Chapter 10

I was tired of everyone acting so cryptic lately. The Wolf Girls said a few things at lunch earlier in the day that I just let go, because obviously they weren't going to elaborate, and now Quil was trying to blow off his comment about how my seventeenth birthday had something to do with whether he was ready for a girlfriend or not. Nothing made sense.

"Where are you going?" I asked Quil as I followed him towards the door to the front porch.

"I'm not ready for this," I thought I heard him say.

"What?"

"I'm going to go home and get something to eat," he continued his stride in the direction of the door. I grabbed his hand and had to pull hard to get him to stop. The warm hum of our hands being connected made him pause and he stopped. He didn't look at me though.

"I can make you something if you're hungry! Plus, I'm not going to let you leave until you answer my question," I practically grumbled to the back of his head. He had a nice head…where his long neck connected to the back of his ear…ugh! Touching Quil made the attraction for him ten times worse. I threw his hand away and stood back a step to clear my head.

"And what question is that, again?" Quil asked and turned his body towards mine. He kept his eyes on the hand I recently held, watching his fingers flex.

"Are you friggin' kidding me!" I screeched. I could feel myself ready to burst as my temper came to the surface. I didn't want Quil to see me like this again. I already had one quarrel with him this week and it sucked. I didn't want to do it again.

I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes so I huffed, turned around, and headed for the living room. I heard Quil let out a long sigh, but I didn't look back.

When I heard the front door open and shut again I slumped down on the couch and let the tears fall down my face. I thought Quil left, but he didn't. He appeared on the couch next to me in his usual stealth-like way.

"Shit," I said in surprise and quickly wiped away my tears as if Quil hadn't seen them. I immediately glanced up quickly and quietly apologized for swearing. I knew he didn't like it when I did.

"Why are you crying?" Quil asked softly.

"I'm just so tired of everyone being so cryptic lately. The girls seemed to be a little secretive today…acting all weird towards me. You seem to be acting differently lately. I feel so out of the loop," I said with a nasally voice as I looked down at my hands.

"And it all seemed to have started when I agreed to go out on a date with Jason," I continued. Which wasn't totally true. It all seemed to start a few months prior when my feelings for Quil changed. When I felt an electric charge between us. When I decided I wanted to be more than friends with Quil. But of course I wasn't going to admit to that.

I threw my hands up and let them fall back into my lap. "Maybe it's just all in my head. I'm totally P-M-S-ing. You know how I get," I said with a small smile. I tried for a little hormone-humor.

Quil sat next to me facing the television's blank screen and offered nothing. Since he didn't say anything I continued.

"I just want everything back to how it was. My normal life, my normal friends, and I want you and I back to how we were."

"What's different about us now?" Quil finally spoke up. I wasn't sure how to answer the question without revealing my feelings.

"You've been acting…I don't know…different," I shrugged. I decided to put the blame on him instead of giving my feelings away, but it was still the truth. "It feels like you're keeping something from me. And I know you said you weren't, but you do seem upset that I went out with Jason and that I'm going to the dance with him too."

Quil rubbed his palms over his face and his leg started to become restless again.

"Claire-Bear, I want you to have a normal life away from all this supernatural stuff. You do need other friends and you should do normal teenage things. But you're right…I'm having a real hard time with it," Quil finally admitted it.

"But why?" I begged him with my eyes to tell me. I hadn't even noticed how the space between shrunk. I was practically on his lap. I'm not sure how I got there.

Quil looked at my eyes, and then my mouth, and then quickly scanned the rest of my body before squeezing his eyes shut with a painful look on his face.

"Please Quil," I whispered and fought my hand from wanting to reach up to sooth him by touching his face.

"It's just," Quil paused and sighed before continuing. "You're not a little girl anymore and you're so close…" He let out another sigh. "You're right. There is something you need to know," he said softly. I think he noticed how close we were because he shifted himself further away from me. It wasn't obvious, but I noticed.

"You know how the wolves came about to protect our people from the cold ones?" He started to explain. I nodded, watching his face closely. "Along with all that responsibility, some of us were given the opportunity to protect and take care of a special person. When I met you for the first time I knew that you were that special person…for me. You are special, Claire."

I could feel my heartbeat accelerate and it felt like it was trying to beat its way out of my chest. To hear Quil tell me I was special to him made me feel really good.

"Me?" I squeaked. Quil nodded slightly. "What does that mean? I was only two years old."

"It means…" he paused the way he does when he's trying to get the wording right, "it means the powers that be, the mighty spirit warrior, whoever it was, decided you were special enough to look over and protect. I was given that responsibility."

Responsibility. Quil was responsible for my safety and for taking care of me all because some ancient voodoo magic decided he had to. Great. I was a burden to him. I'm the reason why he didn't ever date or have a normal life.

"Why am I so special?" I mumbled and stared at my hands in my lap. I wasn't really buying his whole story.

"God Claire," Quil sighed in frustration. "You don't see yourself like everyone else does," he paused to try to catch my gaze. When I didn't look up at him, he used his finger under my jaw to tilt up my head.

"You don't see yourself like I see you," he added. I could feel my face warming up. Quil's face was so close and his fingers lingered on my jaw.

