Chapter Nine: Sobering Thoughts

"And with that we are right back where we started. Like I said before, the layout for NERV hasn't changed a great deal since the last time you three were here. It'll take some getting used to again but I'm sure you won't get lost too often," Misato concluded as she and the three pilots came to a halt just outside the main command center. Since NERV was a little on the big side to be giving a full tour off, Misato just took the children over the important locations and some of the newer facilities that they would likely frequent often, which included everything from new weapon's facilities, training simulators, and training rooms. NERV had progressed steadily from its original purposes when first started years ago; the UN had succeeded into militarizing the facilities, increasing security and structural integrity of the geofront. "There's still a fair bit of work left to do before this place is completely up and running but I doubt you three will notice any problems."

"Well that was very…um, unnecessary," Asuaka replied, voicing the same sense of boredom that Shinji was feeling at the moment, though dared not speak it. "Please tell me that my perfectly good morning has been wasted for more than just a hundred yen tour."

"I see four years hasn't improved your patience much," Misato quipped before reaching into the file folder that had been tucked under her arm for the past several hours. "Since you've all were officially discharged years ago, you get the fun of going through all the fun process of initiation. I hope you've been keeping yourself healthy." Misato pulled out a handful of papers and handed one to each of the pilots, smiling a very odd smirk in the process. "Have fun and welcome back."

"A half-mile jog?" Asuka shouted in disbelief as she read the first thing on the page. "Why do I have to run like a ground-pounder to pilot an Eva?"

"I told Captain Yamato that too…he said he thought you could stand to lose a few pounds," Misato joked before walking off to leave the pilots to their 'work'.

"I…I haven't gotten fat? Have I? Right?"

"Try not to have a heart attack Asuka," Shinji couldn't help but throw in that comment before the three went their separate ways. Each of them had a schedule of various protocols and procedures they needed to clear before they could be allowed back into NERV and Shinji had a briefing with the NERV CO first on his day planner. Misato certainly wasn't lying about how militarized NERV had become. Shinji had to wear his ID badge on his belt at all times, which he had been reminded repeatedly to do since arriving at NERV earlier that day. Just getting in through the front door required a full security clearance and almost every major location had at least one guard posted. Shinji had been told numerous times that it was for the sake of security but…somehow he still didn't feel safe within these narrow corridors. Perhaps it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

Shinji couldn't help but be curious as he thought about the first item on his schedule. He had met Kyo's father once many years ago but it was so brief that Shinji didn't say much more than a 'hello' to him. There was a definite feeling of relief that NERV had a commander that Shinji could be on decent terms with - somebody who didn't fill him with a mixture of anger and frustration every time he saw them. However, this new commander wouldn't be without problems either. Being Kyo's best friend put Shinji in a precarious position or at least that's the conclusion his often-pessimistic mind jumped to. Why did he always have to be the one put in awkward positions?

After some time…or several times, Shinji found his way up to the office of the base commander – Colonel Daisuke Musashi. Shinji recognized the doorway instantly; it was his father's old office. Four years may have passed but the memories of the events that transpired during his first time at NERV were still just as fresh on his mind as the day they happened. His father's cold, disapproving glare still burnt at hole into his skull just thinking about it. Quickly shaking such negative thoughts out of his head, Shinji reminded himself that things had changed…things weren't going to be as bad this time around.

"You coming in or not?" A voice called out from the other side of the door, snapping Shinji back to reality. For a second, Shinji didn't know if the voice was calling out to him until he looked up and saw a security camera gazing down upon him. The friendly reminder was enough to get Shinji over his initial doubts and he headed on his way in. The office itself had been completely changed from how Shinji remembered it four years ago. Finely-stained hardwood panels covered the floor and ceiling, smooth coats of a gentle, eggshell white coated newly installed walls, and new furniture now adorned the office. It was no longer the cold, empty chambers that it used to be – it felt…inviting now with a hint of traditional, Western décor. If Shinji had a better understanding of Colonel Musashi, the choice of décor shouldn't be too surprising. By far Daisuke was not the cold, distant leader who said one thing but thought another. He was far more open, upfront, and down to earth. The difference between Gendo Ikari and Daisuke Musashi was that Musashi was an officer – he knew what was needed in a leader and he knew how to act like one. Duty, justice, and dedicated guided his every action, which made him a soldier's general…and somebody the UN knew they could keep control over.

