TBCR: Chapter Ten.
Brian: Andrew?
Andrew: Yeah?
Brian: It's like me, you know, I think I can relate to your story a little bit. Although, it, it involves my mom and uh, like, with my grades. But it, it goes deeper than that, you know?
Andrew: How so?
Everyone now looks at Brian.
Brian: Well, when I'm like this all the time, myself, I feel...I feel there's always limitations and obstacles...trying to hold me down, and you know, my mother always made me felt that way ever since I started school. There would be lecture after lecture from her all the time. And I feel like I'm...just society's pawn. But when, when we were getting high earlier, when I was smoking and when I had Bender's sunglasses on, I literally felt free. Free of any setbacks or burdens that I have to put up with because of her. Anything she said just finally vanished from my mind, I felt I was one of the cool ones, you know? That's why I always felt that...if I could just step outside myself kinda, always felt I wish I can do that because I felt I lacked a fun lifestyle. So, I wished every time I could because, every time I look in the mirror at home, and, I see me but I don't...I don't like what I see...I really don't.
Bernia felt her heart was broken as Brian too felt he needed to change.
Claire: (To Brian) What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?
Brian: It's stupid. And, forgive me guys if this sounds pathetic...
Bernia: (Softly) No, please! Brian...I wanna hear. I'll never judge.
Brian looks at her with a small smile.
Brian: Well see, obviously I'm the nerd, right? So people would label me as the one who's got the good grades and a good future and a happy life...shit like that. Well, my life is not all happy as people would assume...my mom would always make me study like 24/7 because she said she didn't want me to be a no life idiot. She always went on and on about she graduated on the top of her classes and everyone around her were low-lives, Now which brings me to why she's always on my back. See, I'm failed shop or still am failing. See we had this assignment to make uh, (Mumbles) Oh God, this feels so uncomfortable telling you this. To make uh, an ceramic elephant and we had eight weeks to do it. So uh, we had to make it into a lamp or something where you pull the trunk and the light is supposed to come on, which it didn't and I failed. So, I got an F. I never got an F in my life but, I always thought no big deal right? But uh, when I got home and told her, she immediately flipped out on me, started cursing as she was some sort of sailor or something. My Dad, would try and stop her but she'll keep going arguing with him in front of me and my little sister, Emily.
Bernia: (To Brian worried) I get it. She's one of those people who believe just because you're smart that everyone should worship and thinks everything's perfect when in reality, she doesn't realize she's hurting you with all that responsibility...
Brian: Yeah...you know, when I signed up, for the course I mean, I thought I would play it real smart. Cause I'd thought, that if I take shop, that would mean it would be easier to maintain my grade point average.
Bender: Why'd you think it would be easy?
Brian: At the time I didn't know. Really that was my mom's idea too. Infact, there was almost a time where I started to regretfully agree with her because I'm thinking at the rest of the students in the class: Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop? But, right there...right there, when I thought of that, I believe it was the start of my downfall. The F, the pressure from her...it's because of me. That minute, I became what she wanted me to be. I became what I hated. I became a person with a superior complex over everyone. And I hated that so fucking much! And I don't want to feel that way again because I know I'm not better then anyone or everyone, even the people who pick on me or my friends. I'm not better then you guys or anyone, you know, I just do the work. But for that one second, I thought I was better than everyone and it brought me in here. I really pray to God, that I don't feel that way again. I don't want people hating me for something I didn't wanna feel to begin with, you know?
Andrew: Damn, Brian.
Bender: In other words, Brian...you don't want to be another dick like Vernon?
Brian: Yeah.
Bender: I don't blame you there. You know, I take shop...if you need help with that elephant project I can. Also, no offense...but you must be a fucking idiot. I mean you're a genius who can't make a lamp.
Brian: Well, I told you it was pathetic.
Bernia: (To Bender) But at least he was honest about not wanting to feel above everybody. No one wants that. Come on, Bender you barley can keep up on Trigonometry!
Bender looks at her.
Brian: You know Trigonometry, Bender?
Bender: I could care less about Trigonometry...
Brian: I, I was just gonna say...without Trigonometry, there'd be no engineering, that's all.
Bender: Well, Brian...without lamps there'd be no lights!
Claire: (To Brian and Bender) Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one. I mean, Bender...Brian did say he's not better than you so I think he means we're all good at certain things but not better.
Bender: Yeah. Brian, my bad dude.
Brian: It's okay.
Allison feels left out and breaks her silence.
