Uploaded: May 3, 2015

Reviews:

emilie. fiil . thomsen It's fine, you'll find out soon enough.

justTHATguyOVERthere I'm sorry, the opportunity was there and I took it, lol. I'll try to answer your questions now. Well, some of them, I can't tell you everything, it would give away the whole story! Also, I took your suggestion and made it reality, and I gave you credit. Thank you for the idea!

Richard-grayson-wayne-girl I'm glad someone got the reference.

Thank you to justTHATguyOVERthere for giving me an idea for most of this chapter!

I know it is a miracle, two updates in two days! Wow! Well, i was in the zone today and typed it all, so I thought you guys deserved it since I have been updating like every month or two. Ha-ha-ha.

Chapter 9

Wallace West

"Batman is going to kill us. It is official." I start hyperventilating. "No more food. I have to say goodbye to my food collection."

"Wally."

"Flash is just going to laugh at my grave."

"Wally!"

I turn to Dick.

"What?"

"Shut up!"

"Sorry."

We sit in silence for what feels forever. I look at Barbara's unconscienced form. There was no way we were getting out of this one.

"What are we going to do?" I ask Dick.

"I don't know, especially since you just KNOCKED her out!"

"I sowwy."

Dick screams. I chuckle when I hear a rapping on the door.

"What the hell? Why is the door locked?" Artemis's shrill voice shouts.

"Just a second!" I shout.

I grab Babs and try to stack her on my back. Gosh, what does this girl eat? She weighs a ton! I shoot a desperate look to Dick. He shrugs.

"You got yourself into this mess."

And like the little shit he is, he lays on his pillow and feigns sleep. I sigh, exasperated.

"Open the damn door!" Zatanna says this time.

"Wait just a damn second!"

"The room is soundproof you idiot!" Dick shouts at me.

I hurriedly push Babs up and try pushing her to the closet. I finally just pick her up with all my might. I make it to the closet, almost. Before I make it, I fall, on Barbara. Damn, could this girl sleep.

"nepo kcolnu rood!" Zatanna shouts and the door opens.

The team lays eyes on me and all eyes go wide. Okay, I know I'm hot and all, but that's no reason to get bothered. Then I look down. I'm unintentionally straddling Babs.

"It's not what it looks like?" I say, in a questioning way.

"What the hell?!" Artemis screams, her face turning red.

I hear M'gann asking Aqualad what was wrong. Her face turns red when he tells her. So does Superboy's. Oh, shit.

"What were you thinking, taking advantage of her like that?" Artemis asks.

"I wasn't! Let me explain!" I shout at her.

"Don't yell at me!" she yells back.

I get off of Barbara and stand up. Artemis is sporting a red face still. She grabs my arm and escorts me out of the room.

"Guys," she shouts over her shoulder. "Take care of Barbara and Richard while I talk to Mr. Molester."

I gulp, I was in so much shit.

Artemis throws me into the staircase. The wind is knocked out of me.

"What the hell, woman! Just let me explain."

"What is there to explain?" she asks, then starts sobbing.

What the… Did hell just freeze over?

"Never mind, I'm just PMSing or something. I'm going now." She finally says.

Wait a goshdarn second. Artemis Crock would never walk away from an argument like this crying or giving up so easily. The only explanation would be she was hiding something. I grab her shoulder.

"No. Artemis Crock does not cry like that, so tell me what is wrong." I demand.

Artemis looks at me with tears in her eyes. Why was she like this?

"I don't even know why I'm crying. I just seem to do it around you."

"Tell me why." I say.

"Now you are just half-assing me. Even you aren't that stupid." Artemis says.

I look at her, confused.

"Clearly you can tell I'm lost. So just tell me. If you'd like, I won't tell anyone." I suggest.

I hate being nice to the blonde bimbo, but she was my friend, and she was hurt for some reason.

"It's just… flirting with every girl… seeing you on top of Babs…"

Oh… My… Gosh…

A ladybug. It's on the carpet. It is so cute.

Wait a second, what was Artemis saying?

"Are you even listening?!" she screams. "I like you, you dolt!"

Holy pizzeria. She was totally peanut butter jealous.

"O… oh." I stutter.

Well, this was awkward.

"Do you… do you…" Artemis tries to ask.

Even if she doesn't finish her sentence, I get what she is asking.

"I'm sorry, but no." I say.

Artemis looks up at me real quick in shock.

"Why?"

I rub the back of my head and look down.

"You… hurt someone kinda important to me. I can't forgive you enough to like you that way. If it makes you feel any better, I did use to like you, I guess. Crap, I'm making this worse. I'm going to, you know, shut up now." I say.

She sniffles, turns on her heel, and leaves the hallway.

"Dude, I am awful." I say to Dick, who was sitting up in his bed.

"I know." He says, shaking his head.

"Dude!"

"Not that this isn't interesting," says a newly awoken Barbara. I totes forgot about her. "But I really want to know what the hell is going on."

Dick rolls his eyes.

"Well, since you weren't really supposed to find out anyway, you can wait." He says.

I wince, so does Babs. Ouch.

"It wasn't her fault." I try to help her.

Dick sighs.

"I know, I'm just not so psyched about dying." He replies.

"Anyway," I continue. "The worst part is I can't tell her really why I don't like her anymore. She knows we are kind of friends in hero world, but not in civvie land."