"It's a good thing the architects double-checked the acoustics for this office or I would really have to shout," Musashi remarked as he motioned for Shinji to come up to the desk at the far end of the office. Providing backdrop to the office was a vast mural depicting the landscape of Tokyo-3, almost as if serving as a constant reminder to Musashi and all who entered the office their purpose as members of NERV. "It's nice to see you again Shinji Ikari – you've certainly grown a fair bit since the last time I laid eyes upon you."

"Thank you sir," Shinji replied politely, not quite sure how to respond to such statements. It was hard to act in a friendlier manner when he barely knew the man. Politeness to his commanding officer overrode any familiarity between them. "If you don't mind me asking sir, what's with all these initiation things? Is it really necessary?"

"Only to make my bosses happy," Musashi answered frankly. "NERV is still in a bit of a probation period so I'd rather just do what they ask for the time being. Really, it's just an opportunity for you to get re-familiarized with the protocols and introduce you to the people you're going to be dealing a lot." It was reasonable explanation to say the least, one that satisfied Shinji's curiosity for the time being.

"Though I doubt you'll give me a straight answer, why exactly has NERV been restarted? This is an exceptionally expensive operation – one that wouldn't be restarted unless there was an immediate benefit to it." Shinji already knew that there was going to be a new threat for a number of years now. This was merely a test to see just how much this new commander would tell Shinji right off the bat. He wanted to know what kind of commanding officer he should expect.

"Straight to the point, eh? I suppose I shouldn't expect any less from an Ikari," Musashi replied, mostly as an aside. "I'll be going over those details more thoroughly in a briefing with you and the other pilots tomorrow but I suppose you do deserve some answers. To put it simply – the UN believes there's another threat on its way. We're not exactly sure what or how much longer we have to prepare but our sources suggest that it'll be soon."

"I hope we're not protecting something that we shouldn't have in the first place," Shinji remarked, referring to the reasons why the Angels converged on Tokyo-3 four years ago. "I can't help but shake the feeling that the UN has other reasons for starting up NERV."

"I have no doubt that they do. Unfortunately, I don't know what those reasons might be and until we can prove otherwise, we have to continue with our current mission. If there is a threat to humanity, we shall confront it and we shall destroy it before it can do more damage. NERV is…going to be held back a lot more this time around. We're not going to have the resources and pulling power with the local governments like we did before. I hope you are prepared to give it your all just like before."

"Sometimes I don't think I have much of a choice in this matter," Shinji sighed lightly. "Somebody's got to play hero…"

"We're trying to recruit new pilots but right now I need people with experience in case things get ugly quickly. If it were up to me Shinji, I would prefer to have you on the sidelines as much as possible…I can only imagine how difficult the last campaign was for you."

"Don't remind me…" Shinji groaned. He wasn't the only one who lost a lot four years ago. Asuka, Rei, and Misato went through their own fair share of torment. They all sacrificed a lot for NERV and if it weren't for a particularly apparition Shinji would be sitting on the sidelines. The fact that all of them were willing to go through hell again was just a testament to their resolve. Who knew Shinji had a bit of a backbone. Well, he did have four years to stew over his choices. "I can handle it though, so don't concern yourself over me."

"You trying to convince me or yourself?" Musashi mused as he leaned back in his chair. A powerful silence overtook the room for the next thirty seconds – a half-minute that seemed to stretch on for eternity.

"Why'd you summon me here?" Shinji finally asked, completely dismissing the Colonel's previous inquiry.

"I assumed you'd have some questions…plus there was something I wanted to give you," he explained as he opened a desk drawer and pulled a small container out of it. "As part of its investigation, the UN had everything belonging to your father confiscated. They said they would conduct a full and painstaking investigation into everything your father had and was planning to do. I figure once the investigation is over they'll conveniently 'lose' all of it in one of their evidence lockers. I managed to save this though. I know your relationship with your father was…tense at best but I didn't feel right getting rid of it until I knew whether you wanted it or not." Shinji was speechless at first as he watched the Colonel slide the small container across the desk for Shinji to see more closely. It appeared like a container of some sort but when Shinji opened up the lid, he discovered a single pair of wire-framed, tinted glasses inside. How fitting…

Shinji remembered the time when he saw a similar pair of glasses kept in Rei's room. Funny how after everything his father did, the only thing left to remember him by was a pair of tinted glasses. Shinji honestly didn't know what possessed him but he closed the container and took it. At least now he could say he had something of his family…even if it was loaded with bad memories. Even bad memories could serve a purpose in life, if just to remind Shinji of what not to do.

