thrust towards him to get the most of it, knowing it wouldn't be long before I came. I knotted my fingers through his hair. He was sucking, nibbling, biting… it drove me wild! With one of his arms, he held me fast by my hips, while the other fondled my breasts, his fingers playing with my nipples. His skillful tongue and lips stroked, used and abused my clit continuously. It drove me to climax in record time. As I felt the waves of pleasure wash over me, my body started to jerk up and down. The feeling was unique, and it felt different as well. Like we hadn't seen each other in years, when in fact our last sexual encounter was only a few weeks ago.
He lapped at me a few more times, ending with a slight nibble to my clit that made me gasp. He briefly got up, and soon all trace of clothing had disappeared from his body. Then, his head went back between my legs, giving my entrance a last nip, before moving up again. When he was level with my eyes, he just looked at me with such intensity I felt myself shudder…
"Janey, I…"
"Shut up… please… don't say it… just… please Mark, I need you…"
He looked deep inside my eyes, and kissed me again deeply, with fervor. I could taste both myself and him in that kiss, and the result was wonderfully intoxicating. Unable to wait any longer, I seized his cock and brought it to my folds. Getting the hint, he lost no time and positioned himself properly. He entered me in one powerful trust.
We both cried out in pleasure. He filled me completely. It was a perfect moment. Both our heats were fused, our skins melted… For a second, we did not move. Mark leaned his head against my shoulder and I could feel his hot breath on my neck… I wrapped my arms (as much as I could) around his neck. Everything else disappeared, the bed, the room, the past… Nothing mattered more than this.
Slowly, we started to move. Him pulsing inside me, me moving to meet his thrusts. He slid in and out of me with ease, coated in my juices. I started to pant as he took one of my breasts into his mouth again. My hand raked his back before descending to cup his ass, holding it firmly to try and accelerate the rhythm. He gladly obliged, pounding me faster and even deeper than before. I felt my body fade, replaced by only a flow of sensations… and still I wanted more…
Suddenly on autopilot, I pushed him to the side. He didn't seem to understand at first… until I rose and straddled him. I seized his cock, pumping it a few times before positioning myself above it. He moaned loudly as I teased him, sliding the tip against my wetness to and fro. He tilted his head backwards and closed his eyes. When I couldn't wait any longer, I sank down on him, swallowing him whole inside my walls. We both cried out when he was fully engulfed inside me, and I started to ride him, hard and fast. He grabbed me by the hips and tried to push himself up even further inside. It was pleasure and pain at its most delicious.
I felt myself rising, rising… and fell over the edge with a scream. Still I rode him with all I could. His face became strained with his need to come, and soon I felt him join me in bliss.
I lied on top of him for a few minutes after that, coming down and catching my breath. Mark kissed my again with passion. I couldn't remember us being more perfect than now. Which made everything even more complicated…
I wasn't blind. That had not been make-up sex or even "I-Love-You" sex, more like "I-Almost-Died-Today-And-Need-To-Feel-Alive" sex, nothing more. I still had scars on my forearm from what he had put me through. And they were not going to fade. Ever.
Mark felt it too, I'm sure. Despite what we'd just shared, there was no way things could get back to what they were before Angie's death… or even before he "tested" me… whether we liked it or not.
I dismounted him and sat on the edge of the bed. He got up and got dressed. I did not hold him. Neither said anything. What could we say? Wanna hang out Saturday night? Please.
Once he was ready, he sat down next to me. He almost whispered: "I did what I had to do so you'd be yourself again. I wish there had been another way, but I have no regrets. Even if it means it's over between us…"
He kissed me softly on my brow… and left.
That was it. Over. Finished. No more "us".
The moment I heard the apartment door close, I got up and went looking through my cupboards for one of my "best friends", and found it: an almost full bottle of J.D. Good old Jack…
I got myself a glass, went over to the dining table, sat down and filled the glass to the rim. Now the next logical step would have been to drink it. Probably then pour another one… and so on until I got hammered.
But I just stared at the glass full of sweet poison. I stared and stared and stared… it's not that I did want to drink it, I just couldn't… Why couldn't I? Because I was on painkillers? Well, okay, that might not be a great idea, but it had never stopped me before, I've enjoyed many alcohol-and-meds induced near-death-experiences since the trial. The one where that asshole lawyer told twelve people from different places and backgrounds that I was too sad and drunk to be able to say "yeah, that's the guy who raped me!".
Something strange was happening to me. I had just replayed the whole courtroom scene in my head… and I felt no rage. Nor was I close to tears as I usually would be. I felt anger, yes, but it wasn't the kind of blind fury that would make punch walls or destroy objects like before…
"Before"? Before what?
I was still looking for an answer in front of a full glass when the sun rose. I noticed when the light in the room started to change. I turned my head and saw the sunrise through the window…
Oh my God…
Everything was so beautiful! The sun, the sky, the city outside, the light, the way it gleamed and bounced on every object of the room… like the whole world was turning to gold!
That's when it hit me: when I woke up in the medical room and later when I got home, something felt different. But in wasn't around me: it was me. I was different. I had survived hell and now…
I was alive!
For the first time in five years, I felt alive. I was resurrected. Every fiber of my being was singing with life. I started to shake… and then I started to cry. For the first time since I woke up, I cried every drop in my body. I sobbed like a little girl. I let it all out. Everything that had been building up for years. Angie's death, how I failed her, the rape, the acquittal, Baxter's release, Mark… the old Jane, the former version of myself, who was gone now forever… I mourned them all right there and then.
Then I was done. I was reborn. And I knew what I had to do.
I got dressed, put my cast back on and got into my car. I drove to the warehouse where I had last seen them. When I got there, I started to look for an entrance. I was a bit lost at this point, knowing that even if I found an entrance, it was probably booby-trapped. So I did the next best thing: I found a camera.
Of course, they would be everywhere, I didn't expect any less from a man like Jigsaw. I just stood in front of one and stared at it. It worked. About five minutes later, I heard a feminine voice.
"Jane? What are you doing here?". Amanda had just appeared from behind a corner.
"I need to see John, please, Amanda."
She smiled. Of course. She understood.
She led me in, through several rooms filled with tools, mannequins… traps in the making. I barely paid attention.
John was sitting behind a makeshift desk covered with sketches, obviously busy designing his next creation. He lifted his head when he heard us arriving, but did not say anything. I walked over to him. Until now, I did not know what I was going to say, only knew I had to see him. The words rolled out of my mouth uncontrollably:
"Thank you."
He nodded.
I will never forget the smirk on John's face when I asked him next:
"So how can I help?"
Longest chapter so far. Sometimes it just doesn't stop…
You know what to do…