Author's Note: So, I've moved! And I went to a con! And I'm planning a trip to Malaysia, Singapore, and Japan! And those are my excuses for why I have not been writing recently! :D I'm kind of rushing through the editing on this one just so that I can get it fucking posted, and then I really need to get crackin' on writing some more… Normally, I'm three or four chapters ahead of what I'm posting, but right now I'm like… two ahead. Which worries me. o_o Anyway, thanks to everyone who read and reviewed last time—keep that shit up! And thanks for the faves and follows, too!

Random side-note on this one—chapters nine and ten were actually supposed to be one chapter originally, but it got stupidly long so I had to break it up. Hopefully it didn't come out too awkwardly, though. :P

Disclaimer: I don't own these fucking weirdos. I'm just havin' fun with them .

Secret Admirer

Chapter Ten: Out

After dessert (and helping with the dishes, because Mrs. K could be very scary when she thought her boys were slacking), the two of them clambered up the stairs and into Mello's room. Matt promptly claimed the end of the bed with all of the pillows, because it was his birthday and he had that right, no matter what his friend said. Approximately thirty seconds later, he was relegated to the other end of the bed (which was fine, he'd totally wanted that spot anyway, it was closer to the TV), rubbing at the sore spot on his head and watching the MythBusters bust some myths. And explode some shit.

Educational programming was awesome.

"You know, it occurs to me that we could probably make some of this shit happen," Matt said thoughtfully, watching a lawnmower meet its maker. "I mean, you're a crazy genius, and I've got the technological know-how. We could do this, right?"

"Oh God, you're the reason shows like this have that 'Do not try this at home' disclaimer, aren't you?" Mello asked, biting into a post-dinner chocolate bar with an exasperated eye-roll.

"Well, I wouldn't try it at my home," Matt drawled. "You've got that nice big backyard, though…"

"No."

"I'm just saying—"

"Let me rephrase: Fuck no, Jeevas."

Matt pouted, turning his eyes away from the screen to stare pitifully at his friend. "You're no fun anymore, Mels."

"If by 'no fun' you mean 'a good friend who has a vested interest in your continued survival,' then yes, I'm the least fun motherfucker around," Mello deadpanned.

"But it's my birthday!" Matt protested, with just a hint of whine in his voice. "I let you do fun stuff on your birthday! Can't we at least blow up a piñata or something?"

Mello gave him an incredulous stare, then sighed. "You want a present, don't you?" he asked flatly.

Matt's eyes lit up, and he shifted into a kneeling position on the bed, facing away from the explosions on the TV and towards his friend. "Well, it would be rude to ask—"

"So instead you just threaten to blow up my yard?"

"—but now that you mention it…" he said, grinning and ignoring his friend's comment in favor of staring expectantly at him. Mello shook his head, pushing himself off of the bed (Matt immediately moved to claim the pillows for his own, of course) and going over to his closet. He dug a GameStop bag—festively tied with a blue ribbon in a truly minimalist wrapping job—out from the mess, and tossed it onto the bed.

"Here ya go," he said, flopping back onto the bed and trying half-heartedly to shove Matt out of his spot with one foot. "Good job surviving another year. I'll be shocked if it happens again."

"Thanks, Mello!" Matt exclaimed cheerfully, untying the ribbon and pouring his prizes out in front of him. Mello had gotten him the new Saints Row game—pretty much the next best thing to blowing shit up in real life, really. There was also a Triforce pendant on a leather cord, which he immediately donned, and a pack of "Energy Gummy Bears," which sounded like a brilliant/horrible idea that he couldn't wait to test out.

"You are the best freakin' friend ever, you know that?" Matt asked, compromising on the pillow issue by settling down next to his friend, one arm wrapped around his shoulders in a half-hug. He used his other hand and his teeth to tear through the plastic wrapping on his game to get to the booklet inside—from what he'd heard, the ridiculousness level of this game was even higher than the last. As god intended.

"Yeah, well, remember that the next time TV gives you horrible ideas," Mello said, shifting uncomfortably next to him. The blond wasn't really the physical type—unless it was the fist-to-face sort of physical—but Matt was, and he wanted to express his appreciation properly. Mello could deal with it.