Allison: I can write with my toes! I can also eat, and brush my teeth...
Claire: With your feet?
Allison: ...play Heart & Soul on the piano.
Brian: I can make spaghetti!
Bernia giggles at Brian.
Bernia: (To Brian) You can cook?
Brian: A little...
Bernia Well, I do aerobics, gymnastics, I can repair motorbikes and such. But also I can act, a little anyway.
Claire: (To Andrew) What can you do?
Andrew: I can...uh...tape all your buns together...
Bender: I wanna see what Claire can do!
Claire: I can't do anything.
Bender: Now, everybody can do something...
Claire: There is one thing I can do, no forget it, it's to embarrassing.
Bender: Have you ever seen Wild Kingdom? I mean that guy's been doing that show for thirty years.
Claire: (To Bender) Okay, but you have to swear to God you won't laugh...
Bender motions a cross to himself.
Claire: ...I can't believe I'm actually doing this...
Everyone watches Claire take out her lipstick and open it. She places it between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage. When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect. Then everyone claps.
Andrew: All right, great! Where'd you learn to that?
Claire: Summer camp, seventh grade...
Bernia: I regret not going to camp.
As everyone's clapping, Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow.
Bender: That was great, Claire...my image of you is totally blown...
Allison: (To Bender) You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!
Bender: Am I laughing?
Claire looks upset.
Bernia: (To Bender) You're a real idiot!
Andrew: (To Bender) You fucking prick!
Bender: (To Andrew) What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember? (To Claire) And you...you don't like me anyway!
Claire: You know, I have just as many feelings as you and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!
Bender: (To Claire) God, you're so pathetic! (Furious) Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! Queenie isn't here! I like those earrings Claire.
Claire: (Quietly) Shut up...
Bender: Are those real diamonds, Claire?
Claire: (Angry) Shut up.
Bender: I bet they are...did you work, for the money for those earrings?
Claire: Shut...your mouth!
Bender: Or did your daddy buy those?
Claire: (Furious) SHUT UP!
Bender: I bet he bought those for you! I bet those were Christmas gifts! Right?! You wanna know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes! The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!" Okay? So go home and cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay?
Everyone stays silent for awhile, until Andrew speaks.
Andrew: My God, are we really gonna be like our parents?
Claire: Not me...ever...
Allison: It's unavoidable, it just happens.
Claire: What happens?
Allison: When you grow up, your heart dies.
Bender: Who cares?
Allison: I care...
Bernia: I care too. You lose the passion you once had for something or someone. You start to give up on life, and the hopes and dreams that you once mourned for because of your roadblocks. But sometimes...Sometimes you have to die a little inside in order to be reborn, and rise again as a stronger and wiser you.
Brian: Well um, I was just thinking. I mean, I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I?
Andrew: No...
Brian: So, so on Monday...what happens?
Claire: Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is?
Brian: Yeah...
Claire: You want the truth?
Brian: Yeah, I want the truth...
Claire: I don't think so...
Allison: Well, do you mean all of us or just John?
Claire: With all of you...
Andrew: That's a real nice attitude, Claire...
Claire: Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came walking up the hall to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him!
Andrew: No way!
Allison: "Kay", what if I came up to you?
Claire: Same exact thing...
Bender: (Furious and yelling at Claire) YOU ARE A BITCH!
Claire: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth? That makes me a bitch?
Bender: No! Because you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't have the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them that you're gonna like who you gonna like!
Claire: Okay, what about you, you hypocrite!? Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? Or take Bernia to skip classes everyday to get in trouble with Vernon? What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we walked down the hall together? They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me!
Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you wouldn't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends so you should just stick to the things you know, shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor—rich—drunk mother at the Carribbean!
Claire: (Kicked Bender's leg furious and crying) SHUT UP!
Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget about it! Because it's never gonna happen! Just bury your head in the sand...and wait for your fucking prom!
Claire: I hate you!
Bender: Oh yeah? Good!
Silence again until Brian speaks.
Brian: Then I assume Bernia, Allison and I are better people than you guys, huh? Us weirdos...
(To Bernia) Do you, would you do that to me?
Bernia: (To Brian) Never...I could never do that to hurt you...I love you too damn much.
Brian's mouth hangs open as everyone listens.
Bernia: Yes, Brian...I love you. And I'm not ashamed to admit it because...I've felt that way about you for quite a long time now, even before detention and the change I made. I love you! I really do, truly love you...
Bernia then holds Brian's hand.
Brian: Allison?