"You're so beautiful Claire," he said with a soft smile. "You're smart, and sweet, and funny, and fun to be around." I could feel my eyes start to water from the emotion on Quil's face, but I knew it wasn't the exact emotion I wanted to see from him.

I came so close to leaning in to kiss him. After hearing his words and the expression on his face, he made me feel like the most extraordinary person in the world. Just when I got the nerve to actually tilt my face towards his he said the following words:

"I'm so glad I was given that responsibility." He said it with a warm smile, but I heard that one word again…responsibility…and I could feel my face fall from the disappointment that one word brought me.

"Responsibility," I whispered.

"Yes, you're my responsibility and I couldn't be happier." Quil seemed genuinely excited about the idea. "You're meant for great things Claire."

If you search the word responsibility in the thesaurus, the other words that pop up are: blame, liability, job, duty, task. I saw his confession as a bad thing. I am to blame for the reason Quil doesn't have a normal life with a normal girl. I am his liability, protecting me from Lord knows what, for unknown reasons. I am his duty. I was supposedly given to him as a task.

I let out a big sigh from the disappointment I felt. I didn't see why Quil was excited about this. If I were stuck with a two year old when I was a fifteen year old boy I would've been annoyed.

I shifted myself a few inches away from Quil. I still didn't quite understand why I was so special when I felt so rejected. I felt the only reason Quil hung out with me so much was because he had to.

"What's this have to do with when I turn 17?"

Quil sat quietly for a minute or two before he answered. His eyes darted around the room as it looked like he was working out the words in his head again.

"I told myself when you turned seventeen I would tell you," Quil finally answered.

"Why seventeen?" Seventeen didn't make sense to me. Couldn't he still tell me when I was little, take care of me (because our ancestors decided he needed to protect me), and have a girlfriend at the same time? I know he takes his wolf duties seriously, but to sacrifice not having a relationship?

"I thought maybe when you were seventeen you would be mature enough to let me know if you wanted me around or not. I want it to be your choice, Claire. I didn't want you to be with me because you felt you had to be." He looked at me like he wanted some sort of reply.

"Of course," I whispered the truth. "I'll always want you around. In any way you'll have me," I could see Quil's shoulders relax and a warm smile took over his face. "But…" I continued and paused, not sure how to continue.

"But," Quil prompted with a worried look on his face.

"But, I've been holding you back Quil. I'm the reason you don't date, why you've never had a girlfriend, maybe even the reason why you didn't go off to college or something, right?"

"It's ok Claire-Bear, I don't need…" he started to quickly try to explain something, but I cut him off when a thought occurred to me. I knew he was fifteen when he met me. I knew he had never had a girlfriend.

"Oh my gosh, Quil. Are you a virgin?" I asked as I threw my hand over my mouth because I really didn't mean to ask it out loud, but I'm sort of glad I did.

"Um…well…I…" Quil stuttered. He was embarrassed. I actually embarrassed Quil for once.

"Well?"

Quil let out a growl of a sigh as his body went limp on the couch next to me.

"This is highly irrelevant Claire," Quil finally groaned out. He was a virgin! Usually when Quil didn't answer my question it meant I was correct in my assumption. And a little part of me was happy that he had never slept with anyone.

"Irrelevant?" I stood up and started pacing the living room. "Because of me you didn't have a normal teenage life."

"I think being a wolf was the main reason…"

"Because of me you've never had a girlfriend," I interrupted.

"Well that's not the only reason…"

"Because of me you've never gotten laid!"

"Claire!" He looked disappointed in my choice of words.

I rolled my eyes. "Sorry. Because of me you haven't ever made love to a woman."

Quil stood up with a frustrated growl and started pacing the room too. We seemed to acquire each other's quirks over the years.

"You don't understand!" Quil barked.

"I understand completely!" I barked back. "You need a normal life with a girl your own age. Ask the wolf girls to set you up with someone." As much as it hurt me to say and hurt me to think of Quil having a girlfriend, I knew it was true and it was right. Being with me all the time was having a major effect on his love life.

"Claire, I don't want…" he stopped himself and actually slapped his own forehead.

"Quil," I said softly and wrapped my arms around his waist. I could feel Quil's tense body relax into mine. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I felt his face rub up against my hair.

I was done yelling. It was painful. "You said you wanted it to be my choice, right?"

I felt him nod his head into my hair.

"I want this for you. I want you to be happy and I want you to find the love of your life, ok? I'm like a major cock-blocker. "

"Oh Claire," Quil whispered. He was so serious tonight. He said Claire, without the Bear, a lot. He pulled away from me to look into my eyes.

"What do you want for you?" he asked.

I thought about my answer because I didn't want to lie to him. I wanted to tell him the absolute truth, but I couldn't. I wanted to be happy with him. I already thought of Quil as the love of my life. So I answered as truthfully as I could.

"The same thing."

Quil, you big baby! Why didn't you tell her everything? It was your chance! Seriously, that man gets on my nerves.

Sorry for the delay! I will come out and tell you right now that it will be another two weeks for an update…you know, Christmas and all. I have week between holidays off for vacation, so I'll sneak another chapter in at that time.

Send me a note and tell me what you think! Thanks for all your reviews. I'm sorry I haven't responded. I'll try to catch up. You're lucky you got a chapter, ok! just kidding! Love you all! xoxo