So so sorry for the delay, but I just finished my first semester of university and assignments have been wild. Hoepfully now that I'm on break I can update more frequently, but I won't make any promises.

Please review, it's the nicest thing x.

If you're not inside me,

I'll put my future in you.

-Ed Sheeran, "Small Bump".

The hospital was colder than Tonks expected it to be. The halls were bare save for a few nurses who were wandering between rooms, but Tonks couldn't help but feel out of place with her bright hair, large present and colourful bouquet of flowers. She shivered as she walked under an air conditioner and tried in vain to pull her cardigan tighter around her belly, but before she could stop herself she lost her balance and pitched forward, hitting her knees hard against the ground.

'Shit' she moaned, taking a moment to steady her heart rate. She brought her free hand to her stomach and rubbed a circle, sighing in relief when she felt movement in response. 'Hey squish. Sorry about that sweetie.'

A nurse ran to Tonks' side and dropped down next to her, taking her arm to pull her into a sitting position. 'Are you okay? That was quite a fall.'

'Yea' Tonks answered shakily, trying to regain her composure. The flowers and the present had survived the fall and lay on the ground in front of her. 'I'm just clumsy, it happens all the time…'

The nurse helped Tonks to her feet and kept a steadying hand on her arm until Tonks felt stable enough to stand on her own. 'Did you land on your stomach?'

'No,' Tonks muttered, shaking her head. 'Nah, I hit my knees. It's okay, she moved.'

The nurse pursed her lips. 'We should get you checked out.'

'No, it's okay, really' Tonks protested, feeling her cheeks become warm in embarrassment. 'Honestly. I just don't pick up my feet.'

'Okay' the nurse consented. She stooped and lifted the present and flowers, handing them back to Tonks. 'Do you know where you're supposed to be going?'

Tonks had a general idea of which room she was looking for but didn't want to bother the nurse anymore than she already had. She nodded, thanked her for her help again, and then made her way back down the hall.

Her knees throbbed as she walked but she barely paid them any attention. She felt uneasy after falling over, though she was amazed that it was only the first time that it had happened in her pregnancy. She was still extremely embarrassed, but also relieved that she had only hit her knees and hadn't landed on her stomach as well.

She was too scared to take her phone out so that she could double check the room number. Lena had sent the announcement text three days ago, and Tonks had tried to commit the words to memory so that she wouldn't have to ask for help. It was shaping up to be a lot harder than she had originally thought.

The doors were all the same. Tonks glanced at the numbers as she passed them until she reached the room that she was only half sure was the right one. Taking a deep breath, she knocked before carefully pushing the door open.

Lena greeted her with a wave from her place on the hospital bed. 'You found me.'

'Didn't think I'd get here at all' Tonks muttered as she made her way over to her friend. She shook her head at Lena's raised eyebrow. 'Don't even ask.'

Lena laughed but she looked exhausted. Tonks passed the flowers and the present to her, leaning down to kiss her cheek. 'You didn't have to get me anything' Lena gushed, closing her eyes briefly as she smelt the flowers.

'Please' Tonks said, rolling her eyes and taking a seat in the chair beside the bed. 'Of course I was going to get you something. It's not everyday you have a baby.'

Lena screwed her nose up as she tore into the wrapping paper. 'I know. I wish it wasn't so soon, though.'

Tonks frowned, unsure of what to say. She felt almost guilty as she sat beside Lena with her own baby still tucked safely away in her belly. Lena had been further along than Tonks was now, but it still felt wrong, as though she was flaunting her own pregnancy when Lena had come so close to losing her baby.

Lena actually squealed when she saw the presents that Tonks had brought her. 'Oh my god! Tonks, really, this is too much.'

Tonks shrugged, smiling brightly. 'You can thank me later.'

The presents were a combination of things that Tonks had liked and decided to buy. She had bought several premature growth suits, knowing that Lena wouldn't have been adequately prepared for the birth, as well as a specialised baby journal for premmies and a body wrap so that Lena would be able to hold her baby against her skin. Tonks had also fallen in love with a soft blue stuffed dog, and had thrown it in at the last minute for the baby's crib.

'Oh wow' Lena sighed, running her hands over the body wrap. 'This will be great. I'm too scared to hold him on my own in case I jostle a wire…'

Tonks swallowed hard as Lena trailed off, folding the wrap back up. Tonks was a little unsure of how to approach Lena about the birth, not knowing if the baby was actually okay or if there were more serious health problems.

'He's not too bad, all things considering' Lena said, as though she knew what Tonks had been thinking. 'I mean, babies born at 34 weeks don't usually have that many complications, compared to the others.'

'So what happened?' Tonks asked, absentmindedly rubbing at her sore knee.

'It was spontaneous labour' Lena explained with a sigh. 'At 32 weeks it's not ideal, but they managed to slow it down and eventually things were okay. Almost okay, I should say. They gave me an injection for his lungs, to help them develop, and sent me home on bed rest.'

Tonks remembered the phone call she had received the day after Lena's labour announcement text. Lena had been in hospital, but the labour had been stopped, and Tonks had never felt so relieved for somebody else in her life.

