Chap.10: Understanding

Amber sighed, breathing in the night air. She ran her arm across her forehead, whipping the sweat from her running away. She smiled as she realized that it had been a while since she was able to actually do a full out run and last over an hour. Her heart was racing, but in a good way. It felt strong, and steady, and the oddly comforting "tick"ing that the gears made, gave her a sense that nothing could stand in her way now.

She looked down at the stream that she had found herself at, and watched the fish move around, darting this way and that.

Sitting down on a bolder that jutted out over the stream, she looked up at the sky, at the stars and the smiling moon. She listened to the sounds of the night time critters. She breathed in the scents of the wild; the smell of the grass, the trees, and the water.

It all made her feel alive. At least, much more alive than she had been before. Before, breathing had always been a bit labored at times, and even the slightest tickle in her throat would send her retching, coughing up blood. Her chest would feel hot and heavy. It would be uncomfortable to lay in bed in any position, as it always seemed to feel like her heart was dragging her down. She'd often get dehydrated. And every time she had an attack, it felt like her heart had burst into flame.

But now? Now her only discomfort was that her chest still felt heavy. But she had gotten used to the feeling over the years, and it didn't bother her as much unless the heart was heating up.

Sighing again, she realized that she was drifting off to sleep and reluctantly sat up.

While she may feel like 101%, the others would freak if they found her sleeping out on a rock over a creak so soon after her surgery. So, best to get back to the house and get some sleep there, before they realized that she had snuck out.

Sweat dripped from her brow onto the floor boards. Her muscles were alight with pain as they strained, and her panted breaths filled the room.

Finally, she cried out, "100!" and collapsed to the floor, spent from her morning workout.

She footsteps outside her door and a second later a knock.

"Hehhh?" was all she said, still laying out on the floor.

"It's Ed, can I come in...?"

"Yehhhh..." she answered with a pant.

The door opened and Ed looked around for a second in confusion and then his eyebrow rose when he spotted Amber laying sprawled on the floor next to her bed.

"You know, if Mustang saw you right now, he'd have a panic attack." he said matter-of-factly.

"Ugh..." she said, rolling her eyes. "Let him. The floor cool, and I'm spent." After a moment, she finally got up, deciding that it wasn't worth the argument that would surely come if her father did indeed see her like that.

"So what do you want?" she asked, sitting on the bed.

"Just came to tell you that Mustang, Al and I have to go back to Central. We were wanting to know if you planned on going with us or if you plan to go back to Rushvally when Winry goes?"

Amber nodded, as she had been thinking about it. "I don't think going back to Rushvally is necessary. I was really only there so that Winry could keep an eye on me. I think I've gotten most of the training done that I need for the tests. All I need to do now is really just study."

Ed nodded. "We'll be leaving tomorrow morning, at the first train."

Amber nodded back, and then sighed. She honestly wished that the tests were already here, and that she could just get them over with. While she liked Granny Pinoko, she was starting to find all the inactivity mind numbing and wanted something to do. They'd been in Resembol for two weeks now, and nothing interesting had happened.

Well, aside from Ed getting some maintenance on his automail. They had to replace his leg automail as he had actually grown a bit since the last repair, and it had been quite painful for him. Mustang had chuckled a bit and teased Ed about it, until Amber had punched him in the gut out of anger- after all, she knew what that pain felt like, and didn't like it when someone laughed at her. She wasn't going to stand by and let that happen to him.

She looked at him now, as he stood before her, and had to admire him. He was wearing his normal black slacks and black sleeveless shirt. He was well toned for one so young. No surprise really, seeing as what his field of work was, as well as what he had to carry around with him all the time.

She had honestly never met someone else with automail before Ed. Most people in her country never bothered with it, because either they were too poor, or because the nobility looked down upon it, seeing them merely as a weakness or a threat, depending on the situation. She had been lucky in that her mechanic took pity on her, but that didn't stop the old bat from charging her or gripping at her whenever she didn't have all of the money.

So, being that Ed was actually the first person she'd ever seen with automail, she had formed a bit of a respect for him. That respect only grew when she went to Rushvally and saw all of the people there with Automail. Most of them, aside from perhaps five people, had automail simply to have it. They'd have it upgraded, and weaponized, and a bunch of other things that weren't practical or necessary. She had even heard a couple say that they had deliberately cut their own arm or leg off to get the automail.

It was down right disgusting.

