Chapter 10

Unforgotten

Copyright: I do not own MI or any of the charcaters, they are property of Cassandra Clare. All original ideas and concepts are the property of me.

Hello my lovely readers, i'm back! I didn't think I would be but I punched out this chapter and my wonderful amazing beta got it to me right after I sent it to her. Without her this wouldn't be here right now so I thank you a million times over. Now I would like to thank everyone who so wonderfully reviewed the last chapter, they all made my day. Thank you to anyone who reviewed and favourited too. Since this will be my last update before the new year I just want to thank everyone who's been with me the last few months and I hope you will continue to stay will me come the new year. Writing for all of you has been amazing and I love it. Thank you. Now, to the chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Songs:

Tears in Heaven- Eric Clapton (Scene 2.) (Also my favourite song ever.)

See Me-Bare (Scene 3-Alec and Maryse)

To Where You Are and Lullaby- Josh Groban (Magnus and his mother.)

My Love-Sia

Magnus stared at Alec as he slept, captivated by each subtle movement he made. He had a smile on his face that had Magnus questioning what he was dreaming about. Him preferably.

Images of the night before flashed through Magnus' head. Timing had never been his friend. He hadn't wanted Alec to know this side of him yet and now he'd seen it twice within the last month. Magnus knew Alec was questioning what he was dreaming about. You didn't just comfort someone at three in the morning and not ask why.

Looking at Alec it pained him even more that Alec was questioning. He didn't need to know about his past. Magnus hadn't told Camille until they'd been together a year and he had only told her half the story. The story of his past was for him to carry and him to carry alone. He was broken and it was responsibility to fix the pieces alone. But he knew that if he wanted anything with Alec he had to tell him something. He wasn't ready to tell him everything but he had to tell him something. He was pushing him away by not answering and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to push Alec away, he wanted to bring him closer.

Alec's eyes fluttered open lazily as Magnus smiled.

"Good morning darling."

"Morning," he drawled. "Why do you always stare at me?"

"Because you're beautiful and the only time you'll let me without turning away is when you're sleeping."

Alec bit his lip, blushing as he met Magnus' gaze. They stared at each other for a few minutes as understanding of the night before passed between them.

"Magnus?"

"Yes darling?"

"I know you said that there are some things better left unsaid and that maybe someday you'll be ready to tell me them, but you can tell me now Magnus? I want to be able to help you more than just by holding you in the middle of the night. Whatever it is you don't have to deal with it alone. I want to be there for you." The sincerity in his voice was heartbreaking. Magnus didn't feel like he deserved to be cared for like that. It wasn't Alec's responsibility to take care of him. He had his own things to worry about before worrying about Magnus' baggage. He searched the blue of Alec's eyes. He would never understand how he had been blessed with such an amazing man.

Magnus averted his gaze for a split second before looking back up. He took a deep breath as he placed a hand on the side of Alec's face. He caressed his cheek with the pad of his thumb, relishing in the feeling of the contact between them.

"I can't tell you." Alec's face fell. "Not all of it. Not yet." He paused. "Come with me somewhere?"

Alec looked up. "Where?"

"A place I go every year. A place that will explain a lot of what you ask and better than I can explain it."

"Ok."

"Thank you." Magnus kissed Alec's lips, moving his hand to rest on Alec's neck. The kiss was soft and just nipped at the edge of Magnus' desires, but it wasn't the time for more than that. As much as he would have loved to lay there and ravish Alec all day against Alec's better judgment, he had something he had to do first.

Magnus pulled away and smiled. He stood up slowly as he started for the bathroom.

"Jesus Christ!"

"What? I didn't see him anywhere." Magnus turned around to see Alec with his head dug in the pillow. Magnus couldn't help but laugh. God that boy was adorable.

"You're naked," Alec muffled through the pillow.

"Of course I am. You didn't really think that I'd sleep in pajamas did you? Those things are just way too constricting. Plus I hadn't intended on sharing a bed with you tonight, now that I'm complaining because sharing a bed with you is amazing. It would be better if you were naked too, but I won't push you." Magnus contemplated the image of a naked Alec and he couldn't help but want to strip Alec right then and there. Magnus saw the red flush into his boyfriend's cheeks as he still hid his eyes. "You act like you've never seen a guy naked before."

"I…well…I just didn't expect it okay."

