Second chances – chapter ten
She'd been gone a week, a whole week, and you don't think you could have driven yourself any crazier if you tried. You hadn't spoken since you'd left her at the airport, left her with the hope of something more, much more than what you had been offering, if you could call the solace of your bed an offering at all. Because you were so much more outside of your bedroom, why couldn't you show it? JJ had most definitely earned the right to a part of your life, she'd picked you up and now all you needed to do was let her in. for the past six days you've fought the urge to get in your car and head straight to Pennsylvania, you had no idea the reception you'd receive on arriving at East Allegany but you know she wouldn't just turn you away without something, ironic seeing as how you'd never given her anything. But there was no time for negative thoughts, they weren't welcome anymore; you'd spent the past near on a hundred and fifty hours trying to find yourself again, or at least a version of yourself that let the light through to the darkness that had you consumed.
It wasn't JJ's job to save you, sure she'd be doing her best to try and you would be forever grateful; but she deserved a place beside you. You'd forever call her your saviour but it was time you got up and joined the fight; this was your battle after all. You needed to face everything head on, it was your mess and once you'd started to clear it everything else could fall in to place, everything would finally have a place. She needed this time, away from you, away from everything, and you couldn't deny her that. She'd been so strong for so long and you know that if there were ever a place for her to break it would be back home. Not that you ever wanted to see her in any pain, but she'd been carrying the both of you for so long now that it was time she sat down and gathered herself, and when she could stand again you were going to take her hand and guide the two of you together, after this no one had to have the burden of carrying the other; not that you'd ever hesitate to pick her up were she to fall.
Morgan had dragged you out to the bar to prevent you climbing the walls of your apartment; he thought you were going to do something stupid, but loving JJ would never be foolish; it might have been reckless but never unwise. He hadn't come right out and said it but he knows about the two of you, but without words you're unsure of how much; you were taking his silence as a blessing to make things right. He was protective of his family, and though he may have loved you, he'd defend JJ no matter what the cost, if he wasn't shielding her from you then wasn't that as good as saying you were worthy?
Garcia on the other hand was fiercely protective, you hadn't heard from her since last weekend, since she watched you leave her best friend behind yet again; and tonight she'd tried to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You deserved it; you knew that, if JJ was hurting it ultimately led to Garcia hurting; that's just how their relationship worked. It wasn't that she'd threatened you in any way, no exactly the opposite, she'd tried her best to make you feel as disappointed as possible. She'd taken a step back and hadn't interfered with your treatment of JJ, but now she'd stepped in. she waited until Morgan went to dance with a lady friend he'd met here last week to strike.
"I told her to go for you, you know. When I asked her if she thought everything happened for a reason? Afterwards, I told her to take that reason and run with it, that it might not be perfect but she'd make it something great someday, because JJ? She deserves greatness. I really believed you would make her happy Emily, but she's been far from it and I can't sit back and watch her destroy herself anymore. She's so busy trying to fix you that she's losing herself. Fix it pumpkin; fix it before you lose the best thing that's ever going to happen to you. And if you can't? Step aside and let someone else make her happy."
You were expecting her to shout, to tell you that you didn't deserve someone as great as JJ; you weren't expecting that. As much as Morgan's silence spoke volumes she spoke reasoning. JJ did deserve greatness, and she was going to get it, you were going to be the greatest thing that ever happened to her; simply because JJ made you feel like you could be anything you wanted to be. And you wanted to be anything she needed you to be; you'd found your identity by joining the academy and becoming an agent, and you were determined to find yourself in her. Garcia had believed in you just like JJ had and you'd let them both down, JJ trusting you with herself and Garcia trusting you not to make her regret that. You're through with regrets, nothing before this had warranted reaching out and becoming something but you were already giving yourself the push you needed to do just that.
You politely excuse yourself from Garcia to walk outside; you need just a moment alone to gather your thoughts. JJ is well over a four hour drive away, you doubt she'd be as welcoming if you turned up at her parents' house in the middle of the night but you needed something now to let her know that you've heard it all loud and clear. That you're here. For now you need something to the point, something that lets her know that you've traced back to the beginning and you're ready to make it right.
If everything happens for a reason, then I hope my reason is you. Let me prove it to you – Em.
She'll understand, she'll know that you talked with Garcia, know that you were accepting that you could've lost her, that you needed to get her before she left your reach. You weren't expecting a reply, she owed you nothing of the sort; she could have made you sweat it out for another week, but yet again she's saving you from any unnecessary anguish.
Emily you've been my reason for everything these past few months. You don't have anything to prove, just let me in. JJ xx
She's had so much faith in you from the start, so much confidence without any expectation; it was time you started taking in and using it.
If you're ready the doors open, Em xx
You know she's ready, she might not always have been but you can't remember a time when she struggled with this all the way you have. She's always taken charge and been honest, with you and with herself.
