When he woke up the next morning, Rin was gone. He was no where in sight and frankly Haru was not the least bit surprised. He had had a hard time believing Rin could suddenly be gay after knowing that he was straight for so many years. So what was last night? A fluke? Just something to cure Rin's curiosity obviously or he would still be here.
Haru sighed heavily. How was he ever going to forget any of this? He could tell already it made his longing worse. Never knowing this sweetness would have been better.
Then he wouldn't know that look. The look Rin had when he lost all control and his body tumbled into the bliss of orgasm. The way he had bit his lower lip and the way he had said Haru's name in the middle of a low moan.
Haru knew he would never be the same. He felt lonelier than ever before though and maybe he should let one of the stray cats that hung around his house become a permanent fixture indoors. It was better than the silent house. After having a noisy Rin around, the house was unbearably silent. A grim reminder that last night meant nothing to Rin.
But it meant everything to Haru. It meant too much. When you long for someone for so long, he knew he was kidding himself to try and think of it as mere attraction. It was so much more than that but the fact that it was one sided and always had been.
And always would be...
Haru sighed, he was still laying in bed and he hadn't even bothered to get up and cook his usual breakfast. He didn't want to eat. He didn't feel like doing much of anything really.
He had to let this go, once and for all.
He glanced over at the clock. The day was gone or a good portion of it was. He bit his lip as his mind continued to race.
What if Rin had somewhere to be this morning? What if he was overreacting to him not being around? What if last night had been the biggest mistake he had ever made?
Rin had said it was just sex but it had felt like so much more. It had felt like, like a connection that was meant to be. For Haru at least, it had been an intense roller coaster ride of emotions and he had never felt such a bond with anyone in his life.
Maybe he was putting too much onto one night of sex. At least his first time felt special even if it was something fleeting and completely insane spur of the moment hormones on Rin's part. And maybe his too.
He can't blame this all on Rin. He could've resisted. He could've said no but that was so hard. So hard when he had wanted that kind of intimacy from Rin for how long? It felt like forever.
He had only been gone maybe ten to twelve hours and Haru missed him. His warmth. His laugh. The way he could smile with his eyes and the way it felt like he wore his heart on his sleeve.
If only he wanted more from Haru than just this. This one moment. Haru sighed. He regretted it all but at the same time he knew he didn't regret it. It made no sense but since when did everything have to make sense?
He felt a dull ache in his chest and he rose from his bed finally. Still naked from the night before. He could swear he still smelled Rin in his bed and it was not helping him to ever start to try and forget any of this.
Haru stripped the sheets from his bed. Maybe washing away his scent would help wash away the memories of Rin's lips on his skin and Rin's breath and Rin's cries of pleasure. Haru shuddered at the memory, temporary closing his eyes and all he could see behind his lids was Rin. Rin and his perfect, sweet red eyes filled with desire for him. It was still overwhelming to know it had really happened.
Maybe he should count it as some sort of freak blessing. At least he knew but he wanted to know more. Last night was a sweet tease of just how good they could be together.
The emotions were high and the sex had been scorching at least in Haru's view not that he had anything else to judge it against. It was so hard to believe that it came down to nothing. That it was just a one night stand basically.
Rin never did come back that day. Or call. Or text. Nothing.
The next morning, Haru had to get back to reality. He couldn't mope about for the rest of his life anyway. He got a call early that morning from the advertising agency that he did freelance jobs for. They needed art for a new campaign and it conveniently took him out of Iwatobi for a while, granted it wasn't permanent but the breathing room was welcome and also having something as a nice distraction. Work. He could always bury himself in his jobs.
He also managed to leave his phone behind without realizing it. He needed it for work so he bought a temporary one till he got back and he assumed his friends would be fine, it wasn't like any of them were in constant contact now a days anyway. They all had work. Why had he looked forward to being ordinary so much when he was young?
What Haru wouldn't give to go back to that time in his life. Things were more carefree and swimming was always something he could immerse himself in and just forget the world. Forget his stupid crush on Rin.