"We've been rooming together how long, and you didn't realize I sleep in the nude?"

"Well, no. You're always in bed after me and up and dressed before I am."

Magnus laughed. "That's true. Now would you like it if I put some clothes on? Even though I really don't mind if you look."

The red got darker on Alec's face as he continued to hide his head.

"Oh you'll look one day lover." Magnus smirked as he yanked the blanket off the bed and off of Alec. Alec's eyes shot open in surprise and opened just in time to catch a slight glimpse of Magnus' body as Magnus wrapped the blanket around his waist. "Better?"

Alec's eyes trailed down Magnus' body and once Alec realized what he was doing they shot up to Magnus' face. He knew Alec had seen some of the scars judging by the widening of his eyes as he took in Magnus' torso, but he knew Alec wouldn't question. Not then. "I said clothes. Now I'm cold."

Magnus laughed at Alec's small complaint. "Well, you could always join me in the shower if you like."

Alec's mouth shot open and then closed, but he didn't answer.

"Ah, well the offer remains open if you want it." Magnus turned around, closing the distance to the bathroom. He dropped the blanket around his waist in the doorway, smirking as he knew Alec's gaze was on his body. He loved teasing Alec.

Magnus closed the door behind him as he turned on the tap of the shower. He waited for the water to heat up before stepping inside. The hot water blistered on his skin as it rolled down to hammer the tile floor. The water felt good. It worked to wash away the memories that were returning with his separation from Alec.

The water worked to kneed out the knots in his muscles as it slipped over the small scars lining his body. The water sent a searing shock through his body, awakening every one of his senses.

He saw her face in his vision, filling up the steam that circled around him. The pain of seeing her face shot through his heart. He felt loss, guilt, misery, and complete and utter darkness. He had never loved anyone as much as he had loved her. He had vowed the day she died to not let his heart love someone again. He was afraid of losing someone else. He was afraid of being alone like he was when he lost her.

Magnus' heart grew heavier with each step he took. Sadness washed over him as it always did but he knew he had to remain strong. She wouldn't want him to be weak. As much as he wanted to cry from the pain and the memories he knew he couldn't.

Having Alec there gave him strength. He felt like he wasn't alone and it made doing this just a little bit easier. Alec's presence grounded Magnus to earth and kept his mind from wandering where it tended to. He kept doubting if bringing Alec here was a bad idea. He said he wanted to know and this was the simplest way of explaining to him what Magnus was comfortable explaining. Normally he would have kept his distance from the topic as much as he could but there was no avoiding it with Alec. Alec had been there for him when no one else was and Magnus at least owed him an explanation of some sorts.

Magnus stopped in front of the cemetery, his heart pounding in his ears. Alec stood beside him, a comforting presence. He didn't speak and Magnus was grateful for the silence. He looked down at the white rose he held in his hand; his mother's favourite.

Alec took his hand and the contact lessened the pain in Magnus' heart. No matter how many times he went it never got easier. He still felt the pain like an iron hot dagger ripping though every inch of his body. He still felt broken and in pieces and his whole world still felt like it was falling in on top of him. He felt lost and alone. The whole world felt like it ended the day she died. She was everything he had. She was his protection, his mother, his everything.

She was his superhero.

Magnus took a deep breath, the soft scent of the rose bringing back long ago memories. He remembered how she always smelt like fresh flowers on a spring day. She was always smiling even when he knew she didn't want to. She always read to him before he went to bed and she always held him when everything was falling apart. She made him believe in himself and she made him who he was.

Magnus entered the cemetery slowly, following the path he had tread many times before. Alec's presence beside him made the journey easier, lessening the temptation to turn back.

They neared the tombstone as Magnus' heart beat faster in his chest. He stopped in front of it, the pain hitting him with such intensity he could feel the tears at the back of his eyes.

Elaine Elizabeth Bane.

Loving wife and mother.

May 5, 1970- October 10, 2002

Etched roughly in the stone was his mother's life. Wife and mother. Life tragically cut short.

Magnus's hand slid out of Alec's as he knelt down on the cold ground. He placed the rose in front of the stone, biting back the pain that erupted inside of him. People said it got easier but it didn't. It just got harder as the realization hit you that that person was gone, forever; the rest of your life. As the years stretched behind you, you realized how many years still stretched before you.

