"Set a course for Greenleaf," Mal said to River once they got onto the ship. His voice was flat and emotionless.
She only nodded and left for the bridge. Mal retreated to his bunk without another word to get cleaned up and sort his jumbled emotions out.
The more he thought back on what occurred between them the angrier he became. It wasn't a mistake. Hell no. It was the best gorram thing that ever happened in the entire ruttin' 'verse! She didn't act like it was a mistake the night before. She was the one that went for his shirt. She was the one undressing him. She made it perfectly clear what she wanted and didn't even hesitate. Yet the next morning she says that it was wrong and she never wants to remember it. In her mind it never took place. It meant nothing. He meant nothing. And she broke his damn heart.
He started pacing his small room. He knew that if he left he'd have to witness River and him and talk to Inara. Damnit, he couldn't keep stringing her along. There had always been something off about their relationship. The invisible wall. Communications just couldn't get through. Even when he was with her he still felt lonely. Not to mention her occupation. He wasn't even aware anything was wrong until he stopped talking to River. The void she left in his heart when she started sleeping with Jayne couldn't be filled with Inara or anything else. She made him whole. And she was probably in Jayne's bunk sexin' him up even though she had been with him.
Finally he decided to join the rest of the crew around lunch time. River and Jayne were sitting at the table talking, completely enthralled in each other. He couldn't watch them, so he stormed out towards the cargo bay. He didn't know where he was going. It didn't matter as long as he didn't have to watch that.
He bumped into Inara. Oh great, he thought as he dreaded the fight that would surely accompany their conversation.
"There you are! You haven't even said two words to me since you came back," she sighed.
"Yeah…"
"Three words. You must be pretty shaken up from the attack…"
"No, I'm okay."
"I'm glad."
She searched his eyes and didn't like what she saw.
"What's been bothering you? You've been a bit…distant…since," she paused to think about when his behavior changed. "Since the Lihai job."
"Inara," he began a bit timidly. "We…us…this…it just…ain't workin'."
"What do you mean?"
"You're smart and beautiful and wonderful and classy…"
"I'm sensing a 'but' coming…"
"But I don't think that we work."
"So you're breaking up with me?"
"…"
"Why?"
"We don't talk a lot and when we do we always end up fightin' and it's not even really 'cause you disagree. You judge a lot, like assumin' that I'm simple minded or heartless when I'm not. I do what I do 'cause I think it's right. No other reason. And you're job gets in the way. I'm not sayin' that you're a possession, but when I have a girl I want her to be with just me."
"You could have asked me to stop being a Companion."
"I wouldn't ask you to do that for me. And honestly, would you?"
She nodded. "I understand, but I don't like it."
"Wouldn't think that you would anyhow, darlin'."
"I'll get off on Greenleaf."
"I'm not kickin' you out! I want you to stay. I meant it when I asked you to. 'Sides, Kaylee is gonna want you 'round for that weddin' her and the doc are gonna be havin' eventually…"
She laughed. "True. I don't know if I could be here knowing that we aren't together or at least that we don't have a shot…"
"Don't leave 'cause of me. You have friends here and aren't you a fan of our girl here?" he asked as he patted the bulkhead.
"You know that I love this ship."
"Then stay."
"I'll think about it."
"Glad to hear it."
He started to walk away, but she caught his wrist.
"Mal…" she pressed her lips to his cheek.
He smiled at her and continued on his way. She always was dignified. He meant it. He liked her, they just didn't work.
It came out that he broke up with Inara. River was shocked. He could tell by look on her face, but she didn't say anything. Actually, she had stopped talking to him completely. If he tried, she'd just respond with a nod and walk away. If she had something to tell him, he'd get it through Jayne. It was like a slap to the face every time the mercenary walked over to him and would start with the words, "River wants me to tell you…"
He was going to leave it be for awhile to give her time to calm down, but three weeks of the silent treatment he started to change his mind. It wasn't until one night he finally lost it and decided it was time to give her a talking to.
****
He couldn't sleep, as usual. He was sitting at the table with some water and a few papers he was trying to sort.
-Click-
His head shot up from the table as he heard the unmistakable sound of a hatch opening. Sure enough, River had slipped out of Jayne's bunk and gone to the bridge. He made the impulsive decision to go talk to her.
She sat down on the pilot's seat in her nightclothes after getting out of bed with Jayne. He had gotten injured on a job and wasn't feeling too well. So she waited until he fell asleep before retreating to the bridge.