But the reason she respected Ed more than the other five that had automail simply so they could continue their life, was because he had also gone through what she had. They had both done the great taboo of alchemy. But unlike her, Ed was pushing forward in life, determined to get his and his brother's body back. She understood his reasons, and sometimes wished she could feel the same, but part of her didn't feel she had the right to do that.

And Ed was now determined to get her body back as well. She had been shocked beyond belief when he'd said that, and was close to arguing the point, but knew that Ed wouldn't listen, so she just didn't say anything. Anyway, it was highly unlikely he'd be able to do it anyway. Surely only she was the only one that would be able to do such a thing, if it was possible at all that is.

She blinked when Ed cleared his throat and she looked up at his face and noticed that it was slightly red.

"Yeah... um... well... Why don't you take the day off from training for the day. Um... You know, get out, and look around? You've not really seen the town, have you?"

Amber shook her head. Mostly, she'd stuck to the clear areas around Resembol to practice her flame alchemy. The only time she'd been in town was when Pinako needed help bringing something to a friend but was too heavy. No one else had been free or around, so Amber had insisted on helping.

And so Amber was now walking through the town of Resembol, nodding and smiling as Ed told her about his childhood here, telling her which places he would hang out at with Al. They would stop and talk with some people Ed obviously knew. They'd tease him, mostly on his height, and Amber would have to drag them away before he transmuted them into a grave.

Before they knew it, they were already heading out of town, back to the Rockbell residence. Amber frowned when she realized that there was something different about the road. Looking around slightly while she talked with Ed, she realized that they weren't on the road to the Rockbell's. She didn't say anything though, continuing to talk to Ed, deciding that he might just be taking a detour.

But then, further on up the road, Ed stopped, and looked ahead, sighing silently. "Huh... must have taken the wrong road..." he under his breath, but Amber heard it none the less. She raised an eyebrow and followed his eyes, and found that they were a few yards down the road from a burned down house.

"Guess it might as well be now. I've been avoiding coming here the whole time we've been here." he said a bit louder, walking on.

Amber followed. While he had not said it, she knew that this was Ed's old home. Al and Ed had told her that they had burned down their home. The smell of chared wood was still in the air.

She looked around. She could almost feel the old memories from this place. She'd seen pictures- that Pinoko had pinned up on a cork board- of the house before it was burned down, of how happy Ed and Al looked, with a woman with brown hair and eyes. She could almost see those memories now. She could see as Ed and Al ran around, while their mother hung the laundry to dry. She could see them fighting over who got the swing, which was still on the tree, although looked in rather poor condition.

She looked at Ed, and watched him, as he just looked out over the remains of his old home. He was holding back so many emotions, she could see it in his eyes. Trying to stay strong in the face of so much pain. It was one of the worst mental wars. She should know. Everyday, there was a struggle. And the nightmares at night never helped. She knew he had his own nightmares. She'd heard him crying out in his sleep a few times. Even if the two boys got their bodies back, they would never be free from the torment of knowing what they had done. At least Ed wouldn't. Al couldn't sleep, so he never had nightmares, but that just meant he'd be more conscious when the memories appeared.

She saw the second that the tears appeared, the sudden glassy shine that eyes get, the pool of the first tear as it perched on the edge of the lower lid. And as the first tear fell, it was followed by more. But unlike so many before, she didn't look away. She knew his pain, and understood it. Even Al couldn't completely know what exactly Ed had gone through.

She reached her hand out and laid it on his shoulder. She didn't say anything. She knew nothing could be said to quell this type of pain. Sometimes silence was all that was needed to comfort someone. Silence and understanding.

Amber sighed as she laid in bed that night. So much pain at such a young age. She knew that she had this much pain of course, but to find someone else that knew the pain as well... Well, she was both relieved and saddened. Relieved because she now had someone she could actually talk to , and know that they'd understand. But sad because she wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, no matter how much she would suffer because no one would understand.

Closing her eyes, knowing what was to come in her dreams, but knowing she couldn't escape them forever, she gave in to the inevitable.

AN: Yay! Finally wrote a new chapter. That last chapter doesn't count, cause I'd had it mostly written, it was just sitting for a long time.

Welp, hope you liked it. Lot of depressing stuff, I know, but what's an FMA fic without depressing stuff? It just wouldn't be FMA.

R&R and I might be able to get the next chap up soon- I got the plot already forming, but who knows? It could be a while, it could be next week. Depends on my schedule.

Well, until than, bye!