"Hi Mom." The words fell from his lips, hanging in the air. "I've missed you." Magnus didn't know if somewhere, somehow his mother could hear him, but he spoke anyway. It made it easier to think she was listening. It made knowing she wasn't there a little bit easier.

The wind blew past him lightly, lifting the petals on the flower just to lay them back down softly. Magnus just stared at the tombstone, letting the memories of his mother flow through him.

'No, please stop! James don't do this!'

A few tears fell from his eyes, stinging his cold skin. They fell onto the ground below, sinking through the dirt to where his mother lay.

A sickening sound. Blood. A heart wrenching scream.

Why had it been her? Why couldn't it have been him?

'James, why?'

She didn't deserve to die.

'Because.'

She had so much life in her, so much potential, and it had been cut short. He had stolen her life.

One final heartbeat. One lost soul. His mother.

The pain ripped through him like a thousand knives, cutting and scaring every inch of his being. He had known pain before, but never pain like this. There was no pain that amounted to losing someone you loved with every fibre of your being. There was no pain equal to how much pain Magnus felt in losing his mother. Everything he had died with her. Everything, including his heart. He had sworn never to love someone again the way he loved her because he was afraid of losing someone else. His heart could only take so much and he knew if it was shattered again he would never be able to fix it.

Magnus stood up slowly, taking a deep breath to clear away the pain. He looked at Alec who stood mournfully to the side, his gaze fixed on the tombstone. Looking at Alec Magnus felt his heart softening, opening up behind thousands of brick walls. Alec was making him break his vow, as he slowly opened each and every lock of his heart. Alec was getting in, reaching for the same spot where Magnus held his mother. He didn't think he could ever love again, but here his heart was saying otherwise.

Alec looked up to meet Magnus' gaze and in them Magnus didn't see the pity or sorrow that he would have expected, but he saw understanding. He saw deep meaningful understanding that he had never seen before, not even in his own eyes. And that was one of the many reasons Alec was getting to his heart. Alec simply understood and for once Magnus felt like he could bare his whole life to someone and simply get understanding.

Magnus took Alec's hand, the warmth filling his being. He looked from Alec back to his mother's tombstone. "Mom, I want you to meet Alec." He looked back at Alec whose eyes now showed surprise. "You always said I'd meet someone one day who made me happy and I have." Magnus squeezed Alec's hand, savouring the comfort of having him there. "I've lied to you the last few years about my life, about being truly happy. But I'm not going to lie to you this year." He looked up at Alec, smiling. "This year I feel truly happy and I feel like I've finally found what you told me to look for." Magnus looked back to the tombstone. "I wish you were here, but I know you're in a better place." A single tear fell from his cheek, catching on his skin before falling to the ground. "I love you." He pressed his fingers to his lips and then to the tombstone, his fingers lingering there for a few seconds before he pulled away. He stood there, his mother's face floating in his mind. She was smiling and in his mind he heard her say she loved him too. It was a memory, but it was enough for him.

Magnus looked at Alec as the two started walking back the way they had come. They walked in peaceful silence, their hands entwined together. Magnus left the cemetery stronger then he had been when he walked in. He left with a new understanding. His mother wouldn't want him to close his heart off. She would want him to be happy and he felt like he was doing an injustice to her by closing off his heart. Maybe it was time to open it again. Maybe it was time to face his fears and love again.

Maybe it was time to let Alec in.

Magnus stopped, sitting down on a bench, followed by Alec. Magnus clasped his hands together in front of him as he thought of how to explain what he could to Alec.

"My mother was killed. She was stabbed to death by my father. He was drunk and he was angry and he lost control. He's serving life at the New York Penitentiary." Magnus remembered the night perfectly. He remembered the storm that rocked the house and the smell of the alcohol on his father. The anger that emanated from his father radiated through the room and despite the storm it was even more frigid in the house than it should have been. Magnus remembered trying to protect his mother but being thrown to the side, pushed away as he always was. He remembered watching his father slide the knife under her rib cage and he remember running after her, throwing his father off of her dying body. He held her, bleeding and dying while his father just stood there, the bloody knife hanging from his motionless hand. That was the day Magnus' whole entire live changed. "I dream about her."

