Enjoy.

Chapter 10

Hold On

"What's the ETA on the chopper?" the paramedic next to Peter asked the other, who was driving.

"Four minutes out." Came the reply.

"Wait, chopper?" Peter asked.

"Yes sir. Your friend, Neal was it?"

"Yes, Neal." Peter replied.

"Well, Neal needs expert care, and the best hospital in New York is the Presbyterian University Hospital of Colombia and Cornell, which is over forty minutes away." The paramedic explained, then continued, "We are stopping about a quarter mile up into an area that is cleared for landing, and we'll get him loaded up and to the hospital in just a few minutes."

Peter nodded, keeping his eyes focused on Neal. The ventilation tube was removed from his throat and he was breathing on his own now, luckily. Peter felt nauseous at the sight of him, however. He was just so pale. His wet hair was sticking to his forehead, exemplifying the contrast between the lightness of his skin and the darkness of his hair. Peter was still holding his hand, refusing to let go. He felt if he let go, he'd lose him again, as irrational as it sounds. But Peter just wanted to hold him and make him feel safe, and holding Neal made Peter feel safe too, especially after the horrors they had both experienced the past several hours. Peter looked up as the paramedic moved to the other side.

"How long has this been here?" he asked Peter, pushing Neal's hair back and gesturing to the large gash on his head. It was swollen and had turned a deep purple, and the open wound had attempted to scab, but without stitches, it looked quite messy.

"Uh, I think it happened last night." Peter said. "That's how he was…" Peter stopped, catching his breath and tightening his grip on Neal's limp hand. "That's how he was taken."

"I see. I know it looks bad but they'll get it all fixed up at the hospital. For now, this will keep it as clean as possible." The paramedic said as he pushed gauze onto the wound. "They'll want to give him several shots due to the unknown contamination of the water he was in, especially with an open wound like this and on his abdomen."

Great. Neal hates shots.

"He was also injected with something…I don't know what." Peter said, turning his eyes away from the paramedic to hide the wateriness that appeared as he remembered how much pain Neal had been in at the cabin.

"They'll be sure to run full tests on him. Hopefully it's out of his system with no long term effects." He replied.

The paramedic lifted up the blanket, revealing his bare and battered chest, to check Neal's other wound. Peter could see the dark bruising on his ribs, which looked darker than they really were due to how pale Neal was. He could see the blood soaked gauze that was taped over Neal's stab wound and he winced at the sight. He looked away and instead focused on the up and down movement of Neal's chest. He was afraid if he looked away, Neal would stop breathing.

The paramedic finished taping a fresh piece of gauze to Neal's abdomen, then pulled the blanket back over him up to his neck. He reached for his right hand and placed it over the blanket across his stomach.

"Oh my god. What happened to his hand?" The paramedic asked in surprise. There was too much commotion before and keeping Neal alive had been the priority the past several minutes, so he hadn't noticed his hand.

"I don't know entirely." Peter sighed. "All I know is that at least two bones are broken." He looked down and shook his head, once again hearing Neal's cries of agony on the other end of the phone.

The paramedic carefully turned Neal's hand so it was flat against him, then examined the damage. "From the outside I can see he's broken his 1st metacarpal and index metacarpal, but they appear to be more crushed than just a clean break…he may require surgery for this, which he needs anyway due to this blood clot that has formed at the base of his hand that I can see here." The paramedic said to Peter, but stopped when he saw the pained looked on Peter's face. "Don't worry…we are taking him to the best doctors who will make him as good as new again. And plus, Neal is a fighter. He can pull through this."

Peter wasn't entirely convinced though. He knew Neal was a fighter and that he was going to the best doctors, but the poor kid had been through so damn much already. Peter wished he could just rewind to last night when he dropped him off and instead of leaving him, he would walk up to the door with him. He was supposed to watch out for him but instead he didn't, and now Neal was fighting for his life.

The ambulance stopped, and the paramedic in the back opened the doors and jumped out.

"Stay with him for a minute, the chopper is almost here."

Peter looked back down at Neal. He knew he wouldn't be able to ride in with him—he had pushed his luck too much with the ambulance already—so this would be the last time he'd see him until he was out of surgery, which would be who knows when. He held Neal's hand with both of his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb as he held it against his cheek—something El would do.

"I'm so sorry Neal. I'm so, so sorry." He said as he felt his voice catch in his throat.

"'s 'kay." Came a reply that Peter thought he imagined, but then realized he hadn't when he felt Neal's hand tighten around his.

