Chapter Ten

They kissed. Adam took intent interest in the carpeting as Eli and Clare shared their first kiss in ten years. Clare hadn't known what to expect, and she had surprised herself in wanting to kiss him as badly as she did.

Their kiss was hungry and desperate. It was as if they had both been starved of a necessity for ten years, and were finally getting a taste. Eli wrapped his fingers in her curls as he held her head in his hand. It was a greedy kiss, and desperate for power. It was like they were caught in the middle of a fight, passionate and slightly violent. Eli sucked her bottom lip sharply, and Clare ran her teeth over his tongue.

Adam didn't expect the kiss to last as long as it was. He had assumed they'd kiss and pull away, shy and a little embarrassed; then they would go on to later discuss their unresolved feelings. This was not what he had expected, not at all. They were moaning and Clare was practically in Eli's lap.

"Ahem," Adam cleared his throat; not sure if he wanted them to stop because he was tired of hearing (because he had some tact to not watch) them kiss, or if it was on account of the fact that he was bored and wanted another source of entertainment.

Clare pulled away from Eli first, and seemed to snap back to reality. She ran her thumb along her swollen, somewhat bruised bottom lip. She seemed to just now realize where she was and what she had just done. Crimson blotted her cheeks, and she scooted away from Eli and to the opposite end of the couch. She tucked her curls behind her ears, and stared down at her hands.

Eli ran a hand threw his hair and his eyes were wide as he turned to Adam as if to say, "I don't know what the hell just happened, but thanks." No one said anything for a while, and it was starting to drive Adam crazy.

"So you suck face, and now you aren't even gonna speak?"

"Adam," Clare nibbled on her nail, "I-I have a fiancé."

"So?"

"So, kissing Eli was…was…"

"Was what, Clare?" Eli turned on her, "Hmm? What was kissing me?"

"It was…"

"Don't even dare say the word 'wrong' because I know for a fact that you wanted to kiss me, Edwards. And you seemed to be enjoying yourself quite a bit."

"But it was wrong. I am engaged. When he put this ring on my finger, I made a promise…"

"It's an engagement ring," Adam rolled his eyes, "Not a wedding band."

"But it's still a promise," Clare objected, "I shouldn't have done that. I uh…I got caught up in the moment. It was wrong, and I shouldn't have done it."

"Ouch," Eli looked hurt.

"And you," Clare pointed at Adam.

"Hey, don't get mad at me!"

"You were the one that made this dare!"

"Because you two needed to kiss."

"Well now we did, and now it's awkward."

"Only because you're making it," Adam explained, "Just stop. You wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss you. You kissed. Big whoop."

"Very big whoop," Clare's eyes narrowed in on Adam, "He's a ghost."

"And another ouch, right in the heart too," Eli dramatically clutched his fist to his chest.

Clare ignored him, "I have a fiancé. A future husband. And I just cheated on him."

"Yeah, with your soul mate."

"Adam," Eli held up a hand, "Clearly Clare has been lacking in kisses for quite some time now…"

"James kisses me," Clare argued, but her point fell on deaf ears.

"He doesn't know anything about romancing her, or how to make her feel special. He doesn't know the little things, like how kissing her neck drives her crazy or how…"

"You can stop now," Clare was growing furious. But at whom? Was she angry at Eli? How could she be, when she was just as guilty? Was she angry at the things he was saying about her relationship with James? Of course, but even Clare had to admit, they were true.

"So, because she's been romantically neglected – poor thing – she has no idea of a good kiss when one happens to her. Quite tragic really."

"Stop it," Clare begged.

"I kissed her probably in a way she hasn't been kissed in a good ten years, and the ungrateful little brat…"

"Hey!"

" – oh, it's not your fault, Clare. It's your fiancé's. Because he hasn't kissed you properly – kissed you the way you deserve to be kissed on a daily basis – your sense of all things romantic has gone into a severe coma. Don't worry, it's not dead…yet. But when you aren't treated romantically, you start to not know how to react when, suddenly, you are."

"That is not true," Clare folded her arms over her chest, and right when the words tumbled from her lips, she knew they were a lie, "James can be extraordinarily romantic, Eli. Extraordinarily!"

"And what happened last time you thought a guy was so extraordinary?" Eli raised an eyebrow.

"Oh you didn't," Adam's eyes widened and Clare's cheeks deepened to a crimson shade.

"What did you just say to me?" Clare demanded, "Did you just bring him into this?"

"Possibly."

"Dude…why?" Adam tossed his head back in frustration.

"Last time you thought a guy was so great, he sexually harassed you, Clare. Remember that? Remember how scared you were?"