"Was that everything?"

"That's all, you're dismissed."

"Thank you," Shinji bowed his head respectfully before getting up to leave.

"Wait…there was something I wanted to ask you," Musashi interrupted when Shinji was halfway to the exit. "How…is Kyo doing?"

"He's fine."

"Is he happy with how things are?"

"You could ask him yourself."

"You should know he wouldn't give me a straight answer."

"I doubt he'd let me know if he wasn't happy either. He never lets people know when he's sad or depressed. I…think he misses you a fair bit Colonel. I think he came to Tokyo-3 because he wanted to be near you again."

"It's probably a little late for happy family reunions."

"Only if you choose to let it be."

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"Can't believe I have to prove I can run just so I can pilot their stupid Evas," Asuka grumbled under her breath for the hundredth time in the past five minutes, straightening out the simple white t-shirt that had been provided for her. She hadn't had to wear a tracksuit like this since her days back at high school four years ago. If she had known she'd be running, she would've brought her tracksuit from home. "Of all the indignant, menial tasks they could've thrown on me…" The NERV facility had a newly installed fitness center, which apparently included a circular track. Four years ago Asuka wouldn't have given a second thought to such a place but in her maturing age, she figured having a gym at her workplace would be of great use in the future.

The fitness center was, like everything else at NERV, a pinnacle of technological advancements. The circular track she had been told about was actually a giant ring that formed a sort of halo over the structure. Upon entering the structure, Asuka immediately understood why it had been advertised to her as an 'all encompassing' fitness center. They literally had everything…or at least that's what the large building map that greeted her said. The lower floors housed the larger facilities including swimming pools, courtyards, and physiotherapy center, while the upper floors housed the more traditional exercise equipment. NERV certainly went all-out when it came to keeping its staff happy. At the moment, with NERV still having only about half of its desired staff, the fitness center was sparsely populated.

"Are you Asuka Langley Soryu?" A young, female receptionist at the front desk asked immediately upon noticing the teen's arrival.

"Um, yeah. How do I get to the track from here?"

"Just take the main elevator to the top floor," she explained, motioning towards a nearby hallway. "He's already waiting for you at the top."

"Thanks." Asuka tried to remain as courteous as possible despite her frustrations with her current situation.

"Don't worry, it gets better," the receptionist added as Asuka headed on her way. The rather cryptic message left Asuka puzzled for a bit, though it was clear that the receptionist caught Asuka's annoyed undertone. On the elevator ride up, Asuka tried to wrap her mind around what the receptionist had been referring to but couldn't think of anything that would alleviate the irritation of having to run around a track like some sort of guinea pig.

The circular track had, arguably, one of the magnificent views around. With a wide, padded track encased within a circular glass tube, one could see all across the geofront as did your laps around the track. The view of the geofront wasn't what caught Asuka's attention though, rather it was the young man that was had been waiting for her.

"Sweet hallelujah…"

It was the first time that Asuka had set eyes upon the young Captain Akira Yamato, who was in the middle of stretching out some of the finest looking muscles that she had ever had the pleasure to see. As a military man, it was no surprise that Akira made sure to stay in the best of physical condition and while he might not be bulging with muscles like some body-builders, he had that fine balance that conveyed the message that while he kept fit, it wasn't the focus of his life. Now the receptionist made sense.

The closing elevators doors quickly snapped Asuka's attention back to the real world and reminded her that she had to actually get out of the lift. Her hurried rush to get out of the way of the closing doors caught the attention of the awaiting officer. "Ah, you're here at last," he greeted and motioned for Asuka to join him on the track. "I'm Captain Akira Yamato, your new Chief of Operations."

"Well, it's nice to meet you captain." It wasn't too surprising that Asuka could still easily put on the 'nice girl' routine when around new people. With everybody she already knew betting more Shinji as favourite, Asuka needed to woo some of the newer members of NERV to her camp. One could never have too many supporters. She felt anybody who could remember her previous performances wouldn't give her the same vote of confidence a new person would. She needed somebody who would believe in her abilities…cause lord knows it was difficult just believing in herself during those last months at NERV.

"I've read and heard quite a bit about you Asuka," Akira commented as the two walked down one of the catwalks that connected the central hub to the actual track. She didn't like the sound of that, unfortunately, since that meant Akira knew about her lack-luster performance record. "I was very impressed by your accomplishments."

"You're what?"

