The funny thing was, Keith had joked to himself about wanting to die just a few minutes earlier. Actually, no, this wasn't really funny at all—terrifying was a better word for it.

Lance's grip was shaky around his bayard, and the whole weapon trembled in front of Keith's face. It wasn't nerves, Keith figured, making Lance shake; rather it was likely a metric ton of adrenaline and that stupid love drug doing it. It was terrible to watch. The gun was close enough that it was difficult to see anything else, but Keith could barely make out Lance's hazy face in his peripheral, eyes wide and crazy.

"Lance, you don't want to do this," Hunk called out, standing a few yards back, out of Lance's line of fire.

"Why wouldn't I?" Lance barked. He let out a growl and thrust the gun even further forward until it hit Keith's nose. "You stole Pidge from me!"

Keith didn't even know what to say. He clearly hadn't stolen Pidge from Lance, but it wasn't like Lance would have believed that. Anything that came out of Keith's mouth would've made Lance want to shoot him even more- unless….

"Alright, go ahead," Keith replied with a small shrug (though it was tough to move, with Lance pinning him to the ground). "I'm ready."

Lance recoiled, lowering the gun just a hair as he drew back. "What?"

"I said to, uh, go ahead and shoot me," Keith said, grabbing Lance's clammy, shaky hands and lifting the gun back up. "It's what you wanted, right?"

"Wait, you want to die?!" Lance cried, and just when Keith had thought Lance couldn't get any crazier, the boy managed to work himself up even more. "But- but that doesn't make any sense!"

Keith shrugged again, suppressing a smirk. "No, it totally makes sense. I already humiliated myself, y'know, because of Shiro… so I'm kind of ready to… you know, die and stuff."

Nailed it, Keith thought to himself.

Lance withdrew the gun again, and now his whole body was quavering with frustration and stress. "You are? All because of Shiro? I- I guess you were right, then. I-"

And Keith chose that moment to strike, reaching out to snatch Lance's gun. Unfortunately, Lance caught on pretty quickly, latching onto the weapon even harder so Keith couldn't make him let go. They were at an impasse, neither one strong enough to overpower the other.

Then, suddenly, Lance's sweaty palms started to slip across the surface of the bayard. Keith, who hadn't been expecting Lance to lose his grip so rapidly, grunted as the gun flew forward and smacked him in the jaw. But, as quickly as Lance had let go, the boy swooped in to retrieve it. Before Keith could collect himself, Lance took back the weapon, and Keith struggled to grab for it as Lance dangled it just out of his reach.

"Ha!" Lance interjected. "Can't get it now, can you?" But his hands were still shaking, and the gun looked about one stupid move away from falling to the ground.

Keith raised his hands above his head—no point in trying to trick him now. "Okay, Lance, you got me. Now, maybe just… calmly set the gun down? You're freaking out too much to aim it right, anyway. You probably can't even hit me."

Of course, Lance took that as a challenge, because Lance took everything as a challenge. "Sure I can!" he retorted as he tried to aim the gun, still high enough that Keith couldn't reach it. With a shudder, Keith realized that Lance actually looked like he was gonna shoot. For real. No joke. There was murder in his eyes, pure rage etched into the scowl lines on his face.

Keith was out of moves. He'd've risked shoving Lance away, but now his finger was on the trigger and the gun was pointed right between Keith's eyes.

Out of nowhere, though, Hunk wrapped his arms around Lance and shoved him backward, off of Keith and onto the ground. As they fell back, the gun fired, ricocheting off the ceiling and coming back down, right toward Keith.

Time slowed down. Suddenly, Keith was hyper-aware of everything around him. Almost in slow motion, the laser plummeted to the ground. Keith couldn't even shut his eyes (probably didn't have time to shut them). All he could do was watch in terror as the shot landed just inches to the left of his face.

As Keith recovered from the shock, Hunk snatched Lance's bayard away, pocketing it as it retracted. Lance, realizing pretty quickly that he couldn't out-muscle Hunk, stormed back to Keith and pounced on him again.

When Keith's head smacked the ground under Lance's hold, he snapped back into focus. Since Lance was off his guard (and only pinning him with one arm), Keith easily subdued him, snarling as he rolled them both over. Now, Keith was the one pinning Lance to the ground, and everything was right in the world.

Well, everything except Lance himself.

"You alright?" Keith asked him, catching his breath.

"No!" Lance yelled back, struggling in vain against Keith's grip. "You tricked me!"

"I had to!"

"You tricked me," Lance repeated, "and you and Pidge are making out behind my back!"