"Neal? Are you there buddy?" Peter asked, moving just inches from Neal.

"Yeah…'m here." Neal said, his voice raspy and eyes still closed.

"You are going to be at the hospital soon. It's going to be okay."

"Thought h-he…killed you." Neal said quietly, his eyelids flickering.

"I'm right here, Neal." Peter said, giving his partner's hand a squeeze of reassurance.

"Dunno wha' I'd do if tha' happened." Neal said, turning his head toward Peter. Peter could see his blue eyes peeking out from the walls of his eyelids.

"Tell me about it. You had me scared for a while there, buddy." Peter said empathetically.

"Sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. This is my fault, Neal. I'm the one who should be sorry…and I am. You didn't deserve this." Peter said.

"'kay. Thanks f'r findin' me. You real good at it." Neal said, his voice still coarse. Peter could tell he was delirious and exhausted from a combination of the pain, stress, and antibiotics they had started to give him.

"You're going to feel much better soon." Peter said, trying to sound positive.

"Hurts." Came the weak reply, and Peter could see Neal's eyes close again.

"I know, I know, just hang in there." Peter said sympathetically, wishing he could take all the pain away from his barely conscious partner.

Neal just nodded slightly, the lines of pain in his face visibly showed.

Peter could hear the chopper approaching and about to land. He said to Neal, "Listen, I…I can't stay with you. They are taking you to a very good hospital to take care of you. I will be there as soon as I can, okay?" Peter said, trying to sound reassuring.

"N-no…stay…" Neal replied, his voice coming out as barely a whisper.

"I promise I will be with you after they take care of you. You've been strong for so long, I just need you to be strong for just a little while more. Can you do that?" Peter asked.

"mhm." Was all Neal replied, but Peter knew it was affirmative. He felt Neal's hand go limp again and he heard his breathing fall into a more steady rhythm. He could hear the paramedics running back to the ambulance, and he took one last look at his partner before he was forced to let go.

"I love you, Neal." He whispered as Neal was carried past him.

Peter watched as Neal, lifeless and pale, was loaded into the chopper. He watched as the chopper took off and disappeared into the distance, and he couldn't help but feel an empty hole in his stomach. He wanted more than anything to be with Neal, and being forced to let him go alone physically hurt Peter. He just wanted to hold him and tell him it's okay, to fix everything that was hurt, and to help him forget the nightmare he'd lived over the past fifteen hours.

Peter was relieved as he saw Diana pulling up to the spot the ambulance had stopped. He walked over and got into the passenger seat.

"I need to get my car, it's back by the cabin." Peter said.

Diana nodded and made a U-turn. She wasn't sure if she should ask Peter how Neal was, especially considering the lines of worry etched in his face, but she did anyway.

Reluctantly she asked, "Boss…how is he?"

Peter stared down at his hands, picturing Neal's pale and bloodied body in the back of the ambulance. "He's…he's not good." He said with a pained sigh. "They are taking him to Colombia and Cornell…apparently that's the best place for someone with his injuries." He added.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I know he'll be okay." Diana said gently.

"How do you know that? How do you know he'll be okay? He was dead a few minutes ago and is now hanging by a thread." Peter replied in an unexpected outburst. Diana was silent, and Peter added, "Sorry…I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"I get it, it's okay. We both know that Neal is a fighter. And now that he knows you are waiting for him, he's not going to let you down." Diana replied.

"Yeah, yeah you are right." Peter said, although he couldn't shake the image of Neal, so fragile and barely living, out of his head.

Diana and Peter arrived at the lot where Peter had first met Wesley. Peter thanked Diana and she told him she would be at the hospital once she was done with paperwork back at the office. Peter reached his car and immediately called El.

"Honey it's me." Peter said.

"Peter? What happened?" She replied, trying to hide the anxiety in her voice.

"We got the suspect, and we got Neal." He said, also trying to keep his voice steady.

"Is Neal okay?" She asked, no longer hiding the worry.

"Listen, I don't want to talk about it over the phone, but just meet me at the Columbia and Cornell University hospital as soon as you can. I'm leaving LaTourette Park right now." Peter said.

"Hospital? Are you alright?" El asked.

"Yes I'm fine." He said, although the pain radiating in his head begged to differ. "It's Neal." He added, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

El could sense that Peter was on the verge of falling apart, either from stress or worry or whatever else he'd been through, so she just replied, "I'll see you there honey, love you." She would rather be there in person when he needed her instead of comforting him over the phone.