"Mm," Matt hummed in agreement, flipping through the insert. "You know dude, this was probably the wrong game to give me if you wanted me to not get bad ideas… Ooooh, look, there's an armchair with Gatling guns! Can I have one of those?"

"Shit, are you serious?" Mello asked, incredulous. He leaned closer to look over his shoulder. "Huh. Look at that. Luckily, I saved the receipt…"

"Oh, I don't think so!" Matt laughed, twisting away as Mello lunged for the game case.

"It's okay, Matty," Mello said as he grasped ineffectually at his gift, a slightly crazed gleam in his eye. "I'll get you something else—maybe that Nintendogs crap, the one with the fucking Chihuahuas?"

"Blasphemer!" Matt exclaimed, giving his friend an affronted look. "One does not simply return a video game! I respect your religion, man—try to give me the same courtesy."

"Did you seriously just compare Catholicism to a game where Satan is a main character?"

"…Isn't Satan kind of a main character in the Bible, too?"

Mello gave him a bewildered look, then sighed and settled back against the headboard, defeated. "I actually cannot argue with that," he muttered, shaking his head.

Matt laid his head on Mello's shoulder, staring up at him from beneath red bangs and giving him his best pout and his biggest eyes. "So I can keep the game, right?" he asked. He even batted his eyelashes a bit, just for effect.

"...If I see any signs of weaponized furniture, I'm confiscating it immediately," Mello told him flatly.

"Deal!" Matt crowed happily, throwing both arms around his friend and squeezing tightly. Mello scowled and turned red, but didn't push him away. Matt was duly impressed—normally, the blond demon would have caused him some serious pain by now. He must be maturing or something. Matt had heard that that was a thing that could happen to people, but somehow, he had never pictured it happening to Mello, with his impossibly short fuse and his disturbingly creative retaliations. The fact that it seemed to be happening now was more than a little strange and surprising to Matt, but…

But Mello did feel nice in his arms, didn't he?

Matt's heart pounded in his ears, his eyes going wide behind the protective shield of his goggles, and he immediately tried to shut down that train of thought before he got a chance to fully process it. That sort of thought was too deep, too heavy, and as with all such thoughts—thoughts about the future, thoughts about his father, thoughts about… other things—he would avoid it like the plague. That was how he had survived this long with his sanity (partially) intact, after all.

Shaking his head, he released his friend from the death-grip-hug he'd inflicted upon him and shifted back into a sitting position against the headboard, but he kept one arm around Mello's shoulders. He tried to ignore the slight flutter in his chest when the blond still didn't try to dismember him. Instead, Mello just fidgeted awkwardly, staring fixedly at the TV screen, his scowl now softened to more of an annoyed pout. Matt would have thought it was cute, if he were allowing himself thoughts like that.

Maybe Mello was right, he mused, trying to force himself to relax. Maybe he did get too invested in his games… and playing the secret admirer with Mello was a game of sorts, after all. Or at least, it had started that way.

And he always did have a bad grasp of the line between fantasy and reality.

Luckily, the people on TV were doing something intricate involving duct tape, and that was as good a distraction as any. Matt soon felt those worries, that would-be insight, melting away beneath the warm light of mindless entertainment. Blessed, sweet ridiculousness washed over him, and he let himself get absorbed in the experiments, his mind working on ways to replicate them, and he practically forgot about the boy beside him.

Until…

"Hey, Matty?"

The voice was unexpected, quiet, and very un-Mello-like. The gamer looked away from the TV, raising an eyebrow at the tone. The blond was still staring fixedly at the TV screen, his jaw tensed and his hands curled into fists, like he was frightened of something but was too proud to say it. It was odd, seeing him like that, and slightly disturbing. Matt wasn't sure if he could remember ever seeing Mello look this uncomfortable.

"I… I have something to tell you," he said slowly. "And you may want to be a bit further away from me when I say it, okay?"

Matt gave him a strange look. "You… have scabies?" he asked hesitantly.

"What? No!" Mello said, eyes finally breaking away from the TV screen to give him a startled look.

"Bubonic plague?"

"No!"

