A/N: Sorry this took so long. A lot has been happening in my life. I will try to make more time for writing in the future so this story can be wrapped up. Enjoy!
On Saturday night, I collapsed into bed at eight o' clock with a faint smile on my face. So much sleep had been lost in the past week, so many nights were my eyes wide open as the sun took over the moon's shift. Exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale. Wait, it's too bright. Grasping for the lamp, something cold and metal tickled my palm. I brought the object to my face. My – no, the bracelet. Shuddering, I tossed the trinket into the bottom drawer of my nightstand. I turned over to face the window and was met with the burning light of the moon. It lulled me to sleep the way a sunny day summons a nap.
This night, I would not play the awful, pathetic dream of Sam leaving me. And if by practice, I once again dreamed of being abandoned, let's chalk it up to a bad habit. It would not hurt any more, I don't think. I'd have to care a lot more in order to be hurt by him.
A week later, Dad had woken me up (too) early and rushed me out the door for an "epic adventure". We were going to partake in what Dad considered the great Native American pastime: fishing. When he announced we were almost at the lake, I asked, "Dad, is there any particular reason you asked me to come with you?"
"What, a father can't have a day out with his only daughter?" He kept his eyes on the foggy road. I didn't remember using this route. Perhaps it was a newly discovered shortcut. Or maybe it was always this way. I hadn't been there in years.
"Isn't fishing part of father-son bonding?"
"Didn't you say you were a feminist? Wanted to be the first female president?"
"That was middle school," I laughed. "And I know girls can fish. Mom does."
"You used to enjoy it, too. Thought you could use some air."
"Nothing like clouds and fog to lift your spirits," I said.
"We can stop at McDonald's on the way home."
"Now you're talking."
We were at a small lake, the closest one to the rez. I remembered bits and pieces of fishing when I got a look at the murky water that had once seemed so endless and powerful. We sat in comfortable silence, Dad catching several fish and me lost in thought, watching. Dad gave me a confused look when he saw I had not thrown in my line yet.
"This is about you and Mom," I whispered. I wore a mask of "realization". This was a surefire way to get Dad to talk. Assume the worst.
"What about us?" My poor old father looked a little worried.
"Dad, you guys can't divorce over a few silly fights here and there." I blinked quickly as if I were about to start crying. I'm pretty sure I just looked like the tragedy mask.
"D-d-divorce? Whoa, honey, don't you think if your Mom wanted out I'd be home begging on my knees until she changed her mind?"
"Then what was so serious we couldn't invite Mom or Seth?"
Dad reeled in his line then turned to face me. "Leah…I wanted to talk to you about that boy."
"Oh…Ugh! For the millionth time, I'm fine." I was proud when I realized I meant what I said.
"But you took his disappearance pretty hard at first," Dad frowned.
"Look, no offense, but I don't know if I want to talk about this with you."
"Oh, come on. Even old dads remember what it's like to be young and in love. I did sweep your mother off her feet after all."
"I applaud your bravery. That must've been a challenge." I laughed.
"Yup, she fought me tooth and nail, but here we are with two beautiful children."
"Somehow, I doubt that'll be me and Sam. You would've never done this to Mom."
"I'm sure Sam's problems must be very serious for him to take off, Leah," he said.
"Ha!"
"I think you should at least hear him out before you freak out. Not that I'd blame you." Dad paused to reel in a large trout. "Don't think I'm not angry with him. Next time I see him, I'm going to kick his scrawny little – "
"Yeah, same." I felt a smile creeping on my lips.
"Like father, like daughter," Dad said. We snapped to attention when my line was tugged. "Okay," he said. "First you got – "
"Yeah, yeah, I've done this a thousand times," I mumbled.
An hour later, it began to drizzle so we headed back to the car chatting like good friends. My father and I hadn't discussed school and movies and random things in forever. It was like we were pen pals over the last few years and the fishing trip was an anticipated visit.
"Can we go to the mall after we eat?" I asked as we placed our gear in the truck.
"I don't know if we have time."
I sighed. "What is it now?"
"I just have an errand. At the doctor's." Dad hurriedly got in the front seat and started the car.
"But you don't go to the doctor, not for anything! It's just a check-up, right? You're not – "
"Nothing's wrong. I just didn't want your mother to come and bite her nails in the waiting room. I love her but she's a cynic." Dad's smile didn't reach his eyes. "Doctor will examine, say I got to lose the weight, eat the lettuce. I'm just making sure. Now your mother won't worry as much."
We pulled away, falling into a silence, though not as comfortable as the one on our way to the lake. I put in my earbuds (Dad loved rock but preferred to drive without music) and thought the situation over. Was Dad really okay? He ate a bunch of crap, but what middle-aged man didn't, (excluding actors)? He went to work every day, but his hobbies were mostly sedentary – fishing, watching baseball, watching football…He sure enjoyed staring and sitting. I allowed myself a laugh. Just then, the car swerved a little on the path out of the woods surrounding the lake.
"Dad!" I turned to swat Dad's arm, but nearly crumpled when I saw him clutching his chest. The car swerved farther when Dad's left hand slipped off the steering wheel. Moving quicker than I ever did, I unbuckled my seatbelt and took over, parking our car off to the side. My father struggled to breathe. His arms no longer grasped his chest but laid limp by his sides. "No," I gasped.
