"Cassie? Cassie I know you're in there. Come on, open the door."
Cassandra sighed and pushed herself out of her bed, going to the bedroom door. It had been a week since the fight at the Carter Theater, and she still had spoken very little about it. She hadn't gone to see Stephanie since it happened and refused any calls that Alfred said she had for her. She'd tried to come over twice, but Cassandra had, as politely as possible, asked to be left alone.
This time, however, it was Tim knocking on her door.
"Can I come in for a minute?" He asked, Cassandra nodded and opened the door wider. He made is way to the chair across from her bed, sat down and took a heavy breath. "Steph's pissed at me."
"Alright," Cassandra said.
"Said I shouldn't have responded the way I did back at the theater… Man, I only said one thing… And I wasn't really even thinking-"
"What does 'lapsed' mean?" Cassandra asked.
"What?" Tim asked.
"Stephanie called you, 'lapsed'." Cassandra said.
Tim sighed again, "It means that although I was taught to believe in God, I don't know that I do anymore."
Cassandra looked at him for a moment, taking in how this seemed to affect him before she asked, "Why?"
Tim tapped his fingers against the desk for a few seconds, as if trying to coordinate his thoughts, "There's a lot to say… Guess it all started with my mom." He paused for a moment to see if Cassandra would question him again before he continued, "My mom wasn't even raised a Catholic. She was Jewish. You know what that is?"
"I know the word," Cassandra replied.
"Where's your bible?" Tim asked, Cassandra pointing to the backpack sitting in the corner. Tim unzipped it and produced the book, grabbing the same three-fourths Stephanie had skipped past, "All this," he said. "This is Judaism. It's Christianity too, but it was Judaism first." When Cassandra looked confused, he continued, "It's not that important to explain now, but that's the basics. A common ancestry." He sat back down. "My dad was Catholic. Never made much of a fuss about it, but apparently my grandparents did because Mom had to convert before they were allowed to marry. My mom never seemed to care much at all, as long as she was, 'gaining something instead of losing it,' as my Dad used to say. So even though they both raised me Catholic, Mom still saw to it I go through all the moments a nice Jewish boy went through too." He again considered his own words for a moment before muttering, "I was the only kid in my class to have First Communion and a Bris…"
"I don't know what either of those are," Cassandra said.
"One is pretty basic, the other is horrifying to sit here and describe. Let's move on," Tim replied. "And even after all of that, my mom was the most devoted person to her faith- both sides of her faith- that I ever knew… Dad never cared that much about going to church or saying prayers… Mom had both a Star of David and a rosary inside her bedside table at home. I've got both of them in my room right now."
"But sure enough, one business trip to Haiti and I receive word that I don't have a mother anymore… It was the first time I ever questioned why God had let something happen." Tim stopped and tended briefly to his eyes and took in a quick breath through his nose.
"Tim…" Cassandra began.
"A few years later I hear Black Mask killed the girl I love. Then my dad is assassinated, my step-mom is lost with the rest of Bludhaven, and, as you might remember, Conner… Maybe Steph came back, but it still takes so much to believe in my mom's all loving, all powerful God when all of that came apart around me."
"I am so sorry," Cassandra said after a moment of silence.
"Don't be… Right now, I'm doing what makes sense," Tim said, wiping at his eyes again.
"What… What does Bruce believe?" Cassandra asked.
"He had a very similar upbringing. Christian father, Jewish mother, she must have converted before she died, otherwise she wouldn't be buried like she is… Never told me how they affected his life… I don't know Cass. If you really want my honest answer, I think Bruce has about a hundred plans drawn up for how to take God down if he does exist and gets on his bad side." He chuckled a little, though Cassandra did not react. "Bruce isn't a good person to ask that question about. Ask me about Huntress, Batwoman, Dick… Wait, no, not about Dick. I still don't know what a Roma is."
"Why tell me all this?" Cassandra asked. "Why tell me your story?"