"Walking corpse syndrome?"

"…Is that really a thing?"

"Yeah, but I don't think it's contagious."

"Well, the answer is still no."

"Well then, I'm staying right the crap where I am," Matt said stubbornly, nudging Mello's leg with his knee just to make a point. Mello glowered.

"Matty, this is serious," he said.

"So am I," the redhead responded, shrugging. "Look, dude, whatever it is, it's obviously bothering you, so I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

Mello's cheeks turned pink, and he looked away again. He rubbed his hands on his jeans, and Matt frowned, wondering what could have him so nervous.

"I, uh…" he started, then paused, taking a deep breath. "Look, some stuff has happened recently that I didn't tell you about, and I came to some major realizations that may have some pretty serious consequences at school and, shit, in life, and you're my best friend and it's kind of important, so I just wanted you to know that… I guess I'm gay."

As the stream of words rushed over him, too quickly for him to process right away, Matt's first thought was 'Aren't I supposed to be the babbler in this relationship?'

A close second was, 'Shit.'

Mello, who just a moment ago could barely look at him, was staring intently now, a slightly wild look in his eyes, every muscle in his body was tensed as if he were ready to jump from the bed and bolt at the slightest sign of trouble. Matt could tell, because he knew his best friend, and he could also tell that it was sheer force of will keeping him there. It was impressive, but then, Mello always was.

And Matt realized, not for the first time in his life and probably not for the last, that he was shit at foresight. How had he not thought ahead to how he would deal with this confession? Sure, he already knew that Mello liked guys, and he already knew that he had no problems with it, but Mello didn't know he knew… And he couldn't say how he knew, or Mello would get pissed and probably destroy something he loved. Like his new video game. And Matt had already bonded with that game.

Luckily, crappy foresight or no, he was still kind of a genius. And as a genius, he was able to discern the best possible response in a very small amount of time.

"Okay," he said, nodding. "Cool."

Yep. Goddamn genius.

Mello blinked. "That's it?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Uh… Should there be more?" Matt asked back, tilting his head a bit.

"I guess I kind of thought there would be, yeah," Mello grumbled, apparently annoyed. Leave it to Mello to get annoyed that his coming out went too easily—some people were just never happy. "Questions or something, at least."

Matt shrugged. "Well, I kind of already expected it," he said carefully. "I mean, have you seen you?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Jeevas?" Mello asked, blue eyes flashing.

"…I would like to use my birthday status to pretend that I did not just say that last sentence out loud."

"That's a safe decision."

"I certainly thought so, yes."

"So you really just… don't care?" Mello asked, a note of relief in his voice now, buried somewhere under his usual gruffness, but still there. It made Matt smile.

"Mels, when the fuck have I ever given any shits about something like that?" Matt asked bluntly. He gave his friend's shoulders a little squeeze, just for reassurance. "It doesn't change anything. You're still the guy who let me use his crayons. Still the guy who beats people up when they mess with my nerdy ass. Still the guy who… well, beats me up on occasion, but not as badly as the other guys, so for some ungodly reason I keep you around." Matt paused for a moment there, then shook his head. "Huh. Weird. Anyway, point is, I don't have the energy to waste on breaking in a new friend, and I've gotten kind of attached to you anyway, so we're still good. You know?"

Mello rolled his eyes, but there was a slight smile hovering around the edges of his mouth. "Thanks, man."

"Any time, dude."

Mello hesitated. "There's more," he continued after a long moment. "There's… this guy…"

Fuck.

"Ah?" Matt said articulately, wincing and hoping that his voice didn't crack as much as he thought it did on that one syllable. "That… I did not know."

"Yeah, well, that one's relatively new," Mello said, his face going red again. It wasn't just with embarrassment, though. Holy shit, Mello was blushing like a fucking schoolgirl, over some guy he barely knew, except for the fact that oh yeah it was his best friend. "But it seems to be going well so far, so…"

"Anyone I know?"

"I don't think so," Mello said with a shrug. "But he's pretty cool. You'd probably like him."

