This wasn't his house.

Derek blinked in surprise as he sat up on the couch, suddenly remembering that he was in Meredith's apartment. And then he remembered why he was in Meredith's apartment, and he felt the nausea rising in his stomach.

"Hey," he heard her voice from behind the couch, and he turned to see her standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking completely adorable as she held a cup of coffee out to him. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," he sighed, reaching to take the coffee and taking her in. She was wearing a pair of leggings and a Dartmouth t-shirt, her head tossed in a ponytail on the top of her head. He loved how completely natural she looked. He'd been married to Addison for nearly eleven years, and she had still felt the need to do her hair and put make up on before she even ate breakfast.

Then she'd slept with Mark.

"Do you need something for the hangover?"

"I'm not hung over," he lied. He wasn't exactly sure how much tequila he had consumed the night before in attempt to erase the picture of Mark and Addison from his head.

"Here," Meredith said, handing him some Advil. "And you owe me a bottle of tequila."

"I didn't drink that much," he protested.

Meredith silently pointed to the table where he turned to see an empty tequila bottle.

"Okay, you had some too," he argued.

"I know," she laughed. "So I was going to make you breakfast, but then I realized that that might actually more sick."

"Don't worry about it, Mer," he sighed. "I'll just…grab something somewhere."

"No you're not," she said, grabbing his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. "Lexie owed me, so I made her make breakfast. All I have to do is put the pancakes on the stove and make sure that they don't burn."

"I think you can handle that," Derek said, touched by her efforts to make him comfortable.

"You'd be surprised," she sighed as she reached into the fridge and pulling out a plate full of fruit. "Help yourself."

"Thanks," Derek sighed as he sat down at the table. He watched her for a moment, finding her completely adorable as she concentrated on pouring the batter onto the stove, trying her best to make them perfect. "Mer?"

"Hang on," she said, flipping the pancakes and turning to look at him over her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"I'm not going to let you starve, Derek," she shrugged. "It's no problem."

"No," he shook his head as he stood and stepped closer to her, reaching for her hand. "Thank you. For being here and taking care of me. I honestly…I have no idea what I would have done without you last night."

Meredith squeezed his hand. "Of course I'm here for you, Derek," she said. "Whatever you need."

"You have no idea how much that means to me," Derek breathed. "So thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled up at him.

"One more thing," he smiled softly.

"Hmmm?"

"I think your pancakes are burning."

"Crap!" she turned away from him and immediately reached for the pan, pulling the black pancakes onto a plate. "This is so your fault."

He laughed as he stepped up beside her to take the spatula. "Allow me," he said.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "You're…I can do it."

"No offense, but I'd really rather do it," he laughed. "I make pancakes for my nieces and nephews all the time."

"Oh," she nodded as she stepped back. He could feel his eyes on her for a moment and a moment later she commented, "I bet you're a good uncle."

"Haven't gotten any complaints yet," Derek shrugged.

"You'd be a good dad."

Derek blinked back the sting of tears. He should have left Addison when she'd told him that she no longer wanted kids. Maybe that would have saved the past five years of his life, maybe even his friendship with Mark.

"I guess we'll never know," he finally said.

"Derek," she breathed, and then her hand was on his arm. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he sighed as he flipped a stack of pancakes onto a plate.

"What are you going to do?" she whispered.

"I have to see her," Derek said. "I have to get my stuff, I'm sure she'll be there."

"You're going to leave her," Meredith stated.

"I have to," Derek shook his head. "We've been trying to work things out for months, Meredith. Months. And now I find out that the entire time she was sleeping with Mark…how can I possibly forgive that?"

"You think it was more than a one time thing?" Meredith breathed.

"I had a feeling," Derek said, looking down at the sizzling pancakes. "That she was seeing someone, but I never thought it would be him."

"I think you're doing the right thing," she offered.

"Thanks," he sighed as he moved to the table, handing her a plate. "That helps."

"You can stay here," she offered. "Until you find an apartment or whatever. You can stay here."

"Thanks," Derek sighed. He wished he could stay here, with her, indefinitely. "I'm going to have to call a lawyer, talk to my family. They're going to be devastated."

"Derek," Meredith said. "You're getting ahead of yourself. Go back to your house, get the stuff that you need, talk to her. And then you can come back here and we'll do anything you want."

"Anything?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Well, I'll brainstorm some ideas," he sighed as he leaned back into his seat. "Mer?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you go with me?"

Her fork clattered onto her plate as she stared at him for a long moment. "Derek," she breathed. "I don't know…"

"Please," he said, leaning in to stroke her hand. "I need you, Mer. It scares me how much I need you."