"Impressed. You know, bestowing a sense of admiration in another person. I figured a person with your record would be used to compliments like that."

"Oh, I am. I get them all the time." Asuka did her best to recover after what she saw as an idiotic response to something she shouldn't have been surprised by. "It's just been a while since somebody's complimented me for what I did at NERV…usually it's on things like PhD thesis."

"You're a dedicated pilot with a strong desire to get the job done. You're well trained, professional, and determined. There's not a whole lot more I can ask for really." When they reached the track, Akira took a moment to address her further before getting down to the purpose of the meeting. "We're going to be training you even harder this time around, I hope you're prepared for that."

"I was born prepared," Asuka replied firmly.

"Good, now we've got six laps ahead of us – I hope you can keep up." Akira smirked at the end before motioning for Asuka to follow along as he started around the track. Akira didn't go very fast so it was easy for Asuka to keep pace with him, though it looked as though Akira wasn't even going to break a sweat at his current pace. Asuka figured he could probably go a half-mile flat-out without even winding himself.

"Not to sound like I'm complaining, but why the heck do we need to do this anyways? I'm piloting an Eva, not running a marathon."

"NERV is a military group now. We have to enforce a minimum level of physical fitness for everybody with a combat purpose. Just be thankful that we didn't make military enlistment mandatory, otherwise you'd really have to prove your mettle. Six laps should be a walk in the park for somebody your age." He did have a point with the 'walk in a park' part. Asuka could handle a few laps easily…though she wondered how Shinji would handle the endurance test. Shinji would probably be crushed like an ant if he had to take the full military fitness test. Four years later he was still skinny like a rail…probably would lose an arm wrestling match with Pen Pen. "I know this is a rather off-topic subject but…why would an obviously intellectually gifted person like you want to get caught up in an ugly like this?"

"You mean why I became an Eva pilot?"

"I suppose that would be an simpler way of putting it."

"I've never really given it much thought. It's sort of been one of those things I knew I was going to do for a long time. I got put onto this path when I was young and I've never really had any interest in changing things. Nothing else has really struck much of an interest to me, not after you've been behind the controls of an Eva."

"I suppose that was sort of a stupid question. I joined the military cause I was never really that great when it came to books and academics. I figured a military life would be the best way to earn a living doing things I was good at. Then it turned out that I was pretty good at military life. I was offered Chief of Operations because Colonel Musashi felt I'd be the least likely to be a UN stooge compared to all the other choices."

"I take the Colonel doesn't quite trust the UN to let him handle things?"

"The UN has Colonel Musashi on a very short rope. The UN wants to trust Musashi but they've just put him into a position of extraordinary responsibility and power. They're worried that something, or someone, will…motivate Musashi to walk down a similar path that Gendo Ikari did. As a result, Musashi's become a little paranoid that every action of his is being scrutinized and watched over. He wants people he knows he can trust…people he know that will think more objectively than either the UN or himself. He wants the priority to be the defense of the city and humanity and nothing else. That's partly why he also wanted you and the other pilots back – it's not just the experience but past records have shown that you do what is right rather than what others tell you. If things ever progress to the hellish state like the last NERV, Musashi knows he can count on you and the others to make the right calls for humanity."

"I also recall almost being killed."

"Well…the things that are most important to us are not the things worth living for, it's the things worth dying for."

"I don't know about you but I don't intend on dying any time soon or for anything in particular. I was thinking maybe in my sleep when I'm old and grey but that's kind of several decades ahead of me." The topic of death was not one that Asuka was particularly comfortable with but tried not to let it show as the conversation carried on. The last thing she wanted to come off as was somebody who was scared of death.

"I try not to think about that. I have a job to focus on after all and if I don't do it right, a lot of people could wind up dying."

"I'll try not to let that happen," Asuka smugly replied.

"Piloting an Eva is not a one-person process Miss Soryu. You're just one piece, albeit an important one, in a huge, combined effort that one can just barely fathom. When you sit behind the controls of an Eva, you're carrying with you all the work, effort, and hopes of hundreds upon hundreds of people."

It was a sobering thought for Asuka. There were times that she forgot just how large of an organization NERV was. It spanned across the major nations of the world, encompassing a half-dozen different bases and facilities similar to the ones at the Tokyo-3 Geofront. The Evangelions embodied more than just the innovation and ingenuity of humanity, but all its hopes and dreams for a future as well.

No pressure or anything.

Yup – no pressure at all.