Chapter 10

They lay close, tangled up in one another on the bed, the moonlight ghosting in from Kurt's bedroom window. It barely illuminated the room enough for Kurt to see Blaine's eyelashes fanning over the apples of his cheeks and fluttering against Kurt's chest at the same time. "Just ten minutes…let me just lay with you for ten more minutes and then I'll go…" Blaine had said, clutching Kurt's torso like a lifeline as he lay with his ear over Kurt's heart. That was an hour ago, and Kurt couldn't bring himself to wake Blaine, despite the fact that he'd heard Carole, Finn and his Dad come home about 30 minutes after they'd…what? What had it been? Had they hooked up? Fucked? Was Kurt just a one-night stand? Oh…well, he was a homewrecker now…potentially…wasn't he? That stung, but he'd known it going in, and in that moment he couldn't find it within himself to give it another thought. Blaine was in his arms, snuffling softly, naked as the day he was born, both of them under Kurt's down comforter in a cocoon of warmth and…oh, he really wanted to say "love", but he didn't dare. Not out in the open for the world to hear. It was too much to hope for.

Blaine was warm, soft, so unbelievably beautiful – even more so than he had been in high school, if that was possible – and for a few more minutes, Blaine was his. And in that moment, he knew, without a doubt, what had happened.

He and Blaine had made love…again…after so much time apart. He couldn't make it out to be something sordid, something wrong. He just couldn't. He still loved this man in his arms just as much as he had ten years before, and Kurt knew he always would.

"Just let me love you for a few more minutes, B…please?" Kurt murmured as he ran his fingers through Blaine's wild mane, still loving the smell of his body wash and the conditioner he claimed he must have for his curls.

Blaine came awake slowly, then with a start, realizing he wasn't in his own home or his own bed. For a fleeting moment he panicked, wondering if he'd dreamed the previous evening and he was, instead, in some nameless, faceless man's bed back in L.A., still trying to forget Kurt. Slowly, after much deliberation and even a short prayer, he opened his eyes. His smile was brighter than the sun.

"God, you're still so damn beautiful…" he breathed out, seeing Kurt there beside him sound asleep. Kurt's skin was still pale, stretched over toned muscles and still flawless from his hairline to his toes. His hair was shiny, chestnut brown with a few strategically placed, lighter highlights. It was so artfully swept up from his forehead the night before that Blaine hesitated to run his fingers through it but not for long. He remembered very well how Kurt liked his hair tugged when they made love, and sometimes begged for more when Blaine got a little carried away with it. "So, so stunning…and I still can't have you." His heart broke thinking of how he'd leave here this morning, unnoticed if he was very lucky, and there was a good chance he might never see Kurt in person again. He wasn't at all sure his heart could handle it if he did.

Ten minutes later, dressed and standing at the end of Kurt's bed, he hoped he wasn't having a heart attack at the ripe old age of 28. His chest ached, his throat was nearly closed up with emotions, his breathing was labored and his eyes were full of tears he could barely see through. He walked up to the head of the bed, leaned over and kissed Kurt softly on his forehead and brushed the hair away from his face.

"You've occupied every corner of my heart and my mind from the day I finally pulled my head out of my ass in the practice room at Dalton, Kurt Hummel. There will never be a time in my life when you won't be in my heart, I promise you that. Last night was…beyond any words I can come up with, but I won't betray him again, even with permission. I'll always love you. Always. Merry Christmas, Kurt."

Blaine backed away after his whispered words and let himself out of the room. Thoughts of Kurt going home to Lars, possibly even telling the man of their tryst, ate at him, but he had to let Kurt handle things as he saw fit. If it wasn't in him to keep that secret from his partner, then Blaine had to accept that and the guilt that came with it. But he wouldn't…couldn't…regret it.

He slipped quietly down the steps and over to the front door where his coat hung on the same coat tree that had been in the Hummel foyer forever. Those little things, the familiar things, nearly had him choking back another sob. It was only the throat clearing behind him that took his mind from his memories. He considered ignoring it…running…just heading for the door with his tail between his legs as quickly as possible, but it wouldn't change the fact that he'd been caught.

"Can I help you find the door, buddy?" the cold, unfriendly voice said, and Blaine breathed a massive sigh of relief. It wasn't Burt Hummel. Clearly, there was a God. With a grin he knew would be recognized despite any beard or wild hair, he turned slowly to find Finn standing in the kitchen doorway. "Well, holy freakin' shit…" Finn laughed. "What the hell, Blaine!?" the man said, trying to be quiet but failing. He crossed the space between them and nearly crushed Blaine in a hug that brought those memories rushing right back. "It's just like ten years ago, and you're still sneaking out of the house!" he laughed.

"It's good to see you, man. How have you been?" Blaine asked, eyes bright as he took in his old friend.

"If I were any better there'd be two o' me. How the heck are you!? What's it been? Six years? Eight? Wow…when was Tina's wedding?"

"Yeah…eight years ago, I think. You look good, Finn. I'm glad to hear everything's goin' your way, man. How's Burt? I mean, Kurt said he's good, and your Mom, too, but…"

"No, really, they're both good…health's good, business is good. No complaints. We all wish Kurt wasn't so far away, but he comes home when he can. What are you…I mean…what brings you here? On Christmas Eve…well, Christmas Day, now…sneaking out of the house at –" he paused and looked at the clock, "six fifty a.m.?" The smirk on his face said he knew exactly what brought Blaine there, but he forced Blaine to admit it.