"I want to," she said, leaning into his touch. "I really want to be there for you, Derek, but it will create a whole new dynamic if I'm there. You won't be able to talk the way you need to if I'm there hovering in the corner of the room."

Derek shook his head. "Please come," he insisted. "You can wait outside if you're not comfortable. Or there's a coffee shop across the street. I just…I'm not sure of anything right now, Mer, except for how I feel about you."

"How do you feel about me?" she whispered, and he saw a sudden vulnerability in her eyes.

"I feel a million different things," he whispered, leaning in to brush his lips gently against hers. "But…I can't say any of them until I've ended things with Addison. I want us to talk, but I need to get this over with before we talk."

"Oh," Meredith nodded slowly, her fingers moving to trace her lips. "Okay."

"Will you come?" he asked.

"Derek," she sighed, squeezing his hand carefully. "Across the street. I'll wait for you across the street."

"Thank you," he breathed. Facing Addison seemed so much easier now that he knew Meredith would be close by to offer her comfort.

"You should shower," she said as she reached for his plate. "I have a bathroom in my room."

"Okay," he said, standing with her. "Thank you, Meredith."

"You don't have to keep thanking me," she murmured, not meeting his eyes. "You're my…well, I don't mind. At all."

He offered her one last smile before he disappeared into her bedroom, closing the door to her bathroom and leaning against the door, squeezing his eyes closed as he tried to suppress the emotions tearing through his body at the moment. Right now he had to focus on what he knew was coming today, he had to get through facing Addison again. And only then would he have a more clear picture of what his future would look like.

XXXXXX

The house was completely silent as he let himself in two hours later. He swallowed hard as he stood in the doorway, remembering that the last time he had stood here his life had been ripped out from underneath him.

He swallowed hard as he made his way towards the stairs. He really just wanted his clothes, some textbooks, maybe some old pictures of his family. He didn't care about the rest. Addison apparently wasn't home, and hopefully he could get the hell out of here before he had to face her.

"Derek?" her voice met him as he pushed the door to his bedroom open and he froze for a moment, unsure of what to do.

"I need clothes," he finally said as he made his way to the closet, not bothering to look at her.

"What are you doing?" she frowned, and he heard the sheets rustling as he pulled a suitcase down from the top shelf.

"Do you really think that I'm going to keep living here in the bedroom where you fucked my best friend?" he snapped, finally turning to look at her.

"No," she whispered, pain flashing in her eyes. "I know I don't deserve it, Derek, but… I'm sorry."

"It doesn't change anything," he said, stopping his movements.

"I know," Addison said. "But I'm still sorry."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he pushed himself off of the doorframe. "Get dressed," he ordered. "We need to talk."

"Oh," Addison breathed, and he saw a flicker of hope in her eyes. "Okay."

He slammed the door shut behind him before he made his way down the stairs to the office Addison had custom designed after they'd both started working in a private practice. His desk was on the far wall, hers perpendicular to it, and he immediately reached for the neuro texts he'd collected through his college years. He wasn't sure that he would ever need them, but they offered him some sense of comfort, and he wanted to have them.

As he stacked them on the desk, his eye caught on a wedding picture, and he picked it up for a moment, staring at the happy expression on both of their faces. At the time, that had been one of the best days of his life, even if the wedding had been far too big for his taste. He'd thought he'd been marrying the love of his life.

He rolled his eyes as he tossed the picture carelessly across the room to Addison's desk, ignoring the sound of breaking glass. Next he reached for the picture of he and Mark taken at a Christmas party the year before and threw that one harder than he had the first.

"Derek," her voice came from the door, and he looked up to see her standing awkwardly in the entrance to the room, her arms wrapped over her middle as she looked at him with a nervous expression.

"Don't even," he said as he slammed another book onto his desk. "You have no right to tell me not to make a mess."

"I wasn't going to," she shook her head.

He was silent for a moment before he asked, "Mark?"

"Why do you keep fixating on the fact that it was Mark?" Addison demanded.

"Because he was my best friend!" Derek cried. "He was the best man at our wedding!"

"So you don't even care that I cheated?" Addison cried. "You just care that it was Mark?"

"I never thought that you were possible of stooping that low," Derek shook his head.

"You were never here!" Addison said. "What was I supposed to do?"

"The only reason I was never here was because I had to be someone I wasn't when I was around you!" Derek insisted. "You tried to make me into some pretty boy."

"Mark was there."

"So you're saying I should be more like Mark?" Derek rolled his eyes. "Good. When the divorce goes through, you can marry him."

"He's been more of a husband to me in the past five years than you were," Addison replied.

Derek froze for a moment before he stated, "Last night wasn't a one time thing."

Addison swallowed hard as she looked down at her feet. "No."

