June 23, 2015: Exodous

Rick stood watch on the roof. He looked intently towards the elementary school, waiting to see the flames that were supposed to have erupted from the fire started by Sasha, Rosita and Abraham. Rick was disappointed that there was nothing to be seen yet. He looked at his watch. It was 3:49 AM. They had left exactly 43 minutes ago. Rick timed everything out in his mind. How long it would take for them to drive there and get inside. How long it would take for them to start the fire and for the flames to be visible. By his calculations, he assumed the fire would be going strong and the herd would be on there way to their distraction.

Of course he knew anything along the way of this mission could have tripped them up. He knew any unforeseen events could have set them back – even small ones.

Still he looked forward with cautious confidence. The team that went to start the fire was strong and capable. He pulled the walkie from his belt. "Abraham do you copy?" There was no response. "Abraham, it's Rick. Do you copy?" Still no answer. He continued to study the scene a few blocks away. He could barely see walkers gathered on the north side of the building. The threesome definitely wouldn't be coming out of the building on that side.

"Is there a fire yet?" Rick heard Lee's voice coming through the walkie.

"Not yet," Rick answered. "Is everyone in place down there?"

"Affirmative," Lee responded. "Still no contact with the Abraham, Sasha and Rosita, though?"

Rick hesitated, "No but that doesn't mean anything. Just stay ready at the doors and they'll get it started."

"Copy that."

Rick spoke into the walkie again. "Abraham, Sasha, Rosita. Do you copy?" Static was the only sound coming from the walkie. Rick returned it to his belt and stared ahead towards the school again. An uneasy feeling was tying his stomach up in knots. Why weren't they responding? Why wasn't he seeing a fire? Of course those questions lead to other more disturbing questions. What if they didn't make it? What if they couldn't leave today...or ever? What if they completely ran out of water and were trapped inside by the herd?

"Stop it Rick," he said out loud to himself. "They made it and you and your family are leaving today. Just keep your eyes ahead and watch for those flames."

Rick looked in the direction opposite of the school. A continuous stream of walkers was coming from the east. Compounded by the ones already spread out around the nearby vicinity, there were thousands out there. What were the odds that even if the fire got started, they would all move towards it? There were only a few more hours of darkness. There were too many walkers on the other side of their walls. Rick shook his head as he second-guessed himself and the entire plan. This was a bad idea. They had worked for weeks to come up with this plan but in light of the current situation, he was quickly coming to the conclusion that they should go back to the drawing board.

As Rick looked at the steady herd walking by, the thought of taking Judith and Eva outside the library doors petrified him. They were obviously unable to defend themselves and therefore completely vulnerable. From the beginning, Carl had been tough. He had adapted well to life among the dead and even people who were worse than the dead. Carl had become a competent wing-man to his father and had Rick's back every bit as much as Rick had his. Like Rick, Carl could and would do anything to survive and protect his family. But Judith, she blissfully danced around the library, playing dress up and singing her ABCs. She was delicate and sensitive. And Eva was even more vulnerable. As much as it pained Rick to even think it, he couldn't deny what a liability young children were.

Rick thought about Holly. Poor, weak Holly. Her unpredictability and mental instability were dangerous not only to her, but to the group as a whole. The phrase "You're only as strong as your weakest link" came to mind. He could see how much his son loved the girl. He would do anything for her. She had become Carl's weakness and Rick hoped that Holly, and now the baby, wouldn't cloud things that had always been so clear in his son's mind and put him in danger.

If Rick was being honest with himself, all loved ones were a liability.

Rick pulled the walkie back out of his belt. He pressed on the button on the side. He was about to tell everyone that they should abort the mission. The fire hadn't been started and the herd was way too big. As he opened his mouth, he saw them. Flames. Just a few flickers but they stood out brightly in the darkness of the night. He saw the dancing orange glow through a window.