Keith didn't know how many times he'd have to say it before Lance finally got the idea: "no, we're not."

"Oh, stuff it, Mullet-head," Lance derided, rolling his eyes and turning away from Keith—or trying to, at least. It was kind of impossible to turn away completely, when Keith still had him pinned.

"No, seriously, we aren't," Keith repeated. It still seemed ridiculous that Lance would suspect Keith was in love with Pidge. Why not Shiro, or Allura, or literally anyone who didn't already have a crush on someone else? This was so stupid. "Why would she be into me, anyway?"

"I dunno!" he shouted frantically. "Maybe she likes emo kids!"

"I'm not-" Keith shook his head. "Whatever. Okay, look. I've got plenty of relationship issues, but this is not one of them. Pidge and I aren't dating. That should be obvious, but I guess if you're still hopped up on those drugs-"

"No, it's not obvious, and I'm immune to the drugs, anyway!" Again, Lance tried to fight against Keith's hold, not even realizing how stupid he sounded. "Now, let me go and give me my bayard back!"

"Lance, you almost shot me in the face because you thought I might've been in a relationship with Pidge. Pidge and I both talked about my, ah, thing for Shiro right in front of you less than three hours ago. Face it, you're not immune."

"I wasn't gonna shoot you in the face!"

Still standing beside them, Hunk raised an eyebrow. "That's- that's really the explanation you're going with, dude? That one? Because I'm pretty sure almost anything else would've been more convincing."

Lance's eyes widened, affronted, as he turned to look at Hunk. "What do you mean? I wasn't!"

"Oh, really?" Keith countered skeptically. "What were you trying to do, then?"

"I was- I was gonna make a pit?" Lance stated, though it sounded more like a question. "Y'know, so you could meet me in it."

What was it with Lance and his stupid pits? "Yeah, and to do that, you had to put a gun in my face?!"

"Hey, you started it!" Lance remarked, floundering for words.

"No, I didn't."

"Yeah," Lance continued, gaining traction as he met Keith's eyes with an accusatory glare, "you started it when you started going out with Pidge!"

"I'm not going out with Pidge!" Keith said for probably the twentieth time that day. "And why would you care, if you're not even interested in her?"

"Because- because it's Pidge, okay?"

Okay, so Lance still wouldn't admit that he liked Pidge, but he didn't want anyone else with her because… it was Pidge? Awesome. Solid argument. Keith raised an eyebrow at Hunk.

Hunk just shrugged. "What, you think logic will stop him? It's Lance!"

"So, what do we do?" Keith asked, tightening his hold on Lance as the boy tried to escape again.

"Clearly, he needs to kiss Pidge," Hunk replied, rubbing his chin in thought.

Keith thought that was kind of the obvious solution, but Lance had a different take. "I'm not kissing Pidge, because I'm not in love with her, and the drug is not affecting me!"

And—not that Keith didn't respect Lance's opinion or anything, but—if Keith hadn't almost gotten killed ten minutes ago, he might've laughed at that. He turned back to Hunk. "Okay, and how do we get them to kiss?"

"Well, it looks like he's pretty deep in denial, so he's probably feeling insecure. Maybe we could try to validate his feelings?" It looked like Lance was going to contend his words, but then Hunk's eyes lit up in inspiration. "Wait, I've got an idea! Keith, bring Lance into your room. We're just gonna have a chat real quick, alright?"

Lance looked like he was simmering under Keith, who spared him a glance before turning to face Hunk again. "Are you sure? Lance doesn't really look like he wants to talk, right now."

"Just trust me!" said Hunk, and that's all Keith could really do, at this point.

Okay, Lance had to admit that in retrospect, killing Keith might've been a bit extreme. That didn't mean he had to be tied up, though! It wasn't like he was Shiro or something! He could totally control himself.

Keith tightened the belt around Lance's body, checking the slack with two fingers to make sure he was bound securely to the back of the chair. Satisfied, he walked back over to his bed and slumped down. "Alright, he's not going anywhere," he said to Hunk. "What now?"

"Hey, I know!" Lance suggested. "How 'bout you let me go?"

"Hey, how 'bout I don't?" Keith shot back without missing a beat. "Come on, Lance. It's for your own good."

For my own good? thought Lance to himself. More like Keith's own good.

Before Lance could say that aloud, though, Hunk spoke up, leaning against the wall between Lance and the bed. "Now, we give Lance some dating advice."

"What?" Lance yelped.

Keith shot Hunk a dark glare. "Um, what?" he echoed, eyes narrowed.