Magnus expected to hear 'I'm sorry' but Alec didn't say it. The fact that he didn't say it made the whole experience easier. He had heard so many empty and meaningless 'I'm sorry's' in his life that he didn't want to hear another. He just wanted understanding and that was what Alec gave him.

"You really love her."

"She was my everything." Magnus looked up at Alec, the pain hitting him like a tidal wave. "I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have her." He paused. "I brought you here because you wanted to know about my past. This is part of it and if she really can hear what I say, I wanted her to meet you. She helped me through it when I didn't know what it was. She taught me to accept myself and that love was beautiful." Magnus smiled lightly. "The two of you would have got along perfectly." The thought of Alec meeting his mother brought a rush of bittersweet sadness through him.

Alec smiled. "Do you look like her?"

"Mostly," Magnus said solemnly. He had his father's eyes, eyes that haunted him each and every day of his life. "She was beautiful. Her smile could light up the darkest room." Magnus paused, meeting Alec's gaze. "Thank-you Alec, for coming with me."

Alec took Magnus' hand with his. "Thank-you, for telling me this."

"You wanted to know and I didn't want to hide it from you anymore. This isn't the whole story but that's for another time." Magnus took a deep breath, looking around him. "But right now, I'm craving some Chinese." Magnus stood up, yanking Alec up with him. "Thank you." Magnus leaned in to kiss Alec, the kiss landing softly on both their lips. There was a new passion in it that came from Magnus' heart. It was foreign but Magnus embraced it just as he embraced Alec. He was going to give Alec the love he deserved, the love his mother would want him to give.

Alec stared at the phone, his fingers posed on the tiny keyboard. All he had to do was hit the numbers and let it ring, it was that easy. Then she'd pick up the phone and he'd tell her. He'd tell her what he was and he'd tell her about Magnus. He could do it. He could tell her.

No he couldn't.

Who was he fooling? He had already tried about a hundred times in the past to tell her and that wasn't including the thousand he had tried that day. He knew she wouldn't accept him. She wouldn't love him anymore if he was gay, she would disown him. Or would she? It was just his fears talking. He was so scared of being accepted that he thought even his own mother would hate him. Magnus' mother hadn't hated him. She had helped him though it from the beginning and she had told him to love no matter what. It was Magnus' mother that had put the phone in Alec's hands. She had loved Magnus so maybe Maryse would love Alec too. Maybe he was wrong and foolish for believing she wouldn't. He could do it. He would just call her and tell her. He could do it.

Alec hit the numbers to his house quickly, flashing the phone to his ear as the rings vibrated though him.

"Hello?" It was his mother.

"Hey Mom."

"Alec, sweetheart. It's been so long since you called I thought you'd forgotten about us." A rare happiness emanated from her voice.

"No, I've just been busy. Everything good at home?"

"It is what it is. We miss you."

"I miss you too Mom." Alec paused, taking a deep breath. "There's something I need to tell you." Alec fiddled with a loose strand on his sweater.

"Go ahead, but I'm a little busy right now Alec. Is it important?"

"Yes."

"Can it wait until later?"

"It'll just take a second." Alec fought to grasp all the courage within him, which ultimately equaled a small sum. He searched for scraps, trying within his heart to bring himself to say what he needed to say. The words lay on the tip of his tongue, ready to be spoken aloud, but instead they lay there in silence.

"Alec, can I just call you back?" Her words were stressed and hurried and with each clipped word Alec's courage slipped away.

"No, please just hear me out. I need to tell you. You need to know."

"Know what Alec? Please, I've got a meeting to go to."

"Mom, I love you and…"

"And I love you too Alec, but I really need to go."

"Please, don't go. Mom, I'm…" They were there, right there and he couldn't say them. It was just two words. Two simple words.

"I'll call you back later Alec."

"When Mom?"

"Later. When I get back."

"Mom…" Alec's heart shattered in his chest as he fought to get himself to tell her.

"I love you." Click.

Alec lowered the phone from his ear, every ounce of courage he had slipping from his grasp. He couldn't do it. He had tried but he couldn't. It had been so easy to say the words in his head but every time he tried to voice them they caught on his tongue and shattered into tiny little pieces. His fears broke open inside of him, enveloping his being. If he had told her, if he had done what he tried to do so many times before, would she have said 'I love you'? Would she have hung up because she had to go or because she hated him?