The week went by, the Tokyo Bay was nice. Haru sat with a view of it as he drew. Living in a hotel all week had been okay. There was free food included since he was working and there was a pool.
Haru sighed. Pools reminded him of Rin. Watching him glide though the water had always been a sight to see, especially when it was while he was at Haru's side. He'd always felt some strange force pushing him to give it his all anytime Rin challenged him. It was part of why he was so damn drawn to Rin.
Haru sighed again, he did that far too often as of late. Rin's smile when he won a race. The way he splashed at the water and then ran to hug Haru in a tight embrace and the way Haru had felt his breath far too close to his ear when he spoke. Stupid in the way it still sent chills up his back. Especially when he recalled how soft those lips from that smiling face had felt against his own. Better than he thought and softer than he could've imagined.
"Beautiful view isn't it?" His coworker muttered and was soon looking over his shoulder. Haru looked down at his drawing and wondered how he had managed to accomplish anything when his mind kept wandering off.
Forget Rin? Who was he kidding? Who could ever forget Rin? Haru gave his coworker a halfhearted smile. "Yeah." It really was but it also somehow reminded him of Rin because he had stood with him in a spot in Australia that he found similar in some ways even if it wasn't precise.
And as the sun was going down and lite the sky up with so many colors, it reminded him more so. It reminded him that Rin had been gone until recently because he had chose to go back to Australia for college and he had stayed for the full four years of it. He had visited his family on holidays but for some reason during that time they had hardly spoke.
It wasn't painful like when he had been in middle school and hurt Rin and had felt for the longest time that it was partly his fault that Rin said he would quit swimming. So much so that Haru had stopped as well but he was older now and he knew he shouldn't let things get to him that much.
He missed Rin during his time away. He missed Rin now and it had only been a week. Haru knew that the distance was more than likely needed if he was supposed to go back to a time when he had never touched Rin.
Pretend like he didn't know what his body knew all too well and longed for more than ever. A shiver ran down his spine and he had to blame it on the cool breeze.
But who was he kidding really? He wanted Rin and he would always want Rin. Time. Distance. None of that had stopped his feelings before so how was it any different now?
He could do this. He could get on with his life just fine. It was just one night. It was just one mistake among many others and everybody makes mistakes.
But thinking of Rin Matsuoka as a mistake was a bit hard to comprehend. But it was what it was. Haru put his sketchpad away and headed back to his hotel room. Maybe a swim could relax him and calm his heart. Since he could never get lost in Rin, he would have to settle for this.
As he floated along the water, Haru stared up at the glass ceiling. It was somewhat like Rin's old school only the pool was smaller. Why did everything come back to Rin? Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on lighter things like when he was young. Like how the water used to make him feel so alive but maybe he was too old for something like that anymore.
Because it wasn't the same. He lingered regardless because it was relaxing even if it wasn't as distracting from memories of Rin like he wished it would be.
He really had left with too many questions unanswered. But did he even have a right to question Rin when they knew, or rather when he knew from the start that it was just..
It was just a way for Rin to sew the seam of his curiosity. He knew what it was like now so all was said and all was done. Now, if only all could be forgotten.
He kept dwelling on it. Haru climbed from the pool and as he dried himself and made his way back to his room, he knew something would have to give but he wondered if it would or if things would stay at a standstill.
He knew he was being stupid and he was putting too much into this. As Rin had said, it was just sex. Now if only he could convince his heart with what his head knew and if only he could make his body stop remembering.
His touch. His smell. Everything.
They were just friends and for one night they had been basically friends with benefits. Sweet benefits. Friends was better than nothing.
And maybe knowing how his kiss felt was better than wondering. Even if it was a sad. almost pathetic feeling on Haru's part. God, he wanted to kiss him again so bad.
Arriving back in Iwatobi, Haru felt restless and worn. Work had not been quite as distracting as he had hoped and it had been before that night. It had distracted him from his feelings for Rin and helped him deal.
It had been why he at one point had thought he was over all this. Till the moment Rin had reentered his life. There had to be a way to just forget. As his eyes traced his kitchen they landed on one thing that might do the trick, a bottle of Sake.