"Loki wants to meet you. He has been here for two weeks.", I leafed through my notes. "Robotics department reports that the development on Striker-model is progressing well, and they have finished two prototypes for your evaluation. The first has Er4-chip and the second was fitted with rt-7. They would like to hear your opinion on that."
"They should do level 7 testing on both. I will look at the results when they are ready."
"The Kroft brothers have noticed increased vampire activity on southeastern border. I doubled the Doombot patrols and told them to let me know immediately if vampires cross the border. The science department-"
Victor lifted his hand to interrupt me. He stood up and gestured me to move aside before he pushed the button on his right gauntlet. Johnny Storm's wide grin appeared on the wall.
"Storm. You should know Doom has no time for your infant prattle.", Victor drawled.
"I'm not seeking you, you old tin. I want to thank your wife for her hospitality. You should really get her a phone of her own, man."
"Hello, Johnny.", I stepped forward. "How did your trip go?"
"I just got defrosted yesterday, thank you.", he beamed. "I twisted my ankle a bit when you pushed me into ha-ha, but the cold treatment you arranged worked wonders. Sue is cranky because Reed has vanished into world of Wookieepedia. He wants to build Star Wars tech for us too. You really keep me on my toes, Darce. Never a boring moment. I have the hots for you."
Victor was speechless. He just stared at the screen.
"You didn't know, Doom?", Johnny grinned. "I decided to pay a surprise visit to Latveria while you were away. Your beautiful wife kicked my ass in dance off and pushed me into ha-ha when I tried to kiss her. It was grand. To think I was carbon-frozen like in Star Wars! I'm swooning, man! I think I love her."
"I refuse to pander to you, Storm.", Victor growled. "Do not call Doom again.", he cut the transmission and stomped out of the room.

The packet which arrived by airmail two days later did nothing to improve his mood. We were having a dinner with Loki, when 431-532 brought a small cardboard box on silver tray. Seeing a circle of Pure Joy on Doombot's forehead cheered me up every time.
"Delivery for the lady.", 431-532 announced. Victor snatched it up before I could react. He was always irritable at public dinners, since he couldn't eat anything and was limited to drinking only.
I craned my neck to get a better view and noticed Loki doing the same thing. Doom ripped the box open and threw the packing materials on the floor. I saw a Starkphone with pink, glittered cover and a wrinkly shred of graph paper wrapped around it. Victor picked up the note and read it.
"Since Doom keeps blocking my calls, I decided to spoil my favorite enemy. Satellite model, doll.", Victor's voice dripped venom. He stood up, dropped the phone on the floor, and crushed it beneath his boot.
"Why do you keep fraternizing with the enemy?", he roared at me. "He has blastered your picture all over Facebook, and updates his status five times a day with disgusting proclamations of puppy love."
I pushed my chair so hard it fell, and screamed at him. I was so mad. Loki's eyes were glinting.
"How in the hell i should know what he does on Facebook? I don't have a web connection! Or phone, since you broke it!"
"You need no fucking phone, if only thing you're using it for is flirting with my enemies.", he hissed between clenched teeth. It was first time I'd heard him curse.
"I did no such thing! I bet you watched security cam videos so many times that you can recite everything I said, line by line.", I stomped my foot. "So you know I didn't."
"You had whole fortress filled with weapons of war. Why didn't you use them instead?"
"Because I'm not superhuman genius magician you are!" My face was heated. "I can't use any of your precious weapons. I know no magic. I don't have an armor to protect me. He came here sputtering fire and brimstone, and I had to calm him down before he hurt anyone. You know better than I how many buildings he has burned and how many grants Latveria pays for the people who were hurt in superhero attacks. I did what I had to do, with only tools I had. Who cares if they were bottles of wine and songs from a musical? You should be proud of what I did! Your company is making me a fucking supervillain. I was a good person before - I used to hate you so bad- then I started to like you, and what did it do to me? Now I'm killing Doombots and luring good guys into traps!"
"No, you are the scapegoat.", he pointed at me. "You have filled Doom's life with insufferable trivia, while he should be concentrating on higher things. But you, you keep dragging Doom down to your level!"
"Why the hell you married me then?", my voice rose to shrill.
Victor opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Enraged, he spread his hands and I saw a shining of terrible energy surrounding him.
"I DON'T KNOW!", he roared, and the energy burst. The sound of explosion was so loud I couldn't hear anything except ringing in my ears. I saw how the oak table split in hundred pieces, shards flying in the air. Rivers of wine ran between broken porcelain and glass. Last thing I saw was Loki, pushing me on the floor and covering me with his body. Piercing pain sped my journey into unconsciousness.