I'm not dead!
This was an eternity for an update. I'm so sorry! I have a plethora of excuses, but I have a feeling you'd rather read the story...
Another thing: the Thor-is-captured arc isn't quite over yet. Loki has to do one last thing...
Sleep refused to come, which was ridiculous. Loki had just spent the entire night working on his physics project, and before that it had been days since he was able to get a proper rest.
But still, the Sandman refused to knock him out.
After hours of tossing and turning, Loki gave up. He rubbed his eyes and stumbled out of bed, into the elevator, and pressed the button that would lead him to the Avenger's lounge.
The scientist he had encountered outside of that lab had spoken words, words that still haunted Loki's mind.
"A HYDRA organization."
Once he had arrived on the lounge floor, he started up a search engine on one of the computers. A quick Internet search had erased any trace of doubt in his mind.
Loki emailed a meeting request to Fury's principal email and shut down the computer.
…
"You asked for a meeting."
Loki sat across Fury in his office, where all those months ago, he and Thor had been requested to join the Avengers. He had already eaten lunch, and hoped that the Director would not be surly because Loki was cutting off his.
"I did."
"Make it quick. This school doesn't run itself." Fury sounded annoyed, even though Loki guessed that he was not the actual one running the school.
"I wish to see a prisoner, out of the ones we captured around Christmas."
Fury's expression didn't change. "Come back here at four PM. And remember: since your group has detached themselves from SHIELD, I expect that you will do a favor for me in return."
Loki stood up and resisted the urge to bow satirically. "But of course."
…
At four PM sharp, Loki arrived at Fury's office. Fury was already there, of course, standing over his desk, looking at some document. When Loki entered, he neatly put the paper away and looked at the teenager, who was wearing, oddly enough, a black hoodie. The weather that day was bright and sunny, so it was a little out of place. Fury narrowed his one eye.
"Hand them over. You can't see the prisoner armed."
Loki looked into Fury's eye, but he didn't comply. "The last time I was at a SHIELD facility, I was interrogated in an unpleasant way. I would rather not enter unarmed."
"I'm afraid you don't have a choice."
Loki's mouth twitched, but he reached into his hoodie's pocket and pulled out a dagger.
"And the one in your trouser pocket."
Loki sighed this time, and pulled out the dagger in his pocket.
"And the one in your boot."
"I do not have one in my boot."
Fury raised his eyebrow.
"Fine." A third dagger joined the pile. "I want them back after I speak to him."
"Of course. Keep in mind you'll also have to go through a weapons scanner."
Loki rolled his eyes. "I am unarmed."
"Forgive me if I don't believe you."
With that, Fury pushed a button under his desk, and the hidden door opened.
The Director took long strides across the hall, forcing Loki to all but run to keep up. Finally, they reached the prisoner block. Like Fury said, there was a weapons scanner. Loki made to walk through it, but Fury held out his hand in front of him.
"Take off your hoodie."
"It is rather cold in here. I would prefer not to."
"Suck it up. Our facility, our rules."
Loki took off his hoodie. Fury made a motion to walk through the detector, which he did. After a minute of Fury analyzing the scan, he went around the scanner and escorted Loki to the cell he desired.
After inserting a code (he covered the keypad) and going through a retinal and fingerprint scan, the Director opened the door. As Loki entered the cell, he called, "We're watching and listening to you, so don't do anything stupid."
The door closed, leaving Loki alone with his prisoner.
"Hello, Athena.*"
Multiple copies of Loki surrounded the prisoner, each looking as angry as the real Loki was. The prisoner looked around, but said nothing else.
"I am Loki, the Norse God of Mischief. I defeated you and your pathetic monsters like they were nothing. You would be wise not to make me angry."
"I suppose it's too late for that, child. But you're right. I should have called you Hermes."
Loki moved his hand, and his illusions disappeared. He calmed down slightly, his voice becoming mocking. "When we caught you, I did not even think that you had a second base. Very impressive. You did indeed make a good head scientist."
"First threats, and now complements. You're a bit confusing." The Greek scientist sighed. "However, we don't have a second lab. I wish we did."
