KPOV

Although Rob's sudden physical absence caused an ache within me the approaching holidays gave me no choice but to busy myself and not think about it. There was plenty of gift buying to be done, but my main objective was to fit into the dress Steven had bought for me to wear to his firm's Christmas party.

Steven always bought my outfits for such events and I'd swear he didn't know clothes came any bigger than a size zero. I tried to stay in shape all year round, but I'd still have to drop at least one dress size for all the holiday parties. Since I'd majorly slacked off during the week of Rob's visit I had to spend all my free time at the gym. I was thankful for the distraction though.

When the evening of the 21st rolled around I stood in my bathroom and held my breath as I attempted to zip my dress. Ah victory, it fit! It was form fitting, floor length deep green silk. I had to hand it to Steven, he did have good taste. If I was stuck with someone purchasing my clothes and planning my outfits at least he was good at it.

I wore my auburn hair curled and in a fancy updo. I stood in front of the full-length mirror, held out my cell phone and snapped a picture to send to Rob. This had become common for us, sending each other texts throughout the day and a picture or two to help us feel connected despite the fact that we were thousands of miles apart. It only took a minute for him to reply.

Wow, utterly stunning! You'll easily be the most beautiful girl at that party.

- R

I replied a quick thanks and then headed downstairs where Steven was impatiently waiting for me.

"About time, we're already going to be late." he huffed.

"Sorry, just wanted to look good for you." I plastered on my biggest and brightest fake smile for him.

"And this was honestly the best you could do with all the time you took?" he asked, looking me up and down as we hurried out the door. I didn't respond, I was used to comments like that, they were a common occurrence. I couldn't even remember the last time he paid me an honest compliment.

Steven's firm held these parties a few times a year and they were always the same…boring. Uptight lawyers pretending to loosen up by getting trashed on expensive scotch and devouring five-star meals.

Steven escorted me through the crowd, introducing me to anyone I hadn't met before. I never engaged in conversation with them, I was just introduced and then stood on Steven's arm like a decoration. Eventually my job as arm candy would be done and I would make my way over to the other wives, who were shockingly more dull than their husbands, because that was my place.

As I stood there trying to block out the mindless chatter from the Stepford wives I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to come to a party like this with Rob. To be on his arm as an equal, not just a prop, because that's how I knew it would be with him. Of course he would never willingly be at such a stuffy party. It wasn't his scene…truthfully it wasn't mine either. Or at least it hadn't been before I married and gave up myself. Ugh, I was a hopeless mess.

I was tempted to down scotch by the gallon to drown out the babbling and my own thoughts, but getting drunk in public would be an embarrassment to Steven so I limited myself to two drinks and patiently waited for him to have his fill.

The following morning Steven left to go spend a few days with his family upstate for Christmas. I didn't go, I never went. Steven's family never liked me, never thought I was good enough for him and instead of making them accept me, or at least deal with me, he just hid me away.

Not surprisingly I looked forward to the time he spent away, be it business trips or visiting family. When he was gone it felt like my off time, like I could just relax and be myself without worrying about living up to his expectations, like the boss was away.

With it being Christmas and all I went and spent a couple days with my family as well. They only lived about thirty miles away, but spending a couple days there and sleeping there just felt like Christmas to me. It had been quite awhile since I really talked to Sara so we had some catching up to do.

Thirteen year olds seem to have an unlimited supply of drama in their lives…well maybe twenty-three year olds have their fair share as well, but I left my drama out of things. I didn't even mention Rob to her, but I couldn't avoid thinking about him seeing as how he was plastered all over her room. Talk about awkward! I was sure to send a couple pictures of said plastering to Rob which he got a good laugh out of, but Sara would certainly kill me if she ever found out.

After opening gifts under my parent's tree Christmas morning I returned to my own empty house. Steven wouldn't be home for another day so I laid on the couch all day watching the cheesy movies that they play on repeat for only one day a year.

Later that night I finally got a call from Rob…

"Merry Christmas, Rob!" I answered cheerfully.

"Uh hi, Merry Christmas. I was just going to leave you a message. I wasn't expecting to actually get to talk to you tonight."

"I told you I don't go to Steven's family thing, that's where he is, and I've already gone to mine so I'm home and we can talk as much as you'd like…"

"Home…alone…on Christmas?" he questioned as if the idea was totally absurd, and it probably would seem that way to most people, but it was perfectly normal to me.

"Yes Rob, and it's fine. Really. I'm bundled up in front of the fireplace and enjoying a nice glass of wine…and talking to you. I'm not complaining, far from it actually."

"Well it just doesn't seem right. You're supposed to be with your family and the people who love you for the holidays. If we were…well, just know that I would be with you."

"I know." I didn't know what else to say. We had never talked about how different things would be if we were together. We didn't even talk about us being together, ever, but it was painfully obvious that the both thought about it.

Rob easily changed the subject to ease the awkward tension. He told me all about his Christmas with his family and I shared the details of mine. We traded happy stories and laughed together. And then Rob got silent for a moment.

"Something on your mind?" I asked.

"I want to ask you something…" he hesitated.

"Well just ask then." He was really making me nervous now.

"Do you love him, Kris?"

"WHAT?" I felt heat suddenly rush to may face as my blood started to boil.

"It's a simple question. Do you love your husband? Yes or no answer, one which should be very obvious. I need to know." he pleaded.

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Rob. It's totally inappropriate." Truth was if he had asked me such a thing in person I might have just slapped him.

"I'm sorry, I know, but this whole situation is kind of inappropriate so it's a little unclear what's off limits and what isn't." He paused for a second. "How about this…do you think he loves you?"

"No." I gasped and my hand flew over my mouth as I realized I had answered without any hesitation. A quick yes would have been great, but a quick no meant there was no doubt in my mind. An answer you don't have to think about is the complete unbiased truth.

"Oh sorry." Rob seemed surprised by my easy admission, like he had known the truth, but was expecting me to deny it. "Well don't you think you deserve to be with someone who does love you…and you love back?"

"Are you trying to say what I think you're saying?"

"Kris, you know what I'm saying. We love…"

I cut him off quickly. "Rob, I can't talk about this. We can't talk like this." I snapped my phone shut before he had time to respond. I shock my head trying to push away the ideas he had put in there.

I didn't know what had gotten into him. Maybe he was drunk or something. We'd never directly took on our issues like that, only skirted around them or avoided the topic altogether.

Rob's accusation that I didn't love Steven made me angry, but my own admission that Steven didn't love me was more hurtful. I guess I had never even though about it, never questioned it myself, but I had always known the answer. Then add in the idea that Rob loved me and maybe I loved him too…what the hell was I going to do?

Avoidance had worked so far, I couldn't think about this now. I didn't know if I wanted to think about it ever. I put the fire out, downed the rest of my wine and headed to bed.

A/N: Ah the phone call confrontation! That was one of the first things I wrote for this story and I just added the things leading up to it so I hope they mesh together well enough. I got a little involved in Kris' POV so we didn't get to hear from Rob this time, but no worries, he'll get his turn and we'll have a depressed Brit boy on our hands :(