Mello would be wrong on that front—he very much did not like himself right now. This was exactly why he should have ended things after that first message, or at the latest, the second. God damn it, how could he have been so stupid? How could he have let things escalate this far? Now, his best friend was finally trusting him with the very information that he'd already gleaned as Mail, and Matt was going to have to go and ruin that by admitting that there was no guy, it was just Matt, being a creepy Internet stalker, and Mello would be pissed and that would be the end of the new, happier, less violent Mello that he'd been trying so hard to keep, and…

And then, through the fog of panic that was slowly spreading through his mind, Matt heard the strangest words…

"His name's Sy, and he's in my psych class—you know, the one that you were too much of a dumbass to take with me? We went on a date last night, and it seemed to go pretty well… Anyway, I just thought you should know before everyone else at school finds out."

What. The. Fuck.

"Matty?" Mello asked, staring at him strangely. He'd been quiet too long, Matt realized. Time moved differently when one's brain was imploding, apparently. Snapping himself out of it, he tried to force his brain to form words.

"You're… dating someone?" he asked stupidly.

Mello rolled his eyed. "Well, yes, that would be what 'we went on a date' would imply," he said. "What, you think I'm undateable or something?"

"No!" Matt protested, startled, his brain working as quickly as it could to find a suitable response. "No, I just… wasn't expecting it… I mean, I guess I have trouble imagining you dating. How did you find the time? Did you have to bring a textbook with you, so it wouldn't infringe upon your normal ten hours of daily study-time?"

Mello elbowed him in the ribcage. "Jackass," he muttered. "I don't study that much. I find time to waste with you, after all."

"Yes, and there are often textbooks involved! And flashcards! And other very dorky things!"

"Still," Mello continued, ignoring his logic, as if Matt had never spoken, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Just wanted to see how it went first. I… I hope this isn't too weird for you..."

Matt paused at that, then sighed. There was just the slightest note of anxiety in Mello's voice, subtle enough that it wouldn't be noticeable to someone who hadn't spent too damn much time with him, and he knew he would have to put his own confusion on hold so that he could reassure his friend. "Nah, man. We're good."

Monosyllabic though his response was, it made Mello smile—that brilliant smile, the rare one that Matt had only seen a few times before, without the cruel edge that sometimes seemed to be inherent in all things Mello. It was the smile that meant he was truly happy.

Matt was suddenly glad that he hadn't fucked things up with the truth.

"Thanks, Matty," Mello said, and he actually leaned closer against the gamer, his shoulder coming flush against Matt's side. It was strange and surreal, and any other night it would have thrilled him to have the blond willingly initiate contact—though why that could be, he didn't want to think about—but tonight it just felt… wrong. "You don't suck, you know that?"

"That's what they tell me," Matt said, nodding sagely.

"Happy birthday, Matt."

"Thanks, dude."

They went back to watching TV, silence between them broken only by the usual bad jokes and worse ideas. But inside Matt's head, Mello's words themselves, slowly, slowly gaining meaning.

Mello was dating someone else.

Which meant he couldn't date Mail.

Matt was was off the hook—he would never have to explain to Mello that he had lied to him, that his love interest was a work of fiction and a hastily-made Gmail account. He would not have to face Mello's rage and the poorly-concealed hurt that would undoubtedly result from that confession. Everything would be okay.

But god… why did it feel like his heart was being torn out of his chest?

End Chapter Ten

Author's End Note: OH SNAP. That just happened. XD As with many aspects of my stories, part of this was loosely based on my own experience: when I came out as gay/bi (jury's still somewhat out on that one—higher on the Kinsey scale, at least) to my big brother, I was on the verge of tears, shaking, barely able to talk… and he was just like, "Yeah, I know." ^^; If only it were so simple all the time… Anyway, I'm not gonna make too big of a deal about Mello's sexuality within the context of this world—like, I'm sure that in reality, there could very well be a lot more backlash to being a gay guy in high school, but for the purpose of this story… I just don't want to clutter it up with too much drama, you know? There are enough sources of drama without me throwing that shit in. So, for now, let's just assume that everyone at school is too chicken-shit scared of Mello to say shit about him being gay.

Anyway, that's it for now! Thanks for reading, please review if you can—I like that shit! :3 Later!