"How long?" he asked after a long pause. She was silent, and he rolled his eyes. "Addison. How long?" His voice was gaining in volume.

"Since our anniversary."

"You've been fucking him since last August?" Derek asked in disbelief.

"Stop calling it that," Addison snapped.

Derek stared at her for a moment before he dropped into the chair behind his desk, running a hand over his hair. "What the hell happened to us?" he asked.

"I don't know," she sighed, tears filling her eyes. "But I'm sorry Derek. I'm so so sorry, and I don't know what I can do to ever make it up to you."

"I don't think you can," he breathed.

"So…this is it?" Addison asked.

"Did you honestly think it was working?" Derek asked, glancing at her as she tentatively approached him.

"No," she sighed.

"I…" Derek sighed as he thought back over the past year in his head. "I'm sorry too."

"For what?" Addison frowned.

"For being absent," Derek said. "Neither one of us were good to the other."

"I'm the one who had an affair," Addison said, looking at her feet in shame.

"Physically," Derek nodded slowly. "But I…I had an emotional affair. Even if nothing happened until last night…I was falling in love with someone else when I was married to you."

"Meredith," Addison stated.

"Meredith," Derek nodded, loving the way that her name sounded rolling off of his tongue.

"Are you…with her now?" Addison asked curiously.

"No," he shook his head. "I wanted to talk to you first. She deserves better than that."

Addison nodded slowly. "I hope she makes you happy," she said.

"Thanks," Derek said. "I…I have no idea how to do this."

"I guess we call the lawyers," Addison shrugged.

"Yeah," Derek agreed. He was silent for a moment before he shook his head. "Ten years."

"Ten years," Addison sighed. "I…I really did love you, Derek."

"Me too," Derek said. "I guess it's not enough for a marriage."

"I guess not," Addison said, shifting on her feet. "But…there's something that you should know."

Derek tilted his head to the side, what he could possibly need to know about her right now.

"I'm pregnant."

He blinked in surprise for a moment before his eyes immediately dropped to her stomach. Completely flat. Which meant…he couldn't remember the last time they'd slept together, but it had to have been before Christmas, which had been five months ago. He let out a strange sigh of relief as he realized… "It's Mark's," he stated aloud.

"Yeah," Addison said, her hand absently brushing over her belly. "He doesn't know, so please don't…"

Derek rolled his eyes as he reached for a box to dump his books into. "I don't think you're going to have to worry about me telling Mark anything," he said. "My lawyer will call your lawyer."

"Derek," she pleaded, grabbing for his arm. "You can't just end it like this."

"You're pregnant with my best friend's love child," Derek stated. "I think I have the right to end it however the hell I want to end it."

"Fine," Addison sighed, dropping his arm and turning away from him. "I'll go stay with him."

"Don't bother," Derek said. "You take the house. I can't even be in the bedroom without being sick to my stomach."

"Derek," Addison breathed.

"I can't do this," Derek shook his head as he moved towards the front door. "I'll come back for the rest of my stuff when you're at work."

"Fine," Addison sighed, moving towards the stairs. "Goodbye Derek."

He waited until he heard the bedroom door slam shut behind her before he looked around the foyer for a moment. "Goodbye Addison," he breathed.

He made his way across the street, stepping into the coffee shop and smiling as he saw Meredith sitting in an armchair in the corner, a book cracked open in her lap and her hands cradling a coffee cup that she sipped occasionally. As he laid eyes on her, he suddenly realized that nothing mattered. Addison, Mark…nothing mattered besides the adorable girl sitting before him as she sipped coffee.

"You better be careful," he warned as he dropped into a chair across a small table from hers. "You don't want to spill on anyone."

"Derek," her head snapped up as she met his eyes. Her gaze was concerned and curious as she met his. "How is it? What happened?"

"It's over," Derek said. "I'm going to call my lawyers this afternoon."

"Derek, I'm sorry," she whispered, closing her book. "Are you okay?"

"She's pregnant," he heard himself say without thinking.

Meredith immediately retracted the hand that had sought out his, and he was vaguely aware of her rambling. "Oh," she breathed. "Well, I guess you're going to be have to be friends or whatever because kids can't have parents who hate each other or they'll end up messed up. I'm living proof of that. And I know you want to be a dad, so I guess it's good, even if she is a huge slut…"

"It's Mark's."

That quieted her down. "I haven't slept with her in months," he added for good measure.

"Oh," Meredith said, and suddenly she was close, leaning in to press her lips against his cheek. "Derek, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," he breathed.

"It can't be okay," she whispered.

"Right now," he sighed, turning to look at her. "Everything is okay."

"Really?" she murmured, and he looked into her eyes to see the genuine love and hope swimming in her eyes.

"Really," he nodded. "Mer…we need to talk."