Hunk winked at Keith, then turned back to Lance. "Look, dude, you've totally got a shot with Pidge. Right, Keith?"

Keith gave Hunk a deer-in-the-headlights look of confusion, then reluctantly added, "uh, yeah, of course you do."

Which sounded like a load of rotten cheese to Lance, but whatever. Even if Keith wasn't going out with Pidge (which, fine, seemed more and more likely as Lance continued to think about it), that didn't mean that Pidge would want to go out with him.

"Look, guys," Lance said, staring at the floor, "that's nice of you to say, but I don't think Pidge is into me. Not that- uh, not that I'd go out with her in the first place!"

"Cut the crap, Lance," Keith scathed with a frown.

Hunk nodded. "Yeah, seriously. You're more see-through than, uh-"

"The unforgiving vacuum of space?" supplied Keith.

"Yeah, exactly. I guess."

Okay, look. Lance wasn't in denial anymore. He knew he liked Pidge, it was just- well, he wasn't quite ready to tell anyone about it, yet. Lance himself hadn't even known he'd liked her until earlier today, back in the med wing. He was pretty dense (super dense, in retrospect, of course he liked Pidge), but even he couldn't deny it after he'd gotten so jealous of Hunk.

Pidge, though? Pidge would never be into a guy like him! Pidge would want someone smarter and cooler than Lance was, someone who could keep up with her. That was why Lance had been so sure about Hunk and Pidge—Hunk was super smart and totally cool! Lance was just that idiot who'd flunked chemistry.

But, Lance figured, if he really was as transparent as space itself, he probably didn't have much left to lose. "Okay, fine, so I like Pidge. I want to go out with her. So what? I still don't have a shot with her!"

Keith turned to Hunk and shrugged, which Lance interpreted as yeah, I dunno, maybe he doesn't have a shot with her.

Hunk rolled his eyes. "Lance, Keith already said to cut the crap. You've totally got a chance Didn't you always say that you were great with the ladies?"

Lance cringed inwardly. 'The ladies' and 'Pidge' were two completely different concepts in his head… probably because he was more serious about one than the other. Though, he was pretty good at flirting. It might be nice to try it on someone he really wanted to go out with, for once. "I guess," he conceded.

"See, that's the spirit!" Hunk replied, walking over to Lance and setting an encouraging hand on his shoulder. "You just need to let her know you're interested, and I'm sure she'll be all over you. Now, give Keith your best pickup line!"

Lance almost choked. "Keith? Why him?"

"That's a good question," Keith added, shooting Hunk a pointed glare.

Hunk grinned at Keith, before turning back to Lance, eyes flashing deviously. "Keith hates pickup lines," he explained, "so if you can impress him, it'll have to impress Pidge!"

Lance cocked his head in thought. He might've rubbed his chin, but his hands were still bound. "I guess that makes sense."

Now, to find a good pickup line….

Do you like raisins? How 'bout a date? No, that was stupid. He already knew that Pidge didn't like raisins. Hey Pidge, are you feeling alright? Because it looks like you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me. Ugh, that already sounded too cocky-douchebag-jerkface in Lance's head. Hey, you must be a parking ticket, 'cos you've got fine written all over you! Closer, but still no.

What about…. "Hey, Keith?" he finally said.

"Uh, yeah?" Keith crossed his arms over his chest, slouching to make himself look smaller. Clearly, he was just as uncomfortable with this as Lance was.

"Are you a broom?" Lance asked him, turning up the charm as much as he could given that it was Keith in front of him.

"No," Keith replied, "um, why would I be a broom?"

"Because," Lance said, shooting Keith some finger guns, "you just swept me off my feet."

Keith uncrossed his arms, but only because he needed to put his head in his hands. "Oh god."

Lance looked at Hunk. "Hey look, he hates it! Can we quit now?"

"No," Keith interjected, peering back up at Lance through his fingers. "It was, uh, good?"

"Sure it was," Lance scoffed. Now that he'd come down from the adrenaline rush he'd gotten fighting Keith, he'd realized the truth: Keith was a terrible actor. "Quit patronizing me!"

"I'm not patronizing you!" Keith insisted, jumping up from his bed, fists clenched in frustration. "I just want you to calm the fuck down!"

Lance deadpanned. "Yeah, so you're patronizing me."

Keith wavered at that, glancing over to Hunk, who gestured for him to keep going. "Well, maybe you should quit feeling sorry for yourself and take some initiative!" He looked back at Hunk for approval, but Hunk just face-palmed and shook his head.