"You're…you're an ass."

"She's right on this one, man," Adam winced, "Just drop it."

"No, why should I?" Eli asked, already on a roll and not really planning to stop anytime soon, despite what either of them said, "You enjoyed that kiss, Edwards. That vein in your neck was pulsing like crazy and I am pretty sure there were a few moans."

"You're a pig."

"Yes, but a pig you still seem to be 'extraordinarily' attracted to."

"Can we just get on with playing truth or dare?" Adam asked, hopefully. He hated seeing them fight like this, and the tension was so heavy in the living room, that it even made it harder to breathe.

"You two can play," Clare stood from the couch and brushed off her jeans, "I am going out."

"Out? Out where?" Adam asked, "You can't just leave when you invited me to come over and hang out. Rude."

"Sorry," Clare grabbed her bag off of a peg by the door, "I just can't be in here with him. Adam, I'll call you later or something."

"Where are you going?" Eli asked, "As your guardian angel thing, I am entitled to know."

"To take James some lunch. I need to be with my fiancé right now. Don't bother trying to follow me. I don't care about this guardian angel crap; I just want to be left alone."

"Left alone, yet you're going to see your fiancé."

"Yes. I just want…I want you to leave me alone, Eli," Clare shrugged into a jacket as she said, "It's not fair. I don't see you for ten years. Then I read in the paper that you're dead, and I was…I was crushed. I couldn't believe it. Then, on the day of your memorial service, you are standing here in my apartment. I can't…I just…it's too much, Eli. And then we kiss. I make-out with a ghost, or an angel or whatever you are."

"Whatever I am?" Eli followed her to the door, "What do you mean 'whatever I am?' I'm Eli and you're Clare. What more do you need to know?"

"I-I have to go," Clare swung the door open and headed out towards the garage, "Make sure Adam eats something. He's not just going to eat junk food. There's some turkey in the fridge."

"When will you be home?" Eli asked.

"When I feel like coming home," Clare shut the door behind her and headed out to her silver Camry. Once inside the safety of the car, she locked the door and wiped at the tears that were running down her cheeks. She couldn't believe that all of this was happening. Everything was just too much for her to deal with right now.

She was falling for Eli again…the ghost of Eli…and she was falling dangerously fast. It wasn't okay to fall for anyone when you were engaged, much less the ghost of your exboyfriend and first true love. Clare pulled her hair back and fastened it with a tie. Her head began to spin and she felt dizzy. She was falling for Eli. She had fallen for Eli.

She knew she had fallen for him since before the kiss. When she had first heard of his death, she knew that it wasn't normal to be so emotionally destroyed over the death of a boyfriend she dated for about two years. But she was. It had completely mutilated her to hear of Eli's death. She wasn't over him, she was far from being over him.

Then he had appeared back in her life so suddenly, and when she saw him standing there, she couldn't believe it. Maybe everything about him being her soul mate was right. Maybe they were being given some sort of obscure second – third – chance at what they had had. Maybe…maybe this was all happening because she was supposed to be Eli.

Clare turned the AC on the car and tried to let the vents dry her tears and keep the makeup from running all over the place. She couldn't be with Eli. How could she be with a ghost? A ghost she could see, feel, touch. A ghost that made her feel more than her fiancé had ever made her…

Clare shook the thought from her head. No, she was not going to allow herself to feel these things, to think these things. Eli was a ghost. An obnoxious, cynical, pig of a ghost…but still…what she felt with him…she did feel more with him than she had ever felt with James. With just one glance, Eli could make her skin prickle and her head swim in emotions. With one sentence, he could have Clare question everything, and at the same time, trust anything.

Eli made her feel so much, so much that it was almost too much. With James, everything was vanilla, plain and ordinary. Sweet, still good, but plain and ordinary. Something in the pit of her stomach began to churn – something familiar. Something she hadn't really felt since she was dating Jake.

Regret.

She turned up the radio, and decided to let the indie music streaming from the speakers take her to another place, a place in which all these feelings of confusion and regret didn't exist. She drove off to James' favorite fast food restaurant to pick him up some lunch. That's what fiancés did, right? They brought each other lunch. And he had been working so hard, he deserved a special treat.

Clare paid for the burger, onion rings, and Sprite, and drove off to the bank where James' worked. She hadn't gone to see him at work since they had first started dating, and she felt good about it. This was what fiancés did. Clare adjusted her curls, checked her makeup, and grabbed the paper bag of food before heading inside the huge heavy, glass doors. The bank was huge, not the little bank Clare had been used to going to before James came into her life. There were three stories, and James' was on the second. Clare walked past the statue of some famous person she couldn't name, and headed towards the shiny brass elevators. Her sneakers squeaked on the marble flooring, and the janitor who was polishing one of the elevator doors glared at her as if her squeaking sneakers were there to specifically annoy him.

