DISCLAIMER: We don't own Naruto. Kishi does (lucky !#$%£).

NOTES: This is the result of an RP set in the same universe as my (Kaida's) AU story "Crossing Wires" (link in profile, in case you're confused). I'm Hidan, Rel is Temari. Contains strong language. Some slight Shika/Ino and Gaa/Saku for later chapters. Any grammatical errors/spelling mistakes have been left in ON PURPOSE because the format is email-style, and no email is perfect. Email addresses have had to have spaces entered, so that FF doesn't throw a spaz attack.

For the record, these are the characters we each play:

Rel = Temari, Shikamaru and Kankurou

Kaida = Hidan, Kakuzu and Gaara

This RP is almost finished now! We have ideas for a possible sequel in the works, and we're definitely doing some drabbles set in this AU for the characters we voice - this now includes these new lists (from our ideas for the sequel) along with some others I may have forgotten *sweatdrop*:

Rel = Temari, Shikamaru, Kankurou, Tenten, Sakura

Kaida = Hidan, Kakuzu, Gaara, Shino, Hinata

I've seen how many hits this RP is getting, so I must ask...if you read and like, please review! Reviews are very important and they encourage the rabid fangirls in us to write more.

To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Is the Idiot'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'The sensible one'

Subject: Home truths

Okay fine I'm physically attracted to you at times, but I would still never sleep with you.

Even if you weren't so far up your own ass, even if you weren't such a cocky sex obsessed bastard, even if you weren't practically my teacher, even if we could actually go for longer than a week without fighting...

Because I can control myself.

Temari

To: sabakut acc. edu 'Loser'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Pitying'

Subject: Re: Home truths

Yeah yeah, sure sure *yawn* oh, look at the fucking time - it's bullshit o'clock. Well, apart from the part where you're attracted to me. That's obvious.

Well, I guess I better cut my losses (har har) and find myself a chick who doesn't kid herself. Besides - I need someone who can keep up with me, seriously. Sorry, noob.

By the way, Gaara invited me over for dinner.

Hidan.

To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Pest'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Annoyed and put-upon'

Subject: Dinner

You've got to stop inviting yourself over. No I'm not buying that 'Gaara invited me' crap.

And you really need to get some concept of personal space. Don't think I didn't notice you 'accidentally' bumping into me in a borderline inappropriate manner all damn evening. I know what you're trying to do and I've got news for you, it's not working. And I saw Gaara taking notes, what exactly have you been telling him?

Also no need to thank me from stopping Kankuro from stabbing you with his bread knife over the 'puppets' incident ( I should have warned you, he gets very touchy if people call them dolls). Wouldn't have wanted to spend the evening cleaning up the mess you would've made bleeding out on my carpet.

Next time you stay ridiculously late playing Xbox with Gaara you can walk home, you're not staying on the couch again. No I don't care what the rain does to your hair.

Temari

To: sabakut acc. edu 'Way too paranoid'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Totally innocent'

Subject: Re: Dinner

Are you trying to tell me something, noob? I mean, shit - your brother invited me over and somehow, you're making this about you. I don't get it, seriously. Just because you were in the way a bunch of times doesn't fucking mean I'd be 'bumping into you' - it just means you were in the fucking way. Maybe you were doing it on purpose? Who knows. Even Jashin-sama's washed his hands of you.

You know, I knew there was something weird about Kankurou but DAMN. I was kidding when I asked where your fucking bedroom is, but that dude? "Come sleep with me Temari, just in case". EW. That's fucking sick, you know. You realise you're not safe in your own home, right? There are some real deviants out there, seriously.

Oh, and sorry if I bothered you what with the whole not liking shirts thing. I feel better with just my bare skin, you know? I was born that fucking way, it's natural. Completely natural. And a total crime to cover up a torso like mine.

Tell Gaara thanks for a GREAT time, heh

Hidan

P.S. Seriously though, keep an eye on that brother of yours. I thought the doll thing was weird, but fuck me.

To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Allergic to shirts?'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Not paranoid at all'

Subject: Re: RE: Dinner

Firstly....Kankuro totally thought you were going to come rape me in my sleep (not that I blame him after the way you were carrying on, deny it all you want I'm not that oblivious) that was why he asked me to sleep in with him, we used to do it when we were kids all the time.

You realise it's just not polite to start stripping off in someone elses house like that? Fine you want to run around shirtless in your own home, knock yourself out just don't do it in mine.

Bet it kills you to have to wear shirts to college then right? Is that why they're constantly half unbuttoned?