'Then, two weeks later it happened again. Except they couldn't stop it this time.' Lena ran a hand over her face, her eyes tired. 'So I had him at 34 weeks and 1 day. He was small and when he came out he didn't really cry much. They took him to NICU after they stabilised him.'

'Wow' Tonks murmured, letting out a long breath. 'That's intense. How do you feel?'

'Like a shit mum' Lena admitted, quietly. 'I couldn't even keep him safe inside of me. He didn't get to grow properly. They gave him caffeine to help with his breathing. I had my first cuddle yesterday. They feed him through a tube.'

Tonks paused, unsure of how to react to Lena's admission. She couldn't even begin to understand what her friend was feeling, and she once again felt guilt creeping up on her. She reached out and took Lena's hand in her own, giving it a tight squeeze and hoping that the gesture conveyed more than words could.

Lena took a moment to recover, clinging to Tonks' hands with such strength that Tonks was sure at least one of her fingers broke. When Lena let go, she smiled brightly and set the present aside. 'Come on, you need to meet him.'

Tonks helped Lena out of the hospital bed and into the waiting wheelchair. Lena rolled her eyes when she explained that the nurses were forcing her to use it, refusing to let Tonks push her. The two began their slow journey to the NICU in comfortable silence, Tonks waddling slowly and holding all of the doors open for Lena.

The NICU wasn't as bad as Tonks had imagine it. They washed their hands when they entered, and were greeted by a friendly nurse who knew Lena by name. There were a few plastic incubators, and some of the babies had the light turned down around them. Lena wheeled herself expertly between the incubators until they came to one at the end of the room where a tiny baby lay with a blue hat on his head.

Lena indicated the chair by the incubator for Tonks and waited until she was seated before she started speaking. 'Tonks, meet Oliver Silas Risso. Ollie, this is your aunty Tonks.'

Tonks couldn't help the smile that stretched her face thin as she looked into the incubator at Oliver. He was small, but his eyes were open and he was moving his arms around. Lena snuck her hand into the incubator so that Oliver could hold her finger, gesturing for Tonks to do the same.

She stuck her hand through the hole in the side of the cot and very gently brushed her finger against Ollie's arm. The feeling of his soft, warm skin made her eyes burn with tears and her heart ache. She would get to feel this soon, when her own daughter was born.

'Hey Ollie' Tonks murmured softly. The baby yawned and stretched out, his mouth puckering slightly. 'You're such a handsome little man.'

'I'm smitten' Lena breathed dreamily. 'He's such a good boy. They think that I should be able to breast feed him tomorrow, instead of expressing. You can see now that he's starting to make a sucking motion.'

'God Lena' Tonks said. 'He's so beautiful. Congratulations!'

'He's got a touch of jaundice, but he's putting on weight well enough.' Lena removed her hand from the incubator and leant back in the wheelchair. 'I can't get enough of him. I can't wait to use that body wrap. They had him hooked up a lot more this morning, so I might have missed something…'

'How was the labour?' Tonks asked, and Lena grimaced.

'It hurt, but it all happened so quickly, and he was so small. It could've been worse, I guess.'

Tonks nodded. She felt like she could stay there forever with Lena and Oliver, bundled up in this small part of the hospital. Everything seemed simple here, straight forward and easily explained by a diagnosis. Except when she looked around at the other incubators, she couldn't help but feel sad and uneasy.

A nurse with a clipboard stopped beside Oliver's incubator and smiled at Lena. 'Time for this guy's lunch. We're going to try to breast feed today, and if he still needs the time we can try again tomorrow.'

Lena looked thrilled. Tonks said goodbye to Oliver and then hugged Lena, vowing to visit as soon as her friend was out of the hospital. She left the building quickly, suddenly feeling anxious about something that she couldn't quite place.

Charlie handed Tonks the box of popcorn and sat back on the couch with a sigh. 'What're we watching again?'

Tonks stretched her aching legs out and rested them in his lap. 'It's like a beginners guide to babies. The introduction to the antenatal classes. I think it covers nearly everything.'

'I don't want to see any vaginas' Charlie said seriously, rubbing Tonks' feet absentmindedly. 'Especially any that have something coming out of them. I love you but not that much.'

'No' Tonks drawled, grinning as she hit play on the DVD player. 'Nothing like that asshole. I think it just talks you through stuff, like how the baby is developing and how you can prepare yourself.'

'Haven't you already booked your antenatal classes?' Charlie whined. 'Can't you just go to them?'

'Yes I have' Tonks said, reaching for the popcorn. 'But I'm going to miss the first class because I have an check-up booked in with Doctor Gemma. Besides, too much information never hurt anyone.'

'I can think of a few people it hurt' Charlie muttered, and winced when Tonks kicked him. 'Ow, okay. I get it. You're nervous because it's your first time having a baby and you're flying solo and your friend had her baby early or something. That's okay, Tonks. You can tell me these things.'

Tonks looked down at her hands folded in her lap and sighed. 'I hate feeling weak. I hate not knowing what is going to happen next. Lena was fine and then she just had him and he is so small, Charlie, I saw him today and he has a tube to feed him. And he grabbed my finger with his impossibly small hand and his name is Oliver and I felt like he put all of his trust in me and I don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility.'