Clare pressed the number TWO and rode up to the floor where James' office was. She didn't know much about his position in the bank, but she remembered he had said he worked with loans. She made her way down the hallway, thankful for the burgundy carpeting and no squeaking sneakers. When she arrived at his office door, she ran her fingertips along the plaque next to the door, James Hammond. Hammond. Clare didn't like that name too much. It reminded her of ham and almonds – not a good combination. Maybe if they got married, she could keep her maiden name.

When. When they got married.

She turned the door knob and headed inside. The waiting room housed two overly stuffed, black leather couches and three arm chairs. She went up to the glass window where the receptionist sat, and no one was there. There was a small silver bell with a note that said, "Please ring for service." Clare pressed the knob of the bell twice, and turned to sit until someone was available.

She could hear laughing. The receptionist's laughter. Clare found a magazine on the coffee table and began to flip through the glossy pages, bored with the articles and completely uninterested in the photographs. Finally, the receptionist appeared in her window.

"Can I help you?" She asked, and Clare noticed her hair was kind of a rat's nest. Maybe she had just come in from lunch. It was kind of windy outside.

"Yes, I am here to see James."

"Mr. Hammond?"

"James – my fiancé," Clare lifted up the bag of food, "I brought him some lunch."

"Oh," the blond looked slightly embarrassed, "Uh…sure. He's free right now; you can just take it in right now."

"Thank you," Clare stood from the couch and headed through the wooden door into James' office. He was sitting at his desk staring at a computer screen, his hair sort of ruffled as well, when Clare walked, "Hey honey. I brought you some…"

"What are you doing here?" James looked up from the computer and glared at Clare.

"I thought I'd bring you some lunch."

"I already ate. I thought I told you not to bother me while I was at work, Clare?"

"Oh, well your receptionist said that you were free and I…" Clare felt herself overwhelmed with embarrassment. She felt as though she had just broken some huge rule and now James was angry at her for doing so.

"I already ate," James waved her away with his hand, "Just take it home."

"Honey…"

"Clare, don't come in here like this again. When you're working on your writing, I don't come in and bother you to no end."

"I didn't know lunch would be such a big deal," Clare's smile faded and she wanted nothing more than to leave that office and head home.

"Well it is."

"Were you…were you and your receptionist…" Clare started to ask the question that had been playing in the back of her mind.

"Clare, I can't believe you would make such immature and uninformed accusations," James turned back to the computer, "I have a lot of work to do. I'll see you at home."

Clare sat the steaming bag of food in the middle of his desk and stormed out of the office. Her brain felt completely flooded with emotions. She had no idea what she had just witnessed, or what was going on. She felt dizzy and sick to her stomach. Something wasn't right though. Something was really, really wrong. Clare hurried out to her car as fast her legs and the elevator would allow her. Once inside, she locked the door and began to sob.

Everything was so terribly screwed up. First the thing with Eli, and now this. It was too much for her to handle. All of a sudden, her whole life – everything she had known for months felt like a lie. She had never felt so confused, so lost, and so alone.

Right when she thought that, her phone began to ring. Clare cursed before trying to dig the thing from within the confines of her purse. Finally she found it, and on the seventh ring, she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi. What's going on?"

"Eli? What…what do you mean?"

"Something's wrong. It comes with the whole guardian angel thing, Edwards. You were upset when you left, but this is different. This is bigger. What happened? Are you hurt?"

"Is she alright?" Clare could hear Adam on the other end.

"Shut up," Eli hissed at him, "Clare, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Clare lied, "I'm fine. I'll just be home in a second. Don't worry."

"I always worry about you," Eli said firmly, "Want to talk about it?"

"I'm sorry you're my guardian angel," Clare wiped furiously at the tears, "I am sorry you have to worry about me."

"Clare, I worried about you long before I became your guardian angel," Eli chuckled, but it wasn't a happy chuckle at all, "Now please, Clare, you're scaring me. What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm just being neurotic," Clare tried to smile, but the tears only poured out even more, "Nothing happened. I am just being immature and…"

"What are you talking about?" Eli pressed.

"I-I accused James of having an affair."

"Shit," Eli hissed, "Well…is he?"

"I think so. I mean, it's pretty obvious."

"Well, if it's pretty obvious…crap, Clare."

"It probably was nothing. I probably just made a big fuss out of nothing."

"Clare, come home please."

"Okay, but really it's no big deal…"

"Clare, come home."