A/N: Thank you so much for the comments! And honestly, I didn't have an idea that it had been so long since I last time updated this. I really hope you haven't forgotten the story!

To answer briefly to your comments, well, I don't honestly know how long it will take for them to realize what's going on… I just hope it will happen eventually! Muhaaauder, thanks for mentioning about those mistakes with "her" and "his". Well, theoretically I know quite well how they should be used, but I mess up with them all the time, since in Finnish we don't have different forms for masculine and feminine ones and that's probably why I just don't notice those mistakes without really concentrating on it. Of course, I should concentrate and try hard to spot those mistakes, but I'm just a bit lazy, I guess… And Bluestocking Suffragette, thank you for a long comment, I was really happy to read it! It was especially great to read what you said about characters. I guess I haven't thought about them that way before, but it was interesting to read your thoughts. And yeah, I'll try to get this story to a proper end! I don't tend to leave stories unfinished, so there's hope for this one, too :)

Chapter 10: Snapping and Stumbling

When I returned to the dormitory they were all sleeping. I had taken Susie to the Ravenclaw tower by broom and kissed her before she climbed inside, and all that had felt so hugely normal, like I had been in love with her and we had been planning to start dating soon. But when I got back to my own dormitory and saw the others sleeping, I felt almost as weird as I had before.

James was mumbling something about Evans and flowers and double bed and I really didn't want to know more about that. Peter was hugging his sheets tightly, but looked quite comfortable, anyway. And Remus was lying on his back. For a moment I thought he was awake and was staring at the ceiling, but when I went a little closer I noticed that his eyes were closed and he was breathing very steadily. Besides, had he been awake, he would have asked me why I was staring at him. So I went to my own bed and tried to sleep.

I woke up with a fuzzy feeling that someone was glaring at me. When I managed to get one of my eyes open, I saw Remus sitting on his bed his hair all messed and eyes quite tired.

'They've left for breakfast', he said when I let my gaze wander across the empty room. 'I thought I'd take care that you won't miss breakfast and will be pain in someone's arse for the whole day.'

I rolled my eyes. 'You didn't have to. I'm planning to be that, anyway.'

'Fuck, I should have believed James, then', he said. Then his voice got more serious and he turned to stare the wall above me. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Not quite.'

'Nightmares?'

I frowned and blushed, but hoped that he didn't see it, since he was observing the hole in the wall quite intensively. 'Well, a few. Or I don't know if you can call them nightmares, anyway.'

He looked at me almost shocked. 'What? You really dreamed about… it? Me and Sarah, well…?'

I shrugged. 'I don't know. They weren't that clear, nightmares, I mean. You don't have to worry about it, Moony. I'm fine. I'm a big boy, I can handle it.'

'I can't.'

'I know.' I closed my eyes for a second. 'But, well, that will happen again, you know. Or it might happen with James and Lily, too, but eventually something like that will happen. You can't have both a girlfriend and best friends without them crashing into each other.'

'Yeah, but still…' Remus swallowed and looked like he decided something. Probably not to bring the subject again. 'Well, where were you? After you went for a shower?'

I choked. 'Er, I was… quite… messed up.'

He stared at me intensively, and it didn't help at all. 'What do you mean? What have you done? Is it Mrs. Norris again?'

'No, I swear', I said quickly, biting my lip. 'I just… well, I went for Susie and shagged her. In the greenhouse.'

Remus looked shocked. 'What?'

'I went for - '

'No, I'm just trying to… get all the pieces together. You heard me and Sarah have sex and right after that you went to find Susie, who you don't date or anything, for a shag? Why?'

'I…', I began, but couldn't find a proper way to say it. 'Merlin, Remus, you can use your own brain. Figure it out. I really need that breakfast.'

'You should probably put some clothes on you at first', he said absently when I stood up and left for the door.

After a few minutes we were sitting in Great Hall, eating breakfast. James was kissing Lily like he had been starving and had unfortunately forgotten that for that one needs food, not a girl. And as the natural consequence of that, Peter looked like he was ready to vomit every time he looked at them, and tried to hide it by eating more. Remus was staring at the ceiling and thinking hard, I could see it from his forehead.

And I was eating porridge and trying to understand why my odd feeling had returned. I didn't really know what Susie would say, if I came to knock on her window again.