"Because you've only experienced this so many ways," Tim said. "I know you talked with my old monsignor," he stopped and chuckled a little, "If he knew you were my adopted sister he'd probably tell you to shout at me to start coming to church again. Anyway, you've heard from him, you've heard from Steph… And you've heard from some whackjobs in animal masks, because I'm sure Bruce didn't tell you anything."
"He told me it was my decision," Cassandra said.
"Yeah, close enough. My point is Cassie that there isn't just one way to look at the world. None of us thought any different of you before you started looking into all this."
Cassandra gave Tim a long look before she said, "I didn't do it for any of you."
"You were doing it for yourself then?" Tim asked, Cassandra nodding.
"Yes," she said. "What the monsignor and Stephanie taught me… Ideas based on forgiveness and compassion. I liked those a lot."
"But you were already living like that anyway," Tim pointed out. "You're one of the most hopeful, strong-willed people I know. Bruce even called you less willing to take a life than he is."
"Maybe… Maybe I wanted to belong. With others."
"You don't feel that with the rest of us?" Tim asked, already knowing the answer.
"It isn't that," Cassandra said.
"Maybe you don't know why you want to try this at all," Time suggested. "There are a lot of things it could be Cass, and maybe you need to identify your real motivations before you dig any deeper. Maybe you'll find what you're looking for, maybe you won't. Either way, some focus might just do you a lot of good."
When Cassandra didn't say anything, Tim gave her a last sad little smile and stood up to exit the room, nearly to the door when she said, "Tim?" And he turned to look at her. "Maybe I just wanted to be born for another reason." He didn't respond immediately, so she continued, "I was born to be a weapon. Be my father's perfect blade… But God made Adam to be his friend, that's what Stephanie said. And made Mary to have and raise his son. Not as tools, but as loved ones," she was now clutching herself, a hand quickly clearing the wet from her eyes. "Maybe that's what I want."
Tim stepped back in and laid a hand on her back for a second before pulling her into him. "You were never that to us Cass," he said. "Wherever you go with this, whatever happens, you were never that to us. Do you understand?" She sniffled, pulled away from him a little and nodded silently. "You were never that to us. And no matter what you do you're always going to be Cassandra. Do things my way, Steph's way, Bruce's way, anyway. I promise that won't change."
"Thank you," Cassandra managed to say before he pulled her in for another moment.
"I'll let you think about all that," he said, again walking towards the door. "But you should probably get in touch with Steph again soon. I'll tell her you're alright, but she's really been worried about you."
Cassandra nodded as he left and took another long, hard look at the book.
What was it she was really looking for? And how sure could she be that she would find it?
[[Author's notes: Sooo this feels like about as good a time as any to talk about how the relationships in this fic are supposed to deviate a little from established continuity. Namely, that I have always had a real problem with the fact that Bruce said he would adopt Cassandra if she wanted it (and she clearly did) and then nothing ever came of it.
Cassie was never really integrated into the Wayne household, never referenced as Bruce's adopted daughter… They just kinda included that incredibly heartwarming scene and then never did anything with it. So with that in mind, I wanted to try and clean that up a bit and make her position more similar to Dick and Tim's, which, again, was what she wanted and Bruce promised her. It's been my intention to write Bruce as both a mentor and an adopted father to her throughout this thing, and I hope it has seemed evident enough.
Along with that is the relationship between Tim and Cassie. I am fully aware that some people ship the two, and I do not have a problem with that, but by a combination of the fact that I am a devoted Tim and Stephanie fan and always read Tim and Cassandra more as brother and sister than as lovers, that is how I'm trying to represent them here… Also, given the adoption side of things in this story, they are sorta brothers and sisters anyway, and even if they're not blood siblings, I still don't want to touch that.
Last but not least, I suppose it's important to talk about the timeframe on this thing. I'm painting in pretty broad strokes, but ideally is, very simply, set after Stephanie's return in Robin: Violent Tendencies and Batman's "Death" in Final Crisis. Simple as that.