He felt pathetic. He felt pathetic and lonely and scared. All he had to do was tell her. It should have been easy but it wasn't. Thinking about doing something was so much different then actually doing it. He kept thinking about Magnus and his mother. She had accepted and loved him so why wouldn't Maryse be the same? Why wouldn't she love him?

Alec closed his eyes, rubbing them with the pads of his palms as he tried to push all the fears from his brain, all the pain from his heart, and all the sadness from his soul. Would anyone accept him? Would he ever be able to tell anyone what he was?

Alec looked up abruptly when Magnus came through the door, returning from class. His recently closed eyes fought to accustom to the glitter that reflected off of Magnus' skin and ensemble. Magnus threw down his school bag catching Alec's eyes as he started towards him. The smile that was on his face turned to questioning.

"Alec, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." Alec tried to cover up the emotion on his face but unlike everyone else in his life, he was terrible at it.

Magnus sat down on the edge of the bed in front of Alec. "Don't lie to me Alexander."

Alec looked up to meet Magnus' gaze. He wanted nothing more than to scream in front of the whole world his feelings for Magnus, but as he and the whole world knew, he couldn't do it.

"I called my mom."

Magnus sighed, nodding in understanding to Alec's words. "And?"

"And I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it because I'm a coward and I'm scared she won't love me and…"

"Shh." Magnus placed a hand on Alec's knee. "First off you're not a coward."

"Yes I am. I should have been able to tell her."

"No Alec, you shouldn't have. It's not that easy and having tried means more than not trying at all. You'll tell her one day, but that's not today."

"But what if I can never bring myself to do it?"

"Alec, you will, but by trying to do it when you're not ready isn't helping anyone, especially yourself."

Alec looked up at Magnus. How had he been so lucky to get someone like him? "Maybe you're right, but I just feel like I have to. They should know about me, about you."

Magnus let out a breath. "I don't want you to feel obligated because of me Alec. Everyone has their own pace and I understand that. I'm still happy here with you rather your family knows or not. You'll tell them in time." Magnus paused, placing a glittered hand under Alec's chin to get him to look at him. "I told you I'd wait and I will."

"You shouldn't."

"But I will." Magnus smiled, taking Alec's hand with his. "Now come on. You promised you'd watch America's Next Top Model with me and don't think for a second I'm letting you out of it that easily."

Alec smiled as he got off the bed and followed Magnus over to the couch. They sat down, the couch sagging so that Alec fell into Magnus. Magnus threw his arm around his shoulders, pulling him flush against him. Alec laid his head on Magnus' shoulder inhaling the familiar scent of him. It comforted him, washing away all of his fears. Alec knew he had to tell his parents one day but Magnus was right. Today was not the day to tell them. As much as he wanted to he wasn't ready.

Alec looked up at Magnus who was searching the channels for America's Next Top Model. He had watched it once with Isabelle but he had never seen the purpose of it. It just looked like a bunch of girls who were way to skinny for their height walking down a slippery walk with heels longer than his arm. But, Magnus liked it and since Alec had forced him through CSI it was the least he could do.

Magnus looked down at Alec, smiling. He closed the small distance between them, capturing Alec's lips with his for a soft kiss that cemented everything Magnus had promised him. Alec knew if he was to ever tell his parents it would be with Magnus by his side. Magnus gave him strength.

Magnus pulled away quickly, his gaze flashing to the screen. "We'll continue that on the commercial."

Alec smiled to himself as he looked at the TV. He nestled himself closer to Magnus' side savouring the feeling of having someone like him in his life. He found himself falling hard for him, harder than he had ever expected. His feelings for Magnus grew with each passing day, turning into something extremely foreign and yet extremely beautiful. Alec felt completely at peace with Magnus in a way he had never felt before. Magnus made him feel safe and special and loved.

That man who had been the gorgeous stranger at the tree was now his boyfriend. It felt so good to say boyfriend, to test it on his tongue. Magnus was his and Alec couldn't be happier.

There you go. I hope you liked the look into Magnus' past and more will come, I promise. So let me know what you all think. Just a warning ahead of time, my beta and I have exams and about a million projects so it is unlikely that an update will occur in January unless some mirable happens that gives me time to write and my beta time to edit. I am so very sorry and I feel terrible but after January I will be back to updating every week or so. Anyway, I hope that you all have a wonderful new year and I will see you next year. Bye!

Amber