Chapter Ten – The Past
"Jessie!" Grace said again, louder this time as Jessie attempted somewhat foolishly to sneak by her step-sister. Giving up any hope of being able to get up to her room without a conversation with Grace, Jessie turned and sighed.
"So...What happened last night?" Grace asked with a sly look on her face. Just like Grace Jessie thought Straight to the point.
"What do you mean?" Jessie questioned, still hoping to avoid having to talk about Katie, knowing the fight she would have to put up in order to keep the smile from her face.
"You and Katie made up." Grace said decidedly.
"Yes, yes we did" Jessie replied, already fighting her grin she continued "Am I allowed to go upstairs now?"
"No! Hang on..." Grace shot before Jessie had a chance to move.
"What Grace, What?" Jessie was getting exasperated now.
"Katie likes you!" Grace said quickly then wondered what on earth had possessed her to say that so tactlessly.
"Of course she does, we're friends..." Jessie replied slowly beginning to wonder how much Grace knew about Katie. Grace on the other hand heard Jessie's response and had a flashback to an earlier conversation she had had with Katie herself They are more alike than I thought...
"No, Jessie, I mean she likes you, likes you!" Grace said finally, deciding to just get this conversation other with, she was glad that the two girls were friends again, but something was worrying her, she didn't want Jessie getting hurt. After seeing her go back to her old eating habits over the past few days, Grace was now more aware of the effect that learning about Katie could have on her young step sister.
Jessie said nothing. Her eyes widened and her mind was racing a mile a minute. How does Grace know? Had Katie been talking to her about this? Does she know about us now? No, of course not Jessie, she wouldn't have had time to find out, it's only been a day...
While Jessie remained lost in her thoughts Grace carried on a rant of her own.
"Look Jessie, I know this is probably a shock to you, I know you've only just made up, but I didn't want you to find out and have a problem with it, I didn't want you to relapse. To be honest I can't believe you didn't know Katie was gay, everyone in school knows! I mean, especially after the Sarah debacle, they were totally in love and Katie just broke her heart-"
"What?!" That snapped Jessie from her thoughts.
"Jess, I'm sorry you had to hear it from me, but Katie feels differently about you than you do about her and-"
"No, I know that! What did you say after that?" Jessie interrupted her again.
"You know?! She told you?!" Grace was becoming more and more confused by this conversation.
"Grace! Who is Sarah?" Jessie shrieked at her step sibling.
"Sarah...She's a junior at school, her and Katie were inseparable last year, then Katie got bored and broke her heart, she left school Jessie, Katie really hurt her."
Jessie was silent once more.
"She's moved back to school now though, I saw the other day, apparently it is not impossible to recover from Katie Singer..." Grace said the last bit almost to herself. Then she remembered something and broke Jessie from her second trance.
"So you already knew Katie likes you?" She questioned.
Jessie was still trying to organise her thoughts over the most recent bit of information that had learnt about her secret girlfriend, she answered Grace but didn't look at her.
"She told me." She said simply.
"And you didn't freak out? Because for a while I thought maybe you liked her back, then after this past week I guessed not. But she told you and you're ok with it?" Grace said, rambling slightly again.
"I...We...-" Jessie regained her composure, suddenly realising that this conversation may have gotten a little too in depth for her liking. Watching Jessie stumble over her words, Grace made a realisation of her own.
"Oh God, you do like her... You're together." She said, trying to get her head around that idea before remembering what she had said earlier about Sarah, now she understood Jessie's behaviour.
"OH GOD! Jessie, I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys-"
"I'm gonna go upstairs now" Jessie said quietly, cutting off Grace once more, she really didn't want to talk about this, she hadn't wanted anyone to know, and couldn't believe that the secret hadn't even remained that way for a whole day, she mind had gone blank, she turned to leave.
"Jessie!" Grace said again, but Jessie had already disappeared up the stairs and out of sight.
Jessie spent the next couple of hours alone in her room considering what she had just learnt from Grace's little slip up. She felt hurt that she hadn't known about Katie's past, she knew it was ridiculous, of course she couldn't know everything about the other girl, but for some reason Jessie felt uncomfortable about the fact that from what Grace had said, this Sarah person had played an important role in Katie's life. However, it wasn't jealousy that Jessie felt this time; it was something else, something she couldn't quite put her finger on but she knew it felt a little like doubt.
These same thoughts circulated Jessie's brain for a while, she tried to decipher whether she was doubting her relationship with Katie, or doubting Grace's words. Jessie found it almost impossible that Katie was capable of breaking someone's heart, especially as Grace made it sound as if she did it so carelessly. Katie got bored and broke her heart...Katie really hurt her.