"Take initiative? Please!" Lance retorted. "Like you've ever taken initiative with Shiro!"

When Hunk just kept shaking his head, Keith put his hands on his hips and said, "well, at least he doesn't think I'm going out with Pidge anymore."

Hunk let out a patient sigh, then butt in before Keith could screw up more than he already had. "Look, Lance, why don't you just give it a shot? You might be surprised, you know. And I mean, it's not like Pidge likes anyone else on the ship, right?"

"Hold it," Lance remarked before Hunk could go on. "You said you know who Pidge likes! Unless it's someone back at the Garrison, it has to be someone on the ship-" Lance cut off with a gasp. "Unless you're lying! You're lying just to make me feel better!"

"But Lance-"

He didn't want to hear it. "I can't believe you'd do that! Am I really that hopeless? I guess- I guess I really am, aren't I? Pidge already thinks I'm an idiot, so why should I even bother with her?"

Hunk gazed at him, pity in his eyes. "Lance, that's not tru-"

"Of course it's true!" Lance shot back, hackles raised in annoyance. He didn't want Hunk's pity—he wanted to do something right for once. "Pidge doesn't wanna go out with some pathetic loser who can't take anything seriously! I'm useless! I mean, I can't even help her when everyone else is out of commission! I probably just annoy her." To his surprise, Lance's voice cracked at the end of that sentence, and he realized with a start that he was holding back tears.

"What are you talking about?" Keith snapped. "You're never this down on yourself."

Hunk furrowed his brow. "You're right, he isn't," he mused, looking into Lance's eyes and frowning. "I think it might be the drug. He doesn't think he has a chance with Pidge, so he's experiencing some extreme form of dejection."

"Look, I've told you guys a thousand times, the drugs aren't affecting me!" Lance snarled. How many times would he have to say that, before they believed him? "I just don't get what Pidge could possibly see in me, when I'm the exact opposite of what she wants! I'm a goofball, and she's a genius! It just doesn't work. I guess I should just-" He stifled a sob. "I should just move on. Pidge hates me, anyway."

"Pidge does not hate you," Hunk stated, blunt and to-the-point. It was a shame that he was lying.

Suddenly, Lance felt like his own skin was crawling with self-hatred. He was full-on crying now, which was weird and embarrassing and- okay, maybe drug-induced. "No, you don't get it!" he sobbed, body tugging at his restraints as his shoulders shook and his hands quivered. "She could do so much better than me! I mean, not only am I too stupid for her, I'm not even that hot!"

Hunk raised a confused eyebrow. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with Lance?"

"I'm not joking!" Lance howled. "For once in my life, I'm being completely serious! Look at my hair, Hunk! I don't have good hair! I mean, it's a lot better than Keith's, and Shiro's new haircut kinda sucks, but my hair isn't nearly good enough for Pidge! Especially with Allura walking around, like, really? Whose hair would you rather look at, mine or Allura's?"

"Excuse me?" Keith interrupted. "There is nothing wrong with Shiro's hair. And there isn't anything wrong with yours either! And Pidge probably doesn't even notice Allura's hair!"

Hunk nodded. "Yeah, Allura's hair isn't as cool as you think it is! It's, uh, white, that's an old people thing. Who wants old people hair?"

"Oh, shut up!" Lance bawled, tears streaming down his face and over his neck, making him shiver. "That's not the only thing, either! A few weeks back, I got this zit on my forehead! I thought my skincare routine was perfect… but I guess it wasn't perfect enough for Pidge."

"Okay, he's hopeless," Keith groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "What do we do now?"

Hunk let out a sigh, then replied, "well, if we can't convince Lance that Pidge likes him, then I guess we'll just have to get Pidge to do it."

Keith glanced at Hunk, dubious. "What? But-"

Hunk cut him off, whispering something into his ear. Keith listened for a moment, eyes wide, then nodded, the corners of his lips turning up just a bit. "Sounds good," he said.

"You get her," Hunk told him, "and I'll wait here with Lance. Uhh…." He looked over at Lance, bit his lip, then turned back to Keith. "Maybe hurry back?"

"You got it!" Keith called out as he ran out the door, leaving Lance confused and still crying.

Whatever they were up to, Lance was sure he would hate it. Lance hated everything—especially himself.

Pidge had just finished scrubbing the last dirty plate in a large pile of Hunk's dishes when the door to the kitchen opened. Keith came barging in, breath ragged and eyes wide with panic. "Pidge, we need you! Now!"