They made it. They made it and they got the fire started. Rick let out a sigh of relief. All the doubts muddling up his mind were immediately cast aside. He pressed the button again and spoke into the walkie. "I see a fire. It's not big enough yet but it's growing. As soon as I see the herd being drawn to it, I'll come down and we'll go." Rick's heart raced in his chest as his confidence returned. "Today's the day we leave for our new home."

…..

Everyone was gathered in the main room of the library. They were all ready with their packs on their backs and weapons in their hands.

Holly sat on the sofa in the fetal position, petrified and shaking. Carl walked up behind her and gently placed his hands on her shoulders. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt his touch. He moved around to the front of the sofa and knelt in front of her. Carl held both her hands in his hand and brushed her hair behind her ear with the other.

"You don't have to do anything, Holly," Carl said in a soothing tone. "I didn't tell anyone what happened this morning except for Michonne and Liv. Liv is going to watch the babies so you don't have to worry about them. The only thing you have to do today is walk from the building thirty feet to the car. Everyone will protect you. I'll protect you." Carl lifted her chin up and looked deeply into her still blue eyes. "I love you Holly. I love you and I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Do you believe that?"

Holly stared back at him. She knew what he wanted to hear. "Yes," she said without emotion. She didn't believe it though. She knew Carl wanted to protect her. She thought of how her parents wanted to protect her, but they were dead and had left her behind. Wanting to do something, even thinking you could, didn't always amount to what harsh realities allowed.

Holly was tired of being afraid but didn't know how to be anything else. She was sure if she walked out into that herd of walkers, she would die. She would be torn apart and be eaten alive. As she sat there, she visualized the dead coming at her and could almost feel their teeth sinking into her flesh. And even if they killed her, the nightmare wouldn't be over. She would become one of them.

But she was tired of putting Carl through this. It was agonizing being so weak and having to depend on him and everyone else. She was tired of constantly being his burden to bear. But what could she do? It was as if her hands and feet were bound together with invisible rope but everyone still told her to run and fight. She felt sick to her stomach as she thought about how weak she was and worse, what she'd soon face on the other side of those doors.

Holly looked up at Carl and smiled meagerly. She wasn't going to put Carl through anymore of her emotional bullshit. Not today at least. He had enough on his shoulders without having to coddle her for the thousandth time. "I'll be fine," she said. "I'm better now. I feel strong and I know can do this."

Carl was surprised by the slightest bit of confidence she had just displayed but decided to just go with it. He certainly wasn't going to rock the boat with her right now. "That's my girl," Carl said smiling back at her. He put his hand around her neck and kissed her on the lips before walking away.

As soon as Carl was out of sight and earshot, Holly buried her face in her hands. She sobbed as silently as she could and rocked back and forth. She didn't have it in her to debate Carl right now. She wasn't fine. She was going to die.

…..

Michonne heard the door to the maintenance closet shut and Rick charging down the stairs. She handed Eva over to Liv and slung her sword over her back.

"It's time!" she yelled out to everyone. She looked at Carol,"We're going to do this. Everything is going to work out and we're going to make it out."

Carol smiled reservedly at her always optimistic friend, "Of course we are. Getting out of this place is going to be uneventful, maybe even boring."

"Alright," Rick said in a commanding tone, "the fire's going strong and most of the walkers have made their way towards it. There are still quite a few out there but we shouldn't wait any longer." Rick fastened a blade to the prosthetic on his left hand and picked up his machete with his right hand. He walked towards the front doors with urgency. "Michonne, Glenn, Morgan, keep the walkers as far away from the cars as possible. Lee, I'm pulling you off your job of loading up the cars. I want you to help with the walkers. There's more of them out there than I had hoped. Carl, Carol, Maggie, Eugene, Clem, Bob, start loading as soon as you see that the cars are clear. Is everyone ready?" They all spoke or nodded in affirmation. "Good, let's go!"