I was quite sure I hadn't paid much attention when Remus and James had been discussing how Sarah and Lily didn't like each other, but this evening even I could see that. We were sitting around the table in the common room. Remus was making his homework, Lily and Peter were playing the Wizard Chess, James was stroking Lily's red hair and Sarah was reading a book leaning agaist Remus, back of her head against Remus' shoulder.

'We should do something else', Peter said after losing the second match. 'For Merlin's sake, it's Friday night and we're sitting in the common room!'

James nodded but looked completely satisfied with his hand on Lily's shoulder. 'You think we should go to Hogsmeade? It's probably snowing out there.'

'A bit of snow won't kill you', Pete snapped. 'Really, we spent the last Friday night this way, too.'

'There's nothing wrong with not breaking rules in Friday night', Lily said, but didn't sound very angry. It had probably something to do with James, whose fingers were now running on her cheeks.

Sarah snorted.

'Sorry?' Lily said.

'Just wondering', said Sarah, her voice calm but I could see Remus squeezing her wrist slightly. 'It's not like they're doing something dangerous when they visit Hogsmeade.'

'Well, I don't think I'm a better person to decide about that than our headmaster', Lily snapped.

'Are you always that tense?' asked Sarah, smiling sweetly. Remus took a better grip of her shoulders, like trying to keep her from standing up and getting into a fight with Lily.

Lily threw a glance at Sarah. To be honest, I was totally on Lily's side. Sarah was annoying, especially now when Remus was caressing her back.

'James, I'm off', Lily said through her teeth. 'Will you come?'

'Lily, please', James said quietly, stroking her back. 'We have nowhere to go. We don't need to patrol before it's nine or ten and it's too cold outside.'

'Let's go to Hogsmeade', Lily said.

Sarah smiled and for a moment I wanted to hit her. It was quite surprising. 'So, you changed your mind, then?'

'No, I just got tired with someone's voice', Lily snapped.

'It's snowing', James muttered. 'We could go to our dormitory.'

I glanced at Remus, who looked back at me and then blushed.

'Hogsmeade sounds fine', said Peter, standing up. 'I need some fire whiskey and we haven't seen madam Rosmerta since Christmas break began. I'm going.'

'Well, I guess that's it, then', James said and stood up to wrap his arms around Lily's waist.

'I'm coming, too', I said. There was no way I could stay and sit alone in our dormitory. I still had some far too animated pictures in my mind, and Sarah and Remus practically lying above each other on the couch didn't really help.

Remus threw a quick glance at Sarah. 'I guess I should go, too. They're right, we haven't been there for a long time.'

'Then I'm coming, too.'

Lily's mouth tightened immediately. I wanted to hit someone, but couldn't decide whom.

*

'What's wrong with them?'

Remus didn't answer my question but kept staring at the wall that didn't really look so appealing to me. It was as brown as wood usually was and had some strange spots on it. Lily was sitting on James' lap and letting him to stroke her legs, which was quite uncommon for her. Sarah was staring at her glass and Peter had disappeared a while ago.

Finally, Remus shrugged. 'I don't know, really. Maybe they're only in a bad mood.'

'And keep on trying to bite each others' heads off? Shut up, Moony.'

'Well, I don't really know', he whispered back at me, when Sarah went to ask for another glass of fire whiskey. 'When it comes to Sarah, I think something's bugging her, anyway.'

'Have you shagged since that?'

He rolled his eyes. He didn't look annoyed, though. He was probably getting wasted.

'Maybe you should talk to her.'

'She just keeps saying that something's wrong and that I'm keeping something from her', Remus whispered, leaning his forehead against his hands. His shoulders were tense, I could see it, and he looked pale and tired. 'Well, I am, but I don't think that's the problem now. There's something else, and I can't see what it is.'

I wanted to tell him to break up with her right away and not bother to think her at all, but of course I couldn't.

'I don't know if I can do this, Padfoot', he said slowly. 'Mind getting me another one?'

'A girl?'

'Fire whiskey', he corrected, not bothering to laugh. 'Please.'

I went to buy one for him. After thirty minutes he was drunk.

*

The moon was quite big. I wondered if Remus had noticed it, too, because to me it was almost shouting the fact that full moon was only a week away now. But I didn't mention it, of course. I just made sure that I walked a bit closer to Moony and Sarah, who had wrapped herself to him, pretending to make him walk straight but anyone could see that she was really just trying to get into his pants.

I snorted. I couldn't see how I had ever found Sarah Jones fascinating or appealing. Now her brown hair was falling to her face and she was stumbling a little, even though not as much as Moony, and she looked enormously tired. I didn't understand what Remus saw in her. Remus should have had someone far better.