"We uh…last night we…I was at the grocery store for my Mom and—"

"Kurt was there for Mom, getting whipped cream if I'm not mistaken?" Finn added.

"Yeah, and suddenly there he was, ya know? I…we…I just couldn't let him walk away without catching up. It's been," he paused, unsure how to finish the sentence. A long time? Hard as hell without him? Unbearable? "It's been a long time…and it was really good to catch up," Blaine finally finished.

"Catch up? Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?" Finn smirked at him again, wagging his eyebrows. Blaine had the decency to blush. A lot.

"We um…" he started, scratching at the back of his neck, unsure how much to share. But then again, it was clear that Finn already had a good idea of what had gone down. "I'll never have him out of my system, Finn. He'll always be it for me, and I hope he can just go on with his life, with Lars, and never speak of last night. I don't want to cause him issues, I truly don't. I care for him so much…but I couldn't just…I couldn't leave without…" Blaine said, trying desperately to get his thoughts out, but failing. Finn merely nodded.

"Lars, huh? That's the stumbling block?" Finn asked. Blaine shrugged, unsure what that meant. Of course Lars was the issue. He was Kurt's partner and Blaine had no place in Kurt's life anymore beyond the previous evening. "And what about Seth? You gonna tell him about Kurt?" Finn probed. Blaine let out a mirthless laugh at that, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

"Between us?" he asked. Finn nodded. "Seth…he knows about Kurt. He has for a while…and we…we had a good run, but he blindsided me with the 'you'll never be mine as long as your heart's still his' conversation a few months back. He's seeing someone else and he's happy, and that's all I can ask, ya know? It was good while it was good, but then it wasn't. I couldn't see it then when I was in it, but I can see now that Seth was right to go. It'll always be Kurt and nobody else can fill that void for me. In fact…I'm not looking for anyone else to fill the void. But…Kurt's taken, and he's happy and I won't take that away from him. I just hope he can forgive me for last night."

"And Kurt was clear about…being happy? You told him about Seth and he was ok with it?"

"I didn't tell him about Seth. What would that change? Telling him that Seth left would only complicate things if…if he…" Blaine stumbled through the words, unable to finish his thoughts. "But he's with Lars and they're happy. He's happy and that's all I want for him. I'll always love him, though, Finn. Always."

"I know. We all know. Everyone's known for a long time…and between us, I think that's true for Kurt as well. You guys were something special, and just because it didn't work out then, doesn't mean it can't ever work, Blaine. I'll talk to Kurt—"

"No. Finn, don't, please. Don't interfere. If Kurt's happy, then I'm happy for him. I never wanted anything but for him to be happy…and it seems that he is. I hope he is. That's all I've ever wanted for him…even back then."

"But, Blaine—"

"No, Finn. Please…I'm gonna head out, ok? I don't want to be here when Kurt wakes up, or God forbid when Burt comes down and all hell breaks loose. I'm sure I'm the last person he'd want to see around Kurt again. Tell them you ran into me somewhere and that I wish them Merry Christmas and the happiest of holidays, ok?"

With a resigned shrug and a deep breath, Finn nodded. "Same to you, man. Wait…give me your phone!" Finn took it and put his number in before sending himself a text message. "Don't be a stranger, Blaine. We've missed you. Drive safely. Oh! That your car out there?"

"No," Blaine laughed. "It's Cooper's. Really, Finn? A Ferrari?"

"Yeah, I didn't think so. You probably made millions last year alone and I'm sure you're still driving a Prius.

They both had a snicker over that, but they shook hands and Blaine left as quickly as possible. As he slid into the driver's seat, he was thankful that Kurt told him to park on the street and not in the driveway. He hadn't planned on staying the night, but this car in the driveway would have been like a big, neon sign. As it was, he hoped that only Finn had noticed the car on the street and Burt hadn't taken a second look in its direction. It would have been pretty dark when they pulled into the driveway last night, right? Blaine took one last look at the Hummel home and drove back to his parents' place, his mind a blur and his emotions in wild, heartbreaking disarray. With any luck, he'd sneak in without running into anyone.

I won't betray him again, even with permission. I'll always love you…

Kurt lay in bed as still as he could, his heart pounding and his head swimming as he listened to Blaine speak those words. If he let Blaine know he was awake it would only lead to an awkward morning after and a heart wrenching (for Kurt anyway) goodbye. I won't betray him again…

Ughhhh, Seth…why? What was worse was that Kurt had been keeping tabs on Blaine for years and he knew Seth was a good guy. There were no scandals, no sightings of Seth out with other men, nothing of the sort. They looked happy in photos and on TV and Kurt wouldn't be the cause of a break up if he could help it. He just hoped that Blaine kept his mouth shut and just went on like the previous night hadn't happened. He desperately hoped, though, that Blaine didn't regret their evening.

Kurt would live with the guilt of knowingly having slept with another man's partner, but he sincerely hoped that Blaine was smart enough to just forget it and move on. Kurt…well, he'd never forget it. The night he'd spent with Blaine would live in his heart for a long time to come. Hugging his Blaine-scented pillow tighter, he let his silent tears flow now that he could.

Finn: Oh and JSYK, you're hardly the last person Burt would want to see here with Kurt. ;)

Blaine: Ok, maybe not the LAST person…but close enough. Right? Lol

Blaine: Right?

Blaine: Finn?