Of Love and Death
A Dark Brotherhood Tale
"Why can't you believe that someone else's life would be my concern?" Karine asked.
Lucien looked like he was ready to laugh. "You've spent a good deal of the past six or seven years killing people for a living. That you would care about someone else's life is a bit of a surprise."
Karine was suddenly scowling, she was honestly angry and Lucien could tell. She stood so fast that Lucien could only balk for a moment. Her jaw was clenched tight and she turned on her heel. "It's been 10 years and just because you don't feel concern for other's lives…" She trailed off muttering more under her breath, though only one word was discernable, "Idiot..."
Lucien jumped up and caught her by the shoulders before she could actually get far. "Wait, why are you angry with me?"
She turned quickly and caught herself before she slapped him. "You're so- that you'd think that- it's not like you're just anyone! I could watch you die just as easily as I could kill you myself. And in case you're as stupid to think it, it wouldn't be easy!"
"But-"
"The people who the Night Mother request for me to kill, they mean nothing to me. Of course I can kill them without a single regret or so much as a second though," Her eyes were on the floor now; she looked to be about a second from tears. "But if it was you-"
Lucien didn't move through this whole outburst, and even if she had hit him he wouldn't have moved. It took a while for her words to sink in. He was looking her up and down now, considering everything that had already been said. A half smile cocked up on his face now.
"You know I am capable of taking care of myself," he said softly.
"I know," Karine said with a sniff. Then softly she muttered, "What can I say, I'm just stupid."
"But, when the other Speakers showed up last night," he continued as if she hadn't spoken, "I had pretty much given myself up for dead. I'm a good fighter, but four skilled fighters against one... it was a fight that I wasn't going to win," He had a rather faraway look in his eyes now. "I was okay with it, even.
"And then you showed up."
Karine felt cold now. "Was I that much of a complication for you? I'm sorry."
Lucien took a deep breath now. "Not a complication. A reality check. Your arrival made me realize there were things more important than me and what was more than likely going to happen to me."
"So, you were scared, that they were going to kill me?" Karine asked slowly, wondering if she had read into what he was saying correctly. "You were the traitor, and you think they'd care to kill me?"
"You were defending me; they would have happily killed you to get to me. Of course it was a concern of mine. The idea of anyone hurting you makes me... angry," Lucien looked like he was about to hit something. "I want to be here to keep you safe. To-"
"You shouldn't say such things," Karine cut him off.
Lucien wasn't going to let himself lose what composure he had left though. His hand found its way to her chin and he gently lifted it so she was looking directly into his eyes. "Why shouldn't I say what's been on my mind for a while now?"
Karine's eyes widened and she pushed away from Lucien, "Oh shit."
For Lucien, to say it was like being slapped in the face was an understatement. He watched her walk away, but it felt like a scene from someone else's life. He wondered for a split second if he was dreaming. After all, the way the Night Mother had made it sound…
He sat down heavily on his bed and stared at the floor between his feet as if, if he stared at it long enough, it might give him a more logical explanation for what just happened.
XxXxXx
Karine left the sanctuary through the well entrance sneaking right past Angelic. She tried to tell herself she just needed to get away to simply think. The truth she would never admit to was that it was far more complicated then that. Even as she ran now, out of Cheydinhal, out to nowhere in particular, she knew she loved Lucien. It was the only logical explanation for everything that had transpired since… well quite a while now.
When she finally stopped running she was a ways from Cheydinhal, up on a hill, still able to look out over the town. She could see Fort Farragut and the stables as well. She sat down at the base of the tree, thinking.
The first thing she had wanted when she woke up earlier was to see Lucien. But after the conversation they had, after considering everything that had happened to her, she didn't know if she had it in her. It wasn't just some sappy, it's hard to love, kind of thought. It was more like, it's difficult loving someone who was never there and who hardly understood you.
"Stupid bastard…" She muttered to herself.
Part of her realized that there were some thoughts that were irrational behind her reasoning; the other part of her didn't care. She knew he cared about her; there was no doubting it after recent events and when she considered it she'd known for a while, but she doubted he would change. She wasn't even sure she could change.
She looked out across the distance at Cheydinhal, the sun was now rising.
XxXxXx
It took him a while, but finally Lucien got up and got dressed. Even from a distance, Angelic knew something was wrong. "Lucien, did something happen?"
Lucien ran a hand through his hair, taking his time with his reply. "No," he said, it was almost matter of fact sounding. "Nothing happened."
"Where's Karine?" Angelic asked.
"I have no idea. You didn't see her?"
Angelic covered her face with her hands, then said between both hands quite critically, "Lucien what did you do?"
"I don't know," he practically whispered. "I'm at a total loss as to what just happened."
"Damn it Lucien, what did you do? You have to have some idea of what it is you did. No one is that damn stupid!" Angelic's hands had fallen away from her face, and now she looked just frustrated. Angelic felt very fond of Karine even though they had only known each other a short time. Karine was her big sister after all.
She calmed down when she saw the pensive look that came over Lucien's face after she shouted at him. He eyes darted around as he thought, like he was hoping to find the answer somewhere in the room they stood in. When he finally looked Angelic in the eyes there was despair lurking behind his own eyes. "I haven't been there." One simple sentence that said it all, he knew his fault, he just didn't want to admit it to himself.
"Oh Lucien…" Angelic said softly. She reached out to touch his shoulder but he pulled away from her.
"When can I start working again?" He asked. There was no emotion behind his words. He would stay like this, like a zombie, for quite some time.