Oh don't you worry, I've been ready for a long time now. JJ xx
"Here we are ladies; you're looking a little parched over here." You slip your phone back in your bag as Morgan approaches with another round of drinks, his dance partner hanging off his arm; she's pretty, but as you watch Garcia give her the once over before kindly offering her hand you realise that while they're some rather attractive people at the bar tonight, and every night, not one of them holds a candle to the beautiful woman you're waiting on.
"It seems it's you that's worked up a sweat my hunk of love, and who do we have the honour of meeting? Honestly Derek remember your manners for the lady." You chuckle at Garcia's flirty banter, you know that even on her death bed she'd still find time to shamelessly flirt with Morgan; the two were such characters that they really were irreplaceable.
"This gorgeous lady is kady, kady this is my one and only baby girl Garcia and this right here is my bad ass partner." He sends a wink your way as he pulls out a chair for Kady, you can see why the ladies flock to him, his easy going, and friendly banter could charm the pants off anyone.You settle down and prepare yourself for an evening of light conversation and drinks and know that Morgan's trick worked a charm; he must have known Garcia would have stepped in and helped put things right, those two were as thick as thieves.
The rest of the week went by painfully slow, without the distraction of work you had nothing to keep yourself occupied. In trying to respect JJ's space and give her time alone you'd only exchanged a handful of messages, mainly just asking how her day had been. You were genuinely interested; even on the day she'd only spent watching DVD's with her nephew, you wanted to know what she'd watched and what his interests were, they were her family and you wanted to know all about them. They did make her after all, and anyone that could create such a thing was someone you definitely wanted the chance to meet someday. What a turnaround in a week, just a few days ago you were afraid to even see JJ; now you were thinking about meeting her parents. One step at a time Prentiss, one step at a time.
This was the longest you'd gone without seeing her since you started at the BAU and you can't help but pace waiting for her outside of baggage claim; it was what you did when you were nervous. Not that you were nervous at seeing her, no this was a feeling you hadn't felt before radiating from right within you. You'd dropped her off here just fourteen days ago unable to tell her all that she meant to you and now you're pacing about, flowers in hand muttering to yourself about new feelings that only she can incite from you. You've never bought anyone flowers in your life, not even your own mother; they were a statement of caring and that's just not what you did in the family you grew up in. You had no idea what JJ's favourite flowers were; you didn't know if she even liked flowers. You'd no idea what any of them meant, you'd just seen them there and they called out to you, so exquisite yet so understated; just like JJ.
So distracted with thoughts of flowers and meanings you hadn't noticed her walk up to you until her hands are covering your face, "Guess who?" you feel a slight whisper and giggle in to your ear as you slowly turn around and give her the once over, "well I'm looking for a hot blonde, have you seen her?" You make a point to teasingly look her up and down again as you state the last of your sentence, before standing with a cocky grin on your face.
"Oh I'm far too hot for you." she winks playfully and you're glad for the distraction, you were so wrapped up in emotions you'd forgotten to just breathe and be yourself; this was still a new side to you both and you wanted to revel in it while you could, sombre and serious was gone and replaced by the light hearted teasing that you hoped would always remain.
"For you miss." You lean up to kiss her quickly on the cheek before jokingly bowing before her, handing over the flowers you'd bought earlier.
"Wow Em these are beautiful, thank you." A genuine full grin replaces her teasing smile and you wait with bated breath as she reads the card; you weren't sure how much to express on her first day back, it felt like something great needed a bit more of a build-up. "You missed me huh?" You can see her search your eyes for a serious answer but you stick with playful hoping to keep the mood light.
"I certainly did, now my lady if you follow me your chariot awaits." You grab her hand gently and lead her out to your car, you don't want to rush her but everyone's back to work in the morning and you have something you need to sort out this afternoon; something you hope will put an even bigger smile on JJ's face than the flowers did, although they certainly did the trick.
The drive to her apartment is quick, discussing her parents and how good it is to be home. You know the two of you need to talk, that you've needed to talk for quite some time, but you're happy to chat along with trivial things for the mean time; this was not the time or the place for something so important.
"I really hate to have to dash and run but there are a few errands I have to run before the joy of work begins tomorrow, I know I've just had two weeks away from the place but I've missed it you know? It doesn't matter how dark it gets, it's a part of me, a part of us. And I shall see you there bright and early Agent Jareau." You hope she understands you genuinely aren't rushing off as you unload her case and walk her up to her building door. "I really did miss you."
You turn to leave not wanting to see any disappointment etched across her perfect features, you never want to see anything but a smile on that face again. She suddenly pulls on your arm manoeuvring you back towards her before placing your I-pod in your hand. "Thank you." She got it, she understood your way of handing yourself over; but you weren't under any doubt that she wouldn't, JJ was nothing short of greatness after all.