I think you're starting to have a bad influence on Gaara, his teacher has called me into a conference to talk about his recent 'abnormal and inappropriate behaviour towards Haruno Sakura'. Thanks, thanks alot you've turned my little brother into a pervert.

Temari

To: sabakut acc. edu 'D-E-N-I-A-L'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Proud'

Subject: Parent-teacher meeting

No, seriously. They create some serious fucking bonding, don't you agree?

Your brother has SKILLS, noob. He dry-humped a chick in front of a class full of people - that takes balls, Temari, you gotta give him some fucking credit. I'm kinda proud right now. Little Gaara's gonna get some. Glad someone is, ne?

That Anko teacher was a fucking hoot! Kind of. She was also a little scary. Did you see that fucker wiggle her tongue at me like I was some sorta ice cream? That made me lose it, not get it. Gross beyond words. Thanks for rescuing me from her by the way, wife (and by rescue, I mean get fucking PISSED) - couldn't have done it without you, seriously. Knew I married you for a reason (^_^)

What the fuck made her think we were married, d'you think? Hmmmm.

Didn't like all that shit she was saying about Gaara though - does everyone at that fucking school look down on him like that? No wonder's he's a little messed up. Man, I fucking hate teachers. I wouldn't have seriously gone along, really, but he wanted me to so I figured, hey - I'll go.

Hope he didn't let that bitch of a teacher's comments get to him, seriously.

Hidan

To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Temporary Husband'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Looking into divorce'

Subject: Re: Parent-teacher meeting

You owe me big time. I mean hugely massively owe me.

Admittedly it was quite funny to see you try and deal with someone who was even more obvious with her come-ons than you are. I mean god who says 'Hey I know a great BDSM club downtown' in a parent-teacher conference.

I was tempted to deny it when you said we were married, but even I'm not heartless. I mean, that woman was terrifying. (Though you do realise if she checks the dates you gave when we got married that totally makes me a child bride? I would've been all of fifteen.) And of course I was going to get pissed, I mean she didn't know we weren't dating did she? I mean anyone comes into a conference like that together you're supposed to assume they're a couple right? It was just completely damn inappropriate of her to start playing up to you like that. Plus she was completely ignoring me when she asked me there to talk about Gaara. I could have hit her.

Still, using it as an excuse to grope my ass was pretty low of you, sorry for accidentally stepping on your foot. And okay I get it had to be convincing but there was no call to kiss me, really. Especially not for that length of time.

If there was anywhere else to send him I'd pull him out of that school in a second, they're all scared of him after the 'gym incident' and it means they all treat him like an outsider. He doesn't say much but I'm sure it gets him down.

I really hope your retarded advice hasn't made this Sakura girl hate him, I mean he really seems to like her.

'Your loving wife'

Temari

PS Oh crap Ino just saw how I signed this..... I'm willing to bet that the rumour mill will be saying we eloped and got married now.... *has given up caring*

To: sabakut acc. edu 'Meanie'

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Suffering'

Subject: Re: Re: Parent-teacher meeting


Okay okay okay, I owe you. For rescuing me from a woman obviously straight from the bowels of hell, for letting me touch your ass (nice, by the way), and for...kissing me. For a while. Which - again - nice. Very.

Doubt Gaara would wanna transfer anyway. Not now that he's found his fucking 'bubblegum' (why the hell does he keep calling her that?). He's tough though - no freaky bondage-loving nutbar's gonna get him down.

Your loving husband,

Hidan. x

P.S. Kakuzu's just started fucking screaming at me about 'eloping' to Gretna Green so yeah, Yamanaka's making up some interesting shit. When the hell would I find the time to travel to Scotland? Some people are dumb as fuck, seriously.

To: hidan-techsupport acc. edu 'Temporary(?) Husband'

From: sabakut acc. edu 'Decided Divorce was too expensive'

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Parent-teacher meeting

Okay I admit....the whole kissing thing wasn't bad.

..........

.....

...

Fine it was great.

And I'll choose to just say 'thank you for the compliment'. I know, I know, I must be in one hellava good mood today. You haven't been slipping prozac into my soda have you?

Apparently she has pink hair. Weird no? Makes me wonder if she's a bit of a punk or something, but from how Gaara's described her she seems almost preppy.

'The ol' ball and chain, the little woman etc etc'

Temari

To: sabakut acc. edu

From: hidan-techsupport acc. edu

Subject: Important

Come to the office please, noob. Got some work stuff to talk to you about.

Hurry.

Hidan.