"Did she ask who she hurt?" Babs asks.

"No, she ran away crying. Which is so unlike her. I don't think she was lying when she said she was PMSing."

A pillow hits me square in the face.

"Ow!"

"KF, it's a pillow." Dick says.

"Shut up, Dick face." I reply.

"That was totally sexist, you deserved it. Guys PMS, too." Barbara mumbles.

Dick shakes his head real quick and slams his hands on him legs.

"Okay, let's get rid of the elephant in the room." He finally says.

"Yes, please." Babs contributes.

Richard motions me over to him.

"Help me out of this gosh awful bed."

I raise an eyebrow.

"Dude, hot doc said to stay in bed."

"Oh, for fucks sake, her name is Leslie!"

"Well, I was stating the obvious."

"Which you always do."

"Guys." Barbara yells. "Shut up! Gosh, do all guys talk this much?"

"I'm just going to get up by myself if you ninnies are just going to keep talking."

In the end, I had to help Dick breath get out to bed before he hurt himself.

"So… was I right… about you being Robin?" Barbara asks shyly, looking to the ground.

"Yes." Dick says. "To tell the truth, I'm surprised you didn't figure out sooner. What kind of friend are you?"

Barbara's face turns as red as her hair.

"And, Bruce?"

"The Batman."

"And what the hell are 'civvies'?"

"Civilian clothes."

"Oh," Dick says, "One more thing. Please don't let the team know I'm Robin. I'm kind of in the middle of a prank, so don't ruin it for me."

"Ok."

"Anyway, back to what's important." I say, steering us back to my lady problems.

"Oh, gosh, here we go again." Dick mumbles.

"Oops! I did it again!" I start singing, before Babs hits me in the place that doesn't get sunshine.

"I think you should be nice to her. Besides," Barbara says, then glances up at Dick for a second, "from a girl, I would be hurt if my crush took my feelings for granted or stepped all over them."

That sounded a little too personal to be a suggestion. Oh, my, gosherdoodles. I look to Dick, I try not to laugh at his scrunched up red face.

"Well, thanks for telling me all that, I guess." Barbara says, bringing back up the superhero thing, then looks up at us. "I promise I won't tell anyone."

"Won't tell anyone, what?" says a voice that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I slowly turn around to confirm my greatest fear, Bruce Wayne. I turn to the others. Rob's poker face was totes perfect, while Barbara was lacking in the 'don't show my scared little eyes' department. Meanwhile, I was lacking in the 'don't let him know I just shit my pants' department.

"That Wally has a two-inch penis." Dick blurts out.

Bruce's face scrunches up in distaste.

"Master Dick!" Alfred says, walking in.

Richard's face pales to about the tone of a ginger. I think Dick just lost his soul.

"Don't take my cookies! I was lying, I love your cookies. Please have mercy on your soul!"

I'm also starting to think Alfred was a ginger before he grayed everywhere. Wait a fucking second, I'm a ginger! This explains so much.

Bruce steps into the room and closes the door, leaving Alfred out in the hallway. Welp, there went our salvation.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like this." Bruce says, trying to control his anger.

"Oh, let's add it to the list of 100,000 other things you don't like." Dick spats.

Bruce, again, ignores Dick.

"Barbara, how much do you know?" Bruce asks.

"Uh… uh…" she stutters.

"Most of the team members identities…"

OMG, tities are in identities.

"…that I'm Robin, and that you're Batman." Dick says, listing things off of his fingers.

"I swear, we should just put this in the newspaper. Enough people find out anyway." Bruce says.

Rob flinches, but keeps his poker face on.

"At least I don't let all my lovers know." Rob says, "Hey, before we have sex and then never talk to each other ever again, want to know my secret identity?"

Ha-ha, titties.

Bruce's face turns red. He points to the door.

"Barbara, Wallace, I need to speak to my ward, alone."

OOOOOOh, he just used the ward card.

Regardless, Barbara and I leave the room. When we shut the door, Babs tries to listen on at the door.

"It's soundproof."

"You don't think he'll hurt Dick, do you?" she asks, fear evident on her face.

"Batman… Bruce may be… eccentrically evil sounding, but he would never harm Dick." I reassure her.

She smiles at me a few seconds later.

"Want to spy on them?" she asks.

Babs offers her hand as if were in the 18th century.

"Lets." I say, taking her hand.

I grab Barbara and speed us to the nearest air vent. We climb in and about five minutes later, we find the right room.

Oh, crap, those nachos I ate earlier aren't agreeing with me. Conceal don't feel, Wally. Conceal don't feel.

"…to embarrass me, to reveal secrets you swore and took an oath on to not tell…"

"Oh, please, I can count how many people I've told on one hand, can you?"

"Stop back talking me!"

"Stop being my namesake."

"You know, sometimes I wonder why I took you in." Bruce shouts.

I guess Bruce realized what he said, because he automatically corrects himself.

"Dick… I'm sorry, my temper got the best…"

"Just shut it and leave. Please." Dick whispers.

I hear the door open, then Dick adds to his small speech.

"Gosh, you don't get what words do to people, and I thought you called yourself a detective."

With that, the door closes.

I look to Babs, her mouth is open in shock.

Then, I fart, loudly.

Well, so much for conceal don't feel, I just let it go.

"Wally!" Barbara hisses

When I'm sure Bruce is gone, we exit the vent and I escort her back home.

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