Jessie had never witnessed Katie do anything even remotely heartless before. Katie was the girl who made Jessie feel safe, she knew Katie was concerned about her eating habits, she also knew that Katie avoided mentioning this concern as she knew it would upset Jessie more. Katie was the girl that befriended Jessie, regardless of the fact that Jessie was a year younger, Katie clearly didn't care what her own peers thought about that. Katie was the girl that even when Jessie avoided her for days, even when Jessie drunkenly snapped at her, never said anything hurtful in return. Katie was the girl that just last night had been so gentle and so caring with Jessie because she knew the younger girl was nervous. Jessie couldn't believe that Katie had a malicious bone in her body. But I've only known her a few months, can I really know that much about her personality? Maybe this is how she was with Sarah to begin with... even as Jessie was thinking these thoughts there was something inside her that refused to accept them. Something wasn't right. She'd have to ask Katie herself.
It seemed that finally the events of the past few days and the thoughts and insecurities whirling around Jessie's mind had caught up with her. She felt herself lying back on her bed and fighting to keep her eyes open. She lost the battle and drifted quietly off to sleep, the afternoon sun filtering through the dust that hung as always in the attic air.
Katie let out a sigh; it had been nearly an hour ago that she had sent a text to Jessie. Usually the blonde could be counted on to reply almost immediately. Maybe she's changed her mind about us, maybe she's gone back to avoiding me again. Katie couldn't help the negative thoughts clouding her mind and causing a look of hurt confusion to seep out across her flawless features as she sat outside her house on the steps leading into her back yard.
After a few more minutes of tapping her converse clad feet on the step below her and drumming her fingers distractedly on the cell phone that remained in her hand, waiting with increased angst for her girlfriend's reply, Katie leapt to her feet, surprising even herself with the unexpected movement. She walked around the side of her house, not bothering to go inside, knowing that there was no-one who really cared about her whereabouts, she hopped in her jeep, slammed the door and headed off to find Jessie.
When she arrived at the Manning house and knocked on the door, it opened almost immediately to reveal a sheepish looking Grace.
"Hey Katie..." Grace let out slowly, only meeting Katie's eyes for a second. Katie looked at her in confusion, feeling slightly suspicious of Grace's hesitant greeting.
"Hey Grace..." Katie mockingly replied, using the same uncertain tone that Grace herself had used before continuing.
"Jessie at home?"
"Yeah, she's in the attic" Grace said as she shuffled back from the door to allow Katie to enter. Katie looked curiously at her as she passed Grace offering a word of thanks just the same. Guilt. She looked guilty...Katie thought as she made her way up the first set of stairs. What can possibly be going on now? And how is it that every time I've climbed these stairs recently I've had nerves in the pit of my stomach?
Katie shook the thoughts from her head and took a deep breath before knocking on the door to Jessie's attic. There was no reply. Katie's eyebrows furrowed and she knocked again but there was still no reply. Katie twisted the door handle and entered the room, climbing the last couple of steps and turning the corner to be met with a sight that surprised her slightly.
Jessie was curled up on the edge of her bed, worryingly close to the edge of her bed in fact, and she was fast asleep. Without even realising it a smile has spread it's way across Katie's lips as she looked fondly at her girlfriend. She is very near to the edge though, she moves just a little bit and she's going to fall off. Katie thought partly in concern and partly in amusement at the girl's odd sleeping arrangement.
Katie tip-toed over to the bed, careful not to make any sound against the hardwood floor beneath her feet. She clambered on to the bed, being sure not to knock Jessie from her precarious position and leant over to get a better look at Jessie's peaceful face. She stroked a wisp of blonde hair that had been covering the girl's closed eyes and tucked it gently behind her ear.
"Jessie" Katie whispered softly, getting no response.
"Jessie you need to move this way before you fall off!" Katie whispered again, with laughter evident in her voice.
"Mmmph" Was the only sound of recognition from the sleepy younger girl.
"Come on Jess, just move a little bit this way, I don't wanna be picking you up off the floor!" Katie tried again.
This time Jessie moved, she open a pair of bleary eyes and sat up, leaning on her elbows and looking towards her girlfriend with a disgruntled expression. She shifted towards Katie, pushed the older girl down flat on the bed and snuggled quickly up against her, resting her head low down on Katie's chest.
Katie couldn't keep in the laugh at Jessie's sudden movements, but as her chuckle escaped she saw the movement shake Jessie's head a bit and stopped immediately, settling on a large grin instead. I don't think she was really awake even, she seemed pretty out of it, must be really tired. Katie thought, deciding to allow Jessie to remain sleeping, besides it's not like Katie wasn't benefitting from this little nap, she was extremely comfortable with Jessie's close proximity. Although it does seem that so far we've been asleep for the majority of our relationship... Those were the last thoughts to cross Katie's mind before she too descended into her own dreamless sleep.