'Pads?' James was laughing. 'Don't hit a tree, please.'

'Am not planning to', I denied. James should have just kept his mouth shut, since he was already hugging Lily tightly and that was clearly enough to make him happy. There was no reason for him to bother me.

'Is Remus alright?' Lily muttered to James. 'He's quite…'

'Drunk?' James suggested, laughing again. 'Don't worry. He'll be fine for tomorrow. Or not for tomorrow morning, but in the afternoon he will be just fine.'

'I never thought I would see Remus Lupin drunk', Lily said quietly.

'I never thought I would see you coming to Hogsmeade with us', James said.

'Me, neither.'

'Was it that bad?'

'I'm going to go and tell everything to McGonagall right in the morning', Lily promised but her voice was quite cheerful.

'You'll fall with us, dear', James said.

'I'll tell her I saw you going and followed you. Or that you kidnapped me.'

'I love you', James said.

The words kept bouncing in my mind. I heard Lily stumbling and stopping and wanted to wait for them and hear what they would say, but Remus was still walking and of course I couldn't leave him to that stupid Jones. I hardly heard Lily gasping and then saying something in a low voice, but I totally heard the kiss.

I didn't really know when we got back to the castle but somehow we ended up being there, probably thanks to Peter who explained something to Fat Lady and got us all in quite fast. I walked straight to the nearest couch and fell onto it.

'What's the time?' I heard Lily asking. She sounded quite happy.

'Around midnight', James answered. He sounded totally happy.

'I don't think I can get sleep yet', Lily claimed. 'I probably ought to stay for a few minutes.'

'Same with me', James said immediately. 'We should probably sit down.'

After a few seconds they were lying on a couch. Lily's eyes were closed and she was holding James' hand that had been wrapped around her.

'Would someone take Remus upstairs?' Sarah asked warily. Remus was staring at the floor and leaning against her. 'I guess I'm gonna go to sleep now.'

Peter stepped forward to hold Remus, but I caught him first. Sarah threw a quick glance at me, probably thinking that I couldn't manage with him as well as her. I watched the girl kissing Remus quickly on his cheek and then going away.

We managed to get Remus to our dormitory. Peter hold the door open and I dragged him inside, and then Peter had already disappeared to the bathroom and I pushed Remus to his bed.

He lay still, staring at the ceiling. His pullover was wrinkled and there was a hint of his stomach on sight. I wanted to touch scars that were going across the pale skin.

'I don't wanna go', he said.

I blinked. 'Moony? I thought you weren't conscious anymore.'

'Am conscious enough. I don't like drinking that much', he said slowly.

I bit my lip. 'What did you say? You don't wanna go? Where?'

'At all', he sighed, closing his eyes. 'Not go. Not leave. Don't leave, Pads.'

'I'm not leaving anywhere', I promised. His brown hair was falling to his eyes and threw shadows to his face. I wondered if that stupid Jones realized at all what she had.

'Me, neither', he said. 'Really. I don't want to. I don't want this to end. Us. I don't want to leave Hogswarts.'

I swallowed. 'That's going to happen eventually, you know.'

'Don't want to.'

There was a noise when Peter entered the room. His eyebrows rose but I just shrugged and he nodded and went straight to his bed. After a few minutes I thought I heard him breathing steadily like he had already fallen asleep.

Remus wasn't. He was totally awake, and when I watched him I saw that he was staring back at me.

'Nothing will change', I said to him. 'Really. We'll get off from here but there will be something else. We'll go somewhere and James will marry Lily and they'll have plenty of kids that are annoying us until we're death.'

'I won't marry Sarah.'

'You don't have to', I said. I had somehow wrapped my fingers around his wrist and was playing with light scars on his arm, but I didn't know if he noticed it. 'You can break up with her. It's okay.'

'I like her.'

'Yeah.' I swallowed. 'You're drunk, Moony. You shouldn't be thinking this much.'

'I'm not gonna catch sleep.'

'You're. I promise. Just close your eyes.'

He did. I patted him slightly on the shoulder and then found my fingers going through his messy hair. He inhaled deeply and after a few minutes I was quite sure that he was asleep. I stayed for a while, sat on his bed and watched him sleeping, until James came and fell to his own bed. I had to visit bathroom before I could get any sleep myself.

I dreamt about Remus and Sarah. Without Sarah.