"Love you too." He replied, and hung up.

Peter drove away, and as much as he didn't want to, he called Mozzie. He could only imagine how much the little guy had been worrying since he'd last spoken with him.

"Mozzie it's Peter."

"Suit, what happened?"

"I'm on my way to the hospital, Neal was taken by helicopter."

"Oh God, how bad is it?" Mozzie asked, letting his emotionless façade slip aside.

"It's not good. I'm on my way and so is El, are you still with her?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I just stepped outside for a while after we last spoke…I needed fresh air. I'll go with her."

"Good, I'll see you there." Peter said, relieved El wouldn't have to drive alone.

"And Suit" Mozzie began. "Thanks for finding him." The line clicked off.

When Peter reached the hospital, he could literally feel the anxiousness and worry eating away at him. During the ride, the whole ordeal, from the second Peter got the phone call from June, was replaying in his head. He didn't want to imagine the pain that Neal was forced to endure, yet he kept imagining it, despite his mind's protests. To make it worse, he couldn't get the images of Neal out of his head, each image worse than the last. It started with finding him in the cabin, the look of fear and anxiety plagued in his eyes, and ended with Neal in the ambulance, whose eyes looked lifeless and shallow. The images finally stopped when Peter saw the hospital, and was relieved when he found a parking spot. He walked into the emergency room and up to the front desk.

"I'm here for Neal Caffrey. He was brought it by chopper recently." Peter said.

"Oh yes." The man behind the desk replied. "I'll let a nurse know you've arrived."

"Any news on him?" Peter asked, somewhat desperate.

"Not that I am aware of, but the nurse will fill you in with everything in just a little bit. You can wait right here." He said, gesturing toward the chairs in the waiting room.

Reluctantly, Peter turned and began to walk toward a chair, however he stopped when he caught sight of his wife walking through the front door. She immediately ran up to him and embraced him for several seconds. When she pulled away, they locked eyes with each other.

"Hi, hon." She said.

"Hi, hon." He replied, then hugged her again. He could see Mozzie walking in just behind her.

"Suit." Mozzie said with his usual greeting.

"Mozzie." Peter said back. He looked at both of them, who both looked eager for him to fill them in, then said, "Let's sit. A nurse will be out soon."

They sat in the chairs closest to the door leading to the rest of the hospital, as if it would help them get news any faster.

Before Peter decided to go into the story about the search for Neal, he pulled El aside, unable to hide the truth any longer.

"Hon, just tell me what happened, please." She said to him.

"Okay. Before I left the house, Wesley texted me, telling me to come alone." He began.

"So that's why you left in such a hurry?"

"Yeah, yeah. Once I had left he sent me the coordinates to meet at, so that's where I went."

"Without any backup?!" Elizabeth asked, widening her eyes in disbelief.

"Hon, I didn't have a choice. He would've killed Neal." He sighed. "So I went, and I met him in a deserted dirt lot. Long story short I was forced to give up my gun in order to get into the cabin where he was keeping Neal. I really didn't have a choice."

"How was he when you saw him?' El asked with concern.

"He wasn't great. His head has a nasty cut and a bruise was forming above his eye, but his hand…oh God El it looked horrible." Peter said, and could see El blink away tears. "While I was kneeling next to him, Wesley hit me, then told me to handcuff myself to a post. I asked him why, and he replied by hitting Neal across the ribs with a pipe." Peter took in another deep breath. Trying to retell the events from the past hour were harder than he anticipated. He simply hated the thought of Neal in pain.

"It's okay hon." El said, rubbing his arm. "What was with the riddles Mozzie was babbling about?"

"Oh…Wesley, that psychopath, decided it would be fun for me to solve riddles. I got the first one, Neal got the second…which Wesley promptly ended after duct taping Neal's mouth shut, and then when I couldn't get the third…" His voice trailed off. "He…" Peter could feel a lump rising in his throat. "He injected Neal with something…and I had to watch as Neal…" Peter let his head fall in his hands; hiding his emotions, especially in front of his wife, was no longer possible. She put her hands on his cheeks, trying to comfort him in any way possible. Peter continued, through a tight and wavering voice, "He was in so much pain…and there was nothing I could do about it." Peter's emotions turned to anger as he felt the guilt and helplessness return. He wanted to kill Wesley for what he'd done, and he wanted more than ever to make him experience the pain he had inflicted on Neal.

"I'm sure you being there, talking him through it, made a big difference." El replied. She knew her husband too well, and also knew he would be the one to pull Neal away from any pain he was in. "So why did Wesley end up taking Neal again?" She asked, trying to get Peter to move past the painful memory.