Mal was on her mind. He had broken up with Inara and she was dizzied by the new development. She had to stick to her guns. She was with Jayne now. Moved on. That night was just a moment of weakness. They had just been through something terrifying together and he was all emotional and sweet. She'd always be affected by him, but she couldn't be with him. That was where she stood. But he broke up with Inara. Where did he stand? That was an obstacle out of the way. What if he wanted to be with her? What then?
-SwishClangClunk-
He had marched onto the bridge while she was thinking. She didn't even hear, sense, or feel him enter. She was cornered. He had shut and locked the door. They were alone and there was no way out. She couldn't get by without talking this time.
Wo de ma, he was barely dressed. He was only in his pajama pants and an open shirt again showing off most of his chest.
"We need to talk," he said plainly as he folded his arms. She could tell that he was ready for a fight. "Which you seem to have forgotten how to do. I don't much like my pilot givin' me the silent treatment. That's all sorts of unprofessional and I'm takin' it personally."
"I'm sorry, Captain."
"Now the last time we talked, I believe that you cut me off midsentence without lettin' me speak my piece."
"I-"
"No, you're gonna sit there and listen to me!"
He waited until her full attention was on him and she was quiet as a mouse.
"What we did in that house wasn't a mistake. Not for me. It wasn't just a notch in my bedpost either. I may of taken too long to figure out that I have these feelin's for you, but that don't change the fact that they're there now and have been for sometime. I wasn't ready to acknowledge them and that don't make it right. And you're right. You had the right to move on and if he makes you happy and you love him, then good for you. I'll stay out of it. But you can't sit there and look me in the eye and tell me that it was a mistake 'cause it wasn't."
He took a breath. She knew that he wasn't finished and waited for his next speech.
"When you were lyin' there in the infirmary, bleedin' and fightin' for your life, I felt like my heart was bein' ripped outta my chest. That's when I realized there will never be another you. Ever…"
His gaze stayed with hers.
"I'm done. That's all I have to say."
He turned to leave but stopped.
"If he doesn't make you happy, you shouldn't be with him. You should be with someone that makes you the happiest in the 'verse. You deserve that."
"Wait," her voice was shaky. What would she say to that? Her heart was pounding. She had always wanted to hear him say that, and he finally did. She knew he meant it. Maybe she didn't have to be with Jayne. Maybe could be with him. God she wanted to…
He looked her in the eye once again with a hopeful flutter in his chest.
"…he isn't you. Never will be. Never can be."
"She wasn't you and never could be."
They looked at each other again and nothing had to be said. They understood each other entirely.
"Mal-"
She stood up just as he got to the pilot's chair and they held onto each other while locked into a passionate kiss. Any doubts in their mind were gone for good. She pushed his shirt off of his shoulders. He let his hand roam her back while the other got tangled in her hair. In a blink their clothes were gone and they had fallen onto the pilot's chair.
He kissed her collarbone, recalling the way it made her shudder, and then worked his way up her neck, across her throat, up her chin and jaw, over her cheeks and forehead, down her cute little nose, finally meeting her lips with his own. She held him by the nape of the neck allowing her fingertips to traipse through his hair and across his shoulders.
His rough hands continued to wander down her back and sides while their frantic kissing continued. It was as if they stopped for a split second, the 'verse would come to a dramatic and tragic end. He felt a small scar he recognized as one of the many marks the projectiles made along her chest and he felt a pang of sadness surge through him. She pulled back, resting her forehead on his and her lips ghosting along his jaw.
"I'm alright," she breathed.
"Now…" his voice was guilt laden.
She took his chin in her hand and looked him straight in the eye.
"It wasn't your fault. Just because you let me go doesn't mean that you're the one that put me in the line of fire. I did that. I pushed you behind me. I took your gun. And I shot them. They shot back. For good reason…"
He managed a small smile. She smiled back and ran her thumb down his mouth before pressing her lips to his once again. She let them move down his neck and chest. He picked her up so her body was in range of his mouth and hands. She laughed when she felt his tongue flick across her navel. She gently tugged on his hair so he would look up at her and so she could kiss him again, which she did.
Finally they moved to the next level, both panting and clinging to each other like the only other choice would be falling down. Their foreheads were pushed together, each feeling the other's warm breath on their lips. He was pushed over the edge first causing her to follow. It took all that she had to avoid digging her nails into his back too deeply for fear of hurting him.
He kissed her long and hard with everything he had. His heart and soul was hers and he wanted her to know that. He opened his mind to her hoping she'd read him while he still held her close, only she had moved into his lap tucked neatly against his chest. He moved some of her hair out of her face so he could kiss her temple. I'm yours, sweetheart. All yours.