Loki walked behind the scientist. He lifted his knee and pulled out a small dagger from the heel of his shoe, hiding it in his hand. Taking a seat in front of the scientist, he smiled. "I only knew you as my enemy. You never properly introduced yourself to me." Loki held out his hand. The scientist wearily took it.
"Dr. Linus Demos."
Loki slipped the dagger into Dr. Demos's hand, and gently closed the man's fist, and gripped it. Linus couldn't let go of it now, and the blade in his hand was positioned over a major artery.
"Dr. Demos," Loki purred, "why did you capture my brother?"
"You have a brother?" the scientist looked genuinely puzzled.
"The one you called Zeus."
"He's your brother?"
Loki wasn't surprised. The scientists who captured Thor didn't know. "It matters not. The blonde warrior, why did you take him?"
He closed Dr. Demos's hand, and the scientist grimaced in pain as the small dagger dug into his flesh.
"I didn't. I had no idea you two were gods."
Loki's voice became cold again. "You are right. If you did, you would not be foolish enough to anger us. A little more pressure on your hand, and you will loose it. Now, why did you take him?"
"What makes you think we did?" Dr. Demos's question was almost screamed in pain.
"One of the workers who held him said that they worked for a hydra organization. I double-checked, and the hydra was a Greek monster. I am very sure, in fact, that we killed one of them, the pathetic thing."
Dr. Demos's whole demeanor changed. "Ha! You're an idiot"
Loki was so surprised, he almost let go of the man's hand.
"You might be a god, but you're a fool. The whole world is enamored by the ancient Greeks. Look at the White House, the eagle with an olive branch. Look at the whole damn government system. We are not the only ones inspired by them."
"What?"
"The people you're looking for, they chose their name well. You have a long way to go, my friend. Remove the knife and I'll even wish you good luck."
Loki wanted to squeeze the man's hand like an orange, letting the knife mutilate the smug bastard's hand forever.
It was so, so tempting.
But before he could make any decisions, however, the door burst open, revealing a pissed off Nick Fury. He grabbed the knife out of Dr. Ramos's hand and glared at Loki.
"Leave. Now."
"It matters not. I am done here."
Loki marched out of the cell.
…
I was a fool. That damn man was right.
Loki, needless to say, was pissed. Now he had to do a favor for Fury, and he was no closer to finding the people who had tortured Thor. He had to annihilate them, make them taste his wrath.
The prince stormed up to the training room. Steve was there, and was, as usual, hitting a punching bag. Without thinking, Loki sent one of his unconfiscated knives at the sand-filled bag, which penetrated it almost completely through. Steve stopped punching and stared at the knife blade poking through his punching bag.
"April Fool's Day isn't until next week, Loki. And besides, this isn't funny."
"What is April Fool's Day?" Loki growled.
Steve looked horrified. He put his head into his hands. "Oh no. I've betrayed my country. I'm sorry, world."
"JARVIS, what is April Fool's day?"
"We were so close, too. Another week and we would have been spared."
"I am sorry, Mr. Odinson. Master-of-all-Things Stark has forbidden me to tell you."
Steve looked up from his palms. "Master of all things? Really, Tony?"
Loki whipped out his phone and tried to google it, but JARVIS had also blocked the search from Google.
"Tell me, Steven Rodgers," Loki whispered softly. "Or I'll slit open every one of your precious punching bags."
Steve shook his head. "I'll gladly sacrifice them."
"No matter. I will find out myself."
And he did.
…
April 1st, 6:45 AM.
A knock on Clint Barton's door.
He answered it, and was pleased to see Natasha on the other side of the door. Natasha, however, didn't seem pleased to see him. She was stony-faced, though she looked a bit anxious.
"Come in."
"Clint, we need to talk."
Clint looked a little suspicious (as suspicious as one could look in a pair of pj's), but sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Go ahead."
Natasha took a deep breath.
"I'm pregnant."
Shock coursed through Clint's face, easy to read as as a book. It was quickly followed by betrayal, and then confusion.
"You're pregnant?"
Natasha, tears in her eyes, sat down besides Clint on the bed and curled her knees to her chest.
"B-but I thought the Red Room removed your uterus..."
"They did." Natasha Romanoff said coolly from her position leaning against the doorway.
