BPOV

This had been a weird day, half day really. It was just now lunch and I had to call Emmett. I'm selfish, I don't care if he is sick and sleepy. I needed him NOW! Even just to hear him tell me that everything will be okay. Yea that's what I needed.

I took my I-phone out and scrolled to Emmett's number. I hit the send button and waited, Emmett answered after two rings.

"Bella. Do you miss me that much?" Emmett`s happy and safe voice come thru the phone.

"Something like that yea." My voice was off and I could tell that Emmett heard it.

"What happened girl?" All the happiness from Emmett´s voice was gone now.

I told him about how I had made a fool out of myself, just so I didn´t seem weak around Alice. I told him how I thought that, that made things even worse than they had to be. Well I hoped that I had not made thing worse. I did not like to think that if I had talked to Alice like I was planning on that thing would have gone so bad.

I also talked to him about Mr. Brandon. Emmett did get a kick out of that. Carl or Mr. Brandon was Emmett´s cousin. When I was ten I had had a crush on him. Emmett thought at the time that it was funny so therefore everyone knew about it. Including Carl. How embarrassing this was going to be.

After class I had to stay behind and talk to him. I hadn´t seen him since I was eleven. Emmett had a good laugh though. In fact it was such a good laugh that I was starting to think that he was not as sick as he seemed this morning.

But all that ended when I told him what happened after class. He was silent, didn´t say anything.

"They hate me here." I whispered, I didn´t know what else to say and I didn´t like that Emmett hadn´t said anything yet.

"Look Bella, give it time. It's going to be okay and you know it. If Alice was as good of a friend as you have told me, then it will be okay. It just needs some time." Emmett was serious now.

"But this is hard."

"If you expected this to be easy, then you would have gone in there and acted like it was nothing. You would not be scared, you would have talked to Alice." He was silent a little bit before he kept going, "but one thing I do know for sure is you and Alice will be friends again. I have read the letters you know and she cares about you. Get a grip on yourself and be strong."

"I wish you was here Emmett. I need you here. I can't do this, the one that came up with this idea should be shot." In a way I really meant it.

"Ohh, your just saying that because you know I would never do it..." He was about to keep going but I beat him to it. "Yea, yea you love me too much."

He laughed a little "Hey wait a minute, don't you love me back?"

"Of course I love you too. See you when I get home."

"Okay. See you monkey. Are you still crushing on the teacher? Just kidding. See ya. " I laughed a little before I ended with "Yea, bye Em".

I put my phone away. I could hear someone walk down the hall as I put my head on my knees and sighed.

I sat there, not looking up. Not even when I heard someone getting closer. There was at least two of them and one had to be a girl. She was wearing high heels. They stopped right in front of me but I didn´t look up.

One of them sat down right in front of me and the other one at my side. I was trapped. That's because I had sat in a corner. Stupid, stupid me..

"Have you seen Edward?" I was shocked to say the least. It was Alice. She was sitting in front of me and talking to me.

"No" was all I said. Then she hit me, not hard but still she hit me, on the head even. I was so shocked that I laughed a little.

"Are you laughing at me?" Alice wasn´t happy now and I could hear it. She was irritated with me. I could hear that she didn´t really know why she was talking to me. It was all in her voice.

"No not really." I answered. Not knowing if I should say more or not. When I was sure she wasn´t going to say something I kept going. "I´m just shocked that you are talking to me that's all. You know the worst part is that I sat in the seat next to you, remember?"

I was looking at her now just a little and I had a little smile on my lips, even if it didn´t reach my eyes.

"It wasn´t like that!" Alice almost yelled. "And you know it!" She lowered her voice and kept going. "You didn´t say good bye, you didn´t write me back. You wrote to my brother, you acted like you didn´t remembered me, you, you, you..." Alice didn´t know what to say now, then suddenly "You stuck your tongue out at Edward!"

When she shouted it, it sounded so stupid that I just had to laugh and so did Alice, a little.

I bit my lip and so for the first time today I saw how hurt Alice really was.

How was I going to explain this and not tell too much or too little?

I just had to jump into it and do it easy. Saying to little was probably the best.

"Mom had tickets for the day after and we had to go right away, therefore no goodbyes." It wasn´t a lie, but not the full truth either. "I missed you so much that, reading and writing you back hurt too much. You with all your friends, I knew you would find a replacement fast. At least that was what I kept telling myself. Did you ever read what I wrote to Edward?" Alice just shook her head. "It was short and I don't remember exactly, but something about that he was right and that I didn´t want you or him to write to me again. I guessed that he didn´t tell you because you kept writing a little now and then. I didn´t know how to act, so I just asked that stupid question because Jasper and her were there." I nodded to my side where the blonde girl sat. "The same goes for Edward, he was looking at me funny. I didn´t know what to do so I just did what I used to do." I smiled a little, I wanted to go on but was afraid to, so I just stopped there.

"Your holding back." Alice looked at me, she kind of scared me. "There is something you're not telling me and I want to know that too." She was dead serious, she really wanted to know.

I just looked at Alice. I didn´t know what to say. Of course she had some kind of right to know, but not here and not now.

She had to understand that, didn´t she?

Of course she didn´t, she had had to put up with all my bullshit for so long. I couldn´t tell her. Not now. Not here. I wasn´t ready.

Selfish yes, did I care. Yes in some ways, but enough to tell her. I stood up and looked at Alice ready to go after I had said what I wanted to say. "Yea there is more to it. its been eight years." I walked a little. I had to get away, but still I had to get this out. "I have all your letters if that helps Alice. Some of them are opened. Some of the first ones, I have read so many times that I know them by heart. I truly have missed you so much, even if you don't believe me." Then I turned around and headed out side. I had to get some fresh air before lunch was over and next class started.

As I hurried to get out, I started to walk faster. I walked past a lot of people, bumped in to some and others tried to talk to me. I didn´t say sorry to the ones I bumped into, I didn´t say anything to the ones that tried to talk to me either. They couldn´t say anything to me that I wanted to hear and if they did judged me on this, well I didn´t care. I needed fresh air or I would just fall apart.

Finally I could see the door that would get me out. I was running now, trying not to think. I should have told Alice something more. I want to have her as a friend again, but how will she ever want that back? Everything she said was true. I had done her wrong in so many ways, even if I had justified it in my head at the time. What I needed was to talk to her alone and not at school.

I saw a bench and sat down, just trying to get a hold on my own thoughts and willing myself not to cry.

I could hear someone come closer to where I was sitting, but I didn´t care. Well so I thought till the person sat down next to me and started to talk.

I did not want this. I did not need this. I could not do this. Why was this person even talking to me? Why now?

Could I not get a little break today?