"Well, the last answer to the riddle was 'coffin' and he said that is where Neal was going. So I…I couldn't let that happen El." He said, fearful to continue.

"Oh God, Peter what did you do?" She asked, but she already knew the answer. She covered her mouth with her hands as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"I couldn't live with myself if he killed Neal because of me…so I told him to take me instead." He said with a sigh. Elizabeth was no longer holding back the tears.

Trying to move past this part of the story as soon as possible, he said, "But he didn't kill me, instead he fired two shots into the ground and told me the only way to find Neal was by using the answers to the riddles. Then he hit me and I blacked out, and when I woke up the FBI was here, thanks to Mozzie, and I called him to figure out where Neal was." Peter said, trying not to upset his wife any further. "Killing me was never part of the plan, so I figured this would buy us more time."

"Oh, honey…I don't know what I'd do if…"

"Shh" Peter said as he hugged his wife closer to him. "Let's go back and sit with Mozzie."

They both walked back and returned to the main waiting area. Mozzie was just where they'd left him.

When they had sat down, Mozzie said, "Alright Suit, give it to me straight, what happened after we got off the phone?"

Peter reported, "Diana and I got to the Kill and I saw Wesley making his way away from the shore. We got to him and arrested him, and then I ran out to the dock looking for Neal. Everything was a mess and I thought it was hopeless until I heard banging about a hundred feet away. I ran towards it, opened to hatch door that was sticking out of the water, and there he was." He paused, remembering the look of pure disbelief in Neal's eyes when he found him. "Neal thought I was dead, and he was more than relieved when he realized I wasn't but…that didn't last long." Peter said, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" Mozzie asked.

"Wesley stabbed him in the abdomen before throwing him in the submarine, and Neal's adrenaline had worn off so he was overcome with pain. Luckily, the paramedics came in minutes, but when they arrived, Neal didn't have a pulse and wasn't breathing." Peter said, ignoring the shakiness of his voice.

Elizabeth gasped and covered her mouth again. Poor Neal was all she thought. She would give anything to comfort him at the moment.

Peter continued, "But they used a defibrillator, and got him back and breathing on his own again." He could hear both Mozzie and El sigh in relief.

Mozzie was finally the one to speak after a period of silence. "I assume you rode with him, how was he?"

"He was pale. He looked like shit, honestly." Peter said, and he was being honest, Neal looked terrible. "He woke up a little though…talked to me, sort of." Peter somewhat smiled at the thought. Even though Neal was in a world of hurt, he still tried to comfort Peter. That damn kid.

El gripped Peter's hand. "It's going to be okay, honey."

Peter smiled at her, but she saw his gaze shift beyond her as she heard the door open.

A young nurse walked through and looked at them.

"Family of Neal Caffrey?"

"That's us." All three of them said in unison.

"Oh." She said, eyeing them curiously. "Please, come with me."

Something in her tone worried Peter. She sounded calm, but almost too calm, like she'd been trained to act that way. Is she the one that gets to deliver bad news?

Peter looked at both El and Mozzie and said, "You guys just stay here, I'll come back with the news."

Reluctantly, they agreed, and Peter was thankful for that. If the news was truly bad he knew he wouldn't be able to keep it together anymore, and he didn't want to break down in front of both of them. Peter stood up and followed the nurse through the door, leaving Mozzie and El sitting anxiously in the waiting room. She led him down a hallway and into a smaller room.

"Please, wait here, the doctor will be with you shortly." She said with a small smile, and left, shutting the door quietly behind her. Her tone was still calm, and it made Peter feel sick.

If the news wasn't good, he just wanted to get it over with instead of having pent up anxiety inside him. But the problem was, he wanted the news to be good, although, after seeing Neal, he knew that nothing could really be good.

God Neal, just please be okay.

Sorry for the somewhat uneventful chapter with lots of dialogue. I'm working on portraying emotions and relationships through what they say. Also, sorry for yet another cliffhanger…I just couldn't decide what direction to take this is, so tell me what you want! I was thinking of the scene from the last episode where Peter finally breaks down in the hospital…it was so sad and heartfelt and riveting…and I want something like that. Also I have no idea about Colombia and Cornell I just searched "Best New York Hospital" and that came up so if that is completely wrong I apologize.

Thanks for sticking with me thus far, it's starting to get wrapped up :)

REVIEW! (Don't worry, this ain't a deathfic)