I hopped out the car and ran to the other side. I tugged and towed my father out of the car. His expression dulled and softened, not in peace, in resign. I grunted in frustration. Why him? Why now? Struggling to put what little knowledge I had to use, I began to push on Dad's chest. Tears dripped on his T-shirt, blending in with raindrops. The weather worsened, wetting my already heavy, long hair. My elbows buckled and I feared I would lose this battle. "Dad, please! Say something!"
I was gently and quickly pushed away from my father. Edward gave me a curt nod. "Call 911." He began to resuscitate Dad, moving at a rapid, unwavering pace.
"Don't! You're going to kill him! You're going to kill him!" For a brief irrational moment, I pried at Edward's arms, too scared to feel any relief or gratitude. His sudden arrival shocked me and my mind was a mess as it was.
Edward's hands continued to pump my father's heart. "You weren't pushing hard enough."
"You're too strong! You need to stop!"
Edward kept his eyes down, but his voice hardened with authority. "You are going to have to trust me and give your father a chance. Now call 911, we lost enough time as it is!" Edward nodded towards his cell phone in the dirt.
I nodded, stiff with shame and regret, and did as I was told.
I wasn't cold, as one might expect I'd be, after sitting in the rain. I was warm, as if I'd been trapped in a burning building, suffocating and panicked. Warm, as if Death had just released me from an embrace. In the hallway, Mom sat looking like a doll, her feet planted firmly on the floor, her hands folded on her lap. I knew what she was doing inside. She was ranting about Dad's lack of care for his health. She was also praying for his life. Seth's head rested on my left shoulder. At times, I can't help looking at his innocent face and picturing his toddler-self, banging pots and drawing on the walls. When he and Mom arrived, he was silent, a rarity for him. Seth simply sat down next to me, his young face terrified.
The three of us sighed in unison when the doctor confirmed Dad's survival. He went on and on but I was busy putting my mind back together after I almost lost it completely. "I'm going to grab a drink. You want anything?" I asked Seth, Mom was listening intently to the doctor and firing off questions for his every statement.
"I'm fine," Seth sniffled, trying to recover the little toughness he thought he had.
I didn't exactly know where the cafeteria was but that gave me time to clear my head as I turned left, right, right, left, sometimes going in circles. I passed several rooms with families gathered tight around a loved one. A husband clutched his wife's hand and regarded her blank face. Two young women whispered to each other at the foot of an elderly woman's bed. At the end of the hall, a man in his forties rested in his room, the shades drawn and the television off. No one stood by his side.
A seat suddenly seemed like a good idea. Across the hall was a small prayer room. I almost turned right back out when I noticed someone in the back row, his palms pressed together in fervent prayer. His head snapped up, and bright, amber eyes shone through the dim light. We both hesitated, suddenly unsure. Without a word, I slipped into the pew, sitting right next to him. Edward leaned back in his seat, relaxing slightly. On a tapestry the Virgin Mary smiled lovingly at us despite our stony gazes.
"Do you – ", Edward started.
I shushed him. Surely he knew everything, had turned over the pieces in my mind, probably in my father's, too. Still, he screwed up his face in frustration. Gently, I leaned my head on his shoulder, a soft thank you drifting across my mind and beating under my heart.
"What the hell…" I mumbled.
Mom bit her lip, looking even more stressed out than before. "Do you want me to get rid of him?"
I shook my head and got out the car before I could think too much about it. Mom told me they'd be at a neighbor's and she reluctantly drove away. In seconds, I was standing in front of Sam Uley, glaring up at him. He grimaced but stood straight and didn't look away. Had he always been this tall? He was never short, but now my neck craned up farther than before to look into his face.
"Where were you?" I fought to keep my voice steady.
"Leah, I am sorry." He stepped forward and I instinctively moved back.
"Where were you?" I repeated.
"I would've been – "
"Where were you?!" My voice was sharp against the soft gray sky.
Sam took a shaky breath, as if he was in as much pain as I'd been these past few weeks. His gaze dropped to the wooden floor. "Something's wrong with me."
"Are you sick?" I felt my throat tighten at the thought of death and hospitals.
"I don't know if I can put it into words, but I don't feel good…mentally. Maybe it's all that crap that went down when my when my father called last month. I've just been so stressed…I think I'm losing my mind."
"Sam…"
"I'm going to talk to the elders. I'll be fine." His hands twisted at his sides.
"When did you get back?" I wondered.
"Uh, a couple days ago. Three, I think."
"Oh." I tried not to look so crushed.
"My mom heard about your dad so I came over here."
I turned away, carefully examining the nearest tree.
"I'm sorry," Sam said, wrapping his arms around me, as he'd done countless times.
"Where were you? Why did you leave?" I sobbed, I felt my mask of calm melting away. I wished I was more like my mother, so strong and stable.
Sam shushed me, gently but firmly holding me close. A bit of bitterness made me want to run but my last bolt of energy was carried off with the wind. I could feel my body weakening as if to deem this moment acceptable.
Gradually, my heart did too.
A/N: Review, favorite, and follow! Y'know, if you want to. No pressure. ;-*