Author's Note: Written for...

Musical Chairs Competition II. Prompt: imagine your OTP, person A's pet kills person B's pet.

Incompatible

"Severus, why do you have twenty-eight books on your nightstand? I thought we agreed to keep the books in the den."

"Those are the latest potion essays and research into the magical properties of dragon scales. I read them before bed; they help me sleep."

Hermione shook her head. "Fine. But only one at a time. I'd prefer our bedroom not become as cluttered as your lab."

She headed for the stairs to continue unpacking the bedroom when she spotted a long, thick black snake lying on the bottom step.

"Severus!"

The professor came running, sliding to a stop beside her.

"I told you to keep Theobard in his terrarium. If you insist on keeping a snake in the house, I'd rather eliminate the chances of accidentally stepping on him in the middle of the night."

Severus frowned. "Strange. He's never broken out before." He knelt by the snake. "It's dead."

"What?"

"He's not moving and..." Severus picked up the limp snake and cradled it in his hands. "There are puncture wounds, do you see? Right here."

"Oh, no, Severus. I'm so sorry."

"You ought to be," he snarled, hugging the creature to his chest. "Your monstrous cat murdered him!"

"Crookshanks would never lay a paw where it didn't belong. And how would he even get to your precious pet?"

Severus stomped passed his girlfriend toward his new office, where he'd set up Theobard's terrarium. Hermione followed him with a huff.

The office, finally furnished just an hour ago, was now in disarray. The terrarium had been broken in by a fallen statuette from a high shelf. Glass covered the floor.

"It was just an accident," Hermione said.

"That explains the escape, but not the teeth marks." He laid the corpse atop his desk and carefully moved for the shelf to investigate. "There's orange fur on this shelf."

"That's ridiculous!"

Severus held up the tuft of fur triumphantly. "Pre-meditated, it would seem."

Hermione crossed her arms over her chest, scowling. "Fine. But I'm sure he had a good reason. It probably attacked him."

"Oh, yes, a poor defenseless snake attacked that orange beast. What a fight!"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Don't be so dramatic. I'll make it up to you. We'll go to Diagon Alley this weekend and get you a new snake."

Severus mulled this over for a moment before grinning mischievously. "No, I don't think I'll get a snake this time. I think I'll see how well your little menace fairs against a dog."

"You wouldn't dare."

"For Theobard."