A cloudy mist was passing through Kevin's minds eye. He couldn't make anything out and tried to focus on the images that were floating in front of him. Suddenly the nightmare of yesterday flooded his mind so vivid he could smell his parent's blood and saw the life draining out of them onto the forest floor.
"KEVIN!" The sharpness of the voice woke him from the nightmare with a start, not knowing where he was or what was happening. He then realized he was standing on a couch in a defensive stance ready to strike out at anything that moved. As his eyes came into focus he saw Gibbs, dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt standing near him, but far enough that Kevin couldn't reach him. There was a look of concern on Gibbs face. It was then that the reality of the nightmare came flooding back over him. He felt bile start to lift from his stomach and realized he was about to throw up. He jumped off the couch and raced towards the bathroom door that, luckily, was open and made it to the commode just as his meal from the night before spewed out. He emptied his stomach and continued to dry heave for what seemed like an eternity. Waves of grief pounded him, every bone and muscle in his body was aching with despair as the memories of the slaughter of the parents surfaced and resurfaced in his mind. He fought for control, but couldn't find it; finally succumbing to it he curled up in a ball on the floor of the bathroom and started sobbing.
He felt warm hands on his shoulders, pulling him up to a sitting position. Gibbs had sat down next to him and was pulling him to him and wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy. Kevin couldn't stop, the anguish overwhelming him. He sobbed for what felt like hours, the entire time being held by Gibbs, the two of them sitting on the cold bathroom floor.
Finally Kevin's sobs began to subside; as he regained some control he kept his eyes closed, tears still streaming uncontrollably down his face, he slowly felt something other than grief creep in, the hot embarrassment of loosing control like that in front of Agent Gibbs. The two combined emotions were overwhelming. Gibbs continued to hold him, but taking one hand started stroking the top and back of Kevin's head. Finally, Gibbs whispered "Let it out… it's the only way, you're going to be ok."
Chest heaving with emotion, eyes still closed, Kevin managed to say between sobs, "I… I… don't think I can… I don't want to..." Gibbs pushed him to an arms length away. "Look at me," he said sternly but not with anger. Kevin continued to keep his eyes closed and head pointed towards the floor.
"Kevin, look at me," Gibbs' voice was choked with emotion, so much so, it made Kevin raise his head and open his eyes. To his surprise, Gibbs also had tears flowing down his face as well.
"Kevin, I know what you're going through." There was an intensity in Gibbs eyes that made Kevin focus on what he was saying.
Tears continued to stream down Gibbs' face. "When my wife and daughter were murdered I almost lost it." He paused taking a deep breath. "It was so bad, I wanted to…. I didn't want to go on," he said in a hoarse whisper flashing back to himself sitting on the driftwood log, gun in hand, ready to take his own life. He looked deeply into Kevin's eyes. "I know how you feel." Tears flowed down both faces and a bond formed between the two, laced with the fervor of the grief they each knew. Kevin was no longer embarrassed.
"What…," Kevin tried to formulate the question he needed an answer for, "how did you… what did you do?"
Gibbs' face hardened and his voice turned to stone. "I found the Bastard and killed him." There was a cutting silence as the significance of that sentence settled in. Gibbs continued to stare into Kevin's eyes, "and I'll find the Bastards that did this to you." Tears once again flowed down Kevin's face, but these were different than the tears of grief from before, these were mixed with gratitude.
After a minute or so, Gibbs said, "I need coffee." Gibbs wiped his face and as he stood he pulled Kevin up with him. They walked out to the kitchen where Gibbs took anther mug out of the cupboard and after refilling his mug with steaming coffee, poured another mug and set it in front of Kevin. Without a word, Kevin picked up the mug and started to sip the harsh hot liquid. As they drank coffee in silence Kevin looked up and noticed Gibbs intently watching him. He stopped mid-way between taking a sip and waited.
"I've never told anyone that before." Gibbs said bluntly. Kevin didn't know how to respond, but felt a sense of closeness to this man that he couldn't explain.
Gibbs set his coffee cup down on the table, and looking at the cup continued. "I'd like to make a deal with you." He looked back up, Kevin's eyes were expectant. Gibbs took a deep breath, "I think we both need someone," he hesitated looking for the right words, then continued quietly "since my wife and daughter's murder I've needed someone to need me. I know you are fully capable of taking care of yourself," Kevin's face reddened with the compliment, "but I also know a boy needs someone to help him become a man. I know your father was doing that job, but… I'd…" Gibbs hesitated, a lump forming in his throat; he looked back down at the table. Sensing the difficulty Gibbs was having putting the bond between them into words, Kevin offered softly, "I'd like that."
Gibbs looked up, his eyes once again moist with emotion. "Good," he said a little too loudly and got up and poured more coffee into his already full cup. "Your things are in your room to the left. I'll clean out my stuff when we get time. You'd better go get dressed, we've got to get to the office." At the words "your room" Kevin once again froze, then looked to the door he meant.
"You mean I'm going to stay with you?" he said in a quiet hush afraid that he'd misunderstood.
Gibbs turned back towards him. "That's what I mean." Kevin sat there with a stunned look on his face. He felt a rush of gratitude, still trying to come to grips with the devastating loss of everyone and everything he knew. "Only if you want, that is," Gibbs added tentatively. The emotions of the moment finally caught up with Kevin and he rushed over to Gibbs and threw his arms around the man. Gibbs stiffened at first, but then remembered back to a time, far too long ago, when a small girl use to give him the same unbridled affection. He drank in the moment, both present and the one he remembered from his past, and stroked the back of Kevin's head. After a minute he felt the need to lighten the intense emotions, and growled in a teasing manner, "provided you agree not to kick the shit out of me again."
Kevin stepped back and seeing the grin on Gibbs face, matched it and said "agreed."
After cleaning up and changing into a set of his new clothes he came out and found Gibbs also dressed and ready to go. Except for the sport jacket, they were dressed almost identically, white tee, deep blue polo shirt, jeans and hiking boots. "We forgot to get you a jacket," Gibbs said tossing Kevin one of his own Carhartt work jackets. The boy put on the oversized coat and they headed out the door.