Pidge raised an eyebrow. "Why? What is it?"

"It's Lance!" Keith told her, resting his hands on the counter so he could catch his breath. "He's going crazy! I think the drug is getting to him."

"The drug? I thought he was immune!" If he wasn't, then that was seriously bad news. She still hadn't figured out a cure yet, and now Lance was crazy as well!

Keith rolled his eyes. "Are you the one who told him that? Because it's bullshit. He just tried to kill me!"

Allura stood (she'd been scrubbing the floor) and put her hands on her hips. "Don't be so dramatic. I doubt Lance was trying to kill you."

"He aimed his bayard at my head!" Keith cried, still leaning on the counter as he lifted a half-hearted finger-gun to his head. "Hunk and I had to tie him up!"

"Hunk?" Pidge asked. "Isn't he still drugged?"

Keith finally rose from the counter, stretching as he replied, "no, he snapped out of it. Also, we found a cure."

When he didn't go on, Pidge started to ask for clarification, but he shook his head and said, "Don't ask, I can tell you on the way, just come help! Lance is having a breakdown, and I know you like him, so-"

"Where did you hear that?" Pidge knew for a fact that she'd never told Keith that… though Lance had said that he'd known about her crush earlier. "Did Lance tell you?"

Keith looked at her like she was crazy. "Why would Lance tell me that? I'm pretty sure he still thinks we're in some kind of secret relationship or something."

How was that even possible, though, if Lance already knew Pidge liked him? There had to be some sort of misunderstanding here, but she'd have to figure out what was going on with that later. She still wanted to know how Keith knew about her crush. "Where did you find out, then?"

"Hunk still reads your diary, and it was an emergency," Keith explained hurriedly, walking up to Pidge and grabbing her arm. "Now come on! Hunk told me to hurry up, and it took me long enough to find you guys!"

Pidge wanted to say that she couldn't believe Hunk would do that, but… honestly? Hunk would totally do that. She'd have to change the password on her diary again.

She had more pressing matters to attend to, though. "Lance really wants me?"

"Yes!" Keith exclaimed impatiently, glancing at the door.

"Really?" Pidge pressed, because she wanted to be sure. It was difficult to believe that Lance needed her. This whole time, she'd thought he was immune, and now she felt so stupid. Had she been so blinded by her own affections that she hadn't seen the symptoms? Or had it just been less obvious until now?

"I mean, maybe!" Keith corrected, backtracking about as quickly as he could. "I don't know, it might just be the drug, but he definitely wants you now, at least, so-"

Pidge cut him off. "Alright, I get it. Let's go." And, though Keith was still grabbing on to her arm, Pidge was the one who ended up leading them both toward the door. As an afterthought, she turned back and added, "Allura, you check up on Shiro in the meantime!"

Keith stopped in his tracks, both of them still in the doorway. "Wait, where is Shiro, anyway?"

"Long story," Pidge grumbled, dragging him out the door. Somehow, she'd managed to find the one thing that would distract Keith from the task at hand. "I thought you wanted to hurry."

"I do," Keith insisted, though now he looked lost in thought. Probably thinking about Shiro, Pidge figured.

Well, she would just need to get his attention, then. "Great, so let's hurry!" she yelled back, pulling away from him and sprinting down the hallway.

That brought Keith back to reality. "Dammit, Pidge!" he shouted as he chased her down the hall.

Pidge just laughed at him as she sped up, Keith lagging behind her. It was probably a bad idea to run so fast in the complex labyrinth that was the castle-ship, but Pidge couldn't bring herself to care. She'd already been going crazy, and she hadn't gotten any sleep last night, so the running helped her feel a bit more energized.

"Pidge!" Keith cried. "Look out!"

But, instead of looking out like Keith had said, Pidge turned to face the boy, jogging backward as she asked, "look out for what?"

In her defense, she really hadn't gotten any sleep last night.

Before Keith could reply, the ground seemed to disappear behind her. She dropped back, stomach churning as she plummeted downward. Her hands flailed, trying in vain to find something to grab onto, but to no avail.

Stairs, she realized. Keith had wanted her to look out for the stairs. Well, it was probably too late for that now. Now, she was free-falling down a huge Altean staircase, and apparently, Alteans were too hardcore for railings.

Suddenly, Pidge's back hit the stairs, knocking the wind out of her as she fell from step to step, as her body got covered in bruises. Distantly, she heard Keith call her name again, running after her, but it was all just background noise to her. As she continued down, she gained speed, tumbling faster and faster until she hit the ground.

Then, everything went black.