Allison: I don't have any friends...
Brian: Well, well if you did?
Allison: No...I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind...
Brian: I just wanna tell, each of you, that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! Because I think that's real shitty!
Claire: (To Brian) Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us...
Bernia glares at Claire. Brian laughs at Claire.
Bernia: Bullshit! That is bullshit and you fucking know it! I will never...EVER look up to people like you! I still care about my other friends and would never betray them! The last thing, that I would ever wanna become is someone like you, because I rather burn myself first before I ever do that! Crocodile feelings Claire...CROCODILE FUCKING FEELINGS!
Brian: (To Claire) You're so conceited, Claire! You're so conceited. You're so, you're so full of yourself. Why are you like that?
Claire: (Crying) I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!
Brian: Well then when why you do it?
Bernia: Yeah! Why do you feel the need that you "should" go on with everything they say and do!? WHY!? ANSWER ME!
Claire: (To Brian and Bernia) I don't know, I don't...you don't understand...you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You two can't possibly get it! You know, you just don't understand the kind of pressure that they put on you!
Bernia shakes her head and starts to cry. Brian is shocked and so is everybody else.
Brian: I don't understand what? Are you serious? You think, she doesn't get it? You don't think she understands? You think I don't understand pressure Claire? WELL FUCK YOU! Fuck you!
Brian hides his head with his arm and starts to cry, Bernia moves closer next to him.
Brian: (Crying) Do you know why I'm here today? DO YOU!? I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a gun in my locker...
Brian had his head down in shame, Bernia looks at Brian with wide eyes with tears falling shocked, so are Claire, Allison, Bender and Andrew.
Andrew: (To Brian) Why'd you have a gun in your locker?
Brian: Because...because...
He stays silent for a bit.
Bernia: (Crying) Brian, please! Tell me why? Why?
Brian: Because, everything that I told you was true! Even when Bender did the impression of my life at home...it hurted me because...that's not the kind of happy life I had! Because all the things my mother putted me through, she even, she even at times where I would be sleeping, and I hear her ranting to dad about how I'm a failure in school, life...she said I was always a waste of her time and money! She even...she'd even said that I was a waste of God's time and, she...(crying) She even wished that I was dead...so, she could save the trouble of me being the embarrassment of her and her friends...So, I tried giving her wish by putting in my locker and it would go off...and...and just end it all. The verbal abuse from her, to her own son! That's why I always wanted to be someone else for so long, That, that I'm scared that people will try to look underneath. I wished I could step outside myself, because myself, it only reminds me of how much I failed to live up to her expectations...even with my father and Emily caring for me...I still feel all alone!
Brian sobs more, Bernia and everyone except Bender cries.
Claire: (Crying) Oh, Brian...
Bernia holds Brian's cheeks to him look at her.
Bernia: (To Brian) Brian, be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Never be bullied into silence, not even by your own mom, never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of life, but define yourself. Please, Brian...don't ever do or even think that way ever again. God knows what I'd do if you weren't here with me...
Brian just really looks at her. He then closes his eyes and bashes a chair over. Bernia not even flinching does not let go of his face.
Brian: I just, considered my options, you know?
Claire: No! Killing yourself is not an option!
Bernia: (To Claire) Well, he didn't do it, did he? No, I don't think so!
Bender: (To Brian) When I said that I was sorry to you in the hallway, I really am now. I'm sorry...also, I think your moms would make the bowling team's captain with mine and sporto's old man.
Brian giggles at little at this.
Allison: Brian? I hate to ask this but, the gun in your locker...was it a regular hand gun?
Brian: No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker.
Everyone then looks at him again. Andrew begins to snicker.
Andrew: (Snickering) Really?
Brian: It's not funny...
Andrew stops, but does it again and this time everyone starts laughing, even Brian.
Brian: (Laughing) Yes it is...fucking locker and elephant was destroyed!
Their laughing continues until Bernia speaks.
Bernia: (To Everyone smiling) As for me, I got in here because I'd dented Vernon's car with my motorcycle. The total damage is $35,000 dollars.
They all laugh again.
Brian: (To Bernia laughing) That must've been some real damage!
Aliison: You want to know what I did to get in here? Nothing...I didn't have anything better to do.
Bernia bursts out laughing uncontrollably and hysterically with everyone joining. Allison starts to laugh too.
Allison: (To Bernia and Andrew laughing) You're laughing at me!
Andrew and Bernia: (To Allison laughing) No!
Allison: (Laughing) Yeah you are!