Rick swung the door open quietly and walked out the doors. He carefully ran down the steps followed by Michonne, Glenn, Morgan and Lee. The walkers that hadn't made it to the fire, approached them hungrily. Rick charged forward unafraid, taking down two walkers at a time - one with his machete and one with the blade. Michonne moved her katana effortlessly exterminating three of the undead at once. Glenn, Morgan and Lee followed suit and quickly put down one corpse after another. The five of them had cleared the area immediately near the cars. They were in control and staying ahead of the stragglers in the herd.

"Lee," Rick called out, "tell the others to start loading the cars up!"

Lee walked back up the steps to the library and Carol opened the door. "Everybody move! Start loading up the cars...water first, food next."

Carl, Carol, Maggie, Bob, Eugene, and Clem immediately started carrying their supplies down the steps. They quickly and efficiently packed them into the RV, the Suburban and Carl's Plymouth GTX. Rick and Lee flanked each side of the staircase while Michonne, Glenn and Morgan surrounded the cars, keeping the walkers at a distance. After 4 or 5 trips back and forth between the library and the vehicles the cars were packed up with all their belongings.

It was dark but Rick caught something out of the corner of his eye. An unexpected and rather large number of the undead were heading towards them from Dublin Street. They were being drawn by the fire and would be coming right in front of the library to get there. "Shit," Rick said under his breath. "There's more headed our way!" he called out to everyone.

"Dad, everything's packed into the cars," Carl said to his father.

"Bring the kids out!" Rick shouted back as he stabbed another walker in the skull. "Hurry up...there's lots more walkers coming down Dublin!"

Carl ran back into the library. "It's time to go! Liv, bring Eva out and get her in the car. Maggie, get Hershel and Eugene, you get Judith. Holly, let's go! Hurry!" Everyone but Holly, did as they were instructed.

Judith ran hand and hand with Eugene from the doors of the library to the RV. Her eyes grew wide with terror as she saw the mob surrounding them. Silent tears fell from her eyes. She watched her mother and father as they slaughtered the monsters just mere feet in front of her. She'd never seen them kill. She'd only ever seen them feed her, read to her, cuddle with her and a number of other things she had always associated with their gentleness. Seeing her parents in this new light shook the poor girl's senses and the surreal feelings both captivated and frightened her. She froze as one of the dead bodies fell right at her feet. "Well that's one reanimated corpse that ain't gonna hurt you. You're doing perfect Little Miss Grimes. Be quiet and don't let go of my hand."

"I want my mommy," she cried in a whisper.

"I know you do but Uncle Eugene will have to do for the next few minutes," he reassured the young girl. "Your mom and dad will be right behind us, promise." Eugene lifted Judy into the RV and stepped inside right behind her. Eugene turned around and lifted Eva from Liv's arms. Liv climbed in next.

Maggie held Hershel securely in her arms as she sat in the back seat of the Suburban. Carol entered the driver's seat of the Suburban next. Bob climbed behind the wheel of the GTX after making sure Clementine was safely in the back seat.

As the others were filing into the cars, Carl ran to Holly, still crouched on the sofa.

"Holly, c'mon! We have to go!" Holly said nothing and didn't budge.

"Holly, get up!" Carl shouted pulling on her arm. "It's clear outside and everyone's waiting for us...we're the last ones!"

Holly finally allowed herself to be pulled up by Carl. They walked to the doors and onto the steps. As soon as Holly looked at the herd in front of her, she froze. Her feet planted themselves on the ground and she couldn't move.

"Holly, walk! We're almost there! C'mon babe just a few more steps!"

Holly's hand was trembling violently in Carl's hand and her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Carl felt her pulling him to the ground as she collapsed. He looked down and saw that she had fainted. He immediately bent down to pick her limp body off the ground. He pulled her body into his arms and threw her over his shoulder. This is better, he thought. I knew she'd be easier to handle unconscious. Carl ran down the steps of the library, holding her tightly around her legs as she was slumped over his back. When he had almost reached the bottom of the steps, a walker lunged at him. Carl spun around and kicked the walker in the kneecap. The walker collapsed in front of him but Carl had lost his balance. He took a step backwards and fell down the last few steps and crashed to the ground. Holly and Carl both hit their heads on the cement.

More of the dead were coming towards them. Winnie growled and snapped at them, trying her best to keep them away form Carl and Holly. Michonne looked over her shoulder and saw the two teens lying on the ground. Rick was much closer to them than she was.

"Rick!" Michonne yelled. "Help Carl and Holly...hurry!"

In an instant, Rick fought off and put down the two walkers in front of him before he spun on his heel and ran to Carl and Holly. He plunged his knife into the head of a walker that had just fallen on top of them but more were coming. Rick savagely swung his machete into one corpse after the other, not stopping to take a breath. When he dispatched all of the undead around them, he stooped over and picked Holly up in his arms. Eugene exited the RV and ran to Rick's side. "Give her to me and get Carl," Eugene said calmly. He took Holly from Rick's arms and carried her inside the RV.

"Carl!" Rick shouted at his son as he shook him. Carl's eyes opened slowly but he was still to dazed to get up and walk. Rick lifted his son into his arms and climbed inside the RV with a concerned Winnie at his heels. He laid Carl on the RV's sofa then promptly ran back outside. He quickly scanned the inside of each of the three vehicles to do a headcount. Rick let out a sigh of relief after he verified that everyone had made it out. "Get in the cars!" he ordered Michonne, Morgan, Glenn and Lee. "Everyone's in and we gotta get out of here!"

Michonne continued to furiously swing her sword through the corpses coming towards her until Rick ran to her and pulled her away. They both climbed inside the RV, slamming the door behind them. Eugene put the RV in gear and hit the gas. Glenn and Morgan climbed into the Suburban and Lee jumped into the passenger's side of the GTX. The tires screeched as the three vehicles simultaneously sped away from the Waycross Public Library. They drove away in the direction of the highway. As they sped away, not one of them looked back towards their home of the last three years.

…..

A/N So a lot of you don't like Holly. I get it. It would be better for Carl and everyone else if she could pull it together. Someone stronger would be better for Carl. She's weak and takes while everyone else gives. But here's the thing. Sometimes there's people in our real lives that are like that. There are people who have nothing to offer or even worse, they drain you, but you love them anyway. Not everyone, even in this Walking Dead world is going to be a bad-ass. I think it's more interesting to see how someone weak and ill-equipped would navigate this nightmare and how that would effect the others.

Not only have I liked exploring her psyche, but I've also liked to see the effect she has on Carl. Her mental illness and weakness has brought out both the very best and very worst in our young hero and I've liked exploring that. I was saying before that even though her weakness frustrates Carl, it also makes him feel powerful and needed.

Courtgirl mentioned how in the season 4 finale, Carl confessed to Michonne that he felt like he was a monster. I hadn't thought of that and thought that was a great pick-up. Nobody is perfect. And yes can08, Michonne would knock that boy out if he laid a hand on Holly.

On a personal note, I know what it's like to deal with mental issues. I've suffered from anxiety, OCD and occasional panic attacks too for the last 17 years. I struggled for a long time and because of that, my family struggled through it too. They've been patient and loving for the most part but other days, I've driven them mad. I've been getting a lot better over the last few years though.

18 months ago, I had a very traumatic experience. Both my dogs were killed by mountain lions. I found their bodies and it was absolutely horrible. The experience traumatized my daughter and me so badly that we couldn't go outside for a few months. We would hurry from our front door to the car and be praying on that short little journey. Mental illness, even less serious cases, can be paralyzing.

Anyhow, I just wanted to give you some of my perspective outside of the story. One of the great perks of Fan Fiction is that writers and readers are able to communicate like this. I love that and I honestly LOVE the feedback from everyone...PLEASE keep it coming. Love and God bless y'all!