Clint, confused, looked back and forth between the two Natashas. The one in the doorway walked calmly towards the one sitting on the bed, and slapped her.
The face of Loki recoiled and sucked in his breath, a sheepish smile on his face.
"April fools?"
…
Steve knew the day was going to be bad the second he slipped out of bed. Literally; someone had covered the floor of his room in marbles. His shower was icy cold no matter how he turned the dial, his shampoo was replaced with pink hairdye (he washed it out before it could do any real damage), and the door leading out of his bedroom spilled a bucket of water on him. He changed clothes, but they started itching.
With a sigh, Steve walked into the breakfast room.
Only to have Clint pounce on him.
"Have you seen Loki?"
Steve shook his head.
"Tell me if you do."
He ran off. Steve joined Bruce at the breakfast table, where Bruce was sipping a cup of coffee.
Bruce smile in greeting. "This all seems rather horrible."
"Has Loki gotten you too?"
"Nah. He changed out my glasses with a lower prescription and colored my other lenses black. He knows about my spare collection of about a hundred, so I think he still feels bad about drugging me in that last mission."
"Lucky you."
Bruce nodded and took another sip. "Still not letting my guard down. We're letting an alcoholic run a bar today. The world might not survive."
Steve gulped guiltily.
…
"Master-of-all-things, it might be a good idea to get up. School starts in an hour."
After muttering a childish "Idonwannagotoschool," Tony sat up. It seems that he fell asleep in the lab (again) with an unfinished project (again). However, something was different.
"That godly bastard is going to die."
Covering everything, from the floor to the table to the very chair Tony was sitting on, were thousands of plastic cups, all filled to the brim with water. There was barely any space to breathe, let alone get from point A to point B without making a giant mess. After struggling for ten minutes to get out of the room without making too much of a mess (failure: he was soaked from the calf down), he sighed in relief and pressed the elevator button.
But the elevators too were filled with cups of water.
Gritting his teeth, Tony trudged back into the lab, knocking over more water cups along the way, until he got to his Iron Man suit. With a command from JARVIS, his suit lit up.
Tony smiled. This would make navigation easier, and he could kick some Jotun ass.
When he put on the helmet, he was surprised to feel some sort of foam everywhere. He knew better than to open his eyes yet, so he removed the helmet and wiped his eyes clean. When he opened them, he found white foam on his hands and filling his helmet entirely.
A shaving-cream covered mouth roared in anger.
"LOKI!"
…
Thor was having a dream. It wasn't particularly pleasant, but it wasn't bad, and it was much better than being awake and at school.
BEEEEEEEEEEEP
A horrible noise, like the ones that announced a fire drill at school, pierced the air. Instantly, Thor awoke and clamped his hands over his ears. Disoriented, Thor stepped out of his bed, hoping to get to a better room.
Only to slip and fall.
On closer inspection, the whole ground was coated in ice. Groaning and cold, Thor scooted to the edge of the room and closed the door behind him.
Finally. Silence.
Except for a package that fell out from on top of the door. Curious, Thor craned his neck closer to it.
Just in time to have it explode.
The noise startled Thor, but that wasn't the worst part.
Were those... crickets?
…
Half an hour later, the Avengers, sans Loki, sat down at the breakfast table, all of them various degrees of pissed off.
"Now," Steve began, "it's obvious who did all of this." Even though he spoke calmly, keeping his anger in check, he was fidgeting uncontrollably. "However, no matter what things Loki has done to us, they're nothing compared to Fury's wrath if we're late. Agreed?"
There were reluctant nods.
"Besides, we might see him at school."
…
"Sir, we have a problem."
"What is it, Coulson?" Fury was driving to school when the radio buzzed. The hairs on the back of his neck had stood up, but he answered it anyway.
"It's the school. Have you ever played the game Candyland?"
"He didn't." Fury's normally calm voice was horrified.
"He did, sir. All of the buildings on campus have been turned into sweets."
* If you're confused, see Chapter 20 of Avengers High School
I think that it's a rule that if you have Loki in an Avengers fanfiction, the author gets extra points if he turns something into candy/sweets. Is it in his MCU power quota? No way.
Is it hilarious to read and write? Hell yes.