Charlie blinked slowly, trying to process Tonks' words as the documentary began playing on the TV. 'Oliver's a good name,' he said finally, and Tonks nodded jerkily.

'Yea, it is.'

'Look Tonksie. It's gonna be okay, in the end. It's probably gonna be scary as fuck and very tiring and you're probably gonna make mistakes. But you're gonna be a rad mum, too.' Charlie paused to shove a handful of popcorn into his mouth. 'She's gonna be a lucky kid, little Charlie.'

'I'm not naming her Charlie' Tonks bit back automatically, and then felt her shoulders relax. 'You're right. I'm never gonna say it again, but you are right, I guess. Just… what if it hurts?'

'It's definitely gonna hurt. Have you ever seen a baby come out? I watched One Born Every Minute this one time and they forgot to blur.'

Tonks laughed, rolling her eyes. 'I'm tough, right?'

'The toughest' Charlie agreed solemnly.

They settled back into the couch, turning their attention to the documentary. The woman on the screen was in the middle of explaining how, exactly, the baby travelled through the birth canal. Charlie paled and squeezed Tonks' foot.

'Ow!' she yelped, trying to move away.

Charlie let go of her ankle and stood hastily. 'I'm going to the loo.'

'Oh my god, Charlie, it's just a vagina' she called out after his retreating figure, laughing when he flipped her off.

Tonks settled back into the couch with the bowl of popcorn balanced on her stomach, turning her attention back to the screen. Charlie came back down the hall a few moments later, Tonks' phone in his hand.

'Someone rang you. I answered but I think I just missed them' he told her, handing her the phone.

Tonks glanced at the screen but didn't recognise the number. The area code was +7, and Tonks had no idea where that could possibly be from, so she simply shrugged and locked her phone again.

'Who was it?' Charlie asked.

'Probably a telemarketer or something' Tonks answered. 'If it was important I'm sure they would call back.'

Charlie nodded and sat back down on the couch. He only lasted another minute before he turned to Tonks, his eyes pleading. 'Can we watch something else? Please? Anything else would be better than this.'

Tonks sighed but nodded, feeling bored with the documentary anyway. She handed Charlie the remote and laid the only ground rule for picking the movie: 'absolutely no dragons Charlie, or I'll fight you.'

Tonks hummed softly to herself that night as she cleaned up after her dinner. The lights were dim and the house warm from the heating. Tonks was slowly getting used to living on her own now, even if she had to lock the door after every visitor had left and double check the windows before bed.

She reached for a spoon off the drying rack and made a beeline for the freezer, fully intent on taking her tub of ice cream to bed with her. 'I hope you like raspberry swirl squish' Tonks said out loud to the baby, and then suddenly froze in place as she had a very startlingly thought.

The baby. The baby hadn't moved since that morning, when she had fallen over. Her baby, who was usually assaulting her insides every other minute of the day, lay quiet and still somewhere in her belly and it had taken her all day to notice.

'No' Tonks whispered to herself, and pressed her hands against her stomach. 'No, c'mon squish. You can't be that sleepy. C'mon, give mummy a big kick. It's the only time I'll ever ask for it.'

Nothing. Tonks tried to breathe deeply as she fought off a wave of panic. She tried everything she knew that usually made her daughter move; tapping near her belly button, rubbing circles on her sides, talking loudly and drumming her fingers at the same time, but nothing worked.

Blinking back hot tears, Tonks let herself sink to the floor where she cradled her arms around her stomach. She couldn't think properly, she couldn't breathe properly; it was like all of her insides had turned to ice. Here she was worrying about having her baby early, and now she felt like she would never even get the chance.

She was crying before she realised it, angry sobs forcing their way up her throat. The nurse had told her to get herself checked out and she hadn't listened. Her baby depended on her, and she had let her daughter down.

Tonks wasn't sure how long she sat on the kitchen floor, but she knew that she needed to call someone for help. Going to her bedroom to get her phone felt like the biggest obstacle in the world. She forced herself to stand, even though it felt like her whole world had been turned on its head. She trailed her fingers along the wall, clinging to any form of support that she could find.

She had left the Weird Sisters playing on her CD player, and the familiar tune brought her a brief sense of comfort as she searched her unmade bed for her phone. The sheets kept tangling and the music was ringing in her ears, the voices of the singers washing over her.

She growled in frustration as she felt a nudge in her stomach and snapped, 'not now, squish, I really need to find my phone.'

She froze again for the umpteenth time that day as the nudging persisted against her side. Carefully she moved her hand down to her stomach, feeling her daughter kick out at the palm of her hand. Tonks spun to the CD player, where the Weird Sisters had moved on to one of their edgier songs, and very slowly turned the volume up.

It was like she had implanted a trampoline in her stomach. The baby began a symphony of jumps and kicks that had Tonks squealing in laughter. Her baby was alive and moving and apparently loved the Weird Sisters.

She laid down on her bed and rubbed her belly to the beat of the song, feeling happy in the fact that they were okay and completely content to spend the rest of the night blasting her